MiTHology (4.0)

Am I the only TradCath on earth who’s not antivaxx?

April 25th, 2026

I have already addressed this issue in a previous post, but recent events have brought it back to the forefront of my mind, so, here we go again I guess.

It disappoints me that virtually all of my fellow Traditionalist Catholics here in the USA are anti-vaxx.

As you know if you read my other post, I’m not enthusiastically pro-vaccine. I’m not one of those people who proudly posted a selfie with a Covid vax bandaid and some virtue-signally caption about the importance of getting vaccinated. I’m skeptical. I’d never get my kids the Covid shot.

I do get my kids their routine vaccines – but I dread doing so. I hate it. Because I know there is a risk of harm every time.

But I still do it, because the risk of harm is very slight, and the protection against serious disease is basically guaranteed. And very valuable.

“But all the mysterious shit and heavy metals that they put in your body…” so they say, but I simply don’t see enough evidence that the things they put in vaccines are so harmful. Pretty much every one of my friends and family, and everyone I ever knew, growing up in the pre-internet, pre-antivaxx era, is fully vaccinated, with no adverse effects.

Again: I don’t love doing it, but the protection from serious illness is worth it to me.

“But they’re made from aborted fetal cells” — I’ve looked into this one, and yes, it’s unfortunately true, and I wish they’d find a new way to make these vaccines.

However, two things: (1): my duty to protect my children and my community from serious illness is more pressing, ethically, than my obligation to not purchase unethically-sourced goods, and (2): in the case of the origins of these shots, the cooperation with evil is very removed, very distant – many degrees of separation between the aborted child and the vaccine that my child receives, especially if (3): no other vaccine is offered against a certain illness. Which reduces or even negates my culpability.

Furthermore, nothing in Catholic doctrine or papal writings is against vaccinations. Catholicism is very pro-preventative medicine. Catholic hospitals throughout the decades have offered vaccines.

The antivaxx movement is a trend. A trend that’s arisen because of the internet. (Ironic, considering that the same people who are antivaxx are the ones who hate the internet and say we shouldn’t use it.) That’s all it is. It’s American trads trying too hard to retaliate against the secular mainstream culture.

And yes, the secular mainstream culture is bad, and the government is not trustworthy. However, it is also true that modern medicine does some good things, and vaccines provide valuable protection against disease.

With all due respect, I think that American trads are trying so hard to be “counter-cultural” that they’re saying “no” to certain harmless and even beneficial things as well. Throwing the baby out with the bathwater, if you will. Swinging the pendulum too hard in the opposite direction.

And this is why this country is seeing new cases of things like measles and polio. It’s because of the antivaxxers.

As a trad who vaccinates, I feel really alone and frustrated. I feel alienated from my peers, and like they’ll think I’m a traitor and/or an idiot if they get to know me too well.

I’ve been going to my TLM parish for almost two years now. This was my first introduction to the Latin Mass. I’ll admit, in the beginning I was starstruck. As you know if you’ve read my previous posts on the topic, I thought I’d found something of a Catholic Mecca. I cherished a secret little belief that the SSPX was rather perfect, that they could do no wrong. “These people,” I thought to myself, “have got it figured out!”

But I see now that, like any human institution, it has its flaws. And one of those, in my humble opinion, is that its faithful tend to take the counterculture thing to an unhealthy extreme. People accuse SSPX trads of being “a cult,” and that is entirely untrue and uncharitable. But I can almost kinda see how they get that reputation now, given how they seem to live by these niche cultural standards – standards which are optional, not at all mandatory, for Catholics.

Which I can understand. Like I said, the culture is bad, and we can’t trust the world nor the government. I’m not saying my fellow trads are stupid. Not at all! They’re very smart. I’ve actually observed that trads tend to be more well-read, more high-achieving, and more knowledgeable than most “normie” Catholics. I have a ton of respect for my fellow trads, and am honored to be in their company! But, it also seems to me that they’ve largely fallen victim to a misguided philosophy. That some untruth has perhaps snuck in with the truth that they’ve found; ridden into their minds like a parasite on the back of the truth.

It’s disappointing to see. However, it’s also kind of liberating.

Because for a while now, I’ve been laboring under this delusion that all these lay trads, my fellow parishioners, had it all figured out. That I just had to copy them, to blend in with their lifestyle and subculture, in order to be a good person. I idolized them, and that’s on me.

But then this vaccine issue got rubbed in my face again. And now I see, now I realize, that the subculture is not perfect. It’s just a subculture, and it has its flaws. I don’t need to live just like them in order to be a good Catholic.

Which takes the pressure off. I don’t need to live like the Amish! I don’t need to live on a farm! I don’t need to raise chickens or make sourdough! Those things are lovely, but not required! I don’t need to even want to do those things!

Wow! I can breathe. A great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Being able to see the subculture for what it is, is so freeing. But also, like I said, disappointing. As you all know, I’ve never fit in anywhere; I’ve always longed for a place to belong, to find My People. It would be nice if the people who shared my religious beliefs were not so strict about their cultural norms and preferences as to feel like an exclusive club.

I wish I could find some other trad Christians who aren’t antivaxx. If you fit that description, please feel free to leave a comment – it would bring me great peace of mind to know that you exist.
To vote or not to vote

April 24th, 2026

Daily writing prompt
Do you vote in political elections?
View all responses

Ah, voting. I once “dated” this stoner guy who refused to vote, because all politicians are evil and corrupt anyway, so what’s the point; why participate, why support the broken system, he said. And he was right; they are evil and the system is broken.

But, I figured we need to vote anyway, because, well, what else can we do, right? It’s a free, quick, and easy thing we can do that might possibly have an effect. (Tbh I think dude was just lazy.)

That stoner guy situation was eleven years ago. Since then, I’ve cleaned up and amended my life, and converted to Traditional Catholicism. Thus, I’ve begun to consider another, more compelling reason why maybe I shouldn’t vote.

I’m no political philosopher, but I kinda think democracy… ain’t really it. In public school, they love to drill it into our brains that DEMOCRACY 🇺🇸 and FREEDOM 🦅 are the best things ever and we ought to be grateful for our power to choose. But, is that really so good?

Politics are complicated, and hard to understand, and the average working citizen just doesn’t have the time or the means to know what’s really going on and what needs to be done about it. Also, a great many people are highly unintelligent. I don’t want poorly-informed, unintelligent people making these important decisions about my children’s future. In short, I don’t really think We The People should be the ones to govern ourselves.

Monarchy gets a really bad rap these days — “No Kings” and all — but, in theory, I really think monarchy is the way to go. The catch, however, is that the monarch would have to be good: he’d have to be the selfless and enlightened Philosopher King of Plato’s Republic. (And as a Catholic, I obviously think the monarch should answer to the Holy See and operate in union with it.) Good luck finding one of those, in D.C. in 2026.

Unfortunately, because our government is a mess, we have to work with what we’ve got. It’s no use just standing there digging our heels in and going “the government sucks! We need a new one!” because that’s not going to happen. The only thing we can do, in this situation, is vote.

And yeah, as a normal citizen I’m not equipped to fully understand what’s going on and what to do about it. Why then do I still vote?

I’m 36. I’ve been voting for half my life, and the way that I vote has changed so many times over these eighteen years. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out the best, most ethical way to do this. Our two-party system is a joke; like any sane human, I don’t fully agree with either party. I strongly support some things the Republicans propose, and strongly support some things the Democrats propose. What, then, to do?! After much prayerful consideration, I’ve decided that the best thing, the only thing I can do, really, is choose one issue that’s the most important to me, and vote on that.

“But by voting on a single issue, you’re indirectly feeding the evil machine by voting corrupt villains into power!” You know, maybe that’s true. Maybe I should try to find other ways to affect change in the areas that I think need changing. But as a busy mom on a tight budget, my options are severely limited. I don’t have the money to donate to causes, nor the time to go to rallies or protests. Voting is, like I said, free, quick, and easy.

“Then you should vote third party so as to not support the bad guys” — also a valid criticism, and worth considering. I have voted third party in the past, even written in candidates from hopelessly small parties, thinking to myself: “I should be the change I wish to see in the world! If everyone who wants to vote third party but is afraid to waste their vote would just get together and agree to actually do it, then the third parties might not be so hopelessly small! They might stand a chance!”

But after much prayerful consideration, I’ve decided that voting is an area where I need to be practical, not idealistic. Voting for a third party, especially a tiny one — you may as well not vote, and that’s a sad fact. If I throw away a vote that I could have used to make an actual difference in the area that matters to me, then I’ve done something bad. I could have made a positive difference and chose not to.

So, I grit my teeth and vote for what I see as the lesser of two evils.

My husband (who, in socionics, is an IEE Ethicist, whereas I’m an ILI Logician) has a different take. He leans strongly in one direction, when it comes to the two parties; but to him, a candidate’s personal integrity matters just as much as, if not more than, their stance on the issues. I dunno about that. For a long time, I figured I could stand to vote for an unsavory individual who does icky things behind closed doors, as long as the changes that that individual’s election would bring about were good, especially in the issue that matters most to me.

However, if that invidual being in office is causing death and destruction in other areas… and if they’re actually more evil than we previously thought… at what point does that outweigh the slight good that might be brought about in the one area? I don’t know. After half my life, I’m still conflicted.

So yeah, obviously I vote, in every election. Whether we should have the power to vote is questionable, but as long as we have the power to vote, I think we ought to. To vote or not to vote is a very simple question, imo. The more interesting question is how to vote, in 2026 America. And I don’t know if I’ll ever figure it out.
#2: “The Mystery of the Blue Train” by Agatha Christie

April 23rd, 2026

No spoilers here! I’m not going to spoil any books for you, in this little Rediscovering Reading series, I promise.

This was my first time reading Agatha Christie. As I mentioned in my previous posts in this series, I’m apparently really into crime thrillers written by women; so, I figured I needed to give the OG Agatha Christie a try. (Also, I’ve been told that she’s an ILI in socionics, same as me, so I was curious to see how she wrote.) It was kind of obligatory.

I was no stranger to Hercule Poirot, as I’d seen the recent movies: Murder on the Orient Express, Death on the Nile, and A Haunting in Venice. The first of these was pretty good, but the second and third… meh. I thought maybe the books would be better, as is pretty much always the case.

So, the time had come for me to read Agatha Christie. At my public library, I found my way to “CHR” on the adult fiction shelf, and was met with a long row of plain black spines, their gold titles partially hidden beneath those library stickers (see pic); I was short on time, so I grabbed one pretty much at random, and it ended up being The Mystery of the Blue Train.

It was certainly a change of pace from Sally Hepworth. Agatha Christie’s writing is not sensual. It’s very matter-of-fact; very ILI. “This happened, then this happened, then this happened.” All action. There is some description, and what’s there is really concise and vivid; but never does she really get into the characters’ heads. So, not my favorite, stylistically. In fact, I almost didn’t stick with it, because it failed to really grab me. But I didn’t want to be a quitter, so finished it out of sheer stubbornness.

I did like meeting Hercule Poirot in literary form. He’s much more unserious, in the books! On the screen he’s rather formidable and cool, but in the books she really plays up his silliness: a fat little puffed-up guy with a huge mustache and an even bigger ego, but you kind of adore him. He’s comical, and, like most of the characters, kind of a caricature, a colorfully overblown figure — but just believeable enough.

One thing I think Agatha Christie is especially good at: names! Standouts from this novel include: Lenox (for a girl; feels very 2026 trendy, but this was published in 1928!), Zia, and Mirelle. And of course in Death on the Nile we had Linnet, which I’ve always thought was an excellent girl name.

And another thing I like about her writing: it’s clean. It manages to have zero explicit content while still being a very sexy story full of sexual tension and extramarital affairs, ardent longing and dramatic romance. Modern writers, take note! It can be done! It’s actually much more alluring when it’s not talked about openly. This is one aspect of Agatha Christie’s 1928 writing that I really appreciate.

Another thing I liked: it has a religious sensibility, an atmosphere of moral standards, and regular references to, as Poirot says, le bon Dieu. Katherine Grey is occasionally referred to as a “saint.” Divorce is seen as a horrible scandal. There’s a sense of propriety and societal norms. Which is nice to see, in a murder mystery; most contemporary ones are so gritty and grim and grisly. This one has a hopeful and happy ending.

Overall though, I don’t plan on reading any more of her books. I don’t want a bunch of sexual content, but I do want a bit more sensory engagement, and a bit more time to slow down and focus on the characters rather than the action.

Also, the surprise ending kinda came out of nowhere, for me. I know a surprise is supposed to be just that: a surprise, but, with a murder mystery, there need to be clues, or something that, when you get to the end, makes you go “oh, right! 🤦‍♀️” And that just wasn’t there, for me. Too much happened off-camera, making the solution feel a little hasty towards the end. — Maybe I’m just too stupid to have noticed the subtle clues, though. (To my credit, I did catch that something was off with the details about the cigarette case, but other than that…)

I’m glad I read it though, just so I can say I have. And if you like plot for its own sake, and/or you like solving puzzles (because indeed, this book feels more lile a puzzle than a novel, to me), you will probably enjoy it. Let me know what you think if you read this or any other Agatha Christie books.
Ultimate Baking Championship Season One Episode Seven: Mith Reacts

April 22nd, 2026

CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!

“Yay! Something worked for me today!” – Molly, upon successfully finishing her black sugar “rocks” for her bonfire; which is also something that I say to myself regularly in the course of my life as a scatterbrained SAHM

I have a few thoughts about tonight’s episode. And I think they can be summed up by what Clement said (and I paraphrase): at this point, it’s not about who’s the best baker. It’s about who will make a mistake.

He’s so right. At this level of this show – or most baking shows, really – it’s no longer a measure of who is the best baker. Anyone who has a stroke of random bad luck or a single small lapse of judgment (which would, in any other context, be excusable and insignificant, because it could be corrected in time), is up for elimination.

I have some issues with Christopher getting eliminated. I don’t think it was fair. His sugar sculpture was incredible. It was up there with Juan’s in intricacy and beauty, and his whole concept was so smart; he really captured the image of a dessert dropped into a puddle of water. Compare that to Molly’s bonfire. As Jacques pointed out, it was too simple; big, basic shapes; it needed more fine, delicate, sculputral elements.

And yeah, I know, Christopher’s tart crust was too thick. But Molly’s roulade wasn’t perfect either – it needed salt. Why did she beat him by one point? During sugar week?? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of both Molly and Christopher (and I know poor Molly was struggling with it, and probably never wants to hear the word “roulade” again in her life, but I thought her roulade sounded delicious!). If you look at their two pieces side by side, it’s painfully obvious which one deserved to be the winner of sugar week.

Whenever there’s a judging call that I don’t agree with, I start to wonder about the extent to which the judging is rigged. I wonder if they wanted to get rid of Chris instead of Molly for the sake of the plot. They’ve been hyping up Molly as a character since episode one: “the chaotic one! The unpredictable one! She’s so wild!, what will she do next?!”, so, she’s fun to watch! Also, she’s the youngest one, which is always sort of a badge of honor for a contestant on these shows. Whereas Chris has been sort of a dark horse, just quietly and casually being consistently awesome. The cynical side of me wonders if Food Network wants Molly in the final for this reason.

Also, now there are two guys and two girls going into the semifinal. Good TV indeed, right?

But, what do I know. I’m just sitting here in front of the TV, not tasting the desserts myself. Maybe Chris’s tart crust really was that bad.

How about Florencia?! I was sure she was going to go home. The sugar piece that was to be the base of her backdrop cracked, and she almost wasn’t able to get it to stand up at all. Luckily, she made it work at the eleventh hour, and her dessert looked nice, although not exactly the most elaborate or fancy of the five. I guess it was her cheesecake that pulled her through. The judges raved about her flavors, and they did sound incredible: cassis, vanilla, berries, and a touch of rosemary. I don’t know, I guess I assumed it wasn’t “complex” enough or something. But then, look at her, coming in second after Juan, beating Clement and everyone else!

Clement: his looked beautiful, but why would you choose to work with matcha?, lol. He probably would’ve scored better if he’d chosen any other flavor. I know, matcha’s an “earthy” flavor, that makes sense; but, he’s such a creative genius that he could have surely come up with some other flavor to go with his theme. It looked flawless though.

Juan: he was 100% correct when he said that he’d been given the hardest theme. But damn, did he make it work! That sculpture he built absolutely deserved the win (this decision, I have no complaints about; carry on, Food Network). I was wondering what I would have thought to do if I had to built a sculpture to depict “air.” Maybe a tornado? That would have been kinda cool in sugar!

Overall, though, I kind of felt about this week the same way I felt about chocolate week. I’m not really that interested in sugar sculpture. It’s just fine art in a medium that happens to be edible – and really, who’s going to eat a giant sculpture made of pure sugar anyway? So the whole “edible” thing is kind of debatable. I guess I should be glad, then, that the judges counted the actual desserts themselves (15 points) more than the sugar sculpture (10 points), and that’s why Chris got sent home; but still. Chris deserved to stay.

But hey, at least we got to see Jacques Torres! I’m a huge fan! He’s so likeable, so gracious, so warm and kind. I miss seeing him on Nailed It! and Sugar Rush; when are those shows ever going to come back?!

Anyway, HERE’S THE RECAP:

Only One Challenge: Sugar Work-Topped Dessert. Themes randomly assigned. Points awarded out of 50.

Molly – Fire: “Bonfire” peanut s’mores roulade with milk chocolate mousse & torched meringue

Juan – Air: “Dandelion” lemon cake w/ whipped nougat & lemon curd

Chris – Water: “Dropped in a puddle” blueberry almond tart w/ blueberry compote & lemon mousse

Clement – Earth: “Earth” matcha cake w/ green tea mousseline & yuzu jelly

Florencia – Space: “Galaxy” no bake-ricotta cheesecake w/ cassis-soaked vanilla cake & berry-rosemary compote

Final Stats: Juan 43; Florencia 40; Clement 39; Molly 38; Christopher 37

Winner: Juan

Sent Home: Christopher

A dessert is called “sexy”: 0 times (running total: 3)

Superlatives from the judges: 0 (running total 1)

Dead family members mentioned: 0 (running total 2)

Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 1 time (running total 14)

(Dang! Other than the maw, this show isn’t doing much for my stats, is it! I guess with UBC being more serious and “high-end” than your average baking championship, the judges are harsher, less generous with the praises, and there isn’t as much time for sentimentality.)

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Molly’s peanut s’mores roulade with milk chocolate mousse, actually! I know she was not proud of it, but the flavors sounded amazing!

Wins so far: Juan (2), Clement (1), Molly (1), Christopher (1), Casey (2)
Suburban sonnet

April 17th, 2026

The man across the street: his Christmas tree’s

still in the upstairs window, every night:

hypnotic neon color-changing lights

still glowing, and it’s April seventeenth.

.

Should I like maybe cross the street and see?

Knock on his door, and ask if he’s alright

— his door, whereon is hung a gold and white

and baubled long-outdated Christmas wreath?

.

I’m scared to, though. We haven’t spoken once

in six whole years. His dogs are scary too.

I’ve only heard him yelling at his son(s)

(which to be fair’s a thing I also do).

But why the tree, when Christmastime is done?

Angry mysterious man, what’s up with you?
Is it ok to be messy?

April 16th, 2026

Here’s a thing that happens to me all the time — does it ever happen to you?:

You’re scrolling Instagram and, because The Algorithm knows you’re a SAHM to little kids, it offers you an assortment of reels about SAHM life. Some of these address the difficulty of keeping a tidy house with little kids running around in it. These reels, they are designed to buy your attention by making you feel seen, “de-influencing,” “normalizing” the domestic chaos that kids inevitably produce. “It’s hard!” the creators tell you, sympathetically, vying for your subscription. “You’re doing a good job, Mama. Life isn’t always picture-perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. You’re not alone.” It works on you. You click “like” and breathe a sigh of relief and feel the tension melt from your neck and shoulders.

But then! You go to the comments. And who do you find in the comments but a bunch of Karens and/or boomers (or boomers in spirit) going: “Well I raised three kids and my house NEVER looked like that! LAZY PARENTS!” “With the time it took to film and edit this reel, you could have been cleaning your house!” — implying that, actually, it’s not okay to be messy.

As someone who’s naturally untidy and disorganized, I think a lot about this whole question.

Honestly, it’s only in recent years that I’ve begun to think about it. For most of my life, my messiness has always been in my blind spot. All through my childhood, teens, and twenties, I always thought of myself as a neat, tidy, and organized person who just sometimes lost control of things because there wasn’t enough time or whatever — really, I told myself, I was highly organized by nature. This continued into my adulthood. My MIL once called me a slob (gently and lovingly though) and I was positively affronted! Me?! A slob??! Just because my house is always messy and the footwell of my car is never not full of junk mail and kids’ cups and stray socks? I just haven’t had time to clean it out!

In retrospect, it’s so hilariously plain to see that I am, and always have been, a slob.

I don’t have an eye for tidying. If you’re a neat person, you may scoff at that, but if your brain is like mine, you get it. As a kid, I’d get yelled at for having such a messy room and I’d look around like “what? What mess? Oh, this??” It’s the same reason I was no good at dog grooming. I’d finish a dog and be like “ok! looks pretty good right?!” and my coworkers would be like “… umm… Mith? You missed the x y and z…” and I’d be like “?” until they pointed it out and only then I would see it. It’s like I live so much in the ether, in my daydreams and my own rambling thoughts, that I’m not really that attuned to reality and my immediate surroundings. In socionics I believe this is called being an irrational intuitive type, as opposed to a rational sensor, and having weak Si.

Also, there is never time to be tidy simply because I don’t care enough to make time. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t thrive in chaos! I like having a neat environment. (I swear the house is so much quieter when it’s clean and clutter-free, and I’m confident that you could verify this with an SPL meter.) But I have too much else on my mind, my brain is moving too fast, and tidying is just not a priority. Maximize efficiency: just leave the peanut butter jar on the counter. Just shove the papers wherever. Save time. It’s not even a conscious thought process. I don’t even notice myself doing this, for the most part.

That’s just me. I’ve only just begun to accept this about myself.

But I try. I’m a SAHM now, so I have to try. I try, but sometimes my nature gets the best of me and things get messy again. My purse, my car, the diaper bag, my desk. And, yes, admittedly: the house.

Is this a moral failing?

Here to debate this question with me is my inner critic, Catherine! Let’s give her a warm welcome.

*to the sound of canned applause, in walks the most gorgeous 36-year-old woman you’ve ever seen: 5’2″ (a couple inches taller in her size 5 designer heels), 90 pounds tops, or maybe 95 today because she is currently pregnant with baby #17, but she hasn’t gained any weight other than a perfect cute little baby bump. She has long thick hair auburn styled in a flawless French braid and pinned up in some impossible elegant fashion, and is wearing a modest but pretty maternity dress that is actually a vintage piece she customized herself at home, and carrying a designer handbag. Her skin is fair and flawless, despite never having any work done and wearing no makeup. She wears vintage jewelry and a prominently-placed brown scapular. She could easily pass for 23 and still gets carded when she buys wine. You’d never guess she’s a mom of sixteen and a grandmother of one. Catherine sits down across from Mith, looks her up and down, and doesn’t bother to smile.*

MiTH: Welcome to the blog, Catherine. Thanks for making the time to join us. I know how busy you are!

CATHERINE (whose voice sounds like that of a starlet from a ’50s black-and-white film): You are welcome, Mith. My older kids are taking care of the little ones. The household really runs itself, you know, if you raise your kids correctly.

M: Right! Totally. Well, on a related note, the reason we invited you on today, is to discuss the topic of tidiness, and whether it’s a moral failing to be messy.

C: Oh, of course it is!

M: 😮! Okay. Well. That was simple. I guess that’s our show, ladies and gentlemen! Lol.

C: [not laughing]

M: Could you elaborate, please, Catherine? Like why is it a moral failing if my house is untidy, as long as it’s basically pretty clean and safe and functional and habitable?

C: Most things are simple, Mith. It really is not that complicated. I cannot understand why you overthink these things. What a waste of time — why, you could be cleaning your house right now! 🙄 Keeping a messy home is obviously a moral failing. As they say, cleanliness is next to Godliness. God is supremely ordered. Chaos is not His handiwork. When everything is kept clean and put back in its rightful place, we are imitating God, and our environment reminds us and everyone in it of God and His goodness. A chaotic environment does the opposite. Especially as mothers, we have a duty — a serious obligation — to demonstrate for our children that living in chaos is not good. We have a duty from God to teach our children about what is good, beautiful, and true; this cannot be done in a dirty, messy home. Children learn from our behavior. They copy what we do. We have a responsibility to teach them respect for themselves, for their home, for the people around them… and we do this by modeling respect in the way we behave, the way we treat others, the way we do our work, the way we dress… [looks at Mith with unmasked disapproval] and the way we keep house. Honestly, I fail to see how you can call yourself a Catholic mother if you fail to do even these most basic tasks.

M: But listen: some of us are out here busting our butts, doing absolutely all we can, and still the house never stays clean.

C: Then you need to work harder.

M: Seriously? I just said we’re doing all we can.

C: Then you need to do more. Ask God to help you do more. Prayer works, you know, if you do it sincerely and with a pure heart. All things are possible with God. Our Lord worked tirelessly. Surely you can work harder. If the house is still messy, if the chores are not done, you do not get to sleep. Simple.

M: You know, some would argue that it’s important to make time for things like sleep, and creative expression. Especially if you’re the type of person who’s inclined to creative expression.

C: Sure. Make time for it once your chores are finished. Otherwise, you are stealing time from your family. For your own personal pleasure. How selfish.

M: Some moms would argue that they actually care for their families better when they have adequate time for rest and creative activities. Do mom’s feelings matter at all? Don’t kids need a mom who’s mentally healthy and taking time to fill her own cup?

C: Of course they do! A Christian mother must plan and allot a small block of time for daily leisure and relaxation for herself. That is her responsibility. It is mandatory that she get her recreation time, and model for her daughters how a mature woman takes care of herself. But when her break is over, she must get back to work. It really is not that difficult if you focus and stop dilly-dallying and looking at your phone so much while you’re supposed to be working. You will find you have plenty of time to keep a clean house — again, especially if you have raised your children well so they help out. This is easier, too, if you keep a minimalist home and limit the number of toys that your children have. It is better for their brains to not have so many toys.

M: Yeah, yeah. Easier said than done.

C: Excuses.

M: What if I have a breastfeeding baby?

C: Baby wear.

M: What if he hates the carrier, and frankly I do too, my baby is huge and squirmy and wearing him is exhausting and makes everything cumbersome?

C: You are not wearing him correctly. Get a different carrier, or learn how to babywear comfortably. It is not that complicated. Also, perhaps you need to exercise and get stronger so you can wear your baby. You look like you could use some exercise.

M: For f’s sake. Okay, what if I’m freshly postpartum, like if I had a c-section? Do you still expect me to stay up all night cleaning?

C: Post-birth, of course you need a break.

M: Yes! We agree.

C: Post-birth is a good time to rely on help from your village.

M: …What if we don’t have a village?

C: How can you not have a village, as a Catholic mother? What kind of person has no friends? You belong to a parish, do you not? Why have you not connected with and befriended the other women in your parish?

M: Catherine, socializing isn’t that easy, for some of us.

C: 🙄 People these days love to claim their “poor mental health” prevents them from doing normal human things, like socializing with their neighbors and fellow parishioners. Pathetic. People need to grow up. Things are hard for everyone. Why are so many people so immature these days? Teenagers refusing to learn to drive! Young people refusing to date and marry! Adults refusing to get to know their neighbors! The internet is to blame, if you ask me.

M: So, you don’t believe mental illness exists?

C: Of course it does! But so many people use it as an excuse to just be lazy. If someone truly cannot function, then they ought to be in an institution. Otherwise, their “illness” is not that serious. They can grow up and accomplish their tasks. Adults have to do things they do not want to do sometimes. I have sixteen kids, soon to be seventeen, and my house is never dirty. I stay up late resetting the house before bed. I wake up early whether I like it or not and prepare breakfast. It is a job, and we must treat it as such, no matter how we are feeling. Mothers simply do not have the privilege of lots of sleep. If you cannot accept that, you probably are not fit to be a mother.

M: Harsh! Do you believe that people have different personalities, different natures, and some are naturally not tidy people — that their brains simply aren’t inclined to think about tidying their space, which makes it harder for them to do this than for someone who’s naturally in tune with their surroundings?

C: All this talk about “personalities.” 🙄 People love to claim they are special! They are not. If you are messy by nature, then you must work to overcome that. We all have to carry our crosses. You have the same responsibilities as anyone else.

M: You mentioned above that we have a duty to demonstrate to our children that living in chaos is unacceptable. How would you respond to the argument that it’s good to show children that it’s okay to be imperfect, to accept things the way they are? That we can’t control everything? That God loves us even though we are messy?

C: You can show your children those things in other, healthier ways than by laziness and keeping a messy house. We are not perfect, and God loves us anyway, that is true; but that does not mean we should stop trying to be perfect. Matthew 5:48. Would you say we should just “accept” that we are sinners and therefore wallow in our sins and stop trying to improve? That is not Catholicism.

M: I agree, but, I don’t know, I’m just not sure it’s a moral failing to have an untidy house. An imperfection, sure, but like I’ve never seen an examination of conscience that lists “Was I messy?” as a sin to consider.

C: Sloth is a sin though. Not cleaning your house — not fulfilling your responsibilities — falls under “sloth.” It is implied.

M: Okay, but how do we determine when someone’s being slothful vs. when they simply need to slow down? People have different capacities, different dispositions, different strengths and weaknesses, different energy levels. Sometimes a person needs to slow down. Some people move more slowly. One person might be wearing herself out and still not accomplishing as much as another mom.

C: Simple. She is lazy. She must learn to be more efficient. Real mothers do it even when it is hard. I feel sorry for the poor children of those lazy mothers who think their “self-care” and “mental wellness” is more important than keeping a tidy environment for their family.

M: Enlighten us, then. How do you do it, with multiple young kids?

C: You let them help. It is not difficult. You lead by example. What a tragedy that so many mothers these days think they need to rely on screens to accomplish easy tasks, in which their children would benefit so greatly from being included!

M: Don’t you think maybe it’s just different times? In the fifties, there was this great societal pressure to look pristine all the time. That was why kids weren’t allowed to be kids, they were told to stay out of sight and not speak unless spoken to, and moms took those nasty pills to get shit done, and all that.

C: Language! 😤 People in the fifties still valued beauty. Everything was more beautiful before the late nineteen-sixties: fashion, decor, automobiles, churches, art, music, everything. These days, people are so soft on themselves. They believe themselves to be exempt from difficulty. “It’s hard to keep a clean house! I shouldn’t have to do hard things! My poor mental health!” Pathetic. Beauty is worth working hard for. People in the fifties got a great many things right that people today are getting wrong.

M: I hear you, I hear you. So, basically, you’re saying there’s no excuse to ever have a messy home, as a mom. Ever.

C: Correct.

M: And anyone who has a messy home is a bad mom who doesn’t deserve children.

C: Why yes. Neglect of home is child abuse and should be reported to the authorities so that those poor children can be removed.

M: Right. Well, Catherine, thanks for coming on the blog. It’s just been a pleasure. I’m so glad you live inside my head so I can listen to the dulcet tones of your voice 24-seven.

C: Sarcasm is sinful, you know. And un-feminine. [Stands to leave, collecting her expensive handbag] I will pray for you.

Ladies and gentlemen: my inner critic! Cue canned applause.

“She’s completely right,” you may be saying, as the applause dies down; and, I don’t know, maybe I agree with you. Maybe she is right, and there is no excuse, and I’m just a lazy parent because my house is cluttered and messy.

Don’t worry: my house isn’t that dirty! It’s fine. I sweep constantly and mop regularly. The dishwasher runs at least once a day. I organize shoes and wipe down surfaces and clean toilets and put away laundry. I do my best to remember to put things back when I’m done with them. There are no health hazards.

But still: papers and books and clutter explode from corners, I somehow can’t put things back at right angles, there are stains and chipped paint and dust here and there, things get impatiently shoved in places, things get left on countertops, and my kids spill stuff and leave things in haphazard piles everywhere, all the time, and sometimes I simply cannot get to it right away. So yeah, my house is a mess. I guess I am a failure and don’t deserve to call myself a Catholic mom. I guess I deserve to be ashamed.

It feels like I’m doing a lot. Could I quit blogging, could I stay up late instead of going to sleep, and clean more? Could I skip out on nightly TV and treat time with my husband to clean the house? I guess!

But, does anyone else just find it hard to care that much, sometimes? I know some people’s mental issues force them to stay cleaning, that clutter gives them anxiety and cleaning soothes them. I’m the opposite. I find it so hard to care about it! The cleaning! It’s Sisyphian! Folding laundry and dusting — sometimes it sends me into an existential spiral! I have precious little time in this life — there are so many more meaningful things I could be doing! Sometimes it leads me to conclude that the basics is actually enough, and some chaos is actually tolerable!

“But what’s more important than than taking care of your loved ones?” Catherine would surely say, and once again she’d be right, wouldn’t she? I really don’t think I’m going to win this one against the formidable Catherine — I rarely do. You can see how these conversations go.

So, yeah, I’m just gonna leave. Just gonna go… declutter something, or, I dunno, wipe something down or something.
Ultimate Baking Championship Season One Episode Six: Mith Reacts

April 15th, 2026
CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!

“Every single one of them is going to be like ‘get out of here, Juan,’ but it is my time to shine.” – Juan, the star chocolatier, at the beginning of this week’s challenge

“I never felt so straight in my life.” – also Juan, after catching a ball of modeling chocolate that Jesse (the former NFL QB) tossed to him

This was the first time this season that we’ve had a twist, and I’m not sure how I felt about it. It ended up not affecting the final results at all – Adalberto, who was on the winning team for the twist, still scored the lowest even after the bonus points, and got sent home, while Clement, who was on the losing team for the twist, scored a near-perfect 48 and won the night.

Which was a twist in and of itself! Everyone thought it was going to be Juan, who (I did not realize this, but) apparently competed on the Amaury Guichon show School of Chocolate, and won?! I admit, I started, but didn’t finish watching that show. As brilliant and entertaining as Amaury Guichon himself is, the show didn’t really hold my interest, for the same reason that this week’s episode wasn’t my favorite. Chocolate work is basically just fine art using a medium that happens to be edible. I prefer the “baking” aspect of these shows. Give me a beautiful cake that looks like a beautiful cake!

Clement definitely deserved the win. That chocolate flower on top of his layered entremet was stunning. It was a celebration of chocolate! Juan may be the master chocolatier, but his design, while perfect and beautiful and exceptionally clever, was much more simple. I was glad to see Clement finally officially win one.

I felt bad for Chris, though – scraping through by the skin of his teeth! This show is such a freaking roller coaster, isn’t it? Like, Casey – she got sent home after winning the night before, and after being the only one to achieve two wins; and now Chris, after achieving a perfect score last week, somehow ended up in the bottom two?! The judging on this show is so nitpicky, I swear!

My husband and I were rooting for Adalberto, so we are bummed to see him go home; but, considering that he beat out ten other contestants, I’d say he did quite well. I will miss seeing him on this show.

What did we think, friends? Leave me your comments!

HERE’S THE RECAP:

Only One Challenge: 3D Chocolate Sculpture with a Baked Element. Points awarded out of 50.
- Molly: “Raised Garden Bed” Carrot Cake: macadamia-white chocolate crunch crust, carrot cake, pineapple compote, white chocolate-cream cheese mousse, encased in blond chocolate
- Adalberto: “Monstera Deliciosa” cake: pineapple-banana lime w/ brandy-soaked pistachio cake, malted milk chocolate mousse, pineapple marmalade, lime gelee, caramelized banana, & chocolate vine and flowers
- Juan: “Japanese Sandbox” cake: Genmai sreusel, Okinawa cake, Genmai cremeux & Genmai mousse w/ salted caramel ooze, feulletine “sand” and chocolate rake and Bonsai tree
- Clement: Triple-Chocolate Entremet: brownie bottom, hazelnut chocolate praline crunch, chocolate mousse, dark chocolate flower on top, and a chocolate cake stand
- Florencia: Bellini-flavored “Venetian Gondola” cake: peach/prosecco flavored with almond lady finger sponge, peach compote, milk chocolate mousse, and chocolate gondola on top
- Chris: Chocolate Caramel Pear “Woodsy Terrarium”: pear compote, pear gelee, smoked chocolate mousse, pecan financier, pecan rocher
TWIST: Special Decorative Chocolate Centerpiece for Judges’ Table: two teams of three must collaborate on a sculpture; each member of the winning team gets a 2 point bonus on the leaderboard
- Molly, Clement, & Chris: Flower Pot
- Adalberto, Florencia, & Juan: Abstract Art
Twist Winner: Adalberto, Florencia, & Juan

Final Stats Including Bonus Points: Clement 48; Juan 46; Molly 42; Florencia 35; Chris 30; Adalberto 29

Challenge Winner: Clement

Sent Home: Adalberto

A dessert is called “sexy”: 0 times (running total: 3)

Superlatives from the judges: 0 (running total 1)

Dead family members mentioned: 0 (running total 2)

Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 1 time (running total 13)

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Clement’s triple-chocolate entremet

Wins so far: Clement (1), Christopher (1), Juan (1), Molly (1), Casey (2)
Pass it on

April 13th, 2026
I’ve been nominated for a blogging award! Thank you to Nemo at Via Negativa for the nomination. What an honor.

Guidelines
1. Display the award’s official logo somewhere on your blog.
2. Thank the person who nominated you.
3. Provide a link to your nominator’s blog.
4. Answer your nominator’s questions.
5. Nominate up to eleven bloggers.
6. Ask your nominees eleven questions.
7. Notify your nominees by commenting on their blogs.
I’ve been asked:
1. How does your Spiritual Tradition square with your daily life; do you find peace, conflict or both in integrating them? ➡️ More conflict than peace, as evidenced by this blog!, haha. I’m not a naturally good, selfless, or wholesome person, so trying to subdue my nature and live according to my faith is a perpetual battle, and I am admittedly constantly anxious about the consequences of getting it wrong. But, that’s not a bad thing, imo; I’m not sure that peace is necessary. My religion gives me a purpose, which is more important than peace I think.
2. Do you supplement your Tradition with auxiliary philosophies, or are you a purist? ➡️ Purist. Logically, I don’t see how I could be anything else. I used to be a “cafeteria Catholic,” assembling my own version of my religion built on what I liked and didn’t like and mixing in whatever I thought was cool… but I began to wonder, if I’m just going with what I like and don’t like, then my religion is just… myself, isn’t it?
3. What are your favourite foods, and do you have a weakness for any in particular? ➡️ Peanut butter (in both sweet and savory dishes, or just straight out the jar), chocolate, and PB/chocolate combined. I love tofu in various forms, especially cold salads. Love salads. Also hummus. If by “weakness” you mean “inability to resist,” though, I don’t really have any such “weakness” for any food. My self-control is pathologically strong, when it comes to food. I can resist anything.
4. What are your clean guilty pleasures? ➡️ conveniently, I have written a whole post about this! First and foremost in my life, though — the guiltiest and most pleasurable of my many guilty pleasures — is bad music. I absolutely love mainstream hip-hop, the kind that’s all about butts, drugs, clubs, and all that. Lil Wayne and 2 Chainz are two of my favorite musical artists.
5. If the obligations of the current economic order were no longer an order, what would you do with your life? ➡️ Spend a lot more time with my husband. We’d take more family trips, both small (nearby museums, restaurants, resorts, hikes) and big (Europe, Japan). When not enjoying time with our family, my husband and I both would do a lot more writing.
6. What does your utopia look like? ➡️ Ooh, fun one! In my utopia: Catholicism is the norm, and the whole government answers to the Church. Thus, we all support each other and no one is homeless or abandoned. Towns are centered around a parish church, and entirely walkable, and anywhere you can’t go on foot, you can get to with a horse (NO CARS!). Healthcare is 100% free. Extended families tend to live together on family compounds. Like, imagine a little pre-industrial village but with certain post-industrial amenities, such as modern health care, plumbing/electricity, and groceries. Religious are everywhere, just a normal part of life, nuns and monks and priests are an everyday sight, and religion is taught in the village schools and courtrooms and everyone in town pauses at noon and six when the Angelus bells ring. The Forbidden Book List is back in effect, and all media is subject to strict moral guidelines. Also, guns don’t exist.
7. If you could spend time as an anthropological observer in a specific timeline and place, where, why and for how long? ➡️ I’d like to live among the Celtic Saints of Ireland for a few days, like on Skellig Michael or at Glendalough back in their heyday, the seventh century or so. Just to see what it was really like. Their spirituality and architecture speak to my soul. No longer than a few days though because modern amenities like air conditioning and toothpaste also speak to my soul, lol.
8. What is your favourite clean dirty joke? ➡️ I don’t really know any dirty jokes, but I’ll happily share my favorite dumb joke! Q: what’s brown and sticky? A: a stick.
9. If you had a kill-switch for “the grid” like Kurt Russel did in Escape from Wherever, would you press #666? ➡️ I’ve never actually seen these movies, which is surprising because Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken is my husband’s celebrity lookalike (or was, until he cut his hair short). So, I had to Google the plot, here, to get the reference. Basically: no, I don’t think I would. An action hero I am not, I don’t have the guts.
10. Do you believe that life would be much improved by the restoration of the Holmgang in English speaking countries? ➡️ *googles Holmgang* no, no, no. People are dumb, people would be way too quick to abuse this power.
11. What are your least favourite superstitions? ➡️ It’s one of my own invention. I don’t even know how I started this, and as much as I resent it, I can’t help doing it, it’s a reflex now. Whenever I randomly recall a horribly cringe memory (which happens to me all the time, I myself am horribly cringe), I touch my face and if my face is warmer than my hand, it means I actually am a retarded piece of shit and deserve to suffer, but if my face feels cooler than my hand, I’m just overreacting and it’s actually okay. Also, who started the thing about black cats being bad luck? Racist much? My one true feline love was a black cat.
My Questions for my Nominees:
1. What dessert would you be if you were a dessert? And why
2. What about fruit — what fruit would you be if you were a fruit? And also why
3. What is the most fun you’ve ever had in your life? & was this also the happiest day of your life?
4. If you had to name a human baby tomorrow, with no input from anyone else (name is your sole responsibility), what would you name them? (A boy name & a girl name.)
5. What is something cool that you’ve discovered recently?
6. Is there any amount of money for which you would consent to getting a large tattoo on your forehead? (You cannot get it removed, but you may try to cover it with concealer, bangs, a hat, etc.) And if so, what is that amount? And would you do it for a penny less?
7. If you had to get a word or phrase tattooed on your forehead (and again, you cannot have it removed, but may cover it as you wish), what word or phrase would you choose? And why
8. What are some of your favorite words (in any language)?
9. Lately everyone online is saying that 2016 was such a great year for everyone universally. Was 2016 a great year for you? Please elaborate
10. Recommend a book for the reader and make your case for why we should read it
11. Do you think every person has some thing they are meant to be doing with their life? Like a divine calling? Some skill that they can use to contribute to the good of the world, if only they figure out what that is? And if so, what is yours?, and is it something that you’re actively doing?
I always love to hear from:

Bibielle at MyInnerMishMash

Hikaru at HIKARU.blog

I would nominate Nemo again but he’s already done this and I think that’d be against the Guidelines

My Husband, who hasn’t updated his blog since like 2014, but he’ll probably see this anyway bc he checks my blog from time to time

and finally: You, The Reader/My Follower: if you’re one of those who’s been so kind as to “Follow” this site, and you happen to see this, consider yourself nominated and feel free to participate and thank/tag me or whatever.

Thing is, although I’ve been storing my writing here on WordPress since 2023, I’ve only just begun to dip my toes into the WordPress community, and to connect with some of you lovely people. I don’t know a lot of my fellow bloggers here yet. Certainly not well enough to feel comfortable tagging them. Also I have AVPD which makes such things difficult.

I honestly probably won’t even do Step Seven here because that’s too scary, and the nominees might not even feel like doing this challenge on their blogs, which is fine, and I don’t wanna obligate them. But, if you’re reading this, I’d love to hear from you (but no pressure and don’t feel obligated!!). If you don’t wanna make a whole blog post feel free to just drop a comment with answers to any of the 11 questions. I’m always eager to hear people’s answers to these questions, no matter who they are.
#1: “The Family Next Door” by Sally Hepworth

April 12th, 2026

I cannot think of a more perfect book to recommend to you if you, like me, are a busy housewife and mom of little kids who’s just begun to rediscover reading.

I admit: I almost didn’t stick with this one. I almost put it down a few chapters in, because of all the sex talk. Don’t worry, there’s nothing explicit, it keeps it pretty clean; but still: a lot of talk about sex that is, strictly speaking, unnecessary.

Whenever a book talks about sex in such a casual, sensual, fanservicey way, for no reason other than to titillate the reader, it always annoys me. I feel so condescended to. Like, just write the damn book in jumbo crayons, if you’re gonna talk about sex that much, because clearly you think I am juvenile and immature.

But, Sally Hepworth had already managed to reel me in with her vibrant characters and setting, so, a few hours after putting the book down in a pearl-clutchy little snit, I came slinking back for it. I decided that I could excuse the sex stuff. After all, there was nothing too bad, and it does kinda go with the tone, I guess: lightweight, gossippy pleasure reading about a bunch of suburban housewives.

Also I felt kinda embarrassed getting as sucked into this book as I did, lol. I don’t typically go for this kind of “chick lit” stuff. The kind of book that, if my highly-intelligent parents, who suffer from the delusion that I am also intelligent, saw me reading it, they’d go: “you’re reading that? 🤨” the same way they did about my middle school manga phase. You can tell that this made an impression, lol. To this day I tend to feel like I ought to exclusively read heavier, literary, “smart person” books, and feel slightly guilty enjoying more accessible ones.

So why’d I grab this one? On an impulse: I had no time to dwell or deliberate (trying to manage my brood in the kids’ section while also shopping for my own reading material); and ChatGPT recommended this author to me because I told it I like Shari Lapena. Bit of a stretch, to call the two authors “similar.” Technically, both write “domestic thrillers,” but Lapena is more “thriller” — dark and spare and gritty — whereas Hepworth more “domestic:” more lush, upbeat, and warm: more of a “beach read” vibe. But, you know, that’s ChatGPT for you.

But hey, this book pleasantly surprised me! Sally Hepworth’s writing style here may not be lofty, highbrow, Booker Prize-winning or whatever, but it’s really, really good. Being accessible doesn’t make something bad art. Her writing is not at all lazy like you sometimes see with mainstream/ genre fiction/ chick lit writing, where you can just tell the author wasn’t even trying to think about it as they wrote it. Sally Hepworth’s writing is effective, it’s gripping, and, the cool thing is, as an author she manages to just kind of disappear so it’s like you’re right there with the characters. It’s actually genius and I wish I could write like this.

The main characters, especially Ange (who had the best character arc, imo), are vivid and likeable. The scenes really stick with you, too, like Essie at the hair salon choosing a totally new look on a whim, then spitting out her peppermint tea and falling asleep (A+ depiction of someone being “not quite right but you can’t put your finger on it,” imo). It was interesting, too, to read a novel set in Australia. I have so little experience with anything Australian, so that was cool and different.

Overall, reading this book was comparable to eating some well-made and fluffy fresh strawberry cupcakes with buttercream.

If you are a heterosexual man, I don’t imagine that you will enjoy this book. However, as a wife & mom of littles myself, this was a delight, and I do recommend it to you if you are a woman, especially a mom.

The coolest thing about this book, for me, is that it deals with some extremely heavy topics — stuff that I don’t even like to think about — but still manages to be a fun, light, highly readable book that doesn’t leave you in a helpless blob on the floor and ruin your whole week (like some stories that deal with heavy topics). It actually improves your day. Imo it takes a subtle and practiced hand to be able to do that, to write about extremely sad things without just overloading and depressing your readers. To give your readers a safe, non-crippling way of experiencing strong emotions. What a superpower, for an author.

It’s the perfect book to read for a SAHM because it’s so highly readable, you can have it open on the countertop while chopping vegetables or stirring mac and cheese. In fact, it’s so highly readable that you might find yourself, like me, still reading it even while there are dishes to clean and laundry to move to the dryer and pajamas to be put on children and suddenly it’s bedtime. I really had no business finishing this book as quickly as I did.

Also, I may or may not have already placed four more of Sally Hepworth’s books on hold at my library. 🫣 I’ll keep you posted on if they’re as good as this one.
Rediscovering reading

April 11th, 2026

There will never be a good time, so now’s as good a time as any. It’s time for me to get back into reading.

Believe it or not, I used to be an avid reader. For the first thirty years of my life, I read all the time! I was never not reading for fun. I love books, stories, prose, poetry, and literature — always have.

But in the past few years, it seems like I’ve barely read for pleasure at all. What happened to me?

A few things. Mainly: I had kids. Four of them, in what strangers in public like to describe to me as “stair-stepper” fashion. My youngest is currently nine months, my oldest is six years. So, it’s been busy.

But other moms manage to make time to read for fun. Why haven’t I?

As you know if you read this blog, I’m someone who’s constantly plagued by a sense of “I should be doing something better,” “I shouldn’t be enjoying this so much,” “is this the most ethical way to do this,” et cetera. This inner voice has gotten much louder and more talkative since I converted to Catholicism and began to get serious about living an upright life. I don’t have much of an innate sense of balance, regarding moral questions. I’m an addict, I tend to extremes. Sometimes it goes haywire.

Which has kinda thrown a wrench in my relationship with reading.

For the past few years, I have a hard time reading just for pleasure. I have such limited free time, and when I do have free time I usually end up writing things. I figure if I’m gonna pick up a book, it should be for some purpose. Something edifying. Sacred Scripture or the Lives of the Saints or a parenting book or some saintly book. If I must read a novel, it should be one of The Classics. Something beautiful and holy. There are so many great books in the Western Canon. We have a responsibility to read beautiful, important works and to fill our brains with good content. I truly believe that.

And so whenever I go to the library (which is not as often as it used to be, because solo-parenting four small kids in a public library is a fucking marathon and always leaves me sweaty and anxious and mortified and completely drained, emotionally, mentally, and physically, for the rest of the day), I find myself just kind of paralyzed. Which Great Classic Work should I make myself read? Where to begin? — ah, who am I kidding, I’m not gonna make time for something difficult; may as well just not check out anything; and besides, back at home I have like six books on Catholic stuff, Catholic parenting and homeschooling, that I’m only a third of the way through! (On my limited budget, these are the only kinds of books I actually spend money on: the important ones.)

Don’t get me wrong. Like I said, I do love literature. Always have. I like dense and wordy books. In high school, I read the complete works of Nathaniel Hawthorne and Ivanhoe for fun. In college, I was majoring in German Lit. I’ve always been a book person, since childhood. Like 3-4 of my many tattoos are literary references. One of my all-time favorite authors is Donna Tartt (The Secret History, amirite?!). I loved The Mysteries of Udolpho too. Before getting pregnant, I read the entire works of David Foster Wallace, and have read Infinite Jest three times start to finish. I genuinely love it. I love long sentences and beautiful language and profound stories.

It’s just, I feel like, in recent years, my mental energy has been depleted, and I haven’t had the capacity or the energy.

I have read some, in recent years. Some guilty pleasure material: I read all of Canterwood Crest (Jessica Burkhart), and re-read Riding Academy (Alison Hart). I’ve read just about everything by Shari Lapena; her books are dangerously addictive, proceed with caution. I read The Haunting of Hill House, after watching the show. And, also, some more “highbrow” works: notably: Kingdoms of Savannah by George Dawes Green; The Bee Sting by Paul Murray; Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh, all of which I did truly enjoy (the former two being new works by old favorite authors, and the latter being more of an “I should really read this because everyone says it’s such an important work of Catholic literature”-choice, which surprised me by being, of all things, a gay love story).

But these were aberrations. And barely a fraction of as much as I used to read. And honestly, the busier I get, the less I read. The pattern keeps devolving.

Part of it is also that my beloved husband is more of a TV/movie guy than a book guy. He’s the one who got me into TV as a storytelling medium — I never really cared for shows, before, and would never have even wanted a TV in our house, but he insisted. And he showed me the light. I love TV now. There are so many good TV shows. Tv has become a big part of my life. And, in the limited time that we have together, my husband and I like to do something we can do together, to relax: we watch TV. It’s something we can share in real time. It helps us both turn our brains off at the end of an exhausting day.

I know, I know: “just listen to audiobooks together!” Maybe we should. Maybe this is an excuse, but I kind of don’t like audiobooks. The reader’s voice and inflections can be so distracting and affect my experience of the story. I prefer the privacy of my own brain. Also, for end-of-day relaxation, I prefer something with a visual element, because I also like to snack at night, and don’t like to be looked at while snacking (weird ED layover habit), so it’s nice to have something to look at besides each other’s faces.

So: I avoid reading for pleasure, and find myself just watching TV, blogging or writing little stories, or just scrolling the internet for fun, when I have time for fun.

Which is a shame!

A few things lately have moved me to get back into reading. For one: a bunch of you lovely people here on WordPress are always blogging about what you’re reading, and it makes me jealous. I can do that, too!, I exclaim pitifully in my head, stamping my little foot. I’m smart too! (Spoiler: I’m not.)

For two: my sister, whom I’ve always looked up to and kind of copycatted whether consciously or unconsciously, is a reader, and spending more time with her in the past year or so has inspired me to (once again) copycat her. To be cool like her. She’s a busy mom too, and she reads The Classics for fun! Why can’t I be like that?! Textbook sycophant little sister behavior.

For three, I know you can’t really be a writer unless you read. Anyone who says otherwise is being lazy and conceited. And, silly as it sounds, I still like to think of myself as a “writer.”

Four, and this is the main reason: I also just honestly miss it. Reading books is fun! Insanely fun. It really added to my life, much more than scrolling Instagram or reading Reddit or talking to ChatGPT.

So: it’s time.

The other day, while at the library with my kids, I decided: today’s the day. I’m going to get back into reading. Edifying or not, holy or not, I need to get back into reading books. Because even if it’s not the Summa theologica or St. Augustine’s Confessions, at least it’s better than staring into this accursed internet rectangle and becoming a drooling dead-eyed slave to The Algorithm.

I’ll even post my little discoveries on this stupid blog, because I too can be a book blogger, dammit!

So I asked Dr. Chat to recommend some authors, picked a couple at random, and grabbed a couple other random things off the shelf, and now, a couple days in, I am already back at it.

Stay tuned for upcoming posts to hear about what I’m getting into.
Back when I used to play The Sims,

April 10th, 2026

the funnest part, by far, was creating new Sims: choosing their name, appearance, outfits, personality, voice, strengths & weaknesses, basic relationships, & etc. I’d spend so much time on this, on figuring out who my Sim was. It was pure molten fun, almost too much fun. I get a little ghost of a thrill even remembering the Create A Sim screen and its little elevator music.

Designing and building the Sim’s home — that part was exciting, initially, but it got boring quickly. All that constructing, shopping, installing, color-coordinating, making sure things were in the correct places: it got kind of tedious. I’d often rush through it, towards the end.

And then, the game itself: actually playing. Doing life. Events, occurrences, interactions, incidents. Eh; that was cool and all, but significantly less thrilling than making a new Sim. I’d often get bored with the action and just go back to the drawing board to start over with a new character. Designing the Sims themselves, that was the most engaging, and for me the most time-consuming part – the one part that I was a perfectionist about.

Sometimes, I get the sense I’m doing this same exact thing with my actual life. Spending all my time trying to figure out the character, rather than just playing the game.

Look at this blog. All this navel-gazey business of “figuring out who I am.” Questions that keep me up at night. My thoughts. “About Me.” Look at me, I am this way, I am that way. Personality typology. Daily prompts. What is going on in my brain. I am this, I am not that, I hate this, I love that, and why? Even writing this post, right now, I’m doing the thing. I’m still in Create A Sim, at 36.

Maybe this is a bad way to be? Maybe this is the wrong way to play the game? I wonder if after I’m dead I’ll look back on my earthly life and go “damn!, I spent all that time figuring out the character, and so little time being her. Did I even play? Where was the action? What was the plot?”

But on the other hand, ya know, maybe, this is how I be this character. Our society loves doers, but thinkers are just as valid, aren’t we? Maybe this is an okay way to exist. I do love a good character-driven story; plot is, after all, overrated. And I mean, The Sims was a game with neither plot nor rules, after all. I think that’s why my brain liked it.
Ultimate Baking Championship Season One Episode Five: Mith Reacts

April 8th, 2026
CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!

It’s like nothing surprises me anymore, in this show, after we lost Robert a couple weeks ago.

Casey, who was the only one with two wins, and has been consistently really strong, serving a “disaster” of a collapsed cake in the first challenge, and then getting sent home? Not a surprise.

Clement, who’s one of the absolute best, only scoring 11 points out of 20 in the skills challenge, even though his blueberry looked fantastic? Not really a surprise.

Adalberto, who’s been in the bottom consistently, having a great week and actually tieing with Juan and Molly in the Master Challenge? – Actually, this was a pleasant surprise! I was so glad to see Adalberto make a comeback. That black forest cake looked phenomenal! Keep it up, Adalberto, we’re cheering for you!

(I still miss Robert, though. This just isn’t right without him. He’s supposed to still be here.)

But, look at Christopher stepping into the spotlight! The first contestant on this show to get a PERFECT score on anything – okay, Chris! We see you. I was so pleased for him; that panna cotta dessert that he made was really a masterpiece. Watching Duff and Zac lavish praises upon it, was the most satisfying moment of the night. Wow. I was beginning to think maybe the judges just didn’t award perfect scores on principle. Even though Chris only placed fifth in the Master Challenge, this victory carried him through to win the whole night.

Florencia seems to have just scraped by again. I’m a bit worried about her. Both of her desserts were good (and her second one was jaw-droppingly beautiful, with that immaculate mirror glaze and chocolate ball on top, encircled in a rustic tart shell – “a study in dichotomy,” as Duff said), but, regarding the actual flavors and textures, she failed to really “innovate” either the gas station coffee cake or the Sachertorte. She’s clearly very good. I hope she has a great week next week.

And, Molly and Juan: they were amazing as usual, nothing new to report there.

Finally, just for lols: at the beginning of the show, when they were doing the recap of last week, my husband paused the TV to talk to me about something, and froze the screen on an image of poor Rochelle looking distressed; here’s a very silly, very unflattering little doodle that I did of her face while listening to my husband talk (sorry, Rochelle):

Anyway, HERE’S THE RECAP:

Skills Challenge: Innovating Gas Station Treats: contestants got to choose their item to innovate in order of last week’s leaderbord, so Molly went first. Points awarded out of 20.
- Molly: peanut butter pretzels → Peanut Butter Pretzel Petit Gateau w/ peanut butter mousse & cookie made w/ pretzel flour
- Florencia: coffee cake → Coffee Cake w/ Tiramisu Bombe
- Juan: oatmeal cream pie → Deconstructed Oatmeal Cream Pie w/ cookie crunch & cream cheese mousse
- Casey: chocolate cupcake → Seven-Layer Chocolate Cake w/ ganache & marshmallow cream
- Chris: toasted corn kernels → Toasted Corn Panna Cotta w/ candied corn, pickled corn, popped sorghum, & fried corn silk
- Clement: blueberry muffin → Blueberry Trompe L’oeil w/ muffin in the middle
- Adalberto: Snoball → Double Cappuccino Namelaka w/ chocolate butter cookies
SKILLS CHALLENGE STATS: Chris 20; Juan 16; Molly 13; Adalberto 12; Florencia 11; Clement 11; Casey 8.

Master Challenge: Innovataing International Favorites to uniquely reflect “you”: randomly assigned, points awarded out of 30. Blind judging.
- Chris: Tarte Tatin → Creme Fraiche Cake in Caramelized Puff Pastry w/ caramel mousse, caramelized apples, apples poached in cider and red wine, & apple gelee
- Casey: Opera Cake → Macaron Wreath w/ Hazelnut Joconde Sponge, coffee buttercream, mini macarons, & chocolate ganache
- Clement: Princess Cake → Princess Cake Layered Entremet w/ vanilla sponge, marzipan pastry cream, raspberry compote, whipped creame rose, & sugar dome
- Juan: Baklava → Phyllo Pudding w/ Pistachio Sponge, kataifi crumble, pistachio praline, & honey-yogurt mousse
- Molly: Banana Cream Pie → Banana Entremet w/ vanilla pastry cream, banana jam insert, feulletine base, blond chocolate mousse, & banana tuille
- Florencia: Sachertorte → Sachertorte in chocolate tart shell w/ peach & apricot jams, chocolate mousse, salty chocolate crumble, mirror glaze, & chocolate sphere décor
- Adalberto: Black Forest Cake → Pate a Choux Crown w/ cherry compote, chooclate buttercream, cherry liqueur ganache, & cherry chantilly
MASTER CHALLENGE STATS: Clement 27; Adalberto 26; Juan 26; Molly 26; Chris 24; Florencia 22; Casey 20.

Winner: Christopher

Sent Home: Casey

A dessert is called “sexy”: 0 times (running total: 3)

Superlatives from the judges: 0 (running total 1)

Dead family members mentioned: 1, Casey’s grandma (running total 2)

Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 2 times (running total 12)

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Molly’s peanut butter pretzel petit gateau

Wins so far: Christopher (1), Juan (1), Molly (1), Casey (2)