**Note: I, the writer, am an uggo myself, so don’t @ me. I’m a solid 2/10, maybe a 3 on a really good day.**

I’ve noticed a meme lately in which conventionally-attractive or fashionable individuals post about how they don’t want compliments from unattractive people. Apparently, compliments are only valuable now if they come from someone that you perceive as equal or superior to yourself.

I take issue with this.

In theory, I get it. I would absolutely rather receive a compliment on my writing from Donna Tartt than from some teenager with an AO3 account. Similarly, I’d much rather have a priest call me virtuous than your average secular rando on the street.

However, does that mean that I would turn up my nose at a compliment from a teenage fanfic writer? Does that mean I wouldn’t still appreciate the secular rando’s generosity? Of course not!

Of course I’d still be grateful. Even if I wouldn’t take advice from these people on the craft of writing or the spiritual life, that doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate their seeing me in a positive light and going out of their way to try to be kind.

Because maybe the teenage fanfic writer aspires to learn to write better — maybe she’s trying to elevate and hone her own craft — I should be honored that they see me as an inspiration for that! Or maybe she doesn’t aim to write well herself, but still appreciates good writing. Also cool. And maybe the secular rando is quietly interested in the spiritual life and looking for a way in. To be able to point them in the right general direction by my example would be a huge privilege and honor.

Because here’s the thing. Being an uggo does not preclude one from being able to recognize and appreciate beauty and fine taste.

Personally: I don’t bother too much with my appearance. I do very minimal makeup, because I lack the confidence, budget, and frankly the motivation to do a more glamorous look. Same with my clothes. I don’t like my body, so I dress to conceal the meat-tank in an appropriate way.

But that doesn’t mean I think I’m a great dresser. My look is in no way an example of my actual taste. Just because I dress bad doesn’t mean I like bad clothes!

I am, in fact, able to recognize when someone dresses well or does their makeup well, and I love to see it! If beautifying yourself is how you choose to spend your time, energy, and money, I love that for you! You and I are different people with different priorities. I can see that you are good at something I am not good at. Why must you take my opinion so personally, as if I’m contaminating you with my respect?

Why can’t you take a simple compliment? Even if I’m not exactly Donatella Versace, doesn’t it feel nice to know that some little ordinary person appreciates your efforts?

In truth, I don’t compliment strangers anymore, or anyone that I don’t know too well. I used to do so pretty often — but now, I see it as too risky. You never know who’s gonna take it the wrong way.

So it’s not like I’m personally butthurt by these fashionistas online telling me not to compliment them. Because I don’t do that anyway. It’s more that I just don’t get it — the arrogance. You think you’re so great, so superior, that us basics don’t even deserve to form a positive opinion of you? Talk about ugly. That’s such an ugly way to be.

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One of my favorite things to see is celebrities who love and celebrate their fans. Like how Nicki calls her fans “Barbs” and Megan calls her fans “Hotties,” and so on. When they thank the fans and express love for us. As a fan, it makes you feel so uplifted! Like: yes, I am a hottie — Megan herself says so! Even if I am just a little old trash person! I love it when celebs, with all their money and power and privilege, appreciate us little plain people and are grateful for us and lift us up like that. — So why do these ordinary influencers, who aren’t even anywhere near as beautiful or powerful or rich as Nicki and Megan, think they’re above being liked by normies and uggos? You think you’re better than Thee Stallion?!

Now, I guess it’s possible that I’m just way too easily moved by compliments — by others’ feedback in general. I have AVPD, which means I have not just shitty self-esteem, but a fundamental, unshakeable conviction that I suck. So whenever someone deigns to say something nice about me, it makes me feel like I owe them something in return. (Predictably, in my youth, I was one of those sad girls who said “sure” to any boy who gave them attention, no matter how gross he was, because she felt like she owed them something for being so kind as to find her attractive.) Maybe if I had healthier self-respect, I wouldn’t see compliments from others as valuable, or meaningful at all, unless they came from above.

Maybe people who respect themselves think of compliments in terms of their usefulness. I guess if that’s how you think, I can see how a useless nicety from a nobody would be simply annoying, just an empty little gesture, whereas a compliment from a role model would be a helpful confirmation that you’re achieving your goals.

However: I still maintain that it should not be beneath you to be gracious. You don’t have to believe my compliment matters in order to say “thanks” and move on.

To be bothered by it — that actually seems to betray an essential fragility or insecurity, doesn’t it? If you think being liked by an uggo can bring you down somehow.

A truly secure person should be able to accept and move on. Would Megan really, honestly think I was a “hottie” if she saw me on the street? Lol, thats funny. But she’s also a gracious person who’s secure enough not to be threatened by respect from an uggo.

And besides: here’s the other thing: you don’t even know if that person really means what they’re saying!

Personally, I never trust compliments on my physical appearance from strangers, not anymore. I firmly believe that people don’t mean what they’re saying most of the time, and that more often than not they’re actually making fun of you.

If the tour guide at the children’s museum compliments my beat-up, decade-old $30 combat boots from Target, ain’t know way I believe she means it. It’s just awkward now. If some random teen girl at the trampoline park tells me I’m pretty, I’m flustered and embarrassed and can’t get away from her fast enough. I always wish they hadn’t said anything. Not because I think they’re beneath me, but because I don’t like small talk and I don’t trust them or their intentions.

To all you snobs who are so butthurt by an ugly person’s compliment: why do you assume they meant it? They’re probably just bored and making small talk — or quietly laughing at your weird choices.

There are just so many reasons why you are wrong. With all due respect.

In conclusion: if you’re someone who refuses to take a compliment from someone you perceive as beneath you: I’ll just leave you to meditate upon the words of the great Kendrick Lamar, “bitch, sit down; be humble.”