Having some trail mix (then): Okay. Deep breath. Here we are. The time has come. The long awaited moment. Time for the serving of trail mix that I’ve been planning since last week. I get to have some trail mix! Carefully measure out three tablespoons. Scoop carefully to make sure it’s an even distribution of the different items bc if it’s too heavy on the raisins the calorie/sugar content will be higher than the label says, too many nuts = fat content higher, etc., and we have to stay on track here. Level tablespoons, don’t be a piggy now, you fat fuck. Make that scant tablespoons, to be on the safe side. Scrape some off the top. There. Ok. Here’s one serving. Now, I will begin with the boring raisins and peanuts as like a penance before getting to the coveted cashews and chocolate chunks. This is a process. This is the moment. This is all we get, right here. Slowly, one peanut at a time, to really draw out this experience, because even the boring bits are a decadent treat, and it’s exactly this many hours before we may eat again. Ok, now we have arrived at the good part. Soon we will get to eat a cashew. Here is the cashew. Savor it. Ew, you’re so disgusting for savoring it. What the fuck is wrong with you. Piggy. The serving is gone now. You’re still hungry?! After trail mix??! Why are you so fucking fat. Kill yourself. Better get the last crumbs because this is all you get. Ew, what kind of fatty licks the crumbs?! If they could see you now! Despicable! Ok, same time tomorrow? Shall we make this a daily habit? Shall we make 11AM 3Tbsp of trail mix a rule which, if broken, makes your whole day ruined and you an irredeemable failure? We shall!, whether you like it or not!. Now, go walk it off, fatty.

Having some trail mix (now): hungry. food time? food time. hmm. what’s this? ooh, trail mix. that’ll do. dump in bowl. looks like a lot. probably won’t finish. mm, cashews and chocolate chunks. take those first. yum. i wonder why they’re called ‘cashews’. funny. hm, looks like all the good bits are gone. now it’s just peanuts and raisins, boring. oh well, getting full anyway. Oh wait I had to go do that other thing i forgot about i’ll just leave this bowl here on the counter maybe i’ll