CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!
Four weeks in, what do we think of the rotating guest judges, friends? Guest judge tonight was Bryan Ford, whom if you’re a baking show addict like me you may remember we saw as a judge on Sandra Lee’s Blue Ribbon Baking Championship a couple years ago – which, that was one of the best baking shows that’s come out recently! When are they going to do a second season? Bryan was an excellent judge on that show, and it was nice to see him back at it again. Since that show, he’s published a cookbook and he and his ridiculously-gorgeous wife have had a baby, hurray! I’m a fan of his.
Although personally, I do miss the familiar, regular panel of Duff, Nancy, and Kardea; but, I also kind of like seeing these illustrious guest judges come and go; it adds to the high-end, fast-paced feel of the show, and keeps things unpredictable.
Anyway, the highlights of tonight were Juan and Christopher being best bros, and Rochelle and Florencia being… the exact opposite.
Apparently, Juan and Christopher used to work together, so they’re already friends and really good teammates. The whole theme of their pastry display was the story of their friendship, which was so adorable I just about died, like, they even made a little chocolate clock with mini-croissants for the numbers and set it to three o’clock, because that was when Juan’s shift would begin on the days that they worked together in the restaurant, HOW CUTE IS THAT. 😭🥰 I just love friendship, I love seeing people who are friends – it’s just such a cool and fascinating thing when two people just like each other for who they are and enjoy each other’s company. To make things even cuter, they both scored exactly 38 points; #twinning.
Rochelle and Florencia, on the other hand… oof. As Adalberto observed while watching their judging, “this is torture. Torture.” It really was painful to watch them. And I’m sorry to say it, because I’m a fan of Rochelle, but it did kinda appear that Rochelle was the one being difficult to work with – the way she snapped at Florencia to “just worry about herself” when Florencia was trying to make sure their pastries would be approximately the same size. Ouch!
To her credit, Rochelle did apologize later. And I can certainly understand how she must have felt; it would suck, for me, if I were already in some high-stress, highly-demanding situation and then, to make matters worse, had to cooperate with a teammate on something creative, ugh. I’m not a good team player, and apparently Rochelle also prefers her independence. This challenge threw off her vibe; her sweet croissant came out “bready,” and her savory one tight, flat, and dense. Florencia did a bit better and managed to stay safe.
Meanwhile, “Girl Power” team Molly and Casey won the night – my girl Casey is now the only one with multiple victories! 🥳 She did a beautiful job, drawing inspiration from her Italian heritage; that raspberry cheesecake danish sounded dreamy.
And Clement was predictably amazing, being an expert of laminated dough – Duff said his looked like a machine had made it. It was kinda hilarious to me, though, that he made a hot dog croissant for his savory pastry, lol! All this talk about the Frenchman being so good at pastry because it’s so quintessentially French and French this and French that and how very French it all is — and then he decides to stick an all-American hot dog in it! I guess his idea was to show the blending of his native culture with his new life in America. In any case, he certainly made it work.
But I was disappointed that his teammate Adalberto didn’t do as well as he’d hoped. I keep wanting him to pull back into the lead! He was up there for a minute in a couple challenges in the first two episodes. Come on, Adalberto, we know you’ve got this!
And tbh I’m still over here reeling from the loss of Robert. It just feels wrong that he’s not on this show anymore. I almost want them to pull a Spring Baking Championship Season 8 and “resurrect” him (remember that? My husband and I still joke about how stupid that was, lol).
Vocab words I learned on tonight’s show: cacciatore, queso fundido, humita, duxelle-au-vent, flamiche, guajillo. It’s nice to still be surprised by a baking show, after all these years.
HERE’S THE RECAP:
Only One Challenge: Pastry Shop – Partners Challenge, teams randomly assigned: each team must create two dozen savory and two dozen sweet pastries with laminated dough, and a “pastry shop window” display to arrange them in. Flavors and theme must be cohesive. Points awarded out of 50.
Casey & Molly: European theme
Casey: savory Italian ham and cheese croissant; sweet raspberry cheesecake danish
It’s been a minute since I did one of these! If you’re a regular here, you may remember Season One and Season Two (and/or the Infinite Jest spinoff). Now that time has passed and I’ve watched a few more TV shows, it’s time for Season Three.
Presenting our competitors:
12. Aaron Corval from Run Away. Unfortunately, Aaron does not remain on the show, but suddenly, mysteriously disappears from the set halfway through the second challenge, leaving his station a mess the likes of which has never before been seen on this show; how did he even do that? He also somehow managed to steal an expensive stand mixer and quite a few bottles of imported vanilla beans. Automatic disqualification– although, he probably wouldn’t have made it very far had he remained, as his first cake was a sloppy disaster, like he didn’t even follow a recipe.
11. JJ Maybank from Outer Banks. Although he’s a fan favorite, a good team player, and gets along swimmingly with Chance, who’s his same age, and although the whole South was cheering for him when he represented with flavors like banana pudding, peach-bourbon, and sweet potato, JJ predictably lacks the finesse and the elegance to really last in a competition like this.
10. Karen Calhoun from The Watcher. After winning the first challenge this week on sheer luck, as an advantage Karen got to assign the flavors for the second challenge. She thought she was setting herself up for victory by selecting champagne (a flavor she knows quite well), but as anyone who watches these shows will know, champagne is a tough flavor to work with. Barely a ghost of a taste of champagne, in that beautiful cake. You could even say this decision came back to haunt her. She’ll miss hanging around Nile Jarvis, whose attention she was embarrassingly desperate for this whole time.
9. Danny Cho from Beef. The judges appreciated his bold, Asian-inspired flavor choices, but cameras caught him sabotaging the other contestant’s desserts as they chilled in the deep freezer. Danny denies it fervently, but it seems like his rhythm is thrown off after that, and in the second challenge he managed to burn his cake to an inedible crisp.
8. Chance from Castle Rock. Chance isn’t even sure how she got here. She doesn’t really do a lot of baking (not the domestic type), and her bakes are all very low-effort, but, all these other contestants somehow got kicked off before she did. She had fun partying with JJ but ever since his elimination she’s just been waiting to get sent home, and honestly seems annoyed that it’s taken this long.
7. Josephine “Carrie” Murphy from All Her Fault. Josie could have won the whole thing. Her synesthesia makes her bakes really interesting conceptually, and her flavor combinations are always thoughtful and unexpected, like when challenged to create a three-tier cake, she made an ethereal kiwi-lime masterpiece filled with cucumber-mint mousse, because the number three is green; and when asked to create a lattice-topped pie, she filled it with caramelized banana and honeyed pecans because the word “lattice” tastes like breakfast cereal. She’s very driven, too, and a fierce competitor, but unfortunately, when the bottom three were her, Nile, and Cal, somehow the rich guys came out on top. It’s always like that, isn’t it.
6. Nile Jarvis from The Beast In Me. A natural predator, he doesn’t even need the prize money but is simply in this competition because he wants to be the best. The judges and the viewers at home all fall for his charming personality, but alas, when he gets into a pinch towards the end of tonight’s second challenge, he loses his temper and ends up smashing his whole red velvet cake to a gory mess with a rolling pin, leaving it in a heap on his station and then pathetically trying to blame it on Misty, who just shrugs him off, unfazed. There’s really no coming back from that.
5. Cal Bradford from Paradise. How could you not cheer for him? The quintessential Golden Retriever. Everyone loves his classic, rich, all-American flavors — chocolate chip cookie, apple pie, buttered popcorn — simple and clumsy as they may be at times. He’s also a great team player, and really shines in the team challenges. Tragically, his self-sacrificial nature is also his downfall, and he finally got eliminated because he spent the last thirty minutes helping Manousos and Sadie finish their pastries instead of working on his own.
4. Barry from Barry. With his eye for precision and his unshakable stoicism in high-stress situations, he’s actually a really good baker. He especially shines in highly technical challenges where other contestants get overwhelmed. But he’s not great at decorating, and the judges have consistently found his desserts just a little…well, boring. Viewers are glad to see him go; people online all agree that there’s something creepy about him.
And now, our three finalists:
3. Sadie Dunhill from 11/22/63. She’s a phenomenal baker with a retro flair that the judges love; she bakes a mean pound cake, and is a master of gelatin. She’s probably actually the best baker here, and tbh should have won, if it were only about baking skills, which, come on, we all know that’s not the only thing being judged, on these shows.
2. Misty Quigley from Yellowjackets. Misty is not only an extremely good baker, but also ruthless and insane, which works to her advantage in a competition like this. She may or may not have cheated several times to get here — tampering with Chance’s ingredients one, cranking up the temperature on Josie’s oven, et cetera — but no one can quite prove it. Her fellow competitors all hate her, at this point, and I think the judges are kind of afraid of her. Misty seems virtually undefeatable, but even she, with all her cunning powers and unscrupulous ways, comes in second to:
1. Manousos Oviedo from Pluribus, our grand champion! This guy just cannot be stopped. Coming from such a humble background, his determination to defeat the powers that be in this Baking Championship has been unrivalled. No technical difficulty, no stroke of bad luck, no malicious meddling from a competitor, has been enough to slow him down. Not only that, but the judges have loved his use of Paraguayan flavors, such as dulce de leche, papaya, and creamy custards. What is he going to do with the prize money?: go sit alone in his house and not talk to anyone ever again.
.
Was it fair? Did the best man win? Which tv characters should compete next?
was not any of the animals, but: the unsolicited kindness of other women: the solo one who, while walking the opposite direction, saw my three-year-old trip and fall, and stopped to make sure he was okay before proceeding on; the field trip chaperone who, in the cramped and stuffy indoor desert exhibit, noticed me trying to get through with a stroller and barked at her pack of unruly adolescent boys (who either didn’t see me or didn’t care) to move over, there’s a baby right there, and allowed me to pass; the older one in the ladies’ room who saw me trying to manage my four- and six-year-olds while also trying to change baby’s diaper, and asked me if there were anything I needed; the college lacrosse player in line for the restroom at sheetz, where we stopped on the way home, who noticed me holding my three-year-old and was the only one of her large group of teammates who allowed me to cut in front of her in line; and all the other moms pushing strollers and holding tiny hands who smiled at me in quiet acknowledgement as we crossed paths: I see all of you, God sees all of you, & I hope that He rewards you greatly. Because women who, for no reason at all other than plain & simple kindness, go out of their way to help other women as we try to navigate this hectic world: you really are, imo, some of His best ideas.
CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!
“Go do the Boston skyline and mind your own business, okay?” – Robert to Juan, when Juan was casually checking in on the other team’s progress
What an intense week! They claim that these themes are “randomly assigned,” but is it just me, or did tonight really seem like the creators had deliberately assigned certain desserts to certain contestants in order to maximize the drama.
Like, in the Boston Cream Pie group: Christopher is literally from Boston, so this is personal for him and he has a lot of experience with it — but!, Juan’s boyfriend is also from Boston, and Juan makes him this cake all the time, and the couple even visited the famous hotel together recently – so, it’s a very personal dessert for him, too. Meanwhile, Adalberto made it personal by incorporating Cuban dark rum and a fierce determination to come back from his lackluster performance in the last two episodes.
And in the Coconut Cream Pie group: Florencia had literally never made a single pie before in her life! Not a one! Excuse me but what the helly? Why would you sign up to go on this huge American competition show and not even practice making an American pie crust once or twice before walking onto the set, lol? (I mean clearly she didn’t need to, though – she still made an amazing pie and nailed the textures!) Clement, also, is not a pie-maker; he’s French, and shamelessly asserted that the French do tarts instead, which are basically the same “but better.” And, since pie is unfamiliar to him, he seemed to actually be struggling to get his pie crust to work – it wasn’t looking good for him, for a few minutes there. Meanwhile, their competitor, Robert, has made zillions of pies, and not only that but hails from Miami and has grown up with coconut-flavored desserts — so he really seemed to have the edge here.
And then, the Italian Rum Cake group: Casey, who comes from an Italian family and is very familiar with this dessert, was up against the adventurous Rochelle (and her chaotic evil alter-ego Shelly) and high-scoring Molly with her sleek modern design. Would Casey’s classic cake be too classic and old-school, or would her familiarity be an advantage?
I wasn’t too surprised with the results of the Italian Rum Cake contest; I was glad to see Casey win; she’s one of my favorites. Although, part of me also wants Rochelle to win the whole thing, because she’s geographically the closest to me so I feel kind of a natural affinity. However, when they were showing Rochelle assembling her layers, and she was commented on how the pastry cream may look loose now, but “relax, it’ll set up” – I had a feeling that one was going to come back to bite her.
I did take some issue with the results of the Boston Cream Pie contest, though. Why did they do that to Adalberto?! I don’t understand! He didn’t get any negative critiques (not that we got to see, anyway). Juan, on the other hand, was told that his cake actually had too much vanilla flavor (which, how the heck does something taste “too much” of vanilla? Is that even possible? Have you ever eaten something that tasted too strongly of vanilla?? That’s like water tasting too watery, or air smelling too airy), and also his marble cracked, and the judges seemed less than pleased with him. I really, 100% thought that, based on that, Juan was going to be in the bottom of his group! What happened here! And poor Adalberto – just as he was celebrating “I’m back, baby”, then he gets told he’s in the bottom three again? Not cool. At least he made it through, but still: not cool.
However, it was cool to see Christopher win, being a native Bostonian and kind of an underdog up against Juan and all.
But the wildest thing of all was the fate of the Coconut Cream Pies! First of all, it looked like Clement was not even going to make it through – it looked for a minute like he might not even have a pie to present – but then, he managed to whip out something flawless and beautiful, with a delicious crust, and place first in his group! What sorcery is this?!
And second of all, Robert! ROBERT! What happened, my guy!! You were supposed to be a shoe-in! You were one of the top three in this whole contest, alongside Clement and Juan! I literally gasped. I’m shook. This was just so unexpected. I mean, yeah, his crust was too thick and he didn’t have enough filling, so it was fair, but, dang! How could this happen? Are you as flabbergasted as I am? I need someone to talk to about this, lol I’m gonna go drink some water and lie down, but leave me your comments!
THE RECAP:
Only One Challenge: Pastry Cream Classics – themes randomly assigned; groups of three competing against each other – the losers from each group up for elimination, with the lowest-scoring one of those three going home
Italian Rum Cake
Rochelle: festive cake with blown sugar cherry in a “splash” of molded chocolate
Molly: tall, modernized cake with cherry jam truffles on top
Adalberto: cake coated in chocolate rum ganache and gold Italienesque modeling chocolate décor, made w/ Cuban dark rum
Juan: toasted “gold” almonds on the sides and chocolate marble “floor” décor on op
Christopher: almond praline on bottom, chocolate mayflowers on top
SCORES & STATS:
Italian Rum: Casey (46), Molly (41), Rochelle (36)
Coconut Cream: Clement (44), Florencia (39), Robert (29)
Boston Cream: Christopher (45), Juan (43), Adalberto (41)
Winner: Casey
Sent Home: Robert
A dessert is called “sexy”: 0 times (running total: 3)
Superlatives from the judges: 1 “the fanciest Boston Cream Pie” Duff’s ever seen (running total 1)
Dead family members mentioned: 0 (running total 1)
Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 4 times (running total 8)
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Clement’s coconut cream pie topped with those little coconut macaroons hidden inside chocolate coconuts!
…or is it objective?, and if so, is something wrong with me if I’m not attracted to what’s objectively attractive?
Here we go again, another reaction to an IG reel! What did Mith see on Instagram and get pissed off about today?! I should really just quit that Godforsaken app. — but then where would I get my inspiration for all these blustering blog posts?
With it being Lent, I haven’t actually been on Instagram much lately, but on Sundays we don’t fast, so yesterday I had the opportunity to indulge in some mindless scrolling. And while doing so, I stumbled upon the offending post, the subject of this little essay.
Tl;dr: OP was comparing the attractiveness of actors Henry Cavill and Timothee Chalamet, and trying to use them to make a point: that hormonal birth control, which is so ubiquitous among women these days, is affecting our perception of what is “attractive.” The OP pointed out that if a woman finds Chalamet more attractive than Cavill, her body is clearly not functioning the way it naturally should. Cavill is much more masculine, thus, the OP hypothesizes that if a woman finds Chalamet (who’s more delicate and “pretty” or even, some say, “reptilian” in his good looks) more attractive than Cavill, it’s because she is on BC which is messing her up and she probably “hasn’t ovulated in a decade.” Moral of the story: birth control is evil, and Timothee Chalamet is not hot.
OP is right: birth control is evil. One of the worst societal evils of our time, even. And it is doing bad things to women’s bodies and tampering with their sexuality. And, I agree: Timothee Chalamet, while incredibly beautiful, isn’t that “hot” — to me, at least. Regardless of how Mith feels, though, it is true that Cavill better exemplifies traditionally masculine qualities, so I get where OP is coming from.
So if I’m in full agreement with OP, why am I pissed off?
Because of the implication that failure to be attracted to someone like Henry Cavill means a woman is “broken.” OP is wrong; OP has identified a couple true things, but drawn an illogical, nonexistent connection between the two truths.
Keep in mind that I am no psychologist nor sociologist nor any other -ologist. But, I think it’s clear that “sexually attractive” is a highly subjective descriptor. Sure we can make some generalizations, like: most straight women like Henry Cavill and most straight men like Sydney Sweeney. But really, there’s a lot more to it, physiologically, than just “if you’re a healthy, functioning straight woman, you should like Henry Cavill.”
Don’t tell me who I should and should not find attractive.
Speaking as a straight woman who hasn’t been on hormonal birth control in fifteen years, and who’s had four babies in the last seven years, all conceived naturally, I can assure you that my reproductive system is working exactly the way it’s supposed to. And frankly, I don’t find either Timothee Chalamet or Henry Cavill that attractive.
Sure, I can see how they are both very aesthetically-pleasing and well-formed male specimens. I guess if I were single and had to pick one of them (which, me being a dumpy, lumpy, poorly-dressed, 2.5-3/10 white trash matron with cankles, it’s pretty hilarious to even imagine such a scenario, lmao) I’d go with Cavill, but, he wouldn’t be my top choice of celebrity; I can easily name like six to eight male celebrities more “attractive” than him. But so what? That means nothing to anyone but me. Sexual attractiveness is such a completely subjective matter.
People have all kinds of weird little preferences and peculiar tastes, in this area. Some things may be more popular, but that doesn’t mean someone’s broken for not liking popular things. If someone doesn’t like the taste of chocolate or pizza, would you tell them their mouth is broken? — well, you might, I guess, if you were trying to be funny, but you know you’d be wrong.
Now, some opinions are wrong. Some people have sexual preferences that are objectively bad, like pedophiles and necrophiliacs. Something is indeed very, very wrong with those people. Continuing with the food analogy, we might compare them to someone who’s afflicted with pica, the insatiable urge to eat non-food items.
But when we’re comparing the attractiveness of two healthy adults: it’s basically a case of apples and oranges. Some people prefer one or the other.
“But Mith,” you might be arguing, “You said ‘healthy adults.’ That’s the thing. Cavill looks healthy but Chalamet does not! Cavill appears hardy and hale, while Chalamet looks like a strong wind would blow him over. And it’s natural to desire a partner who’s in good health.”
Both true. Which is why most straight women will prefer Henry Cavill (I’m not sure where OP even came up with the claim that “most” women these days prefer Timothee Chalamet; I think it was just ragebait, because people are still pissed at Chalamet for his recent ballet comment). But like I was saying: within the parameters of moral acceptability, there’s no such thing as “correct” or “incorrect” opinion of sexual attractiveness.
“Oh sure, you’re allowed to like what you want, no one’s saying you can’t; but still: being attracted to someone who appears unhealthy, makes no sense from a biological standpoint. If you’re attracted to someone unhealthy-looking, something is probably wrong with you biologically.”
You’re not wrong that it makes no sense, from a strictly biological standpoint, to be attracted to someone who appears “unhealthy.” But does it follow that something’s wrong with you if you’re attracted to someone who appears “unhealthy”?
No! It does not! Because we are humans.
I think OP forgot to consider that a human being’s sense of sexual attractiveness is not just biological.
Humans are not like other animals. Hence, an individual human’s concept of “sexually attractive” is not simply a biological impulse (clearly; otherwise gay people would not exist), but is heavily influenced by both cultural norms and their emotional/psychological state.
Look at Venus of Willendorf. Back in old times, men liked heftier women because it was a sign of health and wealth: she could afford to eat well, and would survive the winter, bear many children, and etc.
Even among present-day cultures, there are variations. Compare mainstream white pop culture to hip-hop and rap culture. The former values the lithe and rail-thin look, for women; the latter seems to celebrate “thick” and “juicy” female bodies. Different cultures. I used to follow this aspiring rapper who was a white girl, naturally skinny as a pixie, like, most white girls’ dream body — but because she wanted to make it in the rap world, she intentionally gained weight and even (rumor has it) underwent surgery to make herself “thick.” Kind of blew my mind, as someone who envied her “before” body.
My mind is as warped as anyone else’s. I’ll admit that.
Here’s something most people in 2026 (myself included!) don’t want to acknowledge: for women, it’s actually healthier to be slightly overweight than slightly underweight! Ask your doctor if you don’t believe me. So if we’re gonna talk about sexual attraction being “strictly biological,” we need to ask why people think Victoria’s Secret models are the picture of “health.” True, a small percentage of women are naturally that thin (different body types do exist, and different people have different “resting weights”), and that’s fine; but in reality, for most women, “healthy” actually looks like approximately 20-50 pounds heavier than your average Victoria’s Secret model. Most women, when they attain the weight of a Victoria’s Secret model, will actually stop ovulating altogether, and become sick — so tell me how that size is “healthier” and “biologically ideal for reproduction”? A slightly-heavier woman is more likely to survive harsh conditions, to bear children, to not break any bones.
I think it’s plain to see that our perception of über-thin women as sexually desirable, results from a few different factors, none of which are “natural” or “biological.”
Let’s be honest. Men like skinny women because they are easier to physically control and push around — because it makes them (the men) feel stronger. It makes it easier for them. If you want to be the kind of man who can pick up his wife and carry her around, it’s easier to seek out a paper-thin woman than to get stronger yourself so you can carry a heavier one. So, it’s physiological; it’s the man’s emotional/psychological state, desiring to feel big and powerful and dangerous, so when he sees a skinny woman it excites him in a self-centered, “I’m a big tough man” kind of way.
Men (and women) also like skinny women because — modern-day Venus of Willendorf situation — it signals wealth. See a skinny woman: she can afford healthy food and leisure time to work out! It is natural, in a way, but distorted: humans want to go where we think there is abundance, we want to associate with winners. And in 2026, that’s how we have been programmed to perceive skinniness.
So there’s definitely an emotional and psychological aspect to our perception of “sexually attractive.” Isn’t it obvious? If sexual attraction were strictly biological and objective, then uggos like me would never get married!
So if a woman, for whatever reason, prefers a Timothee Chalamet to a Henry Cavill, is something “wrong” with her? No. I don’t think we can say that. Perhaps her sex drive is further removed from that of a soulless primate. Perhaps she’s more cerebral. Perhaps she has some kind of unconscious emotional baggage. Maybe Timothee’s face reminds her of something that makes her happy. People, and their motives, are complicated. But as long as she’s not desiring something immoral, then why is that “wrong”?
Sex and sexual attraction are not just physical, in humans. We’re not dogs.
I dunno about you all, but for me, if I can’t picture an emotional connection with someone when I look at them — some kind of emotional depth — I can’t get into them physically, no matter how beautiful they are. A clean, flawless, perfectly-symmetrical, textbook example of a “Hot Guy” is so uninteresting to me. (I’m not attracted to women, but I feel the same way about women: the really stunning ones, imo, are not the angel-faced beauties, but the ones who look a bit unexpected or imperfect or real.) I need a person to look a little real, like someone I, with all my weirdnesses, could relate to, on a “heart” level, in order for me to find them attractive. Maybe that makes me some variant of “demisexual” and I’m “queer” now and need a pride flag — I don’t subscribe to all of that, though. We’re all gross and messed-up humans; no need to slap a label on all our little sexual foibles and make them into an identity. I’m only mentioning myself to demonstrate that people’s preferences can be vastly different depending on their personality and disposition.
But I guess some people out there really are just moved by biology and nothing more. That’s cool. Those people are valid too. But let’s not accuse those of us who yearn for depth and psychological engagement of being “broken.”
“Breaking news! Local straight conservative woman butthurt about being told who she ‘should’ and ‘should not’ find attractive! — Hypocritical much?” Lol, I see what you did there, & that’s pretty funny; but like I was saying above: there’s nothing moral about finding Adult A more attractive than Adult B. “Should” is a word that carries moral weight. And thus we can’t say that someone should prefer to eat chocolate instead of vanilla. Because that’s not a moral issue. We can, however, say that they should not prefer to eat human flesh. Or asphalt. Or anything else that isn’t food. But as long as we’re within the parameters of moral acceptability, you really can’t tell someone what they should and should not find attractive. So, not hypocritical actually. But if you have any other, better arguments, feel free to leave a comment.
I actually have personal beef with this question; I hate it, and it will never not make me cringe. Because (story time!) way back in tenth grade, my World History teacher made us answer this question for some accursed “getting to know each other” game on the first day of class (an introvert’s nightmare). And, trying to make sure everyone knew that I was edgy and dangerous and troubled and mysterious, do you know what my dumb ass wrote down for an answer?
“Problematic.” 🤦♀️
Not entirely untrue, lol, but, come on. As you can imagine, people just kind of frowned and scratched their heads and gave me a wide berth. Best believe that incident set the tone for my sophomore year of high school. Ugh, the cringe is painful.
But whatever. Honestly, that whole class was lame anyway. I’m pretty sure that the teacher, a very charming and youthful twentysomething ESE (my conflictor type, me being an ILI) was just there because he wanted to party with the cool and popular high schoolers; so, he wasn’t a big fan of mine. My only fond memory of that class was when my BFF and I collaborated on a presentation about the emporer Nero, recording a sock-puppet show full of our goofy ironic humor and random gags that left the whole class (and teacher) once again frowning and scratching their heads like wtf is wrong with those two, while we sat there crying with laughter. See, this time it was funny, because someone else was being weird with me.
But, I digress.
One word that describes me, now that I’m 36… it depends who’s asking. If you’re someone that I don’t know too well and want to stay on safe/neutral grounds with, I’d probably just smile and mumble some sheepish, guarded response like: “introspective,” “overthinking,” “boring,” or something like that — all of which are true of me but don’t really get to the heart of the truth.
But since it’s WordPress’s Daily Prompt that’s asking, and since this blog is my little space to be really honest with you, since I don’t know who you are — you could be anyone — and since probably no one will read this anyway, so what does it matter; I’ll try to give an answer that gets to the heart of the truth.
My best answer today: conflicted.
I feel like “conflicted” sums it up, what I essentially am and what it’s like to be me. And basically sums up what this blog is about. It’s the but in between two clauses, creating the tension that I live in. Like: I’m a homeschooling Traditional Catholic SAHM who wants to fit in with the other TradCath mommies, who are all so feminine and classy and well-mannered, but I’m also a tomboy with AVPD and a weird sense of humor and a fine arts degree. I’m married and love being a wife but, also, ain’t no freakin’ wifey. I want to be a writer, but my ideas are shit and I’m pretty sure no one will like them and am too afraid to try and find out. I am proud of my body for having four perfect children, but I also hate it because it’s a hideous meat-tank and I wish I could trade it in for a different model. I’m all for body positivity and fat women being free to be themselves, but I also believe the body positivity movement is sick and wrong and needs to be undone. I’m a closeted alt kid who loves blue hair and weird fashion but I also believe that modesty and conformity to societal norms are important, and I ain’t no woke liberal. I want to love and serve God but I’m still so entrenched in sin. I’m vegetarian/vegan but I also understand carnivores and why they do what they do. I love hip-hop & rap but I also believe that popular hip-hop culture is unhealthy and steeped in sin and we shouldn’t listen to it. I’m a conservative, but I kinda relate more to liberals most of the time. I’m this but I’m also that, and it creates conflict.
I can see things from both sides. Which way to be? Which side to lean towards, or, how to find a happy medium? About most things (not all things; the few things that I’m sure of, like Catholicism, provide an anchor, without which I’d surely just float off into the ether and never return), I’m conflicted.
And that’s why this blog exists, really. If any of this resonates with you, we should be friends. Like I was saying, it’s so much more fun being weird with someone else.
These days, in between weekly episodes of Paradise and Ultimate Baking Championship, there’s really not much on TV.
It makes me long for something, anything, that’s even half as good as my favorite show of all time, a show that I wish I could remove the memory of having watched from my brain in order to experience it again for the first time.
Succession is, imo, the single greatest TV show ever. (Greatest scripted series, that is; obviously — baking competition shows are my special favorite; but among serial dramas, nothing beats Succession.)
I’m a really stupid person, as you know, and this show is actually way over my head — my appreciation of it is like that of a dirty little illiterate street urchin pressing his chapped little ear against the door of a grand lecture hall, gaping and wondering at the eloquence and brilliance of what he hears from within — so I honestly feel ambivalent even trying to say anything about it; I worry that some ~Smart~ fan out there who really ~Understands~ the show, will read this and laugh at me. But I love it so much that I will attempt to say something nonetheless:
Because really: how often do you find a show that doesn’t jump the shark after one or two seasons? Not a second of filler, in all four seasons; not a single moment where the writing feels lazy or the energy dips.
“What’s so great about it,” some ask, in response to all the critical acclaim. If I, being the dimwit that I am, had to take a guess, I’d say that it comes down to two things: the characters, and the subtlety of the delivery.
The characters are, for the most part, despicable. Just awful individuals. They are “not serious people.” But, they aren’t just boring two-dimensional villains. They are a believable kind of despicable. There are depths, layers, complexities. They are as rich figuratively as they are literally. They are vivid and pathetic and human and fascinating; you kind of start to adore them.
Some have said that they couldn’t get into the show because they don’t find the characters likeable enough. I agree that I would hardly want to hang out with these characters irl – but as characters, viewed through a TV screen, I love them; for me, there’s a huge difference there.
For me it’s the subtlety. The writers used such a light hand, such a masterfully soft touch, in telling us about these characters; it’s really elegant. One of the best examples I can think of off the top of my head is the way Kendall’s infertility is implied, but never explicitly addressed, all the way up until the end of the last season. Even though it’s a huge, defining element of his character and the whole plot of the show.
It’s been a few years since I watched it, but there are still quite a few moments that live rent-free in my head. Here are the top ten:
13. Siobhan being disparagingly referred to by some business bigshot at a conference as “Kinder, Küche, Kirche” because she was pregnant. (S4 E9) Dismissing her. Like, she can’t possibly be taken seriously in this world because she’s just a little ol’ mom now. Similarly, the way Shiv told her own mom “it’s not like I’m gonna see it,” (referring to her child); “we’re gonna do it the family way.” The attitudes about parenting in this world are so twisted.
12. The three sibs at their mom’s house late at night eating the forbidden cheese and goofing off in her kitchen. (S4 E10) They weren’t supposed to be eating the cheese because it was the mom’s new boyfriend’s special cheese. (Not from this scene, but “New Dad just dropped” is one of my favorite Roman quotes of the whole show.) It was at once hilarious and sweet/poignant, to see these three ridiculous unserious and arguably evil people just having a silly funny time like normal siblings. A little reminder of their humanity.
11. Kendall: ah, Kendall, poor, disgusting, pitiable, wretched Kendall. So many moments of Kendall being Kendall:
11a. Absolutely flabbergasted and pearl-clutching because he asked poor little Cousin Greg to bring him some cocaine, and Greg brought “park coke,” i.e. procured it from some rando in the park at night, as if Kendall Roy were some kind of peasant drug addict, lmao, y’all know this is like my favorite moment of the whole show, I quote it all the time.
11b. The infamous Logan Rap. “L to the O-G”, ugghh!, I’m dying just thinking about it.
11c. Indirectly killing the bunny rabbit by ordering the housekeeper to “just give it some bagel.”
11d. Casually shitting the bed while passed out and wasted at that one party, and waking up and just hiding it inside the sheets and going on with his day.
11e. Once again flabbergasted, unable to comprehend that money can’t get him somewhere in the helicopter in season one, because the skies were closed i.e. air traffic was literally prohibited and the pilot wasn’t about to break the law for him.
10. Shiv’s little speech at her own wedding reception. (S1 E9) The jokey way she calls her new husband by his last name — people say she’s “emotionally avoidant,” but I think it’s pretty clear that she just isn’t that into him, and just thinks of him as a tolerable accessory that she can use to her advantage, who won’t compete with her nor interfere with her business ambitions. It’s pretty sad. This moment really encapsulated their whole dynamic, for me.
9. Speaking of Tom, the way that one lady, Cyd, in S2 E4, called him out for his “hundred dollar haircut” as if that were such an insult, lol (and speaking of insulting Tom, there was also the scene where the three sibs are not-so-playfully picking on him, and Shiv, his own wife, points out that he has an “agricultural walk”, lol what was even that?!)
8. And speaking of Tom + Shiv, their final scene (S4 E10) in the back of the car as they’re riding off after it’s been announced that Tom, humble Tom with his $100 haircut and agricultural walk, is going to inherit the company… and now Shiv is just his pregnant wife who works for him… the silence between them as they’re both looking in opposite directions was 🤌.
7. Connor’s Wedding (S4 E3). Just the way the episode is named “Connor’s Wedding,” but it ends up being about Logan’s death. The way Connor’s whole life and identity and psyche are so overshadowed, and so completely messed up, by his father. He can’t even have his wedding day. For me that was even sadder than Logan’s death, since we’ve known that was coming since Season One (the show is literally called “succession”). Connor is undoubtedly most tragic character in the whole show and I think about him frequently.
6. President picking party (S3 E6). This one lives rent-free in my head because I’d known, in theory, that it’s the ultra-wealthy who wield the power in this country, but somehow, seeing it played out in this episode (which, who knows how realistic that was, anyway), ngl, it kinda affected my feelings about how the US government actually works; I’ve been just a bit more cynical, since this episode.
5. Lukas Mattson’s revelation that he hasn’t bought a mattress for his big fancy house yet, because he has all the money in the world so could afford the very best on the planet, but keeps researching what the best one is and can’t make up his mind; he’s overly analytical and slightly insane and has contracted choice paralysis. (S4 E2) I also am prone to choice paralysis sometimes, but dang. What a nutjob. I think about this one all the time, I’ll just be shopping for groceries and I randomly think about Mattson’s mattress.
4. The opening credits. I always looked forward to it, and never wanted to skip it. Best intro in the history of TV. It’s not just the song, which fits the vibe of the show to a T; it’s the imagery as well. It actually adds something to the show that we don’t get anywhere else: a bit of backstory. Elsewhere in the story it’s alluded to, but in this intro, we get to actually see it. But again, as always, impeccably subtle. How often do a show’s opening credits actually add something of substance to the story?
3. The house where Logan grew up. (S2 E8) There was so much build-up to their visiting this place; for the three siblings, it’s legendary, a part of their family lore, and they talk about it as if it were a slum, a barely-habitable shack with an outhouse in the backyard, just unfathomably uncivilized, like it was so unbelievable that their noble, respectable father had come from such a place… and when you get there, it’s just… an ordinary suburban house. 😂
2. Logan eating fast food cheeseburgers alone (S1 E6, and I think a couple other times throughout the show as well). His love of fast-food cheeseburgers is one of the most telling things about his character imo. He’s really just a regular guy who busted his butt and worked hard and did some unethical stuff to build this empire – so unlike his children, who never knew anything other than extreme wealth and would find the concept of eating poor people food unthinkable. Logan says that everything he did in life, he did for his kids, and I believe he really meant that – but I think we see him also experiencing some kind of regret (to the extent that he is capable of experiencing that emotion) for the way that they’ve turned out. As a young man, he wanted a better life for his kids, and would go to any lengths to achieve that – but now, at the end of his life, look at where that’s gotten them. The way I see it, that’s kind of a hub for the whole plot.
And finally, the one moment that I think about the most:
1. The server in the kitchen at Nan Pierce’s house when the Roys are over there for dinner (S2 E5). There’s a brief moment when everyone at the table is gushing praises for the entree, and Nan is standing there thanking them with fake humility as if she’d prepared it herself. And just for a second, you see a hired woman, the one who actually did prepare the food, peeking in through the doorway with a peculiar expression. That one little fraction of a second told a whole story. It’s things like that that make this show so remarkable.
CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!
“You can’t even stop Duff. Nine cake and he’s still at it.” – Amaury, watching Duff merrily chowing down during the judging of Oralia’s entremets
“He’s absolutely right, but, that’s the blue I gave him.” – Adalberto, with resignation, after hearing that the dark blue exterior of his dessert was unappetizing and off-putting
“I would like to not be the next one.” – Chris, immediately before getting called to go next after Florencia’s flawless reception in the second challenge
Week two. As tonight’s episode was starting, my husband observed: they’re eliminating contestants so fast, “tonight might be the finale!” Lol. Thankfully, it wasn’t.
Here we go! Caviar and calamansi, deconstructed this and modernized that. 🥱 I’ll take Molly’s simple, classic little red velvet cake, which received such negative criticism, over most of these bougie little frou-frou dishes, any day of the week! No offense to any of the chefs, of course – these people are all incredible to watch, truly next-level geniuses – but, I’m a simple person with simple tastes, and I’m still miffed that they took away my good old Spring Baking Championship this year. (Speaking of, that’s where I recognize Robert from!)
So, they have a clean slate each week? The leaderboard gets erased and starts over from scratch. What do we think about this, friends? I have mixed feelings. I kind of like it, but also, I think it’d be neat to do just one season where the scores were cumulative, building on progress from all of the prior challenges. In a way, that’d seem more fair, wouldn’t it? Everyone has bad luck at some point, and it seems like that shouldn’t be someone’s downfall if it’s a random one-off, and if they’ve been consistently really good.
However, I am happy that this format is giving Adalberto a fresh start… again. Yup, I hate to say it, because it probably means next week will be his last, but: he’s kinda become my favorite. I just really felt for him, when he was despondent after his disastrous second challenge, and was saying that, as an older contestant, he doesn’t have the time, like some of these younger contestants, to get better; this is it, for him. The end of the line. Adalberto! Come on! This is supposed to be my escapism! Baking Championship starting to get a little eschatological up in here. A little too real. I adore Adalberto, and I’m glad he pulled through by the skin of his teeth once again. After this week and the last, I seriously want to see him power through and rise to the top and win the whole thing! Wouldn’t that be so freaking satisfying?!
I am bummed for Oralia, though. At least she went out on a positive note: Amaury and Duff both genuinely enjoyed her dessert — it was just the presentation that was off. I hope she keeps in mind that, even though she technically went home in week two, she actually outlasted six other contestants, so she made it quite far; we mustn’t forget the absolute carnage that was week one.
Highlights this week included: watching Clement convert fellow Frenchman Amaury Guichon to a veggies-in-dessert appreciater; watching Rochelle “die and go to heaven” after receiving such glowing praises for her stunning raspberry entremets; Robert voluntarily choosing to work with matcha, when he could have chosen literally any other, less disgusting nutty flavor, and somehow nailing it (?!?!); Casey’s impressive comeback with a stunning geometric mousse cake in the second challenge after her first challenge was pretty weak (chocolate too dense); and, listening to Amaury pronounce “BAH-na-na” and “prah-LEE-na.” Delightful. Here’s the recap:
Skills Challenge: modernize a classic dessert; randomly assigned
A dessert is called “sexy”: 1 time (running total: 3)
Superlatives from the judges: 0 (running total 1)
Dead family members mentioned: 0 (running total 1)
Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 2 times (running total 4)
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Florencia’s “dark and indulgent” chocolate brownie entremets with gianduja mousse, caramel truffle, & milk chocolate. The chocolatiest!
Wins so far: Juan (1), Molly (1)
What did we think? Are you watching this too? What are your thoughts? Leave me your comments! I don’t care if you’re reading this three-plus years from now and the show is old news and you think I no longer care. I still do, I assure you. See you back here next week!
First of all, if you’re in a rough spot and thinking about trying AA: do it. You should go. 110%. Go now! Close this tab immediately and go find your nearest meeting. Don’t let my whiny, nitpicky little complaints in this post deter you. Go find out what it’s like for yourself. I firmly believe that everyone, especially folks who struggle with drinking, can benefit greatly from AA, and it really does save lives.
But if you give it your best shot and it still doesn’t help, don’t give up. There are other ways out.
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Here it is: the famous White Chip. I picked up quite a few White Chips during my four years in AA. Even though I didn’t actually get sober in AA, this is one of the last ones I picked up there, and it’s the only one I somehow never managed to lose, so it stays with me to this day, even though I don’t count myself a member of the program anymore. It’s nice, isn’t it? You should go get one of your own!
March is Sobriety Month here at MiTHology (4.0), and so, going along with that theme, I wanna talk for a minute about the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
You’ve probably heard me mention in previous posts that my sobriety saga began in AA. For some time, I was quite entrenched in it. But, I no longer go to meetings. In the following post I will elaborate on why that is.
Here’s the abridged version of my early sobriety lore. January 2015, at age 25: started going to AA meetings, and fell in love with it: the watertight logical soundness of the philosophy, the black-and-white clarity, the infinitely quotable literature. I went to at least one meeting a day, religiously. Spent four years in the rooms, going through the 12 Steps with two different sponsors, doing it all very “by the book,” achieving a year and change here, almost a year there, and many stretches of a few days or weeks. It didn’t stick though. On paper, I loved AA, but in practice, in my own life, it didn’t seem to work. Early 2019, at age 29: still not sober, fed up with it all, quit meetings and finally just struck out on my own and decided to try it in isolation. Seven years later, here I am, still sober.
So, AA didn’t work for me long-term. But I still love it, and would encourage anyone to try it.
Some people accuse AA of being a cult. That is a ridiculous accusation (and I’m willing to bet that those people probably got their feelings hurt by some sponsor’s brutal honesty). It’s not a cult. Yes, it is religious – which, imo, proves that at least some semblance of religion is necessary for basic human functioning, if the human in question is sane – but it’s about as secular as a religious program can be, so that anyone, even an atheist, can get on board. (If you can’t deal with AA because of the God stuff, then that’s a you problem; it’s not only possible, but encouraged, to make your Higher Power anything at all, as long as it’s not yourself.)
Some people complain that the program is too trite, its literature and signage too loaded with sappy little truisms that might be enlightening if you’re a total brainless doofus who’s never had a single coherent introspective thought in your life, but aren’t substantial or deep enough for an intelligent mind to really grasp onto or be moved by.
But here’s the thing: all those sappy little truisms, are truisms precisely because they are true. So many of the important truths of being a human are really very simple. We love to overcomplicate matters, we love to think that we are special and advanced – but the truth is, no one is too smart for the things they teach you in AA. If you think you are, then again, that’s a you problem.
So yes, I support AA and have great respect for those who thrive in it. Why, then, do I not participate myself?
I guess I’m a hypocrite. I’m guilty of the very thing that I just accused other people of doing: thinking my situation is too complicated, too unique. A big part of AA is Fellowship. I have AVPD, which makes “Fellowship” rather… tricky. It’s hard for me to reap much benefit from all that fellowship. It’s like I have an allergy to it. Some people are allergic to certain medicines; those people have to find alternative treatments.
Maybe if I didn’t have this disorder, I’d have been able to thrive in AA. I really wanted to. Desperately, in fact. If you know me, you know I’ve always had complicated (there it is) feelings about being a misfit; I’m kinda proud of it, but also I’ve always longed to belong somewhere, to find My People. I thought maybe the AAs were My People at last, but alas, the search continues. AVPD makes it really hard to be a participating member of a group like that.
But even if not for the AVPD mucking things up, I’m not sure if I’m as completely enamored of the AA way of thinking as I used to be. There are a few points about it that I take issue with.
(1)Some Of Us Actually Have Self-Awareness
The big one is this. AA’s Twelve Steps presume that you lack self-awareness; that you are lying to yourself about things, that you are avoiding taking responsibility for your own BS.
Some of us have the opposite problem. We know all the things that are wrong with us; trust me, we know them very well. We do take responsibility for our own failings, and already feel bad about them. Constantly. To a fault. AA was not designed with people like us in mind.
And I know that a seasoned AA, reading this, would tell me: “you’re just not being honest with yourself 😇”, which is like their trump card. You can always accuse someone of not being honest with themselves, because they have no way to prove you wrong.
Doing the Fourth and Fifth Steps never revealed anything to me about myself. There was never a breakthrough moment. I didn’t feel that seen or understood. Despite my best efforts, I didn’t feel like I’d bared my soul. It was just kinda tedious and awkward.
I actually regret both my Fifth Steps because, in trying to do everything by the book – “don’t trust your instincts, look where they got you! Trust your sponsor, who’s clearly doing what you’ve proven yourself unable to do!” – in taking this advice and ignoring my intuition, I was led to do some really awkward and unnecessary and even inappropriate Sixth Steps, which to this day I cringe painfully about. I was so desperate to do everything right, and really didn’t know whether to trust myself at all, which is understandable; but I wish I’d trusted my gut just a little.
Believe me! I wish I’d experienced a breakthrough with the Fifth Step. I’d kill to learn the secret, to be able to name the cause of my issues, to identify where the issue has actually been hiding so that I could begin to tackle it. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure out what my dark secret was, what I was hiding from myself, what was I being dishonest with myself about, like some repressed trauma or something. Nope. It wasn’t until I got my AVPD diagnosis that I realized that what I’d known intuitively all along was right: the problem was just me, my whole personality. It wasn’t something specific that I could identify and heal from.
“AA works for everyone,” the seasoned AA would reply, “and if you think you’re the exception, then you’re just not being honest with yourself 😇.” Ha!, I wish I weren’t being honest with myself!
I agree that everyone can learn something from AA – I don’t think anyone out there is “too smart” for it. But I do think some people have certain dispositions or conditions that make them less-promising candidates for the AA treatment. And having a high degree of self-awareness, or an untreatable disorder that affects one’s ability to be social, are both examples of such dispositions.
Which is not to say that you shouldn’t try AA, if you’re considering it. You absolutely should. Go and try it for yourself, but if it doesn’t work, don’t give up.
(2) Sponsors Aren’t Priests
My second beef with AA is this: sponsors are not priests. “Just do whatever your sponsor says” is not always good advice! These people don’t have psych degrees, they didn’t go to seminary – they are not necessarily equipped to be spiritual advisors or to give good advice.
I know, I know – the sponsor isn’t meant to be infallible, and if you treat them that way, that’s a you problem (all problems are you problems, in AA; that’s not hyperbole, that’s doctrine). The sponsor is just supposed to be a mentor, and their advice is supposed to be a simple “here’s what I would do in your shoes to help you stay sober.” I get that. But I guess as a Catholic, it strikes me as problematic to see folks in need relying on some other random alcoholic to hear their Fifth Step rather than a Priest in the Sacrament of Penance. This is where the program’s lack of actual religion causes it to fall short.
And yeah, I know, the very fact that the sponsor isn’t a professional nor a cleric is part of the magic. They’re just another recovering alcoholic with no particular obligation to you, not getting a paycheck, just doing this for the sheer love of the game. I understand that, in theory. But I still think you’re better off with the Sacraments, which are much safer, and have much more real effects on your soul.
(To be fair, I don’t really have any IRL friends, either, and still kinda struggle to understand the hows and whys of IRL human friendship; so this might just be a me problem.)
(3) Some Of Us Need To Touch Grass
My third and final beef with AA, and the main reason I don’t go back anymore, is really a personal one – not a philosophical issue, just a subjective experience.
For me personally, remaining steeped in the atmosphere of early sobriety, spending all those hours talking about booze and hearing about booze, making it such a huge part of my consciousness, is actually unhelpful. I had to move on. I had to touch grass.
Some people really need to stay in the program. For those people, their addiction was all they had, and so their life is just a vacuum without it, they have zero other passions or hobbies or interests. That’s not meant to be disparaging. It’s just a different type of addicted person. A person like that needs to stay entrenched in AA, needs to make sobriety their whole life and pastime, because the only alternative is going back to drinking. I get that. I feel for those people. I support them. I hope they never miss a single meeting.
However, I am fortunate to be someone who – even though booze was my #1 and held a special place in my heart that nothing else ever will occupy – cares about and enjoys other things as well, such as: my family, my imaginary inner world, reading, writing, art, my actual religion, watching TV, & etc. So I was able to kind of build a life and identity using those, when I got sober. Some people don’t have those to work with. It doesn’t make them more valid or their addiction more deserving of treatment. It’s just a different manifestation of the same disease.
Which is why I only started to get better once I stepped out of those rooms. But, still, some of the stuff I leaned in there was really invaluable; I got some great advice, met some great people, and can honestly say that no one there was ever cruel or shady or judgmental towards me – people were completely genuine and sincere. The magic is real. It just doesn’t work on me.
I kinda wish it did. I’d love to go back, because I miss it, the routine, the warmth, the familiar smells of coffee and basement. But there’d be no point. I’m not going to do the Steps again nor get a sponsor again — why would I?
And even though they’d welcome me back, and embrace me as one of their own, I know I’m unfortunately really not.
“If you think you’re not one of us, you’re just not being honest with yourself 😇,” they’d surely reply.
To which I’d respond: being sober in AA doesn’t make you omniscient. AA is not the Church. It’s just a bunch of people, and not all people have the same brain. But you know what?, if it helps you stay sober to believe that, that I, and literally anyone who’s ever been addicted to alcohol, “need” to be in AA, that I’d be better off there and that I’m doomed to relapse if I don’t go back to a meeting – then go ahead. You do you. I don’t want to prove you wrong if it means puttimg a crack in your support structure. I don’t need to win this argument at the possible price of your life.
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So yeah. If you’re newly sober or thinking about getting sober and reading this, and starting to doubt whether AA will work for you, I beg you, I am literally begging you, to go try it. This is just my stupid little blog where I come to process my stupid little feewings; and, after all, there’s a chance I’m not being honest with myself, and lack the self-awareness to see that! (😵💫) In any case, you really need to go check it out for yourself. My email address’s in the “about” page if you wanna talk about it (or anything else).
No, I’m not talking about my marriage. I’ve been married for more than seven, in fact almost nine years now, and tbh married life really just keeps getting better; we love each other more now than we did on our wedding day, and he is the whole reason I’m here to even write this silly post.
Because what I’m referring to is: my soberversary! 🥳 Yep, it’s that time of year again, time for my annual blog post about being sober. Later this month, in just a matter of days here, I will (hopefully, that is — must never take a single day for granted!) have seven years alcohol-free.
Wow! Seven years. They say every cell in your body dies and is renewed over a period of seven years, so if that’s true, I’m basically a whole new Mith now, a Mith that has never been addicted to booze.
Except, we all know that’s not really true. I addressed this a little bit in my recent post on St. Mark Ji, patron saint of addicts and those in recovery – but, I am finding that, now, almost seven years in, I actually feel the proximity of my addicted self in a more real way than I did at four, five, or six years.
What I mean is, the possibility of going back feels more real now than it did then. I’ll be in the grocery store and walk by the wine endcap and, while formerly I’d avert my eyes or just glance at it smugly because I knew I didn’t need it, now my gaze lingers a bit and I observe the varieties and their prices, and I think: “I could just do it! It would be so easy. No one’s stopping me. I’d feel so much better.”
Luckily, it’s never been a serious thought; just a whisper that I acknowledge and ignore. The seven-year itch, maybe. But the existence of this itch, this whisper, does make me realize how thin the line is, between here and there. It’s virtually nonexistent. Technically, nothing is stopping me. It would really be so easy.
So how has it not happened yet? Maybe it’s because I’ve simply gotten in the habit now of not drinking. I no longer have to work hard to not drink, therefore I don’t think about staying sober all the time like I used to. It’s not usually on my mind. So when the thought of drinking arises, it’s a surprise, like “oh, right! I could do that!”. So in a way, being in this routine, this habit, is a liability, of which I must remain mindful.
But being in the habit of not drinking is a good thing, too, though — obviously! The thought of drinking is no longer an automatic response. This past December, my best friend unexpectedly died, and needless to say, that hit hard. But I realized, about two or three weeks after, that, while coping with that loss, it had never even occurred to me to think of drinking. It just didn’t even cross my mind that drinking might help.
Which is wild! The last time I endured a great tragedy in sobriety was a pregnancy loss in 2020, when I was not yet two years sober, and at that time I was absolutely tantruming like a toddler because my husband refused to grant me permission to get drunk. I simply couldn’t fathom feeling that much sadness without some kind of medication. I got through it, but best believe I was thinking about booze constantly and complaining every second of the way. But, look at me now. Out here doing life, hard parts and all, with zero medication and no psychoactive drugs of any kind. Just totally exposed to all the elements. Look Ma, no substances. Experiencing all of it unfiltered.
Which is hard to do! It may not be my first instinct anymore, to reach for a drink, but sometimes it is my second or third. There are times when it would really help. At those times, what’s standing between me and a drink? It would be so easy. What is stopping me?
In meetings they say: God’s grace.
If you hang out with me here regularly, you know I don’t go to meetings anymore. But looking back, I’m really glad that I had the desire to dry up, and that I found the meetings, back then, in my mid-twenties, back when I was more teachable, more easily-impressed. More willing to change. Now, at 36, I’m no longer blown off my feet when someone utters anything mildly profound or relatable. When I first started in AA, I was floored! All these personal stories of recovery, all this wisdom! 🤯 But, my shell has grown thicker over the years, and I’ve retreated deeper into it. I’m not as awestruck anymore. Not as trusting. I know more stuff about more stuff. I’m pretty sure that if I discovered AA for the first time now, it’d just strike me as cringey and drippy and tired. So, it’s a good thing all that content penetrated into my brain when it did. At my current age, I’d surely be pretty resistant to it. And at my current age, I’m too old to go through early sobriety again.
It would seem that something is working for me. What is it?
I was at the right place, right time. Dumb luck. God’s grace? Idk. But also: building a routine, and living in fear of negative consequences. Getting used to being uncomfortable, all kinds of uncomfortable, in all kinds of different situations. To just having less “fun.” Those are the secrets. It’s about as glamorous as it sounds.
But without that drudgery and discomfort, there can be no real joy or peace in life, at least for me. If I had to drop some secondhand wisdom here for some newly-sober person, on this momentous occasion, it would be: the secret is getting used to being uncomfortable. It’s okay to be uncomfortable. The truth is in the discomfort. Without getting too religious here, because I know not all of you are Catholic like me: life is supposed to be uncomfortable, isn’t it? The discomfort is there for a reason; even the mild, fleeting discomfort of the seven-year itch.
So cheers, with a bottle of plain water, or perhaps a nice mug of herbal tea, to seven years. Maybe I’m not really literally a whole new person, but in some ways I am; and I sure do like the idea.
in a certain mood or at a certain hour & if a certain type of song is playing, this little wisp of an idea alights upon my skin like a feather, tickling, and it occurs to me, I start to think: maybe i should try & write That One Book again… the one that i’ve written start-to-finish approx 4x in the last fifteen years, started rewriting at least 25-30x, re-drafted endlessly in my head, endlessly, and furiously, depressedly thrown in the trash approx 500 times… the one that i once printed off a physical copy of and literally buried in the backyard and planted a melon-sized rock on top of its grave, to try & put it to rest once & for all… the one that i keep swearing off, that keeps haunting me (it’s never gonna leave me, is it?) (wtf is it about that one?!), but man, i tell you what, literary agents everywhere can count themselves lucky, LUCKY!!, that i quite literally ain’t got time nor the thickness of skin to deal with all of that right now, who can relate?
CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!
Where to even begin, with this show?! This was a whirwind. I dunno about you guys, but I felt kind of overloaded. Here are my thoughts, and a quick recap:
I’ll start with this: I miss Spring Baking Championship. I wish they’d just done another season of that instead. This show… the set is so sleek. The pastel colors, the contestants’ humble oohing and ahhing, their friendly banter, and Jesse’s corny jokes, are all missing. This is just all business, no frills. It’s not really the kind of baking show I like. But, neither was Next Gen, and that one managed to pleasantly surprise me, so we’ll see where this goes.
Also, starting with sixteen?! And sending home six in a single episode?! Whew! I get being cutthroat, but this was wild, wasn’t it?
The prize money is 50k, not just 25. So this is all professional, high-end stuff. No self-taught home bakers on this show. Food was described as “sexy” not once, but twice. All the desserts are these fancy, elaborate, highly technical little plated numbers with about twenty-seven elements in each – things you’d only find at places I could never afford to go, and honestly wouldn’t care to even if I could. (I’ve been watching these shows since like 2017, and even I have no clue what “pain de gênes” is.) Give me a good hearty slice of cake over any of these, any day. For me, it’s just kinda… blah.
One thing I do like about it though: best believe, no one on this show mispronounces “mascarpone.” Not a single time! (Although, I did catch Chris calling a cylinder a “sphere” one time. I can forgive that, because I too am a scatterbrain, and his blueberry lemon chiffon cake sounded delicoius.)
The other thing I like about this show: the leaderboard. I’ve been saying for some time that these shows really oughtta have a numerical ranking system, to make it a little more technical and less vague. I appreciated this move.
The Curse of Mith’s Favorite strikes again… three times. From the get-go, I was rooting for Steven and Cesar. And Julian, I liked him a lot because his flavor choices in both challenges sounded the most delicious (that campfire swiss roll tho!)! What is it about me?! Why is my support the kiss of death, for these contestants? I’m like the grim reaper disguised as a cheerleader! (Last season of Holiday was an anomaly.) If I had to guess in socionics terms, it’s because of my Ni base function. I have a strong intuition, purportedly, so I think I can kind of subconsciously sense which people are the underdogs, and my heart goes out to them.
And even weirder – both Steven and Cesar went home on eclairs! WTH! NO ONE else on this show better be making any eclairs for the REST OF THE SEASON! Especially my favorites (I’m not gonna say who they are now, lest I curse them too!).
Without naming any favorites: I’m thrilled that Adalberto pulled through after his napoleon fell apart. My little heart was breaking for him. He seems so genuine, and also, his pastry shop back home is the coolest! I’m also glad to see Clement back – he was one of my favs on his season of Spring Baking, and I remember the last time he made that fraisier. (“I didn’t sleep for three years” after not winning that show, he said, lol – but now he’s back, and out for blood!) And Robert – where do I recognize him from?! I know I’ve seen him on one of these shows before.
I did think it was a bit of a cruel dig when Duff referred to Molly’s gateau as “the work of a cold, calculating assassin” – right after sending Cesar, the eponymous Pastry Assassin, home! Come on now! And sending the “Flavor Queen” Lasheeda home on flavor?! And he told Julian that his Swiss roll needed “lube”?! OUCH! Merciless! The judging was harsh! I got a bit of whiplash going straight into this after the soft and gentle Next Gen, didn’t you?! Whew!
Anyway, here’s the recap:
Skills Challenge – four basic tastes, four basic textures; randomly assigned
Sour & Smooth
Robert: deconstructed key lime pie (“you ain’t sending me home on a key lime pie!”)
Adalberto: date pudding cake w/ passionfruit curd
Bitter & Toasty
Clement: chocolate hazelnut tart with coffee mascarpone cream
Robert: milk chocolate hazelnut bar w/ cherry chantilly
Molly: white chocolate pistachio gateau w/ raspberry
Arlety: tropical tart
Adalberto: guava & coconut napoleon w/ figs
Chris: blueberry lemon chiffon cake
Challenge Winner: Molly (27/30)
Sent Home: Arlety & Julian
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Episode One Winner: Molly
Superlatives from the judges: 1 (“best group of bakers I have ever seen” – Duff)
Dead family members mentioned: 1 (Florencia’s mom 🙏😔) – very sad, but it’s also kind of a trope that these contestants have a dead family member inspiring them, so I thought I’d keep a tally this season
Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 2 times (have y’all noticed how the camera loves to zoom in on his face when he’s taking a big bite and his eyes are wide open? As someone who hates to be seen eating, I’m always so painfully embarrassed for him, lol – they do this to him all the time, so I thought I’d keep a tally of this this season as well)
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: there were SO many to choose from, but probably Robert’s from the second challenge: milk chocolate hazelnut “bar” with that “sexy,” “ethereal” cherry chantilly
Mith’s official prediction for the finalists and winner: Clement, Juan, and Robert, with Juan being the champion
What were your thoughts?! Who are your favs? Which desserts did you want to eat?! Leave me your comments! I’m sending this to the internet in hopes of reaching fellow fans. I want to hear from you!
