Like yesterday’s post, this one is a reaction to patterns that I have observed while scrolling the mommy forums on certain pregnancy/baby tracker apps — although, this topic in particular might be of interest to more than just mommies, as everyone has a name, don’t we, and also I’m pretty sure that even a great many people who never intend to have children still enjoy brainstorming baby names.
Here is the problem with baby naming right now: Parents these days are way too hung up on how much they personally like or dislike a name.
Indeed, some parents even go so far as to claim “if you like the name, that’s all that matters!”
As if a name is some neutral, inconsequential little whim, just a matter of taste, that will never affect the real world or another human’s life at all.
Not only has this troubling, self-centered trend led to the rise of made-up names like Braxlynn and Hayzen and Graysynn, and made some parents think they can just mash names together to get new ones (“I wanted my daughter’s name to honor my late father Harold and my husband’s late brother Timothy — welcome to the world, Harmothy! 🥰”)¹, and convinced other parents to give their babies objectively bad names such as Lucifer or Lemon or Rifle or Gonorrhea, “because I like the way it sounds and that’s all that matters!” — it also causes a great deal of angst and heartache for new parents who worry that the name they’re chosen is “wrong” because one day they woke up and realized that they no longer liked it as much as they formerly did. And now they want to legally change their young child’s name.
Parents, take note!: How much you like a name does not matter that much.
There are certain objective factors that make a name good or bad — and your feelings are not one of these.
This trend, this fixation with personal taste being the most important thing, is, I believe, part of a larger problem: the modern-day idolization of feelings.
It’s affected the way we feel about relationships, religion… most things that matter, really. Relationships: people nowadays think “if you love the person, that’s all that matters!” when for them “love” means “to have fond feelings for/to find sexually attractive.” The second those initial warm and fuzzy feelings wane, oh no!, you have “fallen out of love,” and now it’s time to find a new relationship. This is so disordered, so different from the proper way of seeking a partner, the way people used to do in the olden days: does the match make sense? Does this person possess the qualities that will make them a good spouse? Are they able to assist me in achieving my goals in life? Attraction should of course be part of the equation too, but it’s just one of many factors, and not the most important.
It’s the same with the popular view of religion. Whichever idea of God makes you feel the nicest, that’s the one you should go with, and no one can judge you or tell you that you’re wrong! Similarly, fashion choices: “I like the way this outfit looks, so you can’t judge me 😤” when it’s an objectively terrible choice like pajama pants and a crop top and half-shaven orange hair. You have no right to say they look worse than anyone else! Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And it’s all about feelings.
Idolization of the feelings — feelings, which are fickle, fleeting, and meaningless, and completely unreliable.
When you choose a name — or a partner, or anything else more meaningful than a flavor of ice cream — based solely on how you feel about it, you’re building your house on sand.
I’m not saying that it doesn’t matter at all whether you like your kid’s name or not. Of course you want to like the name.
But that should be secondary to other factors, such as: is this a legitimate, respectable name with good history and real meaning? Will this name serve my child well throughout their life? Is it practical and sensible in the culture of which we are members? (And, if you’re Catholic like me, is this a proper Christian name?) Pick some names that fit those criteria first, then choose from among them the ones that you “like” the best.
“All names are made up anyway, Mith!” — cop-out argument, and another one of the lamest claims I see made on these baby name forums. A name that was “made up” from an existing language millennia ago, that means something good in that language, and has been used by many noble specimens of humanity throughout the ages, is objectively superior to some bullshit that you strung together last week because you “liked the way it sounded.”
“But there are so many other kids out there named Daxtyn and Reighfyll and Slayden and Harmothy and McBlaykeleigh — these kinds of names are so normal now! So how will it negatively affect my kid if I give them a made-up name?” Doing something bad is always bad and always affects you, and the world, negatively. Just because society’s standards have sunk low, doesn’t mean we should all stoop to match them. Just because everyone around us is wearing PJ pants and crop tops, doesn’t mean it’s suddenly an acceptable way to dress.
Giving your child a real, objectively meaningful Christian name will forever make them members of something bigger and greater than this sad and gross little time that we’re currently living in. Having a real name will set them apart as someone whose parents had standards, who believed in quality and goodness and truth. If your kid’s name is something like Harlotte (I’m not making this up, someone on the forum really wanted to use this!) or Jymberlee Mae or Raefarty, anyone with a brain and class and standards won’t be able to help but form a negative judgment about where they came from. They’ll just think, rightfully: “oh, wow, so, your parents thought that sounded nice.” Not to mention you won’t have a name day to celebrate or a patron saint to look after you.
Giving your kid a name just because you “like the way it sounds” is doing them a major disservice.
The child is not your pet; you’re not naming a golfish. In a spiritual sense, they don’t actually belong to you. You must remember that you are naming God’s child for Him.
“You like it and that’s all that matters” is pretty much the worst advice one can give, when it comes to naming a human — or choosing just about anything in life.
Endnotes:
1. Not that my personal feelings matter, after all, but above all other naming trends I loathe this trend. Even worse than Trashlynn or Gunner or McBryleigh or whatever, is when people mash two names together in an attempt to “honor” two separate family members. I guess we have Stephanie Meyer and “Renesmee” to blame for this trend. Ugh. Even as a teenager I cringed at that tragedeigh. Genuinely perplexed as to why grown-ass adults are still doing it.