MiTHology (4.0)

TOP 10: Unpopular Opinions on Writing

May 5th, 2025

I used to dream of being a published novelist. And, if I’m being honest, I still sometimes do.

As some of you may know, I have, in the past, tried to get my fiction published. I think I’ve tried with three, four, maybe five different novels at different points in my life (only really seriously tried with one of them, though). I’ve also submitted a little bit of short fiction to a couple of places, but the only place that ever accepted me was my university’s literary journal, because they had to, and they were short on submissions. Lol.

Maybe this is just because my fiction is not that great. I think that’s honestly pretty likely. My junk is tons of fun for me, but maybe it’s not for anyone else. Or, maybe I just never tried hard enough. I have pretty thin skin, and am all but allergic to self-promotion (see: AvPD), so, every step of the whole querying and submission process is, for me, basically like going before a firing squad, or like having the flu and being in labor at the same time, or going before a firing squad while you have the flu and are in labor. Which is to say: I hate it! I know everyone hates it, but I’m not being egotistical when I say I think I probably hate it even more than the average person.

But there’s no getting around that process. (Unless you’re already a celebrity.) So, I’ve pretty much given up on that childhood dream. Which is fine. Totally. I once saw a viral Tweet on Writer Twitter that went something like: “watching the book of my heart die in the trenches will be my villain origin story” – and damn, if that ain’t the truth. But it’s fine. I’m fine! Lol.

It’s hard out there! If you’re currently in the thick of it (“in the [querying] trenches,” as they say), God help you. During my brief forays into submitting fiction to agents, I learned that the publishing industry in 21^st century America is freaking brutal. It’s merciless. Trying to get published sucks. I definitely got a bit bitter about it, after so many ghostings and form rejections.

But, to be fair: the stuff that I love to write is not highly publishable. Maybe one day I’ll write something normal and marketable enough to be published. But, I dunno. I have some pretty unpopular opinions about fiction and prose in general, which probably make my junk nobody’s cup of tea but my own. I took a lot of writing classes in college, back in the day, and between those classroom experiences, mingling with other aspiring writers, and my attempts at getting published, I’ve encountered a lot of ideas out there that are, imo, just straight up stupid, and thereby affirmed my own sometimes-unconventional beliefs about writing:

11. Genre, and comp titles, are overrated. “What’s your genre,” everyone wants to know. And if you don’t fit tidily into one single genre, or can’t say for sure what genre you are, it’s just because you don’t read enough and don’t know the field well enough. You have to be able to compare your junk to someone else’s (someone who’s selling well right now, of course – but not too well, I mean, come on, clearly you can’t compare yourself to a bestseller, you arrogant prick, who do you think you are?). Your book should be basically be able to be described as “what if this popular book and this other popular book had a baby.” Personally, I hate genre fiction, hate the labels associated with it, and hate the constraints of genre and comp titles. But I get that they’re necessary in the industry.

10. Plot is overrated. I mean, my favorite book ever is “Infinite Jest,” which is famous for having the most unintelligible plot of all time, so clearly plot is not that big a deal for me. I love it when an author can get you sucked into a moment or a character regardless of the conventional “plot arc” or the “stakes” of the problem. I tend to also love introspective books that sit still and contemplate, like Katharine Weber’s “Still Life with Monkey.”

9. “High-concept,” plot-driven stuff is overrated. I get that that’s what sells, but it’s disappointing. To me, this obsession with things that grab you fast and just don’t let go!!! is just a symptom of a culture that’s obsessed with Netflix and TikTok. If you want to watch TV, go watch TV, but if you’re going to read a novel, be willing to have some patience, use your brain, and commit to something, am I right?

8. That being said: mystery/suspense is the hardest thing to write, and authors who do it successfully deserve the utmost respect. I know I said I resent genre and genre fiction, and that plot is overrated, and those are all true; but I do like a good mystery novel, and this is one genre that I know for a fact I could never even attempt to write. I mean, how do they do it? How do they create a whole multi-layered mystery that you can’t figure out? Just, out of their brain??! It’s fascinating to me! One of my absolute favorite writers of the last few years is Shari Lapena, who writes domestic crime thrillers. Also, Stephen King is a genius at this. The ability to create such a plot and make it suspenseful is seriously like a magic power. Not every book has to have it! But when a writer does it well, it’s sorcery.

7.Sex scenes are gross. Even if it’s not smut. I can’t stand sex scenes, even in literature. I put down “Hamnet” by Maggie O’Farrell because of a sex scene. I put down “The Fraud” by Zadie Smith because of sexual stuff. Seriously. Just. Leave. It. Out! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: be an adult; fade to black. It’s easy to do. Unless there’s some crucial detail that you cannot reveal otherwise, in which case, you can be subtle.

6. Telling, not showing, is fine. Speaking as an amateur here: the whole “show don’t tell” thing is for amateurs. If you have backstory to tell, then tell it, don’t waste the reader’s time going back in time to show it all happening! And sometimes it works to just tell your actual story! There’s a time and place for telling, don’t let anyone tell you there’s not.

5. The passive voice is great. Again, as an amateur: the advice to “never use passive” is for amateurs. There is absolutely a time and place for passive voice (just ask the Germans, they love their passive voice!). “This was given to me” has a whole different emphasis and tone than “Someone gave me this.” “The pie has been eaten” is more compelling, and has more gravitas, than “they ate the pie.” “Saint Lawrence was martyred by grilling” keeps the focus on Saint Lawrence, and is more interesting and pleasant and logical to read than just “They grilled Saint Lawrence.”

4. Adverbs are great. I once knew an aspiring writer who eschewed all adverbs as a rule. How silly! Adverbs exist for a reason. Yes, you could say “sprinted” instead of “ran quickly,” or “dragged” instead of “passed slowly,” or “devoured” instead of “ate voraciously” or “lethargic” instead of “cripplingly tired”… but sometimes an adverb makes a sentence more beautiful, or rhythmic, or adds a whole new element of metaphor to a phrase. Again with the whole TikTok mindset of “shorter = better.”

3. Descriptions are great. I love in Victorian literature when they would take paragraphs, or even pages, to describe a character’s physical appearance when introducing that character. Give me all the details about what they are wearing and what shape their nose is! I’m here for it! I also love descriptions of rooms and places. But then I got to college and took 300 level writing courses, and learned that descriptions of characters’ appearances are considered juvenile and cheesy, in serious circles nowadays. What a bummer. Bring back Victorian prose!

2. Long sentences are great. You probably know I feel this way if you read my blog. I love to try and pack as much stuff into one sentence as I can, using parentheses, dashes, semicolons, colons, and, of course, commas on commas on commas. Again, I’m a huge fan of DFW, whose sentences sometimes go on for pages. A long and well-composed sentence is a work of art!

And finally:

1. Word count constraints are dumb. If you want to get published, and you’re writing literary or mainstream fiction for adults, you’d better make sure your manuscript is precisely 80-90k words, no more, no less. (The number is bigger, but equally constraining, for certain genres like high fantasy.) And short fiction has a specific word count expectation, too. As someone who vibes with novellas, novelettes, really long short stories, and all the in-betweens, this has always frustrated me. I’d like to see the novella become popular again!
Some thoughts on the passing of Pope Francis

April 30th, 2025

I write this not as any kind of expert on the papacy, the history thereof, or of Vatican politics or personalities. In fact, I admit, I am not really interested in politics at all. AP Government was my least favorite class in high school (besides gym); it all just seemed so arbitrary. I wish I were the kind of person who was interested in politics; it seems like such a mature, socially-responsible, unselfish thing to be interested in. But, unfortunately, the topic bores me to tears. And Catholic politics are only marginally more interesting to me than regular politics. I don’t really follow the news from Vatican City, beyond reading headlines. So, this little post will be mostly about my personal thoughts and reactions, and my experiences of being Catholic during this papacy.

It’s been over a week now since Pope Francis died. I’ve been digesting the news and sort of collecting my thoughts. I feel like I wouldn’t be a proper Catholic blogger if I didn’t at least post something responding to his death. So, here we go.

I loved Pope Francis. I respected him very much; he said and did a lot of great things, and touched a lot of hearts. He was our Holy Father, the Pope that God chose for us. I was shocked and deeply saddened to learn of his death, and have been praying for him daily.

.

My initial discovery of Catholicism in 2012-2013 coincided with the end of Pope Benedict XVI’s reign and the beginning of Pope Francis’s. I was in college. I began my inquiry — attending Mass and meeting up with the campus ministry group and researching the faith — several months before the news that Benedict was retiring.

Here is a weird and silly little thing that I’ve never told anyone or even verbalized before, but may as well share with the internet, why not: I had a strange conviction, which I could not explain (it feels similar to the intuition that I get regarding the gender of my children in utero, which thus far has been correct 3/3 times), that my conversion was the direct result of Pope Benedict XVI’s prayers on behalf of sinners and unbelievers; that he was, somehow, at least partially responsible for my conversion. I still feel this way. I was a fan of his from the beginning, and, unlike some converts, never had any trouble getting on board with the concept of a hierarchy or a Supreme Pontiff, a Vicar of Christ on earth.

But, as you know if you know me or if you’ve read my little conversion story, I was very conflicted, in those early days, about some other aspects of Catholicism. I was still politically and socially quite liberal, and I didn’t feel right about joining a Church that opposed gay marriage, women priests, birth control, and abortion. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to figure this out. It was a weird time for me (for many reasons).

At some point in the midst of this turmoil, I heard the news that Pope Benedict XVI was retiring, which even I knew was unheard-of; the whole Catholic world was shook. Enter Pope Francis. It was a dramatic moment. He was so new and different. The first Jesuit Pope (I was not familiar, at the time, with all the controversy about the contemporary Jesuits), the first Latin American Pope, the first Pope to take the name Francis. Already, people seemed to be talking about him as the “liberal Pope.” Early in his papacy, he made the famous “who am I to judge?” comment, which, basically set the tone for the next twelve years.

You’d think that I, as a liberal-leaning wannabe-Catholic, ought to have been thrilled. This was the direction that I wanted the Church to go – wasn’t it? But something about it rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn’t even explain why. It felt like something was crumbling beneath me. What was there to rebel against now?

I think it was evident, even then, that I didn’t actually want a modern Church. What I wanted was a secure foundation, a tradition to belong to: belong to surely enough that I could rebel against it, for a little while, like a teenager against its parents, but eventually come home. (I never really had a rebellious phase, as a teenager; I think perhaps this confused time was the substitute that my psyche came up with, for me.) Everyone knows that what stubborn, oppositional kids need is a firm hand: they need discipline, not permissiveness; that’s what they instinctively crave. It’s the same with unruly horses. A feisty horse only trusts a handler who’s strong and firm and fearless. It’s kind of counterintuitive; you’d think such creatures would thrive on gentleness and softness, but, it’s the exact opposite. That was me: I was the green horse, the oppositional child. On some deep level, I already knew that what I needed and wanted was something solid and unyielding.

.

For the last week, it’s been seriously annoying me how everyone, especially non-religious atheists, are all over social media posting about how Pope Francis was “the best pope ever” and “just what the Church needed.” As if they’re experts on what makes a good Pope! Shouldn’t the fact that the liberal atheists love him so much, be a red flag in itself?

Yes, I loved Pope Francis. I loved seeing his photo on the wall in the vestibule in Church. He was our Holy Father, and I loved him like a member of my family. My own family of origin is not Catholic, and I don’t always agree with all of their life choices, and I love them none the less.

I don’t think Pope Francis was “the best Pope ever” or “exactly what the Church needed.” I’m no expert, but based on all the evidence I’ve seen, there are a lot of things that did not go well in the Church during his papacy. For example, Germany. It disturbed me quite a bit that Pope Francis would say mean things about Traditionalists and push further restrictions on the TLM, while turning a blind eye to the bishops in Germany, who are doing blatantly heretical things.

I know the stupid secular media likes to distort a lot of things Pope Francis said, to push their own liberal agenda. Like, he never actually, literally said that “all religions are a path to God,” nor did he approve “blessing of same-sex couples” (what he approved was blessing of each individual, which is kind of a no-brainer; literally anyone can get a blessing from any clergyman, no matter what the state of their soul). But, I did take issue with the way Pope Francis phrased some of these things. It just created more confusion. I think what we need at this time is a Pope who’s uncompromising, who leaves no room for misinterpretations.

A lot of the quotes from Pope Francis that I see these non-religious liberal fans of his posting, have nothing whatsoever to do with Christ. A lot of feel-good, warm-and-fuzzy, vaguely spiritual, “one big human family” type sound bites. I don’t know how much of that is accurate, like, how much of this the Pope actually said; and it’s certainly not true that he never spoke about Christ, of course he did!, but, I just don’t love that that’s the image that people have gotten of the Pope. Doesn’t it seem like he ought to be inseparable, in the eyes of the public, from Christianity? Surely this is largely the media’s fault. I’m not trying to make accusations. I just don’t feel right about where things are at, with this papacy.

I also am not entirely comfortable with the whole liberation theology philosophy that he pushed, which basically turns the Church into one big charity organization, and gives the impression that the way to save your soul is by being nice to others and giving money to charity. That is not what the Church teaches. We are not saved by doing good stuff. If our soul is in order and our priorities are straight, then good works will, without fail, arise naturally from that; which is why “faith without works is dead.” But it doesn’t go the other way. The Church is not a social justice organization. Its mission is Christ’s mission, i.e.: to save souls. You don’t save your soul just by doing charity work. If you read even a little bit of the Gospel or the great saints’ writings, this is painfully evident.

This liberation theology thing trickles down from Rome to individual parishes around the world. Which explains why I always so lost and misplaced in the NO churches that I belonged to.

I’m not built for missionary work, marches, or volunteering on the streets. I’m an INTJ/ILI with AvPD. I’m still figuring out how to best serve God and the world in my life, but I know for sure, after many, many awkward failed attempts to “push myself out of my comfort zone,” that ministry work, committees, and “being active in the community” are not my calling. For someone like me, there’s no place in the modern Church. Someone like me will always feel like they simply cannot belong or fit in, in a Church that teaches liberation theology. It wasn’t until I found the SSPX, where real Catholicism is taught, that I understood all of this about myself and the Church.

Why would a Pope eschew the beautiful, perfect Catholic Tradition, which is the actual essence of Catholicism itself? It’s confusing, to me. Confusion, that’s the thing. I feel like this papacy was marked by confusion. I’m grateful that I found a safe haven of sanity in the SSPX.

The Society has the most commonsense approach to all this. Of course Pope Francis is our Pope. Sedevacantism is silly. Vatican II was a valid council. But it’s also true that, since Vatican II, Rome has veered away from Tradition, which is a problem. Thus, the SSPX recognizes the authority and legitimacy of the Pope while also continuing to teach the faith in its entirety, because someone’s gotta do it.

So yes, I loved Pope Francis. One of my favorite things about him was that he addressed climate change head-on. I know the whole question of climate change is up for debate, in the Traditional community; lots of people aren’t even sure that it’s real, or firmly believe it’s a hoax. But I feel like there’s enough evidence for it (including the simple fact I’ve observed myself, over my 35 years of life, that fall and winter are getting warmer and less snowy, and summer is getting longer and hotter) that we ought to do something about it. And by “we,” I mean humanity in general: specifically big corporations, the food industry, the air travel industry. Little people like you and me, there’s really not much we can do, and tbh I’m sick of being shat on from all angles for not doing enough when even my very best efforts are not even a drop in the bucket compared to the steps that need to be taken by these huge organizations; but, what else is new. But that’s a rant for another day, lol.

And I loved that he was so compassionate. He was nothing if not compassionate and loving; in so many ways, he was really Christlike. I was sad when he got sick. I helped my young daughter mail him a get well soon card, and we pray for him all the time.

But no, I don’t think he was the best Pope ever. And I sincerely hope and pray that our next Pope is someone friendlier to Catholic Tradition.

.

It’s scary to think about dying. About going before the judgment seat of Christ. Even more so for a priest, let alone a Bishop or the Pope himself! With that much responsibility for souls, the judgment will be so much stricter. I read somewhere once that “the road into hell is paved with the skulls of bishops.” It’s a sobering thought. I’m not pretending to be any expert, like I said, but I do think it’s super important that we all pray for our deceased Pope. Pope Francis himself once said that he likes to think of hell as empty. It’s a nice thought, and I sure hope he’s right, but unfortunately there’s a lot of evidence to the contrary.

The Church is really divided and confused right now, and it’s sad. I hope that, in praying for Pope Francis and his successor, we Catholics can find unity. Hopefully the next Pope will help us work towards that.
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 8: Mith Reacts

April 30th, 2025

Spoilers ahead for this episode of SBC!

This episode made me sad.

First of all, the Preheat was a team challenge, which, as you know, I always kind of hate. Not because teams aren’t fun to watch, but because, no matter how long it’s been since I finished school, I will never fail to get a painful full-body cringe and wave of nausea each time I hear someone utter the phrase “you’ll be paired up into teams.” Ugh! I always feel especially bad for those who don’t seem to click with their teammates.

Like Paul and Priya. I like them both independently, but they were hardly a match made in heaven. – Although, I didn’t think Corey and Mary-Frances would click, either, but they absolutely wiped the floor with the competition! These two were the stars of this episode, for sure. Corey broke out his grandma’s peach cobbler recipe and his Bob Ross painting skills, and nailed it in both flavor and décor. (Invoking the power of the Dead Grandparent!) And, Mary-Frances seems to be here to stay! She really brought out her big guns midseason!

Lisa and Raveena seemed like great teammates, anyone could see that they get along swimmingly; but, I guess their napoleon wasn’t as successful as we would have hoped for, from such strong competitors. Their pastry was “bendy inside,” according to Duff. (Also, Lisa claimed that the west coast is the superior US coast, which, I’m sorry, is just false. :D)

But Paul and Priya! Yikes! Their Preheat dessert – that might have been the single worst judging I’ve seen this season, perhaps this whole show. Too harsh! Not a single kind word from any one of the judges. It was basically “you suck, you also suck, this sucks, this really sucks, hate it. Okay, thanks so much!” Ouch. This whole first challenge was a major cringe. It made me so sad.

The Main Heat wasn’t much better. Freaking lemongrass?! Again with the stupid twists! I support the idea of a twist, but can we stop making it flavors that completely screw up everyone’s dessert on purpose? There is simply no way to make coffee and lemon taste good together!! In fact, the only contestant whose dessert flavors actually could have worked with lemongrass was Priya (triple citrus, pineapple, macadamia) – but her cake was dry and didn’t have enough citrus flavor!

I was excited to hear that they were going to be judged blind for the Main Heat. That seemed like a good move! But, as it turned out, it seemed to just make the judges harsher! Did anyone else notice that? It was like, because they weren’t critiquing to a baker’s face, they just straight up talked all the shit that they would otherwise try to temper with a bit of kindness. And we, the viewers, had to watch the poor contestants suffer while they watched the judging from another room. It hurt! Especially Paul!

Poor Paul. As I’ve said before, I really feel like the language thing is causing problems, for Paul. I feel so bad for him. Although he’s impressively fluent in it, English is not his first language, so I imagine it’s harder for him to process verbal instructions in English, especially under pressure. “Blitz puff?” He’s a French pastry chef, he probably never makes that! “Tabletop cake vs. sheet cake” is another subtle distinction that I wouldn’t expect a non-native speaker to know.

For the first time this season, I disagree with both the winner and the loser here. Lisa was great, too, obviously, she always is, and her “wood grain” piping on the sides of that cake was genius; but, I really thought Mary-Frances had a better judging, am I right? Maybe this was just the way they edited the judge’s comments for TV, though. The editing really made it seem like the judges were happier with Mary-Frances. And I was kind of looking forward to seeing her win again. Because Mary-Frances worked an absolute miracle and, God knows how, made the lemongrass twist work! In a freaking chocolate hazelnut praline cake! How on earth?! I don’t know, but the judges liked it! That alone deserved the win, IMO. And they’d said that Lisa overdid it on the lemongrass, right? Lisa’s extremely good, but I kind of thought Mary-Frances was more impressive here!

And I’m so disappointed that this whole episode seemed to screw Paul over. He deserved better. Priya’s cake wasn’t even finished! Shouldn’t that have sent her home instead?!

One last thing that annoys me that I saw some of in this episode: when contestants say that they want to win “for my kid” or “to show their kids that x y z” (that you can do anything you set your mind to, that you can overcome challenges; etc.). That makes it sound like, if they go home before the final, they’re teaching their kids that you can’t do anything you put your mind to, and you can’t overcome obstacles! That their kids will be disappointed in them and they will have failed as a parent! As a parent myself, this always tweaks me a little. I’m not hating on any contestant who says this on camera. I’m sure they’re under a lot of pressure to say something TV-friendly – I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re even being asked, “What do you want you kids to learn from you in this competition?” If I were asked that, I’d probably give the same answer! I wish the show would stop making it sound like a baker’s success as a parent depends on them winning the championship.

High point: When Jesse announced, after the Main Heat baking time was up, that he had another surprise for the contestants, and Corey just goes: “WHAT.” in that absolutely exasperated, ‘don’t f*ck with me anymore, I’m at my limit here’ voice. I felt that in my soul! That was my reaction to this whole episode, too.

Low point: Priya fighting with Paul in the preheat over that stupid blitz puff pastry. I couldn’t even look, that was so painful. I understand she was stressed, and I could tell she was trying to be polite even while she was yelling at him, but this was just a really terrible interaction to watch.

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Corey’s tabletop cake! Normally I’d go for chocolatey cakes, of which there were two this challenge, but, this one sounded really special: almond cake with cream cheese mousse, almond crunch, and mixed macerated berries (a nod to the “woodland path” theme, brilliant) – plus, those decorations were beautiful. And I think this is one case where lemongrass could actually kind of work.

My official prediction for who will go home next: This is tough. It kills me to say it, but I think either Priya or Mary-Frances. In the final we’ll have Corey, Raveena, and Lisa, with Lisa being the winner. I’ve been saying it since day one; I’ll be really surprised if Lisa doesn’t win!

.
Why Would You Say That?

April 23rd, 2025

Why would you comment on a complete stranger’s food choices?

This is a pet peeve of mine. I guess it’s a layover from my eating disorder days. I’m really self-conscious about food and eating. As you may know if you read this blog, I don’t like to be seen or touched while eating, or asked about my food, even by my close family members; I even feel self-conscious about the cashier handling and checking out my groceries at the grocery store. Everything feels like a criticism, and every word and glance seems to me to be a very-thinly-veiled “you’re fat.”

In fact, I have a long history of overreacting, sometimes disastrously, to remarks about food. One time, when I was a senior in high school and in the early days of recovery from a severe restriction phase, working on gaining weight, this got me in some of the most mortifying trouble of my life. Story time!

The nutritionist that I was working with had prescribed me a snack every 2-3 hours, and I was following this plan diligently, even when I was at my part-time job as a cashier at a grocery store. Eating so often tended to upset my stomach, which was not used to normal quantities of food, so, I’d also munch on strips of crystallized ginger to settle my stomach, often while standing at the cash register, in between customers. Well, one time, a lady who was a regular customer came up to my register, and, seeing me wrapping up a snack and setting it discreetly away on the shelf under my register, responded to my friendly hi, how are you with an annoyed, even accusatory: “You’re always eating!!!”

Which, as you can imagine, absolutely got under my skin, as someone recovering physically but mentally still very sick with an ED. What my brain heard, when she said that, was: “who the hell do you think you are, you fat fucking loser? You’re sickening to even look at! Look at your fat face chewing! Your jowls all ajiggle! You seriously think your stupid loser ass deserves to just eat snacks all the time? You giant fucking fatass? You think you deserve to take up space on earth?? Go die in a hole, you disgusting waste of oxygen!”

Thems was fighting words, for sure. But did I lash out at her? Nope. Did I do anything at all? Nope. Instead, my whiny pathetic ass just politely chuckled, rang up her groceries, then went out to my car and phoned the Rant Line: a now-defunct (I wonder why, lol) phone line in the local weekly free newspaper, which people could call and scream into a voicemail box about things around town that pissed them off, such as idiots in traffic or off-leash dogs at the park or whatever, and the juiciest Rants would then be printed in the back page of this paper each week.

Well, I pretty obviously named the grocery store I worked at (which was an established and well-respected boutique store, not a chain); so, even though the newspaper blanked out all but the first letter of each word in the name, it was extremely obvious to any local person which store I was talking about. And, without naming her, but still managing to be pretty specific, I ranted pretty furiously at this customer (who, btw, spent a ton of money at this store on the regular), calling her some pretty hateful names, if I remember correctly. (If this lady ever happens to see this blog post: I’m sorry, I take it all back.)

Well, the day after the newspaper printed, I went into work, oblivious, unsuspecting, smiling and waving at my coworkers, and was met with a complete kerfluffle. The week’s Rant was the talk of the store. Everyone was in shock! “Have you seen it?!” “OMG, do you know who did it?!” “Whoever it was is gonna get so fired!” Worst of all, “[Store manager’s name] is so mad!”

Words cannot describe the sheer terror and humiliation and misery that I experienced that day, lol. Obviously I was at fault, there. I should have known better. I don’t know what I was expecting, or why I thought it would be okay to leave such an obvious and specific Rant about this lady. I guess I was just blind with rage, lol.

I somehow survived that four-hour shift, but have no memory of how. I was physically ill, shaking, sick to my stomach. Not even for fear of losing the job. I just hate getting in trouble, hate other people knowing that I have this ugly side. That night, I confessed to my supervisor and manager in the office, and they kindly seemed to understand, and did not fire me, but said that I was a good employee otherwise so I was allowed to stay as long as I didn’t do that again.

Yes, I was at fault, completely; but still: “you’re always eating”? Why would you say something like that to someone?

Anyway, that was one of the first times this oversensitivity led to disaster in my life. The next time that I can remember, it was less mortifying – actually pretty funny, in retrospect.

I was a freshman in college, and well into what I now refer to as my “revenge fat” phase, by that point. I had gained a lot of weight in recovery with that nutritionist I mentioned (whose methods, I think, were questionable, but that’s another story). Now, I was away at college and had lost touch with her, but was still fat, and doing my best to cope with this fatness by trying to convince myself that I was okay with it, which I very much was not. I was pretty much the chubbiest girl on campus (this was a campus full of skinny rich kids), which did not help with the feelings of alienation that I was already experiencing as one of the only weird/alt kids, and one of the only poor kids, and one of the only non-“Greek” kids, at that school. So, I’d often bury my feelings in food. I’d go to the dining hall alone with a book or a crossword and get these massive, heaping bowls of breakfast cereal. One time, I was carrying my tray, laden with my bowl that was absolutely overflowing with granola and Cracklin’ Oat Bran and all manner of delicious breakfasty carbs, when one of the dining hall employees walked by me going the opposite direction, and commented casually: “That’s a lot of cereal.”

Which, it absolutely was! But, being me, I dissolved into an absolute crisis over this, lol. In fact, it was one of the events that triggered my subsequent descent into another long, intense restricting/purging phase and the loss of about half my body weight.

Yes, it was a lot of cereal! And by this point you may be thinking that I’m simply crazy (which is not untrue). But still: honestly: why would you say that to someone you don’t know? Seriously, why would you think that’s an okay thing to do? And what’s even the point?

.

Those two events were, respectively, seventeen and fifteen years ago. I like to think that I’ve matured somewhat since then, and developed a little bit of a thicker skin. I still don’t like to be seen eating, or asked about what I’m eating – but, if it’s someone I know and love, I’ll just bristle a bit and quickly get over it.

But just the other day, at a local grocery store, I had an encounter that kind of dredged some of these old thoughts and feelings up again.

I was with my three-year-old daughter, buying bananas. We had just quickly run into the store for bananas, while my other daughter was at ballet class and my son was home with his dad; we were out of bananas, which is a food that we go through a lot of, because they are cheap and healthy and everyone in the family likes them. Because there are five of us (plus the one currently in my belly), and we go through so many, I was like: hmm, better grab a few extra bananas. I chose one bunch that had five bananas, then a second, smaller bunch that had three. Because I was only shopping for bananas, and nothing else, I didn’t have a basket, but just carried the bananas in my folded arm while holding my daughter’s hand with my other hand. And as I was standing there in the produce section with my daughter, holding exactly eight bananas, some random lady walks by us in a hurry and goes: “You must really like bananas!”

Um… excuse me? Yeah? So what? Why do you feel the need to point that out? I don’t even know you, and we’re both busy, like, you’re not even a cashier here or anything, like, you have nothing to do with me or my eight bananas; why would you think that’s necessary to say, or even worth the energy that it would take to open your mouth and expel the oxygen and flap your little tongue to utter those words? To a complete stranger? How is it going to serve you, or me, or anyone?! Are you high?! I mean, if I’d had a cart full of like 30+ bananas, then I’d kind of understand. But this? “You must really like bananas”?! I just don’t understand it!

Why would you say that?! Yes, I am a weird person, but my own reactions aside: why would any of these people say any of these things?! Truly, truly, I cannot begin to understand what it must be like to possess the sort of brain that thinks you should just comment on a stranger’s food.

Can anyone out there enlighten me? Perhaps someone reading this is the sort of person who says such things to people. Please! I beseech thee: I’d love to understand your rationale. What goes through your head, when you comment on a complete stranger’s food choices? Do you think you are helping them in some way? Are you trying to be friendly? Do you just have literally zero control over what words come out of your mouth as you’re moving around in the world? I’m genuinely, sincerely curious.

I didn’t say anything, to the banana lady. I just kind of chuckled in shock, as I typically do when a stranger says anything to me. I wasn’t even that triggered or offended –even if the Rant Line still existed, I wouldn’t have called it – I mean, bananas are a pretty benign thing to like, aren’t they? It would have been a totally different thing, if she’d said “you must really like chocolate pudding,” or something. But bananas? It was honestly just so weird and strange, is all.

Maybe it’s that I live in the South, where people seem to like to make small talk with strangers, and assume we’re all, like, “neighborly” or whatever. Maybe, with my AvPD, I should move to NYC or Boston or some other big city, where people will just ignore me and leave me the heck alone. Although, I probably wouldn’t thrive in such a cutthroat, fast-paced environment like that, either, haha. I’m just not cut out for human society, it’s true.

But, as I keep saying: even if I didn’t have a weird, baggage-laden reaction to comments about food – even then, why is it something worth commenting on? I just don’t understand. I can kind of understand commenting on a stranger’s clothes or hair, especially if it really merits comment – like, “oh, wow, your hair is so pretty” or “wow, your hair’s really purple” or “I love that dress” or “where did you get that shirt?”, those are all fine.

I can even kind of understand a snide remark about someone’s appearance, if they seem to be asking for it. Like, that stuffy older gentleman who, walking by, sarcastically told me and my high school BFF “wow, you two just look great” when we were parading around in public in broad daylight in fishnets and miniskirts and crop tops, just for kicks. We were definitely asking for it. Or, the random kid at college who asked me, at my work study job, while I was ringing up his bagel sandwich: “what, did you lose a fight with a stapler?” because I had a pierced eyebrow (and was one of the only people, maybe the only person, on that campus with visible non-ear piercings). Or when strangers comment on my tattoos, to this day, even though I hate that. In all of these cases, I was/am asking for it, by dressing in a way that deserves to be made fun of. Social norms exist for a reason. If you can’t handle getting made fun of, then don’t dress weird.

So I can understand these types of comments from strangers. But I cannot, for the life of me, understand commenting on a total stranger’s food. What purpose does it serve? It’s not social. It’s not going to help anyone. It’s just completely random. Do some people really not filter their thoughts at all? Is it just me, or is this completely unhinged psychopath behavior? Can someone enlighten me? Please! Broaden my perspective here. I would love to understand.

Don’t people stop to think, in this woke day and age when we have “awareness” of every condition under the sun, that food can be a sensitive subject for some people? And even if not, even if they’re completely ignorant about food intolerances or neurodiversity or eating disorders: why? Why, what is the point? Or, are you fully aware and you’re just trying to start beef? What are you trying to accomplish?

In conclusion: I’ll ask one last time: why?? Why, why, why would you comment on a complete stranger’s food? Seriously – why would you? This is truly more mystifying to me than the meaning of life, than the width and breadth of outer space. Someone, please! Please, if you can, explain. Why, just why, would you comment on a complete stranger’s food?
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 7: Mith Reacts

April 23rd, 2025

Spoilers ahead for this episode of SBC, as well as small spoilers for GBBO series 13!

Episode seven had some really tough challenges. A swiss roll cake with an imprime design, followed by a macaron cake using a garden-fresh flavor, with a surprise Fresno chili twist? Yikes, I did not envy the bakers this episode! Well, except Corey. The pressure was almost completely off, for him, since he had that immunity card that expired today and it would have been dumb not to use it just in case.

While the challenges were really entertaining and exciting to watch, I admit that I was not super excited about the featured flavors this episode. Citrus in the Preheat: meh, not my thing; followed by garden vegetables and hot peppers in the Main Heat: weird! Not for me. It certainly tested the competitors’ limits, though! Some of these treats were gorgeous. I had a lot of feelings about the bottom two and the elimination.

We’re down to so few contestants now that, for this post, I figured I’d just go through and give my thoughts on each baker’s dessert in each challenge!

Preheat: Magical Forest Roll Cake with Imprime. I know I said the whole “little shop of magic” is cheesy an obnoxious, but I actually loved the enchanted forest theme this episode.

Raveena: Tangerine-Vanilla “Troll” cake. Really clever, and her decoration looked phenomenal, but unfortunately the cake got kind of smushed – “like a troll sat on it.”

Priya: Pink Grapefruit “Unicorn” cake. What a great combination of flavor and creature! Her design was impeccable, but apparently the grapefruit flavor got lost among the other adventurous flavors that she used (lavender, black pepper, and coconut, which honestly sounds awesome).

Lisa: Key Lime-Coconut “Fairy” cake. I’m so glad that Lisa got “fairy” for her magical critter! A match made in heaven. She absolutely nailed this whole challenge. It was really sweet how she dedicated it to her little daughter, too. 100% deserved the win this challenge.

Kari: Kumquat-Vanilla “Leprechaun” cake. I wish this had worked out. She has experience with kumquat, so she easily could have nailed this; but, it seemed like she overmixed her batter, and the whole “roll” element of the roll cake just didn’t really happen. Plus, her marmalade filling needed a cream to go with it. I was so disappointed for her.

Corey: Meyer Lemon “Tree Spirit” cake. That lemon ricotta cream sounds delicious! And the design was gorgeous. Corey always demonstrates a real artistic flair in his desserts.

Mary-Frances: Cara Cara Orange “Gnome” cake. She actually chose to use matcha for her cake, and filled it with a cara cara curd. And apparently she did really well! I guess I stand corrected about matcha a few episodes ago, lol.

Paul: Blood Orange “Mushroom” cake. This sounded delicious, with that cream cheese filling and gelee combination, but, I agree with the judges that he really didn’t meet the brief. I felt bad for Paul; I wonder if, with English being his second language, it’s harder for him to process verbal instructions under pressure. He forgot to do the imprime – devastating. The end result looked pretty amazing, though.

Main Heat: Tiered Garden-Fresh Macaron Cake with Fresno Chili Twist. Corey said, “when I hear macaron, I hear ‘danger,’” lol, and he’s not wrong. Personally, I’d never even attempt to make these fussy little sandwich cookies at home. Also, ugh, the chili twist totally ruined this. I love and hate the “twists” on this show. They sure add an element of excitement, but, they also totally ruin the beautiful flavor combinations that the bakers have already come up with!

Priya – Ginger: Ginger-Pear Chai Macaron Cake. “It looked like you were driving somewhere with it in a car and went around a sharp turn!” Ouch. It was definitely listing, though. The judges also said they couldn’t taste all the flavors.

Corey – Fennel: Pistachio Macaron with Grapefruit and Candied Fennel Jam. Adventurous, as usual, which I appreciate, but honestly this flavor combo does not personally appeal to me, and aesthetically it looked like kind of a mess, didn’t it? Luckily he was immune this week, so it’s whatever!

Kari – Rhubarb: Rhubarb-Blackberry Macaron Cake. Her design looked so beautiful! Those blackberries looked luscious! I so wanted this to be a success. But sadly, it seems she overmixed her batter yet again this challenge – not once, but twice – and her macarons didn’t have the required “foot.” She really had an off day. I was crushed that she went home, but, it was a fair decision.

Raveena – Tomato: Tomato and Fig Macaron Cake with Fig Cheesecake Filling. Wow, this was immaculate! Who would have thought that tomato could make a delicious dessert?! Apparently it tasted like a dessert version of a caprese salad, with the basil and cheese, which sounds absolutely genius! But, it was way too spicy, because Raveena apparently loves spice and went a little overboard with the fresno chili! So, I don’t think I’d like to try it after all, lol.

Lisa – Zucchini: Caramelized Zucchini and Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Macaron. This sounded like one of the best flavor combinations! I mean, zucchini doesn’t have much of a flavor at all, just a nice texture, which is really delicious in baked goods, so, this was basically a chocolate chip cheesecake themed dessert (until they made her add the stupid chili pepper, ugh – Lisa herself said she’s “a baby when it comes to spice,” which I completely am, too, so I was really seeing eye to eye with her on this recipe). But, I guess the execution wasn’t up to her usual standard. I could not believe she ended up in the bottom two! I’ve been saying it since day one: I really think she’s going to win the whole thing. I guess all the other Main Heat desserts this week were so good that she unfortunately was among the last in a really good bunch.

Mary-Frances – Corn: Maja Blanca Macaron Cake with coconut, corn mousseline, and white chocolate ganache. This sounded and looked phenomenal! I’m a typical American, I love sweet corn treats. One of my own Southern family’s favorite recipes is corn pudding, a sweet-savory, fluffy baked side dish casserole that we always serve at holidays. It’s a very nostalgic flavor. I feel similarly about cornbread as a side dish. So, when I see corn-flavored sweets on these shows, I’m always here for it. Duff said that “the chili got lost” in the white chocolate ganache – which, frankly, good!! Mary-Frances really pulled it out of the bag with the maja blanca flavor! That was genius! I guess this is a traditional dessert from her culture? By the way, do you remember Syabira from GBBO 2022? She was Malaysian, not Filipina, but she also baked an amazing sounding corn cake in one of the later episodes! This reminded me a little of that.

Paul – Avocado: Green Macaron with Sweet Guacamole Pastry Cream Filling. He really made this work! The judges said that the avocado came through in every way. I was so proud of Paul!

My high point: Mary-Frances finally getting a win! She hasn’t gotten one yet, but today she played to her strengths and absolutely deserved that win.

My low point: I had a few. That stupid Fresno chili twist. Poor Kari going home; she had a bad day, which can happen to the best of them. Also, Lisa kept saying “macaroon” instead of “macaron,” ugh, my ears! It’s like nails on a chalkboard. A macaroon is a completely different cookie from a macaron! Come on now, Lisa, you’re like the best baker on this show, I know you know better, lol.

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Obviously Mary-Frances’s maja blanca macaron cake! Coconut, corn, and white chocolate sounds delectable; sheer brilliance.

My official prediction for who will go home next: Sadly, I’m guessing the order of elimination from here on out will be: Paul (they just keep picking on him! He’s so good, perhaps too good for this show, but, the judges seem to come down really hard on him every episode), Corey (like Julian, he seems slightly over-ambitious at times, and I worry that might come back to bite him like in the Main Heat today); Mary-Frances (unless she keeps on surprising us like she did today – who knows!); and the final three will be: Priya, Raveena, and Lisa, with Lisa being the winner.

.
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 6: Mith Reacts

April 16th, 2025

Obviously, SPOILERS AHEAD for this episode of SBC!

It’s really getting real! We’re in the thick of it now. When they start sending home the people that you thought were really, really good, that’s when it starts to feel intense.

But before we get to the intense stuff, I wanted to touch briefly on one thing that I always find kind of annoying and delightful at the same time. It’s that stupid little intro portion, before Jesse walks out, where they have all the contestants stand there and wait and make little comments about this and that. It’s just so freaking cheesy and staged! When I first started watching this show, I always cringed and rolled my eyes, like: come on, don’t make them do this. But, the more I watch it, the more I’ve come to embrace this stupid moment as part of the ritual. Kind of like those unbearably cheesy, un-funny skits that the hosts of GBBO perform at the beginning of each episode. Those are so bad that it actually goes full circle and becomes funny again. That’s kind of how I feel about the Baking Championship intro scene.

Speaking of cheesy. I really don’t care for the little themes they choose for each season. “Little shop of spring magic?” Ugh, please. It’s so corny. But, I get that they have to do it, and that it adds a little something to each season. At least Jesse really manages to sell it.

But, on a positive note, I thought the stylists did an exceptional job dressing Nancy this episode. Sometimes her styles are wacky but this week’s was really elegant. The color of her top really matched her eye color and brought out her eyes, which, I’ve never noticed before, seem to be a really pretty and different shade of greenish brown. I absolutely love brown eyes, especially the unique, lighter shades of brown; everyone in my family has blue or green eyes, so brown eyes are so fascinating and enchanting to me!

On to the actual bakes! The challenges were both excellent again this episode. As a scented candle addict, I definitely cheered when they announced the Preheat. And, I always really enjoy the team format that they did in the Main Heat this week. And who knew that there was such an “age-old feud” between lemon meringue pie and carrot cake? Not I, lol. What did you all think of the Main Heat?

Despite the judge’s decision, I think the star of this week was Kari. “This is my episode to win,” she said, right before winning the Preheat with that stunning little clementine olive oil cake. With her prize of the “Gift to Assign Desserts,” she got to choose the teams for the Main Heat, and decide whom she was going up against. Although, this ended up kind of biting her in the butt, sadly. I had high hopes.

On that note, Mary-Frances was another one of the most interesting ones to watch this week! Mary-Frances vs. the lemon has been kind of a saga this season so far. Her wild strawberry religieuse in the Preheat should have been incredible, but once again she went overboard on the tartness. Then, Kari chose her as her opponent in the Main Heat – which, basically, is like saying “I think you’ll be the easiest one to defeat,” haha, and Mary-Frances pretty much confirmed that herself, saying that she feels like one of the weaker competitors, while Kari is one of the stronger. But then, in the Main Heat, Mary-Frances was assigned lemon meringue opera cake – and she nailed it! She seemed totally aware that she had nailed it, too. When Nancy praised her flavors, she looked completely unsurprised. I feel like she was out for blood in this challenge, lol.

Also this week: Paul. I thought he really shone in both challenges. What an inspired little dessert that was that he made in the Preheat – the “berry patch” financier! Forest berries is such a beautiful European flavor, and the way he combined it with a juniper caramel “votive” was so clever. It looked immaculate. I would have loved to taste that. And then, in the Main Heat, Kari did really well choosing him for her team ans assigning him the quintessentially French Paris-Brest. Wise move, Kari. This might have been one of Paul’s best desserts yet! He really went above and beyond, with that little extra surprise in the filling. And I love how he decorated it; it was so tasteful, how those simple little pink and yellow flowers made that carrot orange color look so springy. The judges said it really tasted of carrot. That’s another one that I would have liked to try.

Corey didn’t do as well as I’d hoped this episode. He’s pretty much the reigning champion, at this point: as Jesse pointed out, going into this week Corey was the only one who had three victories under his belt. But then, in the Preheat, his pineapple basil mojito trifle didn’t have quite enough sugar, and in the Main Heat, his lemon meringue tiramisu was too sour. Nancy’s face! I couldn’t tell if she was going to yell at him, or do symphony fingers. Sadly, it was the former. But then, he ended up winning anyway.

Which brings me to one of the most interesting moments of this episode: the battle of the tiramisus, Priya vs. Corey, in the Main Heat. Priya’s carrot cake tiramisu tasted better, but Corey’s better fit the bill for a tiramisu. The judges were faced with a dilemma: what should win, the better dessert, or the one that met the challenge? I was caught in a philosophical conundrum right there with them! Such suspense! In the end, I think they made the right call, in this situation. The contestants have to do what they’re assigned, or the judging won’t be fair. But, would this be true even if Priya’s had been the most delicious thing they’d ever tasted, but was totally not a tiramisu, structurally, and Corey’s had been a dumpster fire, flavor-wise? Like, if Corey had straight up replaced the sugar with salt, or had done some wacky flavor combination like anchovy and licorice, and it was just vile, but still fit the bill, technically, for a tiramisu – would he still have deserved to win? I’m conflicted. What do you all think?

Sadly, Julian didn’t live up to his usual standard this episode. He’s been so impressive to watch, with his big ideas and cool sugar work, but this week I’m afraid the judges made the right call sending him home. I’m so disappointed. As soon as he said in the Preheat that he didn’t see a need to decorate his pear and champagne upside down cake at all, I knew he was going to get dinged. And then, in the Main Heat, watching him scrape out that underbaked pate a choux just made me groan (and it was still underbaked, even after all that). Poor Julian! He had a bad week, but he is an awesome baker.

High point: Paul finally getting the unqualified praise that he deserved in the Main Heat! He killed it.

Low point: Kari’s bad luck. First when she melted her plastic container with the hot thyme oil in the Preheat (“cheese and rice!!” lol), then when she was bested by Mary-Frances in the Main Heat, by a nose.

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: It would have been Raveena’s cherry-almond mini cakes in the preheat – I love cherry almond, that’s one of the best flavor combos out there – but, she made them all boozy with the amaretto, so, hard pass from me. Got to go with Kari’s carrot opera cake. I know the judges said that it tasted more coconutty than carroty, but honestly that kinda sounds like a good thing to me?? Plus, it looked phenomenal: both rustic and elegant, with those little candied carrot curls on top: truly, a carrot cake morphed into an opera cake! I’m cheering for you, Kari.

.
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 5: Mith Reacts

April 9th, 2025

SPOILERS AHEAD for this episode of Spring Baking Championship, as well as season eight of the same show!

First of all, I haven’t done this yet this season: let’s just take a moment to appreciate Jesse Palmer. Not that he was any more outstanding than usual this episode – he’s always outstanding – this week it just struck me, yet again, what a gift he has for hosting TV. He’s so gracious and charming: great at being cheesy and playfully-teasing, but equally great at being sincere and heartfelt. He shares just enough about himself, at just the right moments, to be interesting and relevant, but never overshares about his own life – he lets the spotlight shine on the contestants. (For example, I had no idea he got married and became a dad in the last few years! Congrats to him!) This week, when they did that little “magic fountain of youth” stunt in the intro where Jesse was replaced by a little boy dressed in the same clothes, I got curious about whether that might actually be his kid or something (it’s not), so I Googled him. Did you know his dad was a professional athlete and his mom was a model and founder of a major modeling agency? And his brothers are also celebrities? Apparently, all through school (which, btw, apparently he went to a Catholic high school, named for the great St. Pius X), he received all kinds of awards and accolades for his talent and character. Wow, what a family of beautiful over-achievers! He seems to be a prime example of what my husband and I call a “G.P.,” i.e. a Good Person with capital G and P. You know the kind of person I mean? A special specimen, a type who just radiates positivity and warmth and wholesomeness, always does the right thing, gets along with everyone, even the awkward weirdos, and makes you feel better just by being around. They are humble, go out of their way to help, and always make you feel like you’re their special best friend, the most interesting person in the world. I’ve only known maybe six such people IRL in my thirty-five years. I just adore Jesse as a host. I hope they keep him on forever.

Anyway, back to this week’s episode. I loved the Preheat challenge. I always like it when they ask the contestants to create a dessert that’s somehow personal to them or tells a story about their life, so, “elevated versions of favorite childhood desserts” was really fun to watch. Most noteworthy for me in this challenge was Paul’s apple tart. Not only because it looked spectacular, like a rose medallion all made of gold, but because it reminded me so much of Romy from a few seasons ago, whose final dessert on this show was also a nostalgic French apple tart from his childhood! And what an epic moment for the show that was! Romy really poured his heart and soul into that beautiful tart, getting emotional for the first time on the whole show, and it looked like a masterpiece; but the judges gave it just a so-so critique, which I thought was wildly unfair, and then because of that Romy had to enter that silly sprinkles face-off, which, yikes, we all know how that ended up. (If it helps to know, I follow him on IG, and he appears to be thriving these days – he finally opened his dream vegan patisserie in LA, and it looks awesome!) So, for me, there was a lot riding on Paul’s apple tart. I really wanted it to get glowing reviews. But Nancy said that the apples were slightly undercooked – which, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t they say the same thing to Romy?! Could it be that the French just prefer a bit more bite to their apples than we Americans, who are so proud of our goopy, slimy, mushy-sweet apple pies? As I’ve said before, I really think the judges come down too hard on these French chefs. I also felt bad for Paul in the Main Heat. Cakes are not a French thing. True, I guess it would have been wise for him to practice his cake skills before appearing on this show, as surely he knew he’d be expected to produce a few of them. But, a top-forward cake – that’s a big ask for someone for whom even regular cakes are not a part of his repertoire.

Back to the Preheat, though: Corey absolutely deserved this victory. That grasshopper cake was stunning! What a work of art. And the judges’ reactions were the best yet. Way to go, Corey – I’m starting to think that he will make it to the finale!

And, one more thing about the Preheat: one thing has been really bugging me!: Kari drenched her tres leches cake in brandy?! But, isn’t she seven years clean and sober?! Why is she cooking with brandy?? I guess some sober people are okay with cooking with booze, but, in my own personal experience in AA, it’s not something that people who are serious about their sobriety ever do. I’ve heard of people having whole meltdowns about the status of their sobriety because they accidentally bit into a booze-filled chocolate truffle. Myself, I never cook with alcohol of any sort; I don’t even like cooking with red or white wine vinegar, because of the smell, and I only keep imitation vanilla extract in the house, never real. I was floored that Kari would make such an alcohol-forward dessert. Did she taste test it? Didn’t the smells bother her? I guess everyone manages their sobriety differently, but, dang. At least it paid off! If Corey hadn’t produced such an unbelievable work of art, Kari would surely have won this challenge.

But so now Corey has an immunity card, and, after this Main Heat, Julian no longer does (even though, apparently, he ought to have saved it for a different episode, because his cake was one of the best!). But, my husband and I were both wondering: what would have happened if both Corey and Julian had used their immunity cards in this same Main Heat? – Well, I guess if they had both used their cards, and they had both sucked enough to deserve to be in the bottom two, they would still have slid through, and the third-worst person would have gotten eliminated, even if that person was leagues better than both of them. That would have been wild!

This episode got me thinking about what I would have made, if I were a contestant on this show. What would I make for an elevated childhood dessert? Hmm… I always loved chocolate chip waffles for breakfast, as a kid, so maybe I’d do some sort of spring brunchy dessert like crepes with a chocolate filling! Or, maybe I could figure out some way to elevate my Mom’s silky chocolate fudge, like a mousse served in a chocolate shell, or something. And in the Main Heat, for the clock challenge: what personally meaningful time would I set my clock to? Probably eleven AM, which is the time of day that my Wedding Mass began. Or, I could copy Lisa and do my wedding anniversary (mine would be 5:20). What would y’all do??

Stand-outs for me in the Main Heat were Raveena (obviously), Lisa (with that beautiful, ornate buttercream decoration and the unique flavor combo of lavender and pear), and once again Corey, whose vanilla-raspberry-white chocolate truffle cake looked so good – the sponge looked like tie-dye! (The judges said it “wasn’t ‘space age,’ but, who cares.)

My high point: Seeing so many chocolate cakes in the Main Heat! I think five out of nine contestants produced chocolate cakes for this challenge! One of my only complaints about the Spring season is that you don’t see too many chocolate desserts – it’s very much dominated by light, fresh, springy flavors – but, I guess because the theme was clocks, which lend themselves to wood/metal/darkness/weightiness, lots of people went with chocolate. Love to see that.

My low point: Kareem going home. 😦 His German chocolate cake sounded so promising! And, even though I always joke about contestants “playing the dead grandparent card” on these shows, I was actually really moved by his story about his granddad. I really wanted him to last until the finale. He is such a sweet and likeable individual. And, all things considered, he really did hold his own against all these professionals, making it through to week five.

The dessert I would most have liked to eat: Raveena’s chocolate peanut butter cake with peanut praline crunch! Best dessert so far this season, IMO. Chocolate and peanut butter is always a winner in my book, and I was thrilled to see it won this whole week. Plus, the grandfather clock design looked really cool, with the press molds on the fondant (even if it was leaning a little).

.
April Eighth

April 8th, 2025

Daily writing prompt
What is your favorite restaurant?
View all responses

My favorite restaurant – this is not really about the restaurant at all, though. Restaurants aren’t really as much about the food as they are about the experience, are they?

I don’t go out to eat that much – hardly ever, actually. I have a 5, a 3, and a 2 year old, and my family’s on a single income, so restaurants aren’t really a part of our life unless it’s a special occasion.

Which is completely fine with me. I don’t even honestly really like eating at restaurants. One of my ED-related quirks is that I’m self-conscious about eating in front of other people. Even people I know well. I feel awkward asking the waiter for what I want to eat – it feels like such a personal question, “what do you want to eat?” Ugh, cringe.

And I’m vegetarian, and just generally particular about what I will and will not eat. Also, I kind of hate eating at the standard dinner hour, anymore. I can do breakfast – but when the heck am I ever out to eat at breakfast time? The idea is pretty laughable, lol. Lunch is okay if it’s light, like a salad or something, so if you’re planning on inviting me out to eat, please make it a lunch. I honestly hate “dinner.”

So when I think about my “favorite restaurant,” I don’t really think about places that I actively go. In fact, the one place that really comes to mind is a place I went one time, over twenty years ago, with my family.

It wasn’t even memorable for the food – I wasn’t even hungry, I think, when we went there; I was still basically a child, with a very intuitive, unworried, even bored perspective on food. My ED didn’t start to kick in until a few months later, early eighth grade.

It was evening, April 7^th, 2003, and the first night of a family mini-vacation that we were taking to Washington, DC, three hours from home. For whatever reason, that three-day, two-night trip is sealed in my memory bank as three of the best days of my life.

But why was it so great? It shouldn’t have been, actually. Things were hectic. My family was in the middle of buying a new house, back home. We had come to this vacation straight from the home inspection on the house that we were buying, and the inspection had been abysmal. I remember in one room my father could literally poke his finger straight through the floor, that’s how rotted it was. So, my parents were stressed, but doing their best to have a happy family vacation (I remember my dad getting the drunkest I’d ever seen him at the hotel bar that evening; he wasn’t incoherent or wobbly or anything, but he was noticeably goofy and his eyes were glassy). My older sister was pretty miserable the whole time, and seemed like she very much didn’t want to be there with her parents and dorky little sister; normally, I was very influenced by her moods, and kind of took my cue from her as to how I should feel or act. But I, age 13, was not at school, was on vacation, and felt cute in my new little red Marvin the Martian t-shirt from Kohl’s, was just having a great freaking time in my own little world.

I think it’s because I was in a good mental place, that spring. That was the spring that I first began writing about my four characters, whom you may know from this blog if you’re a regular. I’d just written or was just about to write the first story I ever wrote about them; about 20 or 30k words, I wrote it by hand on notebook paper, sitting on my bed in my childhood bedroom, listening to my Walkman. Doing this was like discovering a new drug. I was feeling pretty on top of the world about it. And, in a sort of childlike way, I felt like those characters were on that trip with me, and even kind of wove it into my little headcanon, telling myself that two of them actually met that very day, April eighth, at the same FYE where I went shopping at the mall there in DC. (Millennial moment: I so miss CD stores!)

There are so many memories of that trip that you’d think would be lame or even shitty, but they are all colored by the mood/headspace that I was in at the time, so they are wonderful: like, we’d booked a hotel online without knowing anything about it, and that hotel turned out to be, to my father’s horror, “extremely gay,” i.e. all decked out in art deco style, and he swore that the bartender was hitting on him (I don’t remember much about this, and did not have much of a concept of “gay” at the time, but did think the pink-and-black, 1920s-ish décor was pretty funky). Also, it rained. We got stranded in the rain, walking around the city, a few times. My poor sister, who was very goth at the time and had a ton of metal accessories all over her, got stopped a million times in the metal detector as we were entering the Washington Monument. I don’t think she even ended up coming in. I don’t remember. Stuff like that.

There are certain songs that I associate very much with that trip, too. At the FYE on April 8^th, there were three CDs that I bought: The Exies’ first, self-titled CD; “Faceless” by Godsmack (which had, apparently, just come out that same day; I was so hooked on the song “Straight Out of Line,” and tbh it still slaps); and, you’ll laugh, but the self-titled album from Trapt (“back off, we’ll take you on!!!” I thought that song was so freaking hardcore, when I was 13, and my besties and I used to like to “mosh” to it at school dances, lololl). But, most of all, the songs that I associate with that trip are by the band Stage. My sister, who was extremely uninterested in everything else about that trip, requested that my parents drop her off so she could stop in this weird, funky, punk-rockish little shop before we left, on our last day of the trip, which I guess she’d read about online or heard of from friends, and was eager to check out; and while in there, at the register, she picked up a free EP from this band we’d never heard of, called Stage. And on the way home, she let me listen to it on my Walkman. It was only three songs, but they were all straight fire, especially the second one, “The World Has Come Between Us.” To this day, that song affects me really strongly. It made me nostalgic, even at the time. I kind of think of it as one of the anthems of my life.

But, all of this to say that this whole awkward trip is weirdly idyllic in my memory. Back to the restaurant thing. On night one of this trip, my tired parents decided that they wanted Mexican food, which I was not interested in. I wasn’t even hungry, but it was whatever. So they found this restaurant – I can’t remember what it was called, but it was a really big restaurant with covered rooftop seating. And we got to sit up there on the roof.

I think I ordered a couple of soft tacos with no meat. Weird, I know, but when I was younger that was my go-to order, whenever I got taken to a Mexican restaurant. I wasn’t interested in spicy meat, so I would literally get flour tortillas with lettuce and cheese, and I thought it was freaking delicious. So I was pretty pleased with the food, but the best part was that it came with this little green plastic sword.

I was still a kid, at 13. I loved the little plastic sword. It delighted me. I was playing with it, goofing around with it, I don’t even remember. Then at some point I dropped it, and it fell between the planks on the floor and was gone. I was bummed, but, true to form, too shy to ask for a second one. So, without my permission and to my great embarrassment (I was still a kid, but enough of a teenager to be mortified), my sweet Dad asked the waiter for me if he would bring another green plastic sword.

I can’t remember, exactly, if the waiter brought me one and I managed to miraculously recover the original, or if the waiter, in a display of generosity, brought me two. I think the latter. I remember sitting there being like I HAVE TWO OF THEM NOW!! and just being over the moon. I didn’t even finish my tortillas; and not because I was watching my weight, that hadn’t happened to me yet. I was okay with my body! The food was fine but uninteresting. I was happy. It was the best dinner ever.

I still have those two green plastic swords, in a little box in my closet.

I’ve mentioned on this blog before that AvPD is not a death sentence. Some aspects of it are not all bad. Living in the company of your made-up people that you came up with as a coping mechanism, can fill you with so much joy and delight, and it’s a happiness that nothing and no one can take away from you. It’s a happiness that can turn even the most basic circumstances into a fairytale. At least, that’s been my experience. Probably I also feel that way because, in addition to having AvPD, I have in the past been a true maladaptive daydreamer, and I enjoy writing and doodling very much – so that was pretty much the defining trifecta of my formative years. I wrote myself this little world to escape into. And, tbh, it still works for me, a lot of the time. I actually feel lucky and grateful to have had this trifecta of weirdness, because it gave me this made-up world that brings me so much joy. I used to think I would outgrow it one day, but here I am, 35 and a married mom and it’s still a huge part of me. I’m sure I will keep it forever.

It’s funny: almost all of my other memories of seventh and eighth grade are miserable and bleak, or are at least colored by that feeling of discomfort and awkwardness and loneliness. But this one silly little trip, which was not even objectively that great, remains logged in my memory as a golden time of pure joy. And that dinner, as one of the most memorable meals. May that generous waiter be abundantly blessed! Like my made-up people in my head, I will keep those green plastic swords forever.
Stop Commenting On Pregnant Women’s Bodies

April 7th, 2025

Let’s stop commenting on people’s body size. Pregnant or not.

As a mom who’s currently 26 weeks and change with my fourth baby, this has become a serious pet peeve of mine. You wouldn’t comment on a woman’s body size in casual conversation if she’s not pregnant (unless you’re a complete asshole); so why do we assume it’s okay to do to a pregnant lady?

The comment I get most frequently – from strangers, acquaintances, and even from doctors and midwives, who you would think would know better – is: “You’re barely showing! You’re so small! You’re tiny!” And, I hate that shit. I don’t know if these people think they’re giving me a compliment, but I wish they’d just stop.

I hate being told I’m tiny and barely showing, because it makes me self-conscious about my general, non-pregnant body size. When someone says “you’re tiny,” what I hear is, “you’re such a fat fucking tank of a person that your body hides the entire pregnancy inside its great bulk, and we can’t even tell, like, compared to a normal, attractive, stick-thin mom with an actual waistline, who would already have a round visible bump at like 8 weeks along.”

(Which, is actually not even true of me. Objectively, I’m a medium-sized person with a very “normal” BMI (not that the BMI scale is at all meaningful w/r/t a person’s health or appearance – it’s definitely not, in fact it’s BS, but that’s a rant for another day). I unfortunately just have the sort of wide, sturdy body frame that carries babies really comfortably. Big hands, big feet, no waist, thick ankles: built like a freaking tree trunk. But, on the plus side, I never get serious back pain or groin pain or swelling or anything like that, during pregnancy, and have worked out daily, with relative ease, right up until delivery, every single time. I’ve never needed a pregnancy pillow for my bed or a support band for my belly. I also don’t get stretch marks at all, and bounce back to my normal size pretty much immediately after birth every time. So, you win some, you lose some.)

It’s also triggering because, for many years, I never knew if I’d be able to get pregnant, and always dreamed of being visibly pregnant, so that people would look at me and know. I wanted to need a pregnancy pillow and a support band; I wanted to complain about back pain. And in reality I pretty much don’t get to have that experience – which, I’m lucky that this is the thing I get to complain about; I ended up having no trouble conceiving or giving birth, unlike many women out there, and in the grand scheme of things this is not that big a deal; but, it definitely makes me feel like less of a mom, less of a pregnant woman, less of a woman in general, when people say “you’re due so soon?! But you’re barely showing, I never would have guessed!”

Maybe these people really mean well, with the “you’re barely showing” comments, and it’s just my ED history piping up, making me take their words the wrong way. But even if that’s the case, I don’t think that makes it appropriate at all to comment on someone’s body size.

And I’ve been guilty of this myself, in the past. I hate that. I remember, back before I ever had kids of my own, a coworker of mine was pregnant, and all of us at the salon, including myself, were constantly playfully teasing her like “oh my gosh, you’re huge! You’re only in the second trimester?! Are you sure it’s not twins? How could you possibly get any bigger?!” and other such horrible, insensitive nonsense. I wish I could go back in time and smack myself, and apologize to that poor girl, who was having a hard enough time already.

But then, a couple years later, I had my first pregnancy, and quickly realized how awful it is that suddenly everyone in the world thinks it’s okay to shamelessly judge your body, out loud, in public, as if you’re on freaking America’s Next Top Model or something. It’s hard enough being a female and a mom, in this world. Leave pregnant ladies alone.

The rules are pretty simple. I will spell it out in two steps. If you see a woman who looks pregnant, step one is: don’t assume that she is pregnant! No matter how obvious it seems! She might have painful inflammation, or bloat, or a tumor. You truly do not know. Don’t assume, and don’t ask. Step two is: once she tells you that she is pregnant, there is only one (1) acceptable thing that you can say about her physical appearance, and that is: “you look great!”

Never comment on someone’s body size. This includes complimenting someone’s weight loss. Never compliment someone for losing weight. This is another rule that everyone should live by. I can’t tell you how horrible it was for me, during the days of my active ED, for people to tell me: “wow, you’re so skinny! I wish I looked like you.” “Wow, you’ve really lost weight!” “You’re so lucky you’re skinny.” That absolutely fucked me up, when I was in the thick of it. Even a friendly, innocuous-seeming “congrats, you’ve lost weight, you look great” can make a person think to themselves: “oh, so I looked awful before?” It really feeds a disordered mindset. Also, a person might be losing weight due to depression, a personal crisis, or cancer. You don’t know. Just don’t comment on someone’s body size.

Even if you think you’re giving a compliment and it’s not about weight loss – just don’t comment on someone’s body size! “You’re so thin, I wish I looked like you:” that person might be super insecure about their small body, maybe they were picked on for it as a kid, or maybe they’re very sick. “You’re so pretty, your body is perfect:” that would easily make someone feel objectified, to know that people are looking at their body and rating it on some weird scale. Or worry that if they change anything or gain a single pound or age a few years, they won’t be “perfect” anymore. Just don’t comment on someone’s body size. It’s simple.

“But Mith,” you might be arguing: “not everyone is as oversensitive and paranoid as you are! Most people in the world are normal, and can take a compliment or a benign remark without it causing a whole mental breakdown.”

Maybe so, but I daresay even normies are vulnerable to developing an eating disorder or exercise addiction, if they hear these kinds of comments enough. And even normies would probably be pretty bothered if someone complimented their weight loss and it was the result of their going through a nasty divorce, or losing a loved one, or undergoing major surgery. And, even if “most people” wouldn’t be bothered, that doesn’t mean it’s okay to just disregard that lesser percentage of people who would be injured by such comments. You don’t know if you’re dealing with someone who has an ED or any kind of mental/emotional baggage about their body. If you’re a decent person, you don’t want to risk harming someone.

And it’s not even hard to do. I’m not asking you to do any mental gymnastics or make any great allowances when it comes to interacting with pregnant women. I’m not asking you to go out of your way. It literally requires no additional mental or physical effort on your behalf to simply not comment on someone’s body size or shape.

In conclusion: I will say it again: just don’t comment on someone’s body! It’s seriously not that hard! Thanks for reading.
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 4: Mith Reacts

April 2nd, 2025

Spoilers ahead! Do not read if you haven’t yet watched Spring Baking season 11 episode 4.

I have a lot of feelings about this one.

Theme and challenges for this episode? 10/10! The faux Easter egg Preheat was perhaps my favorite challenge thus far. It reminded me a lot of Cadbury Creme Eggs, which, as you may know, are one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Also a 10/10 this episode was Kardea’s dress, and in fact her whole look. She’s such an icon. I’m obsessed with that olive green color; my own wardrobe is full of it. It’s not often that I see something on TV and go “I would wear that!”, but, I would definitely wear that.

Going into the preheat, Priya was like: “I’m going to win this one,” and then she did. That was really satisfying! I was happy for her – the texture in her egg filling looked delightful!

But, I really thought Mary-Frances deserved to win it. Hers were the prettiest ones – the décor on that blonde chocolate shell was so immaculate it looked done with a machine (it reminded me of the illustrations in one of my favorite children’s books, “The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes”); and the flavor combination of coconut-banana cake and mango pastry cream sounds dreamy! Wow, Mary-Frances really put herself on the map this episode, didn’t she? I feel kinda bad, because up until now I haven’t even mentioned her on this blog once. She just hadn’t baked anything that stood out to me until now. (The only thing I really remember about her from the first three episodes was that, in episode 3, she asked Kari to sample her lemon dessert, and Kari advised her that it was too tart; and then, at judging, it was still too tart.) But she was, in my opinion, the absolute star of this episode! She should have won both challenges! Her sausage pizza in the Main Heat looked stunning, definitely more realistic than Lisa’s winning chicken dinner – and the flavors sounded more fun too (pastry with strawberry cream and coconut!).

Julian and Corey both kind of crashed and burned in the Preheat! As I was saying last week, I was hoping that Julian would learn his lesson about being overly ambitious – but he did the same darn thing again this week, trying to make a whole unnecessary sugar sculpture tree to hold his eggs, and in the process neglecting his actual eggs! I admittedly laughed (and cringed at the same time) when Duff said “they look like Swedish meatballs with gravy!” Luckily, Julian totally brought it back in the Main Heat with those mind-bendy fish tacos. And Corey? Those should have been the best dessert this episode, chocolate orange flavor with mousse inside. But they were just goopy and messy. He didn’t do too great in the Main Heat, either; that “tuna” just looked like cake (the asparagus looked incredible, though, but, they were just painted modeling chocolate, so basically decoration). I felt so bad for him!

Another devastating moment for me was Jon’Nae’s eggshells not coming out of the molds in the Preheat. “Jesse, why you gotta put my business out in the street like that?!” Lol, poor thing. She had this same issue in one of the first episodes, with something sticking to the mold! I was so disappointed for her! That was another one that should have been one of the best in show: white chocolate cake pops with strawberry and blood orange-ginger center. I so wish it had worked out.

Poor Kareem kind of stumbled through this episode but managed to survive another week! The texture was off in his eggs, and the purple icing was obviously concealing a visible seam on the shell (although I love the bold colors he used both inside and out). And sadly his salmon and green beans were not super realistic looking at all. I still really want to see him make it through to the end! A cynical part of me can’t help but wonder if they’re keeping him because he’s so likeable and such a fun character, and makes for great TV – “can the self-taught baker hold his own against all these professionals?” I wouldn’t be surprised if this were a factor, because, no offense to anyone, but who would have thought he would outlast Jon’Nae and Stacy? As much as I love baking competition shows, I’m not starry-eyed about them; as much as I hate to say it, I am fully aware that some of the judgment calls are calculated based on viewers and ratings, rather than the actual quality of the desserts. All that being said, though, Kareem is still one of my favorites, and I’d love to see him pull through and win the whole thing.

And once again Julian hasn’t used his immunity card! Will he ever, or will he power through without it? Can anyone else be awarded an immunity card while he still has his? That wouldn’t work, would it, because then what if Julian and that other contestant were in the bottom two and they’d both played their immunity card?! I’m so curious to see how this is going to work. So I guess, by holding onto his immunity card without using it, he’s preventing anyone else from getting immunity – strategic move!

Kari said in this episode that she feels like she’s coasting along in the middle and needs to step up her game and start winning. I’d love to see her rise to the top! She’s another of my favorites. I wasn’t too into her sushi dessert, though – it looked too bright green to be convincing, and I kind of agree with Duff that it’s not really deception if you use actual rice. Which, on that note, Paul used actual gnocchi in his gnocchi primavera? Just because they were made with sweet potato doesn’t make them not real gnocchi. I was surprised they didn’t call him out for that! In any case, I’m glad both Kari and Paul made it through.

Although I thought it should have been Mary-Frances, Lisa ended up winning. No surprise there! She’s still my top pick for champion; she pretty much hasn’t made a single bad thing, up to this point, has she?

My high point: Kareem explaining to Raveena what grits are! She didn’t even know!! Being a Southerner myself, I laughed pretty hard. That was adorable. He’s such a sweet guy. My husband was like, “he could have just made some shit up and screwed her over,” hahaha.

My low point: They sent Jon’Nae home!?! NO! I’m crushed! She was my favorite. I was so devastated by the bottom two; it would have sucked either way, whomever they sent home. But, I really strongly believe that Jon’Nae could have won the whole thing. She had some of the best ideas about flavors in every episode; she seems like a true artist. I honestly think she just had some bad luck. Which can seriously happen to anyone, even the best of them. It sucks. Going into the Main Heat, she was like, “I cannot go home.” And, pound cake with champagne buttercream, it could have been so good! But the fried fish was too thick, and the oven screwed up her fries. She seems like such a lovely and talented person. I hope she still gets rich and famous somehow.

The dessert that I would have most liked to eat: Raveena’s brown sugar speculoos eggs with malt ball centers! I freaking love chocolate malt balls, and I can eat cookie butter straight out of the jar with a spoon. What a genius combination.

.
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 3: Mith Reacts

March 26th, 2025

SPOILERS AHEAD for Spring Baking Championship season eleven!

I’m sad that it was a shorter episode — I wish they could all be a whole hour and twenty-five! it feels so rushed — but, overall, this one was far superior to Episode 2. The challenges were much better: no stupid Minecraft, no “team” awkwardness. As someone who always died a bit inside when the teacher said “okay, now find a partner” or “now break up into teams of four,” I always get a slight PTSDish cringe on everyone’s behalf when they’re told they have to work in teams.

I do take some issue with the first challenge, though. I’m not a big tea fan, myself. Coffee for me, 100%; I don’t get excited about tea flavors. But, that’s not my issue with the challenge. My issue with the challenge was that it was rigged! Matcha is an objectively shitty flavor, in a dessert. Whoever gets assigned matcha is screwed. You may as well give them a card that says “dog shit,” and be like, “good luck trying to make this taste good.” Similarly, hibiscus is an objectively more delicious flavor, for a dessert than just about any of these others. I’m not saying that Julian didn’t deserve to win this challenge. He absolutely did! That monochromatic hibiscus madeleine tower was a breathtaking, a work of modern art. But, I do feel like my favorites, Jon’Nae and Paul, got the really short end of the stick, here, and their talents weren’t given room to shine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a successful matcha dessert on any of these shows. Stop assigning this flavor. No one likes it. It’s stupid.

Also, Duff was wrong about Paul in this challenge. That natural, olivey, 1970s green color base of the madeleine tower, with those pops of bright/neon color in the flowers, was a really cool contrast and an interesting color scheme! There was absolutely nothing wrong with it! That was just a dumb and vapid comment, nothing true about it.

The second challenge was cool, though! I love the rainbow theme; the ombre cheesecakes were a delight. And the whole saga of “will Julian use his immunity or not? will it send him home if he doesn’t?!” was very suspenseful; that was great TV. He was way too bold, trying to do a baked cheesecake! I appreciate the ambition, and I think that that, plus his sugar rainbow, were what saved him; but hopefully, he learned his lesson, and from here on out will rein in that ambition just a smidge! I was so afraid he was going to go home with that unused immunity card. (I love that they added in that stipulation, “you have to use the immunity in one of the next five main heats, and you must decide to use it before judging” — I was wondering how they were going to avoid making the immune contestant totally pointless in the Main Heat, just sitting there twiddling their thumbs. That was smart.)

My husband, who watches these shows with me, observed that “it’s really not fair to Lisa, to make a whole challenge based on rainbows. She’s too short to have ever seen a rainbow.” LOL. All in good fun, of course, as Lisa herself is always talking about how short she is. I still think she’s the winner. Her madeleine tower was stunning, the most beautiful one; and it’s not often that a baker does well with kiwi flavor.

And once again, two of my favorite contestants had great success: Corey, who is just the coolest, won the main heat for the second time in a row. And Kareem did an awesome job in both challenges! He’s really proving that he deserves to be here, without sacrificing his crazy sense of style. His white rainbow on that blueberry cheesecake was so creative. Blue spirulina in this challenge was brilliant! A basic, uncreative baker would have just used food coloring. I’m so rooting for Kareem.

However, I feel like Paul was once again treated unfairly in the second challenge! You all know I’m a huge fan of Kardea, and will always defend her against the haters, but, I disagree with her that Paul’s cake was “not a cheesecake.” It was absolutely a cheesecake, and a super creative one! The extra work that went into crafting a spiral and achieving those vertical layers! I’m glad the other two judges disagreed with her. Everyone, stop picking on Paul. I feel like these super-talented French gentlemen always get judged unfairly harshly on this show precisely because they are so talented.

High point: Duff praising Kareem for his delicious purple peach madeleines! “Wear the same socks! Eat the same breakfast tomorrow!” I cheered.

Low point: Stacy’s blackberry cheesecake with almonds and ginger not working out. That was, for me, the prettiest and most delicious-sounding cake in the Main Heat. I was so disappointed that it got bad feedback: it apparently only tasted of dried ginger powder, not enough blackberry, and contained too much gelatin, making it rubbery and dense. Such a disappointment. I hate to see her go home. She seems like a really cool baker, and I loved her friendship with Jon’Nae. Plus, my husband pointed out during the premiere that she looks a little like me in the face, and since then I cannot unsee it, and have subconsciously identified with her a bit.

The dessert I would most have liked to eat: Got to be Kareem’s blueberry cheesecake. Blueberry cheesecake is a flavor combo that I’m particularly fond of (and have this stupid inside joke about that dates back to like seventh grade and still never fails to make me laugh), and he really took it and ran with it. Gingersnap crust, too — awesome choice! I can’t wait to see what he creates next.

.
What if the antivaxxers are right?

March 21st, 2025

As someone with AvPD, I’m honestly not a huge fan of myself. There are not many things about my personality that I’m proud of — but, I think one of my best traits is: I’m open-minded. When I hear any kind of moral claim, I never dismiss it offhand. If someone believes sincerely that something is right or wrong, I take them seriously. I like to actually consider whether they may be right. I have my own convictions, of course, but I’m constantly considering and weighing them (“curating my beliefs,” as I once heard someone in college describe it) and re-examining myself to make sure I’m on what I think is the right track. This trait of mine can make me somewhat neurotic and insecure, but, it is also why I have been able to correct my religious and political beliefs pretty drastically over the years. Some people might think it’s a crazy way to be, but, I think it’s important to not believe everything we think, to take no moral claim at face value, and to not assume that anything is stupid until we really look at it. Just because a lot of people believe something does not make it true.

Which is why, even though I’m pretty pro-vaccine myself, I don’t just dismiss the antivax perspective offhand. I’ve spent a good amount of time and energy wondering about this.

When I say “pretty pro-vaccine,” what I mean is, I take my kids to a “normal” pediatrician, and all of them are up-to-date on all of their routine immunizations as recommended by the AAP. I also get them yearly flu shots, and get flu shots for myself and my husband, and will even get a vaccine during pregnancy, like flu or TDAP, if my doctor recommends it. However, I have qualms about brand new vaccines like the Covid one, and I will not get that one for my kids, nor would I get it for myself today. (Too many sketchy side-effects, and it came out so quickly, etc.)

I’m sure the antivaxxers think I’m an idiot for that. Similarly, most of the pro-vax crowd just dismiss the antivaxxers offhand as idiots. Literally, both sides accuse the other of “not doing their research” and “being mind-controlled by the government” and “falling victim to misinformation.”

This is why, in my opinion, there’s no real point “doing your research” when it comes to whether or not to vaccinate. Because, depending on where you do that research, you’re going to arrive at one of two very different conclusions. It’s just like with global warming. One website presents concrete evidence that it is real; another website presents concrete evidence that it is not. “Just do your research,” both sides scream at you!

But the first thing, the more important thing, is figuring out whom to trust.

For me, the question boils down to: do I trust these doctors? Why or why not? Whom do I trust more: this doctor who’s recommending vaccinations, or these people on the internet who recommend fresh air and a healthy diet?

You can never really know whom to trust. And you have to choose someone. That is one of the scary things about being human.

.

I don’t like vaccinating my kids, tbh. I always worry about it. Especially when they’re tiny. I know the chances of serious complications are very rare, but they’re not nonexistent. With each vaccination, there is a nonzero chance that my child will die as a result. I’ve really considered just not doing it. Which is why I sympathize with the antivaxxers.

I’m not a scientist, but I did pay some attention in school, so I think I have a grasp of the basics. If I understand correctly, a vaccine is basically a tiny dose of a neutralized version of a virus, which, when introduced to your body, causes your body to produce antibodies to that virus, so that, if you encounter the actual virus out in the wild, your body will react to it with stronger defenses, thus preventing you from becoming deathly ill. They don’t prevent sickness entirely, but definitely reduce the severity of infection. It seems like a pretty simple concept to me; I mean, I learned this stuff in middle school. A vaccine is not some strange mystery chemical concocted by the government. It’s pretty basic biology, isn’t it?

Now, you might be arguing that public school is just another mind control agent, and I’ve been brainwashed by politicians. And I guess I can’t prove that that’s not true. But, I like to think that I have a pretty discerning eye about what parts of my public school education were brainwashy (“use condoms,” “the Catholic Church is bad and evil,” “feminism is great,” etc.) and which parts were just non-politically-weighted information (the quadratic formula, the periodic table, the definition of a vaccine, etc.). An antivaxxer might argue that I’m not being discerning enough, that all of the things I was taught were just lies cooked up by the government to turn me into a drone. At this point, we arrive at one of those instances where I have to choose who to trust. The teachers and textbooks and my own brain’s faculty of processing the likelihood of the information presented, or, a stranger telling me none of that is true?

I also have to consider the statistics. It is undeniable that the chances of something bad happening from a vaccine are very, very small. I’ve always had all of mine, as have just about everyone that I personally know, and none of us suffered any adverse effects. (I know this is survivor’s bias, to an extent, and like I said I know this does not negate the fact that there is a nonzero chance of death from a vaccine; I’m just saying it seems much more likely that one will survive.) And I’ve experienced myself that vaccines drastically reduce symptoms of infection (we had our flu shots last fall; this winter, when we got the flu, we only had a pretty mild version of it, with no loss of appetite or chills or body aches or anything). Also, if you trust the historical data, it’s plain to see that, since the advent of vaccines, some preventable diseases have basically become obsolete. (Until recently, that is – this random resurgence of measles in the Midwest, which, you cannot tell me is not the result of antivaxxers’ decisions.) So, stepping away from the internet and all the drama, and simply looking at all of the statistics that I’ve ever been shown, it seems like a wise decision to get vaccinated.

Does this ease my worry about getting my kids vaccinated? Not really. But I have to choose to either do it or not do it, and I guess I just find the science more compelling and convincing than the alternative.

“But don’t you trust God?” an antivaxxer might ask me. “God’s design is perfect. He wouldn’t create something that humans need to ‘improve’ upon with their modern scientific innovations. If we just cooperate with his design, reduce our exposure to toxins, and eat home-grown whole foods instead of all the garbage that people are eating today…”

But then, why did people die of preventable diseases back in the day before processed foods and automobiles, before all of these modern innovations?

I agree that God’s design is perfect. God did not invent sickness or suffering or death. These entered the world as a result of man’s first sin. God suffers these to exist in our world because they are what we chose, and in His great mercy He allows us to have our free will and do the things we want. So, basically, we’re stuck living with the results of sin, and trying to make the best of it. Perhaps “making the best of it” sometimes means using our God-given faculties of reason and scientific deduction to help preserve human life.

Or should we just roll over and die? Should we just accept that sickness and death are the results of our sin, and stop trying to fight them? Is it a bad thing to want to heal the sick or prevent death? – That’s an absurd idea! Christ Himself healed the sick and raised the dead!

On that note, some antivaxxers might argue that, in the face of dire illness, we should just turn to prayer. We should just trust that God will heal whom He wants to heal, and if it is not His will, then someone will not heal, regardless of whether they receive treatment or not.

Is all human intervention bad? On the contrary, isn’t it immoral, if you see someone suffering and have a way to mitigate that suffering, to not do anything? Don’t we believe that sometimes God’s will is carried out on earth through the work of humans?

Some of these crunchy types will claim that “natural” is always better. But, I’m pretty sure that a healthy Catholic POV of “nature” teaches otherwise. Our nature is fallen. Our nature causes us to sin. By nature, we are inclined to selfishness, temptation, and evil. We’re not animals; “natural” doesn’t always necessarily mean “better.” What’s good for us is not what’s natural, but what is supernatural.

Not that modern medicine is supernatural; it’s plainly not. It’s man-made. But is everything man-made always an abomination? Humans have written great works of literature, painted great works of art, designed and built incredible churches and castles, built ships that sail across the ocean – and, yes, have come up with vaccines that all but eradicate deadly diseases. “But Mith, you can’t compare a vaccine, which distorts God’s design, with these other man-made works, which cooperate with and glorify God’s design.” Once again, though – a vaccine isn’t some mystery chemical. It’s pretty basic biology. It’s exposure to a virus, causing your body to do what God in His glorious wisdom designed it to do: produce antibodies to help preserve your life. So really, don’t vaccines cooperate beautifully with God’s perfect design?

All of this is just a little snippet of the back-and-forth that’s gone through my head over the last five or six years since I’ve been raising kids and making important, terrifyingly irreversible decisions about their health.

And this is why I will continue to vaccinate, even though I don’t love it. Medical intervention is scary! No one likes it! Just yesterday, a loved one of mine underwent open-heart surgery to repair a valve, with the aim of preventing future heart attack or stroke. It was a nightmare! For all of us in the family! No one wants to undergo open-heart surgery. It is scary; everything about it seems wrong; a big part of you wants to be like, “no, don’t slice open this person, that’s dangerous! Those organs were never meant to see the light of day, this is unnatural!” But, the alternative is leaving that person with increased vulnerability to heart attack and stroke. Isn’t that worse? God has designed us with brains that can learn about our health and improve upon it. He has designed the human body in such a brilliant way that it can survive surgery, heal, and recover. I think that’s pretty cool.

Surgeries, vaccines, and medical interventions aim at preserving life. How can that be a deviation from God’s design?

Like I said, I’m constantly weighing and considering and re-evaluating my beliefs, so, I can’t promise that I won’t one day become an antivaxxer. (There was a time in my life when I never would have imagined myself a conservative Catholic, yet, here we are.) And if you have a super compelling argument in favor of the antivax position, I’m all ears. But, for right now, this is where I’m at with it. And, to be frank, I’m pretty annoyed that measles has come back, and I’m annoyed that there’s this expectation that all TradCaths have to be antivaxxers who shun modern medicine. Yes, the ways of the world are dangerous, and can lead us astray if we’re not careful; but let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.