MiTHology (4.0)

Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 4: Mith Reacts

April 2nd, 2025

Spoilers ahead! Do not read if you haven’t yet watched Spring Baking season 11 episode 4.

I have a lot of feelings about this one.

Theme and challenges for this episode? 10/10! The faux Easter egg Preheat was perhaps my favorite challenge thus far. It reminded me a lot of Cadbury Creme Eggs, which, as you may know, are one of my favorite guilty pleasures. Also a 10/10 this episode was Kardea’s dress, and in fact her whole look. She’s such an icon. I’m obsessed with that olive green color; my own wardrobe is full of it. It’s not often that I see something on TV and go “I would wear that!”, but, I would definitely wear that.

Going into the preheat, Priya was like: “I’m going to win this one,” and then she did. That was really satisfying! I was happy for her – the texture in her egg filling looked delightful!

But, I really thought Mary-Frances deserved to win it. Hers were the prettiest ones – the décor on that blonde chocolate shell was so immaculate it looked done with a machine (it reminded me of the illustrations in one of my favorite children’s books, “The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes”); and the flavor combination of coconut-banana cake and mango pastry cream sounds dreamy! Wow, Mary-Frances really put herself on the map this episode, didn’t she? I feel kinda bad, because up until now I haven’t even mentioned her on this blog once. She just hadn’t baked anything that stood out to me until now. (The only thing I really remember about her from the first three episodes was that, in episode 3, she asked Kari to sample her lemon dessert, and Kari advised her that it was too tart; and then, at judging, it was still too tart.) But she was, in my opinion, the absolute star of this episode! She should have won both challenges! Her sausage pizza in the Main Heat looked stunning, definitely more realistic than Lisa’s winning chicken dinner – and the flavors sounded more fun too (pastry with strawberry cream and coconut!).

Julian and Corey both kind of crashed and burned in the Preheat! As I was saying last week, I was hoping that Julian would learn his lesson about being overly ambitious – but he did the same darn thing again this week, trying to make a whole unnecessary sugar sculpture tree to hold his eggs, and in the process neglecting his actual eggs! I admittedly laughed (and cringed at the same time) when Duff said “they look like Swedish meatballs with gravy!” Luckily, Julian totally brought it back in the Main Heat with those mind-bendy fish tacos. And Corey? Those should have been the best dessert this episode, chocolate orange flavor with mousse inside. But they were just goopy and messy. He didn’t do too great in the Main Heat, either; that “tuna” just looked like cake (the asparagus looked incredible, though, but, they were just painted modeling chocolate, so basically decoration). I felt so bad for him!

Another devastating moment for me was Jon’Nae’s eggshells not coming out of the molds in the Preheat. “Jesse, why you gotta put my business out in the street like that?!” Lol, poor thing. She had this same issue in one of the first episodes, with something sticking to the mold! I was so disappointed for her! That was another one that should have been one of the best in show: white chocolate cake pops with strawberry and blood orange-ginger center. I so wish it had worked out.

Poor Kareem kind of stumbled through this episode but managed to survive another week! The texture was off in his eggs, and the purple icing was obviously concealing a visible seam on the shell (although I love the bold colors he used both inside and out). And sadly his salmon and green beans were not super realistic looking at all. I still really want to see him make it through to the end! A cynical part of me can’t help but wonder if they’re keeping him because he’s so likeable and such a fun character, and makes for great TV – “can the self-taught baker hold his own against all these professionals?” I wouldn’t be surprised if this were a factor, because, no offense to anyone, but who would have thought he would outlast Jon’Nae and Stacy? As much as I love baking competition shows, I’m not starry-eyed about them; as much as I hate to say it, I am fully aware that some of the judgment calls are calculated based on viewers and ratings, rather than the actual quality of the desserts. All that being said, though, Kareem is still one of my favorites, and I’d love to see him pull through and win the whole thing.

And once again Julian hasn’t used his immunity card! Will he ever, or will he power through without it? Can anyone else be awarded an immunity card while he still has his? That wouldn’t work, would it, because then what if Julian and that other contestant were in the bottom two and they’d both played their immunity card?! I’m so curious to see how this is going to work. So I guess, by holding onto his immunity card without using it, he’s preventing anyone else from getting immunity – strategic move!

Kari said in this episode that she feels like she’s coasting along in the middle and needs to step up her game and start winning. I’d love to see her rise to the top! She’s another of my favorites. I wasn’t too into her sushi dessert, though – it looked too bright green to be convincing, and I kind of agree with Duff that it’s not really deception if you use actual rice. Which, on that note, Paul used actual gnocchi in his gnocchi primavera? Just because they were made with sweet potato doesn’t make them not real gnocchi. I was surprised they didn’t call him out for that! In any case, I’m glad both Kari and Paul made it through.

Although I thought it should have been Mary-Frances, Lisa ended up winning. No surprise there! She’s still my top pick for champion; she pretty much hasn’t made a single bad thing, up to this point, has she?

My high point: Kareem explaining to Raveena what grits are! She didn’t even know!! Being a Southerner myself, I laughed pretty hard. That was adorable. He’s such a sweet guy. My husband was like, “he could have just made something up,” hahaha.

My low point: They sent Jon’Nae home!?! NO! I’m crushed! She was my favorite. I was so devastated by the bottom two; it would have sucked either way, whomever they sent home. But, I really strongly believe that Jon’Nae could have won the whole thing. She had some of the best ideas about flavors in every episode; she seems like a true artist. I honestly think she just had some bad luck. Which can seriously happen to anyone, even the best of them. It sucks. Going into the Main Heat, she was like, “I cannot go home.” And, pound cake with champagne buttercream, it could have been so good! But the fried fish was too thick, and the oven screwed up her fries. She seems like such a lovely and talented person. I hope she still gets rich and famous somehow.

The dessert that I would have most liked to eat: Raveena’s brown sugar speculoos eggs with malt ball centers! I absolutely love chocolate malt balls, and I can eat cookie butter straight out of the jar with a spoon. What a genius combination.

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Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 3: Mith Reacts

March 26th, 2025

SPOILERS AHEAD for Spring Baking Championship season eleven!

I’m sad that it was a shorter episode — I wish they could all be a whole hour and twenty-five! it feels so rushed — but, overall, this one was far superior to Episode 2. The challenges were much better: no stupid Minecraft, no “team” awkwardness. As someone who always died a bit inside when the teacher said “okay, now find a partner” or “now break up into teams of four,” I always get a slight PTSDish cringe on everyone’s behalf when they’re told they have to work in teams.

I do take some issue with the first challenge, though. I’m not a big tea fan, myself. Coffee for me, 100%; I don’t get excited about tea flavors. But, that’s not my issue with the challenge. My issue with the challenge was that it was rigged! Matcha is an objectively gross flavor, in a dessert. Whoever gets assigned matcha is screwed. You may as well give them a card that says “literal trash,” and be like, “good luck trying to make this taste good.” Similarly, hibiscus is an objectively more delicious flavor, for a dessert than just about any of these others. I’m not saying that Julian didn’t deserve to win this challenge. He absolutely did! That monochromatic hibiscus madeleine tower was a breathtaking, a work of modern art. But, I do feel like my favorites, Jon’Nae and Paul, got the really short end of the stick, here, and their talents weren’t given room to shine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a successful matcha dessert on any of these shows. Stop assigning this flavor. No one likes it. It’s stupid.

Also, Duff was wrong about Paul in this challenge. That natural, olivey, 1970s green color base of the madeleine tower, with those pops of bright/neon color in the flowers, was a really cool contrast and an interesting color scheme! There was absolutely nothing wrong with it! That was just a dumb and vapid comment, nothing true about it.

The second challenge was cool, though! I love the rainbow theme; the ombre cheesecakes were a delight. And the whole saga of “will Julian use his immunity or not? will it send him home if he doesn’t?!” was very suspenseful; that was great TV. He was way too bold, trying to do a baked cheesecake! I appreciate the ambition, and I think that that, plus his sugar rainbow, were what saved him; but hopefully, he learned his lesson, and from here on out will rein in that ambition just a smidge! I was so afraid he was going to go home with that unused immunity card. (I love that they added in that stipulation, “you have to use the immunity in one of the next five main heats, and you must decide to use it before judging” — I was wondering how they were going to avoid making the immune contestant totally pointless in the Main Heat, just sitting there twiddling their thumbs. That was smart.)

My husband, who watches these shows with me, observed that “it’s really not fair to Lisa, to make a whole challenge based on rainbows. She’s too short to have ever seen a rainbow.” LOL. All in good fun, of course, as Lisa herself is always talking about how short she is. I still think she’s the winner. Her madeleine tower was stunning, the most beautiful one; and it’s not often that a baker does well with kiwi flavor.

And once again, two of my favorite contestants had great success: Corey, who is just the coolest, won the main heat for the second time in a row. And Kareem did an awesome job in both challenges! He’s really proving that he deserves to be here, without sacrificing his crazy sense of style. His white rainbow on that blueberry cheesecake was so creative. Blue spirulina in this challenge was brilliant! A basic, uncreative baker would have just used food coloring. I’m so rooting for Kareem.

However, I feel like Paul was once again treated unfairly in the second challenge! You all know I’m a huge fan of Kardea, and will always defend her against the haters, but, I disagree with her that Paul’s cake was “not a cheesecake.” It was absolutely a cheesecake, and a super creative one! The extra work that went into crafting a spiral and achieving those vertical layers! I’m glad the other two judges disagreed with her. Everyone, stop picking on Paul. I feel like these super-talented French gentlemen always get judged unfairly harshly on this show precisely because they are so talented.

High point: Duff praising Kareem for his delicious purple peach madeleines! “Wear the same socks! Eat the same breakfast tomorrow!” I cheered.

Low point: Stacy’s blackberry cheesecake with almonds and ginger not working out. That was, for me, the prettiest and most delicious-sounding cake in the Main Heat. I was so disappointed that it got bad feedback: it apparently only tasted of dried ginger powder, not enough blackberry, and contained too much gelatin, making it rubbery and dense. Such a disappointment. I hate to see her go home. She seems like a really cool baker, and I loved her friendship with Jon’Nae. Plus, my husband pointed out during the premiere that she looks a little like me in the face, and since then I cannot unsee it, and have subconsciously identified with her a bit.

The dessert I would most have liked to eat: Got to be Kareem’s blueberry cheesecake. Blueberry cheesecake is a flavor combo that I’m particularly fond of (and have this stupid inside joke about that dates back to like seventh grade and still never fails to make me laugh), and he really took it and ran with it. Gingersnap crust, too — awesome choice! I can’t wait to see what he creates next.

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What if the antivaxxers are right?

March 21st, 2025

I don’t have many traits that I’m proud of, but, I like to think that one of my best ones is: I’m open-minded. When I hear any kind of moral claim, I never dismiss it offhand. If someone believes sincerely that something is right or wrong, I take them seriously. I like to actually consider whether they may be right. I have my own convictions, of course, but I’m constantly considering and weighing them (“curating my beliefs,” as I once heard someone in college describe it) and re-examining myself to make sure I’m on what I think is the right track. This trait of mine can make me somewhat neurotic and insecure, but, it is also why I have been able to correct my religious and political beliefs pretty drastically over the years. Some people might think it’s a crazy way to be, but, I think it’s important to not believe everything we think, to take no moral claim at face value, and to not assume that anything is stupid until we really look at it. Just because a lot of people believe something does not make it true.

Which is why, even though I’m pretty pro-vaccine myself, I don’t just dismiss the antivax perspective offhand. I’ve spent a good amount of time and energy wondering about this.

When I say “pretty pro-vaccine,” what I mean is, I take my kids to a “normal” pediatrician, and all of them are up-to-date on all of their routine immunizations as recommended by the AAP. I also get them yearly flu shots, and get flu shots for myself and my husband, and will even get a vaccine during pregnancy, like flu or TDAP, if my doctor recommends it. However, I have qualms about brand new vaccines like the Covid one, and I will not get that one for my kids, nor would I get it for myself today. (Too many sketchy side-effects, and it came out so quickly, etc.)

I’m sure the antivaxxers think I’m an idiot for that. Similarly, most of the pro-vax crowd just dismiss the antivaxxers offhand as idiots. Literally, both sides accuse the other of “not doing their research” and “being mind-controlled by the government” and “falling victim to misinformation.”

This is why, in my opinion, there’s no real point “doing your research” when it comes to whether or not to vaccinate. Because, depending on where you do that research, you’re going to arrive at one of two very different conclusions. It’s just like with global warming. One website presents concrete evidence that it is real; another website presents concrete evidence that it is not. “Just do your research,” both sides scream at you!

But the first thing, the more important thing, is figuring out whom to trust.

For me, the question boils down to: do I trust these doctors? Why or why not? Whom do I trust more: this doctor who’s recommending vaccinations, or these people on the internet who recommend fresh air and a healthy diet?

You can never really know whom to trust. And you have to choose someone. That is one of the scary things about being human.

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I don’t like vaccinating my kids, tbh. I always worry about it. Especially when they’re tiny. I know the chances of serious complications are very rare, but they’re not nonexistent. With each vaccination, there is a nonzero chance that my child will die as a result. I’ve really considered just not doing it. Which is why I sympathize with the antivaxxers.

I’m not a scientist, but I did pay some attention in school, so I think I have a grasp of the basics. If I understand correctly, a vaccine is basically a tiny dose of a neutralized version of a virus, which, when introduced to your body, causes your body to produce antibodies to that virus, so that, if you encounter the actual virus out in the wild, your body will react to it with stronger defenses, thus preventing you from becoming deathly ill. They don’t prevent sickness entirely, but definitely reduce the severity of infection. It seems like a pretty simple concept to me; I mean, I learned this stuff in middle school. A vaccine is not some strange mystery chemical concocted by the government. It’s pretty basic biology, isn’t it?

Now, you might be arguing that public school is just another mind control agent, and I’ve been brainwashed by politicians. And I guess I can’t prove that that’s not true. But, I like to think that I have a pretty discerning eye about what parts of my public school education were brainwashy (“use condoms,” “the Catholic Church is bad and evil,” “feminism is great,” etc.) and which parts were just non-politically-weighted information (the quadratic formula, the periodic table, the definition of a vaccine, etc.). An antivaxxer might argue that I’m not being discerning enough, that all of the things I was taught were just lies cooked up by the government to turn me into a drone. At this point, we arrive at one of those instances where I have to choose who to trust. The teachers and textbooks and my own brain’s faculty of processing the likelihood of the information presented, or, a stranger telling me none of that is true?

I also have to consider the statistics. It is undeniable that the chances of something bad happening from a vaccine are very, very small. I’ve always had all of mine, as have just about everyone that I personally know, and none of us suffered any adverse effects. (I know this is survivor’s bias, to an extent, and like I said I know this does not negate the fact that there is a nonzero chance of death from a vaccine; I’m just saying it seems much more likely that one will survive.) And I’ve experienced myself that vaccines drastically reduce symptoms of infection (we had our flu shots last fall; this winter, when we got the flu, we only had a pretty mild version of it, with no loss of appetite or chills or body aches or anything). Also, if you trust the historical data, it’s plain to see that, since the advent of vaccines, some preventable diseases have basically become obsolete. (Until recently, that is – this random resurgence of measles in the Midwest, which, you cannot tell me is not the result of antivaxxers’ decisions.) So, stepping away from the internet and all the drama, and simply looking at all of the statistics that I’ve ever been shown, it seems like a wise decision to get vaccinated.

Does this ease my worry about getting my kids vaccinated? Not really. But I have to choose to either do it or not do it, and I guess I just find the science more compelling and convincing than the alternative.

“But don’t you trust God?” an antivaxxer might ask me. “God’s design is perfect. He wouldn’t create something that humans need to ‘improve’ upon with their modern scientific innovations. If we just cooperate with his design, reduce our exposure to toxins, and eat home-grown whole foods instead of all the garbage that people are eating today…”

But then, why did people die of preventable diseases back in the day before processed foods and automobiles, before all of these modern innovations?

I agree that God’s design is perfect. God did not invent sickness or suffering or death. These entered the world as a result of man’s first sin. God suffers these to exist in our world because they are what we chose, and in His great mercy He allows us to have our free will and do the things we want. So, basically, we’re stuck living with the results of sin, and trying to make the best of it. Perhaps “making the best of it” sometimes means using our God-given faculties of reason and scientific deduction to help preserve human life.

Or should we just roll over and die? Should we just accept that sickness and death are the results of our sin, and stop trying to fight them? Is it a bad thing to want to heal the sick or prevent death? – That’s an absurd idea! Christ Himself healed the sick and raised the dead!

On that note, some antivaxxers might argue that, in the face of dire illness, we should just turn to prayer. We should just trust that God will heal whom He wants to heal, and if it is not His will, then someone will not heal, regardless of whether they receive treatment or not.

Is all human intervention bad? On the contrary, isn’t it immoral, if you see someone suffering and have a way to mitigate that suffering, to not do anything? Don’t we believe that sometimes God’s will is carried out on earth through the work of humans?

Some of these crunchy types will claim that “natural” is always better. But, I’m pretty sure that a healthy Catholic POV of “nature” teaches otherwise. Our nature is fallen. Our nature causes us to sin. By nature, we are inclined to selfishness, temptation, and evil. We’re not animals; “natural” doesn’t always necessarily mean “better.” What’s good for us is not what’s natural, but what is supernatural.

Not that modern medicine is supernatural; it’s plainly not. It’s man-made. But is everything man-made always an abomination? Humans have written great works of literature, painted great works of art, designed and built incredible churches and castles, built ships that sail across the ocean – and, yes, have come up with vaccines that all but eradicate deadly diseases. “But Mith, you can’t compare a vaccine, which distorts God’s design, with these other man-made works, which cooperate with and glorify God’s design.” Once again, though – a vaccine isn’t some mystery chemical. It’s pretty basic biology. It’s exposure to a virus, causing your body to do what God in His glorious wisdom designed it to do: produce antibodies to help preserve your life. So really, don’t vaccines cooperate beautifully with God’s perfect design?

All of this is just a little snippet of the back-and-forth that’s gone through my head over the last five or six years since I’ve been raising kids and making important, terrifyingly irreversible decisions about their health.

And this is why I will continue to vaccinate, even though I don’t love it. Medical intervention is scary! No one likes it! Just yesterday, a loved one of mine underwent open-heart surgery to repair a valve, with the aim of preventing future heart attack or stroke. It was a nightmare! For all of us in the family! No one wants to undergo open-heart surgery. It is scary; everything about it seems wrong; a big part of you wants to be like, “no, don’t slice open this person, that’s dangerous! Those organs were never meant to see the light of day, this is unnatural!” But, the alternative is leaving that person with increased vulnerability to heart attack and stroke. Isn’t that worse? God has designed us with brains that can learn about our health and improve upon it. He has designed the human body in such a brilliant way that it can survive surgery, heal, and recover. I think that’s pretty cool.

Surgeries, vaccines, and medical interventions aim at preserving life. How can that be a deviation from God’s design?

Like I said, I’m constantly weighing and considering and re-evaluating my beliefs, so, I can’t promise that I won’t one day become an antivaxxer. (There was a time in my life when I never would have imagined myself a conservative Catholic, yet, here we are.) And if you have a super compelling argument in favor of the antivax position, I’m all ears. But, for right now, this is where I’m at with it. And, to be frank, I’m pretty annoyed that measles has come back, and I’m annoyed that there’s this expectation that all TradCaths have to be antivaxxers who shun modern medicine. Yes, the ways of the world are dangerous, and can lead us astray if we’re not careful; but let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Regret

March 20th, 2025

Daily writing prompt
What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?
View all responses

What tattoo do I want? On the contrary, I have a lot of them (approximately ten), and wish that I could afford to get them all removed!

I hate that I have visible tattoos. I got all of them between the ages of 18 and 29, and each time I added a new one, my Dad was like: “you know that’s permanent, right?” and my smart ass was all “oH rEaLlY??!” but, soon after turning thirty, I realized that I had to admit that he was right. I regret all of them.

As some of you know, I converted to Catholicism around age 25, but still struggled to actually be a Catholic, up until age 29 or 30 when I quit drinking. (Not that it’s not still a struggle, lol, but, I was a real heathen in my drinking days.) The modern Church is pretty loosey-goosey when it comes to the morality of tattoos – I mean, even Fr. Mike got a tattoo, and posted a whole video about it – so, no one ever really told me it was wrong. (That’s the modern Church for you.) It was only within the last year or so that I switched from a modern/mainstream to a Traditional parish, where they do things correctly, and in the world of real Catholicism, tattoos are a big no-no. Not such a big no-no that they’d shun a parishioner for having them – no one’s ever made me feel unwelcome there! – but, you do definitely want to cover them up, if you have them, and getting another one would likely be considered sinful. I won’t go into the reasons why, because I’m not here to defend the faith, nor am I qualified to be a catechist. Suffice it to say that this is what I now believe.

Most of mine are on my arms. When I got them, I wanted them to be visible. I wanted people to see how “cool” and “unique” and “deeply tortured” I was. Now, I hate that they’re hard to hide. I mean, I guess I could wear long sleeves all day every day, which would probably be a good and modest thing to do anyway; pretty sure the “Marylike dress” standards of modesty dictate sleeves that cover the elbow, and I’m always telling myself that I should try harder to adhere to that standard. But, unfortunately, I live in a state that’s really freaking hot seven months out of the year, and I hate being hot, ugh, I hate it so much. Perhaps if I were better at mortifying my senses and living according to the spirit and not the flesh, et cetera, I would be more modest. I already wear ankle-length skirts no matter the weather, but, long sleeves in summer: I just can’t.

I hate when strangers ask about them. Even if they’re being polite – “oh, that’s a really cool tattoo! What does it mean?” – I just cringe and wither. I’ve started responding with: “oh, it just means that I was an idiot in my twenties, and can’t afford laser removal yet, ha ha.”

I hate that my kids will grow up with a tattooed mom – that I will have to explain to them that these were not a good idea, this is not something that you should do, these were a stupid mistake. It’s almost as embarrassing as having self-harm scars, which are another thing I’ll probably have to explain to them one day.

And I hate mingling with other Catholic moms and families with my tattoos showing. Sometimes on a hot day, as I’m hustling my three little kids out the door for storytime or some event, I forget to grab a cardigan, and end up being the awkward creepy mom with the tattooed arms, the only tattooed person in a roomful of nice, wholesome, upright, well-adjusted Catholics. These stupid things are just an uncomfortable reminder of how little I fit in with the people I’d like to fit in with.

It’s just that, when I got these stupid tattoos done, I was in my “fuck it” phase. I didn’t think there was a future for me, or that, if there were, it’d be anything meaningful. I truly didn’t think my body was worth preserving. I was pretty much in active self-destruct mode for the majority of my twenties, so, I guess the tattoos are just another unfortunate symptom of that.

And the worst part is, most of mine are not even good. Because of my crippling social anxiety, I never took the time to seek out really good artists, or speak up if a design wasn’t exactly what I wanted it to be, or to ask around for advice. I’d just slink in, half-drunk, and show them what I wanted, and after, no matter how it had turned out, express effusive gratitude and praise because I was so embarrassed that this person had spent time with my gross body. So a couple of mine are actually really bad and not what I wanted at all. Which is not even how real tattooees get their tattoos. I just wanted to be cool so badly – I’m like that guy from the Offspring song (“he asked for a 13 but they drew a 31!”).

There are two that I regret less than the others, though. My favorite one is the only one that I had done by this really cool artist who happened to be a Christian: his studio was the one where I felt the least uncomfortable and sad. I would have loved to go to him again, but sadly, he relocated out of state. The idea that he realized for me is one of a lily with a passage of poetry around it that I really like; plus, it’s on an upper bicep where I can pretty easily hide most of it without long sleeves. So, that’s not too bad. And the other one that I don’t regret as much as the others is in another place that’s relatively easy to hide. It’s the initials of the four “imaginary friends” that I came up with in middle school and who have accompanied me since then, for almost two-thirds of my life; they’ve kept me afloat during some difficult times, and I love them dearly. I wish that particular tattoo were more neatly executed, but nonetheless, I like that one the most because it feels the most “true to myself,” and is also the most innocuous. I also really like not explaining this one to people when they ask, lol.

I’m not judging anyone who gets tattoos and likes them. A lot of my friends have them. I actually think they can look really nice, on some people, and tbh I still find them really attractive if they’re in the right place and well-done. But, it’s not for me. As a mom on a tight budget, I just groan inwardly at the mere thought of how many hundreds of dollars I wasted on something as useless and regrettable as tattoos that are not even that good.
Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 2: Mith Reacts

March 19th, 2025

Spoilers ahead for Spring Baking Championship season 11 episode 2!

As much as I loved that it was another full hour and twenty-five minute episode (normally, only the premiere is this long), this episode was kind of a miss for me. I don’t care about Minecraft, much less the Minecraft movie; these promotional episodes are always a little cringe, for me. Both challenges, but especially the Main Heat, were pretty dumb; I mean, even a well-executed Minecraft cake isn’t going to look good! Even the best cakes in that challenge just looked like boxes. And, I hated all the gross ingredients that they had to use in the Main Heat. Bacon, jalapeno, prosciutto, chipotle, habanero, pancetta: gross, not for me. I don’t eat meat or spicy peppers, so, I was totally uninterested in these.

And I got so sick of hearing the word “nether!” This word for me is like the word “moist” for other people. It just makes me think of private parts. Please, stop talking about “nether cakes.”

There were a couple of other pet peeves of mine that popped up in this episode, too. The first one has already happened once this season, but I heard it twice in this episode, and it’s like nails on a chalkboard: “marscapone.” The word is mascarpone. Ugh! Also, “expresso.” It’s 2025, espresso is not an exotic thing in America anymore; haven’t we moved past this? Lol.

Also, Nancy’s hair: cute effort on the stylists’ behalf, but this was not her best look, lol.

However, there were some things I liked about this episode. Specifically, that Corey won! He’s such a cool baker, that was well deserved! I’m sure if I could stand bacon I’d be drooling over that cake he made. Also that Lisa did so well (despite her saying “marscapone” lol). I’ve already named her as my pick for most likely winner based on last week, and it’s nice to see her keep on being awesome. That watermelon entremet was a work of art! And she even did well in the stupid Main Heat challenge – that cherry cake sounded phenomenal, and her bee cubes were adorable (although, I’m surprised they didn’t ding her for the almond sliver wings; if they can ding Kari for her 45 degree angles on the flame decorations, why didn’t they ding Lisa for the rounded wings on her bees?). She hasn’t missed once so far. She’s a force to be reckoned with!

Also, that Jamie went home. I really didn’t like her attitude in the Team challenge. Paul, as you know, is one of my favorites, and he seemed like a really gracious and cooperative teammate, while Jamie seemed to be acting like a major control freak; I dunno if it was just the way they edited the footage, but, they made it look like she was totally pushy and bossing him around! And then, of course, she was the one who screwed their team over and landed them in the bottom two – and even then, Paul was still so kind and supportive about it, sacrificing the quality of his own cake in a heroic attempt to help her salvage hers. To be fair, Jamie was at least apologetic about that. And, I feel bad complaining about her attitude right after she revealed that she’s a cancer survivor. To her credit, everything about this challenge, as I already said, was stupid, and I think it would be really really hard to do well. Still, given that she was in the bottom two last week as well, I think it was probably right that she went home.

My high point: Kareem has lived to see week three! After the Preheat, I was afraid he was going to bomb this week, too (although he was far from the only one who made a mess that challenge). But he pulled it out in the Main Heat! Aside from the “too cheerful,” pretty pastel decoration (which I actually liked and thought suited his cake better than the stupid “nether” theme they were trying to push on him), he did a beautiful job with the interior and flavors of his jalapeno cake! Brilliant! Love to see it. He finally refined his craziness to just the right degree. Also, he was absolutely the best at naming his team. “Pre-K, because we came to school ‘em” – oh my goodness, I laughed out loud, he’s so clever and funny! And he just pulled that one right off the top of his head, didn’t have to think about it. Rock on, Kareem!

My low point: Jon’Nae’s entremet not working out. It sounded so good! I actually kind of liked the “square fruits” entremet challenge – Minecraft aside, the ones that turned out well were really cute, and sounded really tasty. Watching bakers pour mirror glazes is one of my favorite things on a baking show. And based on her description of her plans, I thought Jon’Nae’s sounded the most delicious: strawberry and white chocolate mousse, yes please! That totally would have been my pick for Dessert I’d Most Like To Eat, had it worked out. But, sadly, her mirror glaze didn’t happen. She did the best she could without it, and made what looked like a fun little strawberry shortcake style thing, and the flavors still sounded great, but, alas. I really hope she has a better week next week!

The dessert I would most have liked to eat: I was really disappointed that the judges said that Raveena’s beet cake didn’t have enough flavor. Beets, goat cheese, honey, and walnut sounds like such a delightful combination! I’m sure if she had amped up the other flavors a bit, this would have been delicious. Given that it apparently just tasted like cheese, though, I’m going to have to go with: Jon’Nae’s cacao nib cake. I’m a chocoholic, and will almost always pick the chocolatiest thing on any dessert menu, so I love to see a chocolate dessert featured on the Spring championship, which is unusual; it’s heavily dominated by fresh seasonal fruit flavors. Sounds like she really killed it with candying the cacao nibs!

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Is it ok to eat soy chorizo?

March 16th, 2025

I have to laugh at myself here. How funny, to even be asking this question! There was a time, in years past, when I sincerely wondered the exact opposite: if anyone who was not vegan could ever, in any sense, claim to be a good person. If we could ever excuse them for their crimes, their willful ignorance. Oh, how the turntables!

The other day, the SSPX District of the US posted on their Facebook a list of excellent Lenten resources, including a short article that was particularly interesting and relevant to me: it was on the topic of whether it is acceptable for Catholics to consume vegetarian “meat” substitutes, such as the “Impossible” Burger or Morningstar Farms or “Beyond” products, on days of abstinence.

I was surprised that I had never even considered this before! As a longtime vegetarian and occasional vegan, I’ve always just thought: well, abstinence from meat doesn’t really apply to me, since I do that 365 days a year anyway, so, I’ll just find some other penance to do on abstinence days. But it never occurred to me that these processed “meat” treats are, basically, exactly that: meat substitutes. They essentially allow you to have the experience of eating meat without technically eating meat. So to eat them on a meat-free day is really cheating. Going forward, I’ll make sure and avoid these products on Fridays and penitential days!

Now, my family is vegetarian, but 90% of the time we don’t even eat these fake meat products. For one, they are really pricey; and for two, they are so highly processed; I prefer to feed us simple whole foods like beans, lentils, grains, and nuts. I also cook with tofu a lot. But sometimes as a treat I do splurge and buy the vegetarian chicken nuggets for the kids, or the fake bacon strips for a family breakfast, or a vegan Italian sausage to slice up and throw in with pasta. There are so many to pick from these days, and they’re really good!

At this point in my life, I actually prefer the meat substitutes to the real thing. I’ve been vegetarian for so long that the texture of meat, in fact the mere concept of eating meat, gives me the major ick. I’ve actually considered going back to meat-eating so that it would be easier to get protein (carnivore is all the rage these days, and people are so obsessed with protein right now, it’s such a crazy fad that they’re even adding it to things like juice and cereal; all of which makes me doubt myself sometimes, even though I know my vegetarianism is healthy); but, it’s just so nasty to me, I couldn’t stomach it even if I wanted to. And I hate cooking with the stuff. Raw meat is the vilest thing; you have to stress about cooking it to an exact temperature, to avoid bacterial infection, and sometimes you’ll get nasty bits of gristle or vein or bone chips, which, why would you even eat something with all those issues, IMO. The meat substitutes are, for me, just as tasty without any of that ickiness; they feel satisfying but cleaner.

All of this to preface the main point of this post, which is the question: is it morally okay to buy and eat meat substitutes?

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I never really wondered about this until reading this Lenten article! In it, the author admits that, from a rigid POV, these artificial meat products could technically be considered licit on abstinence days, since they contain no animal flesh, even though they are, he says, “an abomination in the eyes of God.”

An abomination? What?! My jaw quite literally dropped!

And then I kind of laughed. Was the author trying to be funny? I don’t think he was, though, because the rest of the article was very scholarly, very dry and straightforward, without any personal opinion or humor or flair of any sort.

Is fake meat really an abomination? I guess the author probably thinks nondairy milks are also an abomination, then? Is it because they are man-made and not natural? In that case, is any purely man-made food product, like M&Ms or plain tofu, an abomination too? Or is it just that these fake meats are imitations of a “real” food product, and that’s what makes them an abomination?

I can see the reasoning there, but still, I’m just not quite convinced that consuming fake meat is immoral. What if you’re like me, and just can’t stomach meat? Or what if, for example, you have high cholesterol, or Alpha-Gal syndrome, or some other health condition that makes you literally allergic to meat, to the point where it would endanger you? Should you just accept this cross and go through life not eating meat?

You know what? Maybe! If we Catholics tell couples with infertility that they have to just accept their cross instead of using artificial, scientific methods to “cheat” and get what they want just because they want it, then, shouldn’t that same logic apply to people who can’t eat meat? – But then, does something like eating a fake burger carry the same moral weight as the illicit creation of human life? I think not.

Is every scientific means of “getting around” nature an abomination? Like, anesthesia, or medication for pain relief – is that an abomination too? (See my post on epidurals.) (This also raises the question of vaccines, which I’m planning to address in the near future.) On that note, is air conditioning unethical? Is hand lotion? Are prosthetic limbs? Contact lenses? Surgery in general? Cars?! (I am definitely on board with the idea that airplanes and submarines are an abomination; people are simply not meant to fly or to go down in the ocean, and that’s just facts.) Is it unethical, then, to rescue someone who’s dying of natural causes?! Is it always unethical to use artificial means to make what God has provided for us more pleasant (or less unpleasant)? I’m not being a smartass here, I’m genuinely wondering now.

Back to fake meat. If it’s not just the artificiality, but the imitation of a real thing that is the issue, then what else is an abomination? Are fake fireplaces an abomination? My house has a gas fireplace, with these fake metal logs sitting in a little iron grate, and you can turn on the propane with a switch to start the fire: is this an abomination? What about lab-created diamonds? Aren’t those more ethical than the ones mined by child slaves? Are fake flowers an abomination? I carried a bouquet of fake flowers at my wedding, because it was the same one my Mom carried at hers. What about man-made lakes? I can think of a couple that are very dear to me.

Maybe these are, indeed, all abominations. Maybe not sinful, because as I was saying they definitely don’t carry the moral weight that something like creating human life does; but still: they are, perhaps, little abominations.

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I think part of the issue that the author had with this article was not just the abomination itself, but the fact that they are, as I said, really expensive. I think the author was wondering why you’d pay extra for a fake instead of just buying the real thing for less money. Especially during Lent, which is all about simplicity: a time when Christians traditionally fasted, and used the money they saved on food to give alms. Buying pricey fake meats is definitely not in the spirit of Lent.

For example, someone like me: I’m vegetarian mainly for reasons of taste, at this point. But Lent is a time to mortify the senses: to not let our taste buds govern our decisions. During Lent, technically no one should be eating meat (except on Sundays), but, if you’re eating meat anyway, it would probably be most ethical to buy whichever option is cheaper.

Or would it? Don’t we also have to consider the morality of the means of production? Those of us who are on a tight budget, and not personally acquainted with any farmers, simply don’t have the option of buying locally-raised, organic-fed meats. Our only choice is what’s on the shelf at the grocery store. Which is definitely not trustworthy, definitely not humanely raised.

I don’t want to use my money to support factory farming. I’m no longer the staunch, PETA-supporting, “Animal Liberation” activist that I used to be, but still: we shouldn’t be cruel to animals. Anyone who says animal suffering doesn’t matter at all is ignorant and wrong. It’s true that animals don’t have souls like humans do, but that does not mean they’re incapable of suffering or that we shouldn’t care if they suffer needlessly. Yes, I’m aware that God told man to “have dominion over the fishes of the sea, and the fowls of the air, and the beasts, and the whole earth, and every creeping creature” and “to fill the earth and subdue it.” But to have dominion and to subdue does not mean to torture and abuse. Honestly, given the situation with meat production in our modern world, I am surprised that there aren’t more vegetarian Catholics. (It’s wild to me how many Catholics are clueless about how to eat meat-free! The Eastern Orthodox, with their rigorous vegan fasts, are surely pointing and laughing at us.)

I think it’s probably less unethical to use my money to support factories that create fake meat products than it is to support factories that torture animals. But less bad doesn’t mean good.

Probably the most ethical – and also the healthiest and most affordable – way to be vegetarian/vegan, is to eat whole foods: foods that actually come from nature. (I’m not paid to advertise here (who would pay me to advertise anyway, I have like 0 viewers, lol), but, this is precisely why I’m so obsessed with the publication Forks Over Knives, which prints exclusively whole foods plant-based recipes, mostly oil-free and without highly-processed ingredients; every single recipe of theirs that I’ve ever made is freaking delicious; they’re the coolest!) If you’re gonna be meat-free, for whatever reason – whether it’s because of ethical concerns, health requirements, or personal taste – I think you should just accept that you’re making a sacrifice, and you don’t get to eat meat anymore.

And dairy-free folks? Should they do the same thing and just forego milk, if they can’t have dairy? As someone who vastly prefers nondairy milks myself (who wants to drink a tall glass of another mammal’s breastmilk? Ugh, gag me!), I hate to admit it, but: following this logic, then: … maybe? Or, is soy milk less of an abomination than a Beyond Burger, because it’s just an innocuous liquid made from a plant, instead of some mystery chemical substance, dyed weird colors and shaped to resemble a meat product? I think this is probably the case – but, I’m not sure on this point yet; maybe I’m struggling with it because soy milk has been around so much longer than fake meat, and is even more normalized and ubiquitous. What do we think? I’d be super curious to know the author’s thoughts on nondairy milk and yogurt.

Dang! This article really made me take a closer look at my whole approach to groceries and my own vegetarianism. See, this is one reason why I love Traditional Catholicism so much.

Anyway, in conclusion: what I’ve learned is, fake meats probably are, indeed, an abomination. But I don’t think it’s necessarily always a moral failing to buy and eat them. If they’re a regular staple of your diet, or if you’re eating them on abstinence days because they’re “not really meat,” then maybe you need to think about that. But as an occasional splurge or treat on a normal day, or as a time-saver when you’re in a real pinch (as I frequently am, as a mom of three, soon to be four, young kids), they’re probably okay. At first, I thought “abomination” seemed like a really heavy word to use on something as benign as soy chorizo; but the more I think about it, the author has a point.
The Most Confident Person I’ve Ever Known

March 15th, 2025

Daily writing prompt
Who is the most confident person you know?
View all responses

How am I really to know who is the most confident person I’ve ever known? Someone might feign confidence, and appear super confident, but secretly feel insecure and just not talk about it, because perhaps they are insecure about the insecurity itself.

However, I know who is the most confident-seeming person I’ve ever met. I met her my first semester at my first college, and gravitated toward her, because she had what the kids these days call “main character energy.” She was not only very outspoken, fearless, funny, and confident (making her relatively easy for my AvPD to be around, compared to other people), but also on the “quirky/artsy” side, as was I; and this was at a snooty little private university that was a veritable Sahara Desert, in terms of quirkiness/artsyness. So I, who have always been insecure, was trying hard to find some other weirdish people to associate with.

There’s this false stereotype about confidence that it makes you cocky, that you go around like you’re God’s gift to humanity and think everyone should bow to you. Similarly, there’s a false stereotype about humility, that it makes you think of yourself as a piece of shit and makes you too timid to ever speak up. In fact, confidence and humility can coexist beautifully, which is what this girl showed me just by being herself.

By humble, I mean that she was totally aware of who she was, and she owned it. She was a nerd, and a chubby girl (and not even trying to change that; she ate whatever she liked, as if she were totally immune to diet culture; she would just openly describe herself as “fat” and not even bat an eye or expect someone to coddle or reassure her about it), who liked some gross foods (like, the processed deli meat slices with the chunks of American cheese mixed right into the meat – to my absolute horror, she used to keep this in the mini-fridge in our suite, when we were suite-mates sophomore year, without even concealing it in a plastic grocery bag or anything, the way I would do with shame-foods), and had some lowbrow hobbies (like video gaming, which she would do in the common room of our suite with the blinds pulled down, even on a beautiful sunny fall day when clearly a morally-upright person was obligated to be outside in nature, exercising); but was she ashamed of any of these? Not in the slightest. She socialized. She shared herself with people. She expressed emotions with ease, from anger/irritation to sadness to delight to anything in between. She could enjoy movies and stories about thin, beautiful characters without being devastated that she was not thinner or more beautiful than them. She spoke to other, thinner people like they were her equals. She wasn’t afraid of them.

It was a beautiful, fascinating, and, to me at the time, horrible thing to behold.

I was, in those days, in the thick of my ED, restricting heavily, underweight, and super stressed (as I always have been, and continue to be, 15 years later) about not being good enough. So watching this girl be so comfortable in her own skin made me positively sick: sick because how dare anyone be okay with being fat and nerdy! Those were cardinal sins! And sick with envy, because why couldn’t I ever be so comfortable with myself? How did she do it? What was her secret?

In the early days, freshman year, my socially awkward ass glommed right onto her, because her big personality and the way she could carry a conversation made her easy to be around. (Also, tbh, my ED was always appeased when it was in the company of people who were bigger than myself; so she made me comfortable on several levels.) I followed her around; I became friends with some of the people she was friends with. Sophomore year, she and another girl, the third member of what I thought of as our little trio, invited me to join them in sharing a suite with a fourth girl (who was around so little that I barely remember her). It sounded like a good arrangement. I had my own bedroom, as did the mystery girl, while my two friends, who were always closer to each other than I was to either of them, shared a bedroom; and we all shared a common room with a kitchenette and bathroom. It should have been a great year!

But I was really sick that year. And when sick, I shut down and shut people out. My suitemates had brought a large TV to set up in the common room, which pissed me off, because obviously worthy, deserving people only read great literature or made art for fun; only fat losers would need a big TV, and I didn’t want to be a fat loser; how dare they be so shameless about it! And it pissed me off even more when they would invite a whole crowd of annoying friends (actually, this was a great group of really cool individuals: the campus weirdos, i.e. pretty much the only eight to ten kids on campus who weren’t involved in Greek Life; there was this little inherited joke, that we few were members of the elite “ΓΔΙ”, Gamma Delta Iota, i.e. “G**damn Independent,” lol; in the very early days, before I sank so deeply into my sickness and horribleness, I actually enjoyed and was proud to belong to this crowd of friends) over to the common area late into the night to play noisy video games on this stupid TV, such as Rock Band. Only a cardboard-thin wall divided my pillow from that stupid plastic drumset that they’d pound away on late into the night. Be a decent human, I thought bitterly! Learn to play the real drums, if you want to drum something! Losers! And they’d play the same annoying songs over and over! To this day, “Float On” by Modest Mouse gets me triggered AF.

I was just so irritated. I’d get irritated by my suitemates’ sanitary products, disposed of in our shared bathroom trash can. How vile, how bodily, how shameless! How dare they have the nerve to menstruate! Of course, I never voiced any of these hateful thoughts or complained about the noise or the smells or anything. I just cast passive-aggressive stares at them when passing through on my way to or from the bathroom, and all the while sank deeper and deeper into my bitter little stew, and isolated as much as I could, never joining them anymore, no matter how often they invited me.

But even though I was a terrible person and a terrible friend, my suite-mates tried to take care of me and look out for me. One night in the common area of our suite, they and a couple of the friends from down the hall had a little intervention on me. We think you have an eating disorder, they said. I was so mortified that I don’t remember how I reacted – stiffly, coldly, brushing them off, probably – but in my head, I was like: yeah, no shit! I’ve had it for like seven years, leave me alone about it, you’re just making it worse! I gave everyone in that circle an even colder shoulder, after that.

That must have been in the spring. Earlier in the year, I had signed on to rent an apartment with the two friends, the following year: a really nice little apartment just across the street from our dormitory. I’d toured the place with them, met the landlords, even cut a check for the deposit and signed the lease. But at this point, living with these girls any longer had become simply unthinkable. So I did a shitty thing. I dropped out of the lease agreement at the last minute, forcing them to have to scramble for a third roommate. I found an efficiency apartment a short bike ride away from campus, and signed the lease by myself. Finally: for junior year, a place to drink and puke and starve and rot in privacy, unbothered by concerned friends.

That girl and I stayed loosely in touch – she and the other friend never expressed any hard feelings, about me breaking the lease, or any of it, and we were still on pleasant terms, if we crossed paths on campus – but, we were not really friends anymore. After I had my little crisis and dropped out of that school, two-thirds of the way through junior year, we were still connected on Facebook; but I eventually deleted her, as well as all of my other connections from that university, and since that point, I don’t know what became of her or how she’s doing.

Of course, I did sorrowfully Google-stalk her a couple times. I think she got married, at some point, to the guy she was dating there at school: a fellow nerd and a gamer, a big quiet but funny guy, a year or two our senior. I think I saw she had a LinkedIn profile and a decent-sounding career. No surprise there. Nothing ever seemed to hold her back from doing things she wanted to do. She was crafty, good with her hands, brainy, productive (even though she enjoyed loafing on the couch with video games, she also had a lot of cool hobbies, like fashion design, theater, reading, and some kind of needlework if I remember correctly, and she was a member of various clubs), and never seemed to struggle with self-promotion or teamwork. Wherever she is these days, I’m willing to bet she’s thriving in her work life.

And I hope she’s doing well. I remember her as a genuinely honest, humble, and, yes, incredibly confident person, who made other people feel more comfortable in their own skins just by being around her. She was neither cocky nor boastful nor full of herself, nor was she ooey-gooey nice or kind or especially charitable or saintly or anything; she was just thoroughly, unapologetically herself. Many times over the years since we’ve lost touch, I’ve thought of her and contemplated her wisdom and told myself: I should try to emulate her; I should make that a goal, just for today. Be more like her, I tell myself. I always fall short, and will probably never really have her confidence; but, what a rare person, what an exceptional specimen of humanity, what a role model. I wonder sometimes if maybe that is what a saint is: not someone who follows all the rules perfectly, but someone who is really, thoroughly, shamelessly the person that God made them to be, gross feelings and gross habits and all.

Of course, I guess it is possible that she was never that confident at all. Maybe she was actually really insecure on the inside. We can never really know another person, can we? Maybe she had social anxiety or hated her body, and was just better at faking it, at putting on a brave face, than I ever was. I was never lucky enough to know her that well, I realize in retrospect; I was just a leech, looking for some positive energy to feed on because I had none of my own. I wish that sometimes there were some way I could apologize to her for the way that I was back then – but, true to form, I remain too ashamed.
Spring Baking Championship s. 11 Premiere: Mith Reacts

March 12th, 2025

This one also contains a couple spoilers for: GBBO series 15, and Spring Baking seasons 8 and 10!

Spring Baking Championship 2025! I’ve been so excited for the new season. The Baking Championship is my favorite show, and I haven’t watched it since Summer 2024. I don’t watch the Halloween seasons (not my thing), and when Holiday aired in November/December, I was so sick with pregnancy nausea that I couldn’t even stand to think about food, let alone watch a whole show about it. So now I’ll have two seasons of Holiday to watch this winter, yay!

But in any case, Spring is quite possibly my favorite season of the Championship, for sentimental reasons. I first started watching the show in early 2023 after my third child was born: my husband was on leave from work and minding our girls, so I just laid on the couch all day long snuggling the newborn, watching the previous year’s season of Spring Baking (the infamous season 8) on the HBO Max app on my phone. I was immediately hooked, and watched all the seasons back to back; to my delight, season 9 dropped shortly after I first got into the show. And soon after that, they started the Summer Baking Championship, too, which is good but IMO not quite as great yet as Spring and Holiday. I have watched all of all three of these (except the aforementioned 2024 Holiday season), so I consider myself something of an expert by now.

All of this to perhaps give credence to the following observations.

There is a great group of contestants this year! I’m so excited to see what they can do. Based on the premiere, my official prediction for this season’s winner is: Lisa, and I predict the runners-up will be Priya and either Jon’Nae or Raveena.

Lisa is fierce! Her lemon-lavender tart in the Preheat was beautiful and sounded delicious, and her pie in the Main Heat was probably the best-looking pie I’ve seen on this show (I think pies must be so hard to decorate well!).

But, my four personal favorites and the ones that I am most rooting for:

Kari. When I first saw her, I immediately thought to myself: “That’s a recovering addict.” I guess it takes one to know one, lol. I love that she’s loud and proud about her seven years and two months! Some people find it annoying when a person in recovery makes their recovery their whole personality; but, we have to remember that, for some people, using substances was their entire personality, and as a replacement, recovery is a much better one to have. I would love to see Kari win the whole thing. Plus, her hair is super cool and beautifully done with the violet highlights. I just love when someone over 30 wears an unnatural hair color.

Corey: He just seems so likeable and chill and nice! And, he’s from DC, so geographically the closest to me of all the contestants. Also, I love that he did a pecan pie and managed to make it springy (and got his conductor fingers from Nancy!).

Jon’Nae: I just have a feeling that she’s got a lot more up her sleeve than we’ve even seen thus far. She also seems like a lovely individual, and the camera adores her – she has such a warm and bright vibe about her. There’s a reason why she was the first one they introduced!

Paul: of course I am going to root for the straight French guy. I like to see straight guys excel in baking, because it’s typically considered to be a feminine art! And, I loved Romy (season 8) and Alex (season 10), and thought both of these deserved to win, and Paul seems to be carrying on their legacy.

A few other random observations:

Obviously the pressing question we all have right now is, why did Lauren leave?! I hate to see a contestant quit! She was doing so well – her pie got a really good critique! If she’d done terribly it would make more sense, but she was a potential winner! I read somewhere that she apparently “got sick and couldn’t continue,” but that seems awfully… vague? Mysterious? Of course, it’s no one’s business but her own what she has going on in her life, but I can’t help being curious! This is going to drive me crazy, as was the case with Jeff from last year’s GBBO.

However, I am glad that her resignation allowed Kareem to stay on. Instantly when I watched Kareem walk onto the set, my brain was like: “he’s going home first” (after watching so much of this show, I have a spidey sense about these things), which made me sad, because he’s just a delightful character. So I was unsurprised to see him in the bottom two, and prepared myself to say goodbye to him. I really, really hope he can refine his craft and stay on the show until the end.

The challenges in this episode were great! Sometimes in the past the challenges have been weird, but I loved both of these. The flower one was fun for me because, as you know, I love associating people with things (“what kind of x would you be if you were an x?” is like my favorite game). (As for me, if I were a spring flower, I’d be a grape hyacinth.) And the Main Heat was really brilliant and original, with all the different honeys!

One comment about some of the comments I’ve seen: people need to leave Kardea Brown alone! She is a great judge and an awesome person! I like her as a judge way better than Carla Hall! I did love Lorraine (her back-and-forth head-butting with Nancy was hilarious), but Kardea is just as good in a different way. She’s actually my favorite Food Network star. She’s an entirely self-made girl from the South who got her start selling homemade sauces out of the trunk of her car, or something, and is now rich and famous; and her personality is just a ray of sunshine. I cannot believe how much complaining she gets, what the heck people?!

Speaking of the judging: I noticed in this episode that the judges, specifically Nancy who’s usually nitpicky about things being seasonal appropriate, were not nearly as much so this time. Hot toddy, apple pie, and pecan pie, and not one of them called out for being too fall/wintry? I was expecting complaints about that, but, hey, cool, I’m here for it. I did think it was silly that Nancy complained about the red center of Paul’s daisy. I thought it was creative, and with genetic engineering these days, flowers can come in whatever color we want! Also, Duff was harsh this episode! “Be smarter next time” — damn! I guess he’s been at this so long now that he’s done trying to sugarcoat things.

My high point: Kari winning the main heat! Yass queen!

My low point: Kareem not quite nailing the Main Heat. I thought the judgment about his decoration was a bit harsh – that pie had some giant, neon-bright flowers on it, it was hardly boring! – but to be fair, coffee and sage honey just doesn’t sound like a winning flavor combo, to me. He’s so inventive and colorful, I really want him to go far!

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Julian’s walnut-honey pie with whipped blond chocolate ganache! Please bring me a piece immediately.

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Which animal would you compare yourself to?

March 11th, 2025

Daily writing prompt
Which animal would you compare yourself to and why?
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This is an easy one. If I were an animal, I’d definitely be a snail. Nothing exotic or interesting; just the plain little slimy brown pest that you find in your garden after it rains.

As someone with AvPD, the animals I most relate to are obviously the ones with hard shells. Turtles and tortoises, hermit crabs, horseshoe crabs. But turtles are too popular, too universally liked, and tortoises are too hardy. Hermit crabs occasionally leave their shell to find a better-suited one, which I wish I could do but can’t. And horseshoe crabs are too interesting, too majestic, being one of the oldest species on earth (plus, I hate the ocean, it’s too scary, so probably wouldn’t be an ocean critter).

Snails are not very well-liked. They cause trouble in people’s gardens when they show up there. They are slimy and unappealing. And they like to hide. You don’t see them unless conditions are precisely to their liking (i.e. probably not if it’s a warm and sunny dry day). Even if you do see them, they’re probably hiding in their shell. And their shell is a part of them; they can’t just come out of it. They live in wooded spaces, which is the sort of terrain I’ve always called home.

Also, the spiral on their shell: spirals have always been a “thing” of mine, for a number of reasons: my natural appearance (I have very curly hair), my lifelong doodling habit (one thing I have always loved to mindlessly draw is repeating patterns of spirals), my spirituality (Celtic Christianity has always been my favorite flavor of Christianity, and the one that resonates with me; the triskelion is a symbol you often see in early Christian design and architecture from that region), and the basic meaning/implication of a spiral, the way it curves ever inwards, going around and around on itself. The perfect symbol of an introverted overthinker.

“I tried, but can’t find refuge in the angle,” sings Sam Phillips in her song “5 Colors,” one of my favorite songs: “I walk the mystery of the curve.” That line always reminded me of myself a lot, trying to make life tolerable with rigid rules and systems but always finding out, in the end, that life is more nuanced and rounded than I wanted it to be.

Also, another reason I feel an affinity for snails: many years ago, for reasons I can no longer remember, my then best friend and I, over lunch in the middle school cafeteria, came up with this bizarre inside joke that I had two invisible twin snails who lived on my head. I wish I could remember the origins of this joke. Our shared drawings and notes and things we passed back and forth were frequently adorned with drawings of snails.

And on my first trip to Germany, when (long story short) I was feeling just very out of place and messed up and disliked by everyone in my life, one of the few bright spots in my memory of those days is taking long walks alone through the neighborhood to a nearby park, with my headphones on, and seeing just so many cool snails hanging out on all the leaves and flowers. In German they’re called Schnecken, and slugs are called “Nacktschnecken” i.e. “naked snails,” which is one of my favorite bits of vocab trivia about German.

So yeah. Snails have long been my “spirit animal” lol. If I were still into tattoos I might get one of a snail next, but, I don’t do those anymore, and regret all of mine, which is another story.
TOP 10: “Guilty Pleasures”

March 9th, 2025

“All pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety,” says the meme, and this is very true of me. As you probably already know if you read my blog, I have a lot of guilt and shame around just about anything that is pleasurable to me, especially food- and music-related things. Pretty much all of my favorite music is “guilty pleasure” music, and many of my favorite foods are too, even if they don’t seem that weird or bad to a normal person.

Why are we like this? Is it an ED thing? An AvPD thing? Probably some of both, tbh. I can’t imagine what it’s like to eat around other people without shame – I don’t even like for my husband to see me eating, in fact it drives him crazy how whenever we eat together on the couch I erect a small “pillow wall” between us so I can kind of hunker in my personal space. It’s just, those chewing motions are so unbecoming, so… digestive, ugh. I’m even embarrassed when the cashier rings up my groceries. I imagine them looking at all my stuff and going “oh, you like this shit, do you? This pleases your drooly little taste buds?” Lol I wish I were joking.

But not all of these are food. I’m like this about everything. I’ll just get to it so you can see what I mean.

16. Giant fruit. When an apple is, like, freakishly ginormous, like the size of a newborn’s head, or a banana is like a foot long (no, this is not an innuendo, I am really talking about fruit), and any normal person would see it and go “what in the GMO hell is that,” “that is way too much fruit for a single person” – I’ll nervously chuckle and be like “oh yeah, that’s too much, I could never, lol!” but then in private I will demolish that shit in like 45 seconds flat. I love apples.

16. Giant hoodies. I always tell myself I should start dressing more ladylike. Then I always end up in some kind of black 2XL men’s hoodie (I’m a women’s M). I can’t help it, I just feel safe and like myself inside a giant hoodie.

15. Lottery tickets. As a rule, I do not buy these – I have an addictive personality, and not a lot of money to blow – but now and then, when the Mega Millions gets high enough, my sweet and mentally-balanced husband will be like “I’ll go buy one ticket, just for fun,” and I can feel the whites of my eyes turn black as I reply, with the haunted urgency of an addict, “how about three? Or maybe five?? And will you grab me some of those scratch-offs, while you’re at it?”

14. The TV show Outer Banks. It’s so ridiculous! It’s such a high school fantasy. And the really stupid thing is, it isn’t even set on the real Outer Banks! As someone who lives in the Southeast and has spent a substantial amount of time on the real OBX, it’s painfully obvious that this show was filmed in like Florida or maybe South Georgia or something. It’s almost too silly to watch. But man, is it entertaining. (I haven’t watched the latest season yet; I’ve only seen up through season three. My husband won’t watch this one with me, lol.) And the eye candy! Everyone in the show is so pretty, I mean, Madelyn Cline, wow what a beautiful person! My personal favorite character though is JJ. What a precious child. I just want to like pack him a lunch with the crusts cut off the sandwich, and mend the holes in his socks, and whatnot.

13. Christmas. I’m talking the hideous, garish, commercial, Santa Claus, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” Hallmark movie, lawn inflatables, holiday sales at Walmart type of Christmas. I love the religious aspects, too, don’t get me wrong. In my faith community, folks aren’t big on the commercial stuff – they kind of pooh-pooh it, and rightfully so. As a holly jolly Santa lover, I’m definitely the odd one out among TradCaths. I wish I could kick the habit and instead be all holy and ascetic and serious about this feast day – but, it just brings me so much joy! I grew up secular, so this shit hits like the best kind of comfort food, for me.

12. Simulation games. I’m not into video games at all, and tbh I kinda look down on video gaming as a hobby, and think it’s pretty dumb. But simulation games? The kind where there’s no actual goal or conflict? I can eat that shit up! Like, as a kid (5th-7th grade) I used to waste so much time on The Sims for PC, and before that I wasted so much time on horseback riding/equestrian simulators. I got so sucked into them! I know I still could, very easily, so I avoid them as a rule. (And there are so many more to choose from, now! Even grocery store simulators!!) I ain’t got that kind of time to waste anymore.

11. Arby’s classic roast beef sandwiches. I’m vegetarian, and have been vegetarian or vegan for most of my life, but very seldom, like once every few years, I’ll get one of these with extra Arby’s Sauce. They’re just so good, and there’s nothing else quite like them. And it’s weird ‘cause in general I was never big on beef, even when I was a meat eater; I always preferred chicken. What does this Arby guy put in his sandwiches to make them so good? It’s a mystery to me.

10. WASPy baby names. I have three kids, and all of them have beautiful, special, non-WASPy names. I would never name my daughter Harper or Kennedy or Harlow or Saylor, and I would never name my son Miles or Pierce or Brooks – but, I freaking love all of these names so much. The ones that scream “prep school” and “country club.” Ugh, hate to love it.

9. Alt fashion. These days, I try to dress in a way that’s modest, unassuming, comfortable, and age-appropriate. But, just know that, in my heart, I am wearing a vegan leather motorcycle jacket covered in pins, black combat boots, a ripped denim miniskirt with one of those studded belts, black-and-white striped tights, and a t-shirt with some kind of band logo on it. I’m also a sucker for artificial hair colors. Whenever I see someone out in public with blue or purple hair or a quirky, artsy, alternative fashion sense, I send them a little telepathic message saying “rock on friend! you may not be able to tell, but I’m a kindred spirit!”

8. Divorced dad rock. Back when I was like thirteen, I really thought bands like Three Doors Down, Saliva, Staind, Nickelback, and Cold were seriously edgy, hardcore rock music! I thought I was so punk and alternative for listening to them! It wasn’t until 20+ years later that I learned that these all belong to an unbearably cringe genre referred to as “divorced dad rock.” But I still think certain early Nickelback songs, like “How You Remind Me” and “Someday,” are bangers; I mean, come on.

7. Certain manga/anime. This genre is a cesspool, and as far as I can tell, roughly 99.9% of it is disgusting trash. But MARS by Fuyumi Soryo is one of the greatest love stories ever told (even if it kind of gave my thirteen/fourteen-year-old self some rather unhealthy, starry-eyed ideas about what a romantic relationship should look like), and I will probably continue to cherish all fifteen volumes until the day I die. And, as you may already know from that other post of mine, I kind of can’t help but adore the character Izaya Orihara from DRRR!.

6. These two specific seasonal candies: Cadbury Creme Eggs in the spring, and Mallocreme Pumpkins in the fall. Especially the eggs. They’re so disgusting – all that sticky high fructose slime oozing out all over your fingers – but so fun! Cadbury chocolate just tastes better. And, those vile little mallocreme pumpkins: keep them away from me! The texture is simultaneously rock hard and marshmallowy soft, and the sugar is so sweet it burns. Why do I love them?!

5. Heroin chic. I am not condoning this look. I truly, from the depths of my heart, hate that I love this look. It’s so sick and bad (neither of those in the cool way). But, I was a kid in the ‘90s and came of age in the ’00s, and I’m afraid that did permanent damage to my idea of feminine “beauty.” I have tried so hard, for so long, to change my taste: to genuinely appreciate the beauty of a fuller, healthier figure; but, to no avail. My “dream body” will always be bony and emaciated, and I will never feel pretty or confident at a healthy size. But that’s okay. I don’t have to. The whole “love your body” thing is BS. Much more helpful to me in my ED recovery has been “it’s okay to not love your body; it’s okay to be uncomfortable.”

4. The indoors, and climate control. I so wish I were outdoorsy! I wish I loved gardening and sunshine and being in nature. These seem like healthy, morally superior things to like. Unfortunately, I just don’t like them. Anything colder than 55F and warmer than 70F, I’m going inside. Bright sun? Inside. Too windy? Inside. I hate dirt and bugs; I love air conditioning in summer and heat in winter. I do make an effort to get my kids outside frequently to play, but I certainly do not enjoy it.

3. Gas station egg salad sandwiches in the plastic container. The best ones come from 7-11, but Sheetz has a good one too (which is satisfyingly labeled as an egg salad “wedge”). Isn’t this a disgusting thing to like? I’m so ashamed. They’re so good though.

2. The song “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf. I heard this song on the radio for the first time in my car one day in 2021, and was like: wow, this slaps!! and immediately ran to the internet to go listen to and download it and listen to it on repeat. It wasn’t until weeks later that I discovered, through social media comments, that apparently this song is universally recognized as the cringiest, lamest, stupidest song of all time, and everyone everywhere is making fun of it, because apparently it sounds like if a chubby youth group leader at church tried to write a rap. Oops. Still slaps, though.

And finally:

1. Bath & Body Works. Their stuff is so bad for you! Chock full of hormone-disrupting chemicals, not to mention all that plastic packaging. But, the dopamine hit that I get from a spritz of B&BW body mist, or a fresh tube of their lotion after a shower, is like no other that I have left in life. It’s not even just the scents, it’s the matching graphics on the pretty bottles, the creative names, and the little artsy descriptions of the scents on the back: their designers do such an annoyingly good job. I can’t quit the stuff. I feel the same about Yankee Candle, and for many years that was my kryptonite, but now I can’t burn candles because of my kids, so, I have to get my fragrance fix from personal care products. My favorite B&BW scent from recent years is Ballet Nights, a wintry smell like sugared berries and cassis, amber wood and vanilla and snow, packaged in a shimmery amethyst-colored bottle; and runner-up is Sweetheart Cherry, which is pure cherry almond cupcake.
Middle Name

March 8th, 2025

Daily writing prompt
What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance?
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Silly WordPress. I’m not going to tell you what my middle name is. Nice try, FBI agents.

But I can talk about it. I like my middle name, much more than I like my real first name (as you’ve surely guessed, “Mith” is not my given name; I have certain beef with my real first name). My middle name is easier to say, and I think it suits me better than my first name ever did. Also, on my very first date with my now-husband, I asked if he could guess my middle name, and he guessed it correctly on the first try with no hints, which was wild, especially considering we’d also just figured out that we had the exact same birthday (four years apart).

And my middle name does have a significance that perhaps I can share. It was the name of my mother’s aunt, of whom I have no memory because she died when I was a tiny baby. But I always felt a sort of kinship with her, growing up, because she was a painter, and I used to fancy myself an “artist,” all the way up until approximately age 21 or 22, at which point I was in art school and surrounded by actual artists, comparing my work to theirs in drawing studio classes, and I finally realized that I wasn’t shit, that I simply didn’t have the eye, the motivation, or the patience to ever be a real artist. I may like to doodle and dabble, but I’m not the real thing. So, I gave up on that dream, and switched my major to writing. Whether or not I’m any better at that is still up for debate.

But as a child everyone told me I was so good at drawing, and all through high school and my first years of college I thought of myself as an artist, so, I felt a sort of bond with my namesake great-aunt, whose hand-painted China adorned our mantelpiece and filled our shelves. She painted beautiful, realistic things like birds and flowers, and had a real eye for decoration. Unlike me, lol. My style was always more cartoony and fantastic.

My favorite thing that this great-aunt made, though, was not the fine China or the ornate painted clock, but a fabric ball. I’m not sure what it was or how better to describe it. It was a lightweight, hollow ball, like papier-mache or something, the size of a large grapefruit, and its outside was coated with a haphazard patchwork of glued-on fabric scraps in a rainbow of colors and patterns. It hung on a piece of red yarn like an oversized Christmas ornament. I kept it in my room when I was a kid, and found it very sensorily pleasing, and often just held it and played with it. My bedroom theme as a small child was rainbows and bright colors (even at age four and five, I was never very feminine), so the ball matched the aesthetic perfectly. I don’t know what ever became of that ball, and can’t remember the last time I saw it.

The name of this great-aunt was also given, in part, to my own Mom, whose full name is an amalgamation of two of her aunts’. (This is tricky to talk about without telling you the names, lol.) But so I’ve always loved this name of my Mom’s; it’s super uncommon, and feels very poetic. I’ve never seen another person with that name IRL, only in poems and books.

And here is a funny coincidence. Much later, when I was 30 and had my first daughter, I unintentionally gave her a first name that is almost exactly the middle name of this namesake aunt of mine (same root, just a couple different vowels). All this time, I didn’t even know what the aunt’s middle name was.

My daughter’s first name is very special to me. I’d been secretly saving it since I was sixteen, when I heard it in a film, and tucked it away in my heart for years, wishing for a little girl that I could give that name to, whispering it to myself and writing it in journals, envisioning her in my imagination. For her middle name, I wanted to use my Mom’s name – the poetic one that is an amalgamation of her two aunts’. But so I didn’t realize until my daughter was a couple months old that I’d accidentally given her a family name for her first name as well. So my firstborn is basically completely named after this same namesake great-aunt of mine. If I were still superstitious, like I used to be before I became religious, I’d think it was more than just a coincidence. That my bond with this great-aunt lived on.

On that note, I also think it’s cool that this name has a specifically Christian meaning. And it was my name even before I was Christian. It felt weirdly prophetic. Not that I live up to the name or anything, lol, but, I keep trying.
TOP 10: Ranking “Yellowjackets” characters by how much I’d like to have coffee with them

March 8th, 2025

Caution: SPOILERS for season 1 and 2 of Yellowjackets!

Keep in mind that, as I write this, I have finished season two, but not yet started season three, so these rankings are based entirely off of the first two seasons. I’ve heard it said that the show jumps the shark after season two, which, I really hope it doesn’t, because these first two seasons were phenomenal. But I won’t be surprised if it does, because, let’s be honest, it’s pretty rare that a show actually maintains its season one and two energy into the third season and beyond.

(ETA: Sad to confirm that it did jump the shark. I’m now two episodes into season three, and may have to quit; disappointed is an understatement. Did they fire all their old writers and replace them with a team of middle school students? What the heck?! But, season one and two are still gold.)

This show is exceptional, for me, thus far, in that it sticks with me more than most other shows I enjoy. I’ve dreamed about this show at least three times since starting it, which, I never dream about shows or movies, no matter how much I like them! My favorite show ever is probably Succession, and I adore its cast of characters, but I’ve had exactly zero dreams about it. I’ve never even dreamed about the movie The Wicker Man (’06), and I literally wrote fanfiction about that one.

I wonder what it is about this show. I think it’s that it has great characters and a healthy dose of the interpersonal drama/romance that I love so much, but also a simple and truly nightmarish premise. One of my recurring nightmares is that I’ve somehow accidentally committed murder and am now being sought by the police (stemming from all my shame/guilt, or fear of being known for how awful I really am? Idk!), so stories with this plot thread always really get to me! They also use music really well (“Lightning Crashes,” for example: that was genius), which always drives a scene home really strongly and makes it cut extra deep.

I have only two complaints about Yellowjackets: first, predictably, the sexual content is a too heavy and graphic at times, and feels really fanservicey. And second, the “going into labor” scenes were extremely Hollywood. I’m so sick of these TV/movie depictions of labor! Especially as a first time mom, it’d be extremely, extremely unlikely that Shauna would go from zero to 100 like that. Just walking along minding her business and then suddenly she’s doubled over screaming like she’s being murdered? No. I wish the entertainment industry would stop perpetuating this ridiculous idea that this is how labor goes, because 99.9% of the time, it’s not, and it freaks people out (first time moms everywhere be like “what if I go into labor at work?! 😱” girl, no worries if you do!, because tbh you probably still have a few hours before it even gets painful!!). For a more accurate portrayal of early labor, see the Pam going into labor episode of The Office.

But, I digress. For the sake of keeping things concise, I have limited this list to characters who were actually in the wilderness – even though some of the very best characters in the show were not there, especially Jeff, Adam, and Walter. I love all three of these for different reasons: Jeff is just so charmingly normal (the “Last Resort” scene in his car hits the nail on the head), plus his loyalty to his wife is endearing; poor Adam is so pure and sweet; and Walter is just hilariously freaking psychotic.

Not that I’d particularly want to have coffee with any of these characters. Even if they weren’t dangerous, I have AvPD, as you know, which has always formed this thick impenetrable barrier between me and other people. “People that I like and admire and would, in theory, like to befriend” and “people that I can actually hang out with” have often (not always) been very different people, for me, simply because socializing is too hard and scary. Approachability is the main predictor of my ability to hang out with a person. I probably wouldn’t socialize with any of these characters, irl; they’re all sporty and talented and super intimidating. But, if I had to:

14. Mari. She’s just super unpleasant and bitchy! I have yet to see her do or say a single redeeming thing. She certainly wouldn’t like me any more than I like her. She’d probably order something iced and complicated with a long made-up name and an extra shot of this that and the other thing.

13. Travis. Nothing against him, he just doesn’t seem that interesting to me. Just your typical basic guy, and not super outgoing so he probably wouldn’t want to be there. I feel like he’d order a regular Americano, hot, with like one sugar packet but no cream.

12. Taissa. Even if not for the whole creepy red-eyed dissociative murder personality thing, I just don’t think she and I would have much to talk about. She seems super liberal and also a real high-achieving, go-getter type with a lot of money, so, I just don’t find her very relatable. Would love to get her advice on hair care, though, as I also have fine curls and hers are stunning. I bet she’d order something super caffeinated, like just straight shots of espresso.

11. Jackie. She’s actually one of my favorite characters. I like that the show turned the stereotype on its head: with Jackie being the hot rich girl and the group’s ringleader, you expect her to be the most evil, but she’s actually one of the sweetest and kindest and most naïve – poor thing. I don’t think she and I would get along though, lol, girls like her did not click with weird creepy girls like me. She’d definitely order whatever was on trend and in season: a Pink Drink in summer, a pumpkin spice latté in fall, etc.

10. Natalie. She, not Jackie, is the girl I most wanted to be in middle and high school, and if I’d been making this list back then, she’d probably be my #1. I always envied not the preppy girls, but the scene queens, the ones who hung out with the bad guys, the edgy and troubled and dangerous girls who seemed unbothered by rules or anyone’s opinions. But, she’d find me spectacularly boring, I have no doubt, especially with me being sober. For coffee, I’m sure she’d order a basic drip and then spike it with liquor from her purse.

9. Misty. Undoubtedly the most interesting character on the show, and the craziest. I find her, at times, uncomfortably sympathetic. But, I am also terrified of her, and would not want to do anything to get on her bad side, so I’d be on eggshells the entire coffee date, and probably try to keep her talking about benign things like musicals (I hate musicals) and birds. She’d probably order an extra foamy cappuccino with like vanilla or almond flavor.

8. Coach Scott. Poor Coach! I was really rooting for him when he did what he did in the season 2 finale. He might be the last sane one left, at this point. But, with him being a jock and a man and gay, I don’t think we’d have much to talk about over coffee; maybe books? We do see him reading fairly often in the show. I think he’d be the type to order a grande dark roast and add oat milk, but no sugar.

7. Shauna. I find her basically the most relatable character, which is why her storyline disturbs me so much. If she hadn’t been through all that trauma, imagine what she’d be like! She’s a writer like me, so maybe we’d have some things in common. But, I am also terrified of her, and would not actually enjoy hanging out with her for this reason. I can see her ordering something with hazelnut, like a small latté or a macchiato.

6. Van. She seems really chill and likeable, both as a kid and as an adult. I doubt we’d really click, but as adults I’d enjoy picking her brain about ‘90s nostalgia and trivia, and she seems funny. Definitely a plain black coffee type, probably from a McDonald’s drive-thru.

5. Crystal/Kristen. She didn’t deserve her ending! She seems sweet and easy to talk to, so I think a coffee date with her would be pretty pleasant. I think she’d order something frozen and blended with lots of shameless extras, like mocha syrup and chocolate chunks.

4. Javi. Another who didn’t deserve his ending. He’s soft-spoken and awkward like me, so it’d probably be a super awkward coffee date with a lot of long silences. But he’s an artist, as well as a younger sibling, so we might have some things in common. He seems like a tea drinker, maybe black tea.

3. Akilah. I love her! I felt so bad when little Nugget turned out to be a shriveled corpse. She has such a gentle and nurturing personality. I’d love to talk about babies with her. I think she would go for a nice hot latté with a cookie on the side.

2. Lottie. Cult leader antics aside, she seems like a well-intentioned person (volunteering herself as Shauna’s punching bag without even flinching once: damn), as well as obviously highly interesting, with her special abilities and all. I’d be happy to listen to her talk about whatever. Definitely a green tea lady, specifically the loose leaf kind.

And finally, the one I’d be least uncomfortable around:

1. Laura Lee. Obviously! It’s a good thing she died when she did, because she was too good for what befalls the rest of them. Even though she’s Protestant and I’m Catholic, I imagine she and I would have more in common than I would with anyone else on the show. In any case, Christian charity would obligate her to be nice to me even if she didn’t like me, so I think it’d go alright. She would definitely order hot cocoa with marshmallows.