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CAUTION: SPOILERS for this episode of HBC!
“I am gooped, gagged, bewildered…” – Nico, when they announced the unprecedented elimination format
“The Holiday Village is stress, girl.” – Camrey, at the beginning of the challenge
“No presh.” – Alyx, about five times during this episode
Only one challenge again? I am not happy about this, you guys. I’m also not happy that Jesse said we’re at the “mid-season mark” already: what?! I’m over here counting on my fingers thinking that can’t be right. Are there only going to be eight episodes?
What is going on this season? The two-team structure is weird, and I’m not sure I’m liking it. And today’s format was wild: each team had to pick their two best pies to present to the judges, which, fair enough, but it left me wondering how they were going to handle the elimination. Then we find out that the losing team has to choose which one of their own to send home?! Good grief! At least they got to do it by an anonymous vote. I was afraid we’d have to watch them talk it out. This felt like a little bit too much drama for me. All of these changes – the teams, the one-challenge episodes, today’s wild ride – it just feels like they’re veering too far from the classic structure. I don’t think I like it. How are we feeling about it, readers?
Tarek was obviously the main charcter this episode (loved to see it!), but the other main character was definitely Ashleigh. She had an absolute journey this week. When she told us about how she wants to take her dad on a vacation to Scotland, my husband was immediately like: “she’s going home this week.” Because in previous episodes it seems like every time a contestant tells us a tear-jerking story about what they want to do with the prize money, they get sent home. And I was like “Ashleigh, go home?! No way.” But then, it started to seem like it might actually be possible! And when Ashleigh herself realized that it was quite possible, she started having a whole panic attack on the set! The way she collapsed with relief when Tarek won the challenge was so cathartic to watch.
But, what happened with her and Alyx? Last week, I was going on about how Ashleigh and Alyx were like the two top contenders, both carrying their teams on their backs. And this week, neither of them even got to present their pie to the judges because they weren’t that great! I’m wondering if these two will make comebacks next week.
And, to continue the tragedy of Ashleigh this week, her BFF Erin got sent home. I loved their friendship! Even though they were on separate teams, they had become besties on the show; it was lovely to see the way they clicked. But then, alas, cruel fate tore them apart. I hope they remain friends IRL. So yeah, this week was a lot, for poor Ashleigh. Up until now she’s seemed so fierce and intimidating and even harsh, but this week we got to see her a bit more human. I still think she’s going to be in the final.
Now we must talk about Nico. You all already know that, since day one, he’s been one of my favorites, not only of this season but in baking show history. But after this week, I love him even more. I could feel my heart break when he revealed his history with serious EDs. Such a terrible disease is always tragic, no matter who; but Nico, he’s such a pure and joyful and bright and kind little person, and he seems so confident and cheerful and unselfish; you’d never have expected him to suffer from something like that. So it makes it even sadder, somehow. I love that he chose to be open about it, though, because, as he said, the stigma, especially for males, is a terrible thing. EDs often go undiagnosed and untreated in men because people just assume that men/boys can’t get them. Anyway, I’m genuinely so happy to see how Nico has evidently managed to heal his relationship to food, enough to not only recover his physical health but to become a professional pastry chef who makes others happy with food! Not to be grim, but I sincerely hope he’s doing okay off-screen. Sometimes, with these things, once you’re looking better, everyone thinks you’re A-OK and congratulates you, and so you go around agreeing with them because you don’t want to be a downer, when in fact you are not okay at all, and the voices in your head are as loud as ever.
On to my other favorite, Charles. Was it just me, or was he a little nicer this episode? Obviously, there was the remark about “wear her out before the final”, so he’s still out for blood and all, but it seemed like, same as Ashleigh, he was a little more humble and human this episode. He seems to have accepted that he’s part of a team. Like the grinch, his heart seems to have grown a few sizes. And this week, when he got some negative feedback, he seemed a little more prepared for it. I’m sure that a lot of this is just the way the editors arranged the final cut, and that they’re trying to make it look like he’s developed as a character, for the sake of the plot; but, even if it’s all fake, I’m still here for it. Also, that apple pie looked incredible; I love that he went for a simple, classic apple pie. I kind of want to try the shredded apple trick next time I make one.
Also of note this week: Chase. He went into this week feeling very confident and calling himself “the pie guy,” still riding the high of episode one. When his team had to judge each other’s pies, he was a bit extra critical of his teammates. His “perfectionist” side was definitely showing! But then, from the actual judges, his chocolate pecan bourbon pie got mixed reviews. I’m very invested in what’s going to happen with Chase, going forward. I don’t doubt that he’ll be in the final, as well.
Also, Jean Carlos. He seems to have found his stride this week! That pie was so interesting: pumpkin and cherry, who would have thought? Even though this is kind of a clash of summer and fall flavors, I think it could have worked, if he’d made it more cherry-forward. Although, buttercream on a pie? That was different. My husband, who’s not as into baking shows as I am, asked me: “why is buttercream on a pie weird?” and I, rather flustered, was like: “you just, you just don’t do that! it’s just not done!”, lol. I guess, trying to imagine a mouthful of buttercream and pie crust, it sounds kind of mealy and gross.
It was of course fun to see Tarek win this one. He needed that. And it was especially funny that he did it with such a “naughty” dessert (ash tray-shaped pie, reminiscent of his childhood Christmases spent leaving out cigarettes and shots for Santa!), being the only underage contestant. He’s been in the bottom for the past few episodes, and said that he felt like the weakest link on the team, so it was really satisfying to see him secure the victory and save his team from elimination.
And finally, it’s sad about Erin, but true to form, the way she voted for herself to go home. It did make for good TV, I suppose. I’m just bummed that she went out on such a yummy-sounding dessert. I’m not sure if I agree that hers was the worst this episode; what did you think? Please, leave me your comments!
Superlatives from the judges: 1, Duff telling Chase his crust is “some of the best we’ve had on this show” (running total: 3)
Judge says “remember, you’re on Holiday Baking Championship”: 0 (running total: 1)
Nancy says “bite of food”: 0 (running total: ½)
High point: The way the whole Naughty Team looked at each other and gasped in collective awe and delight when Nancy told Chase “maybe just a scooch too much bourbon?”
Low point: Charles not getting great reviews from the judges. The crust was too thick and tasted floury?? And why would Kardea not think the design was “naughty” enough? I agreed with Duff there: a worm in an apple is naughty enough, isn’t it? What more did she want to see, a worm with a switchblade??
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Erin’s blueberry ganache pie with white chocolate, topped with a little goat cheese cream tree. I know the ganache was slightly broken, and the consistencies were off throughout, but I still think this sounded like the best flavor combination this episode.
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This post is simply to celebrate the best thing in the world, which is: babies.
I post this today because it was one year ago today that I found out, with great joy, that I was expecting my youngest. As I write this, he is three months old, and a truly superior baby: A+ work if I do say so myself. I love all babies (how could anyone not!), but my favorite stage of babyhood, if I had to pick one, is probably from birth through approximately five months. The age where they are just helpless cute gurgly blobs, and you can set them down and step away for a minute and they will still be in that same spot when you come back. 10/10. (Of course, when mine hits five months, I’m sure that I’ll change my mind and decide that five months is my favorite age, then six months, and so on; this happens to me every time.)
I sincerely don’t think there’s any more purely delightful element of the human experience than the company of a tiny baby. There’s something supernatural about it, I think. Little kids are aware of this, too: they are drawn to babies, and have this intense wonder and delight about them, and always want to hold them. Rolling through the grocery store with my baby in the car seat holder of the shopping cart, everyone, but especially little kids, absolutely loses it when they see him: “it’s a baby!!!”
I feel like this phenomenon, of tiny humans seeing other, tinier humans and being immediately filled with senseless delight and desire to hold and care for, is just another sign of how good and sacred a thing human life is. Whenever there’s a baby, everyone wants to hold it. (Unless they’re nervous, which is fair; I am usually nervous around other people’s babies, because they’re like little extensions of their parents, so interacting with them just as socially stressful as interacting with their parent, if not more so, because if you screw up the interaction with the baby, the parent will be angrier than if you’d screwed up an interaction with them (the parent) directly. But! That doesn’t mean that I’m not at the same time, on some level, desiring to hold the baby.)
How can you not want to hold a baby? How can you look at a baby and not want to violently throw objects against a wall and/or physically fight someone because it’s just so cute? The following are some of my favorite things about a baby. This list is far from comprehensive, so do feel free to chime in:
13. Baby’s involuntary arm and leg movements. The way these movements look exactly the way they felt while they were in your belly. It’s the very same thing! I mean, obviously it is, and you already knew that in your brain, but to see it with your own eyes – I always get such a kick (no pun intended) out of that.
12. Fuzzy newborn ears. I don’t know if your babies had this, but all four of mine were born with fuzz on the edges of their ears. It goes away sometime in the first month or two, which is always heartbreaking.
11. The bottom of the baby. Why are babies’ butts so cute? “Baby Butt” was, in fact, how my husband and I inexplicably found ourselves referring to our firstborn, all the time, when she was a baby. Because the butt was just so cute. Cuteness aggression-inducing fun fact: did you know that patting a baby’s butt often calms them down because it reminds them of when they were in your belly and their little butt was (hopefully) pointed up, and they could feel your heartbeat there?
10. Baby smells (and lack thereof). We all know that a baby’s head smells great. But can we also talk about how babies are the only people in the world who don’t smell bad? Breastfed baby poop doesn’t stink. Baby’s breath doesn’t even stink. It’s like they’re such pure creatures they’re incapable of producing a bad odor.
9. The way their little arms aren’t quite long enough to reach up and touch hands over the top of their giant head. Can you imagine having a head that size?
8. Baby noises. Those first little sounds that baby starts to make when they’re first figuring out that they can make sounds – it’s almost a shame when they start to learn words (not really, of course).
7. The mind-boggling fact that they’re a whole entire person, a whole individual, who will one day be big but for now they are yours and you can literally just pick them up and carry them around.
6. The newborn scrunch when you pick them up. Its the most satisfying thing; I get such vicarious pleasure. My three-month-old has pretty much stopped scrunching, by now, which is devastating.
5. Staring. Staring at things, my baby’s pediatrician said, in all seriousness, is an important part of his development, so it’s good to take time to just stare at your baby and let them stare at you. Which is awesome, because I love to sit and stare at my baby and be stared at by him. I also love it when babies stare at me in public. Just watching them absorb information like that is so cool. At what point does it stop being cute and become unnerving and rude, though?
4. The fuzzy head. I know some babies are born with lots of hair, and others are born totally bald, but all four of mine have been born with just a nice soft layer of kiwi fuzz, which is so soft and soothing to pet.
3. Cheeks. The fat cheeks of a baby: delectable. Some moms talk about wanting to eat their babies’ feet, which I wholeheartedly relate to, but for me, it’s even more so the cheeks. I actually still sometimes try to nom on my almost-three-year-old’s cheeks.
2. Rooting, om nomming, and the feeding face. The little open-mouthed head bob that a new baby does is the cutest thing on this planet. And the way that, if you put them in the feeding position, or even put your knuckle or something near their mouth, the little toothless mouth pops open and starts om nomming. The sheer determination with which a baby will thrust its face towards something it believes to be food, mouth wide open! They’re like little animals. Also, the face that a new baby makes while it’s feeding: the businesslike, serious stare straight ahead; or sometimes, when they get a little older, the way they smile up at you and laugh mid-feed. Totally worth the mess.
And obviously, the thing that makes me the most insane:
1. Baby smiles and happy squiggles. Any baby smile is gold, but when your own baby smiles or laughs, it seriously feels like some kind of really good drug. And, even better, when the baby is just laying there chilling, and then you walk up to them and they see you and then they smile and start involuntarily squiggling their arms and legs? It makes you want to scream and punch something just thinking about it.
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CAUTION: SPOILERS for this episode of HBC!
“Oh God, Food Network, please don’t cancel me.” – Nico, talking to himself while working on his little decorative yarmulke-wearing piggy
Half an episode?! Come on, Food Network, what was this about? I was looking forward to this all week, all day – this was quite literally getting me through a really exhausting Tuesday – and then you only give me one challenge?! Not happy about this at all.
I think I get why they did it, though. Episode three is a tricky point, production-wise, because they don’t want to do another long ninety-minute episode like they do for the first two – is this a budget thing? I don’t know – but in any case, they cut the time in half, at the third episode. But they still have ten bakers to get through. So, zooming through twenty desserts in forty minutes is kind of a whirlwind. I get that. However, I still would rather have seen twenty desserts.
I guess the good thing, though, about slowing down a bit and having more time to devote to each contestant’s process, allowed the show to work on fleshing out the characters a bit.
“I’m born to be here,” Jean Carlos proclaimed. As a mom, it warmed my little heart to hear him talking about how he’s here for his mom, with whom he endured some less-than-ideal living situations as a child, and now he wants to give her a nice place to live. He had a good week! Those brigadeiros were his shining moment.
On that note, I was saddened to hear Ashleigh’s lore about her family background; no wonder she’s so tough, competitive, fierce, and bossy; it sounds like that was probably a survival mechanism. I have a new admiration for her. “I need everyone to stop going in that blast chiller,” she barked at her teammates, as she started to get frazzled over those disintegrating cakes – like, damn! “Ashleigh is really tweaking right now in this moment,” Nico observed – but, being a good team player, he was gracious about it, and predicted that she was going to be the one to save their whole team. And he was right.
Ashleigh is one of the best for sure, as is Alyx apparently. I kind of love how it came down to Ashleigh vs. Alyx – there’s something delightfully comic book about the dichotomy. Both teams are spearheaded by a queen bee: on the Naughty Team, this tough, gorgeous, unsmiling blonde with all the cute holiday accessories who’s not here to make friends or mess around (looks sweet, is mean); and on the Nice Team, the witchy goth baddie with a fun sense of humor and the slow easy warmth of a seasoned Southern cook (looks mean, is sweet). I’m 100% sure that both of these two will make it to the final, along with probably Charles, who remains my favorite.
Speaking of, did you see Charles come to help Ashleigh, when she was having her little crisis near the end?! My jaw just about hit the floor! Their team really made the “team” thing happen, this episode. And it sure paid off, since Ashleigh’s tropical entremet wreath ended up being the best dessert of the show and saving her team from risk of elimination. Which left Alyx, queen of the Nice Team, feeling guilty for perhaps being too nice: it was she who, when offered the choice between a “nice” advantage and a “naughty” advantage for her team this episode (either a whole set of nifty extra tools for her team to use, or the opportunity to take stand mixers away from the naughty team), went with the “nice” option. Now she’s feeling like perhaps she should have been meaner. I think she feels semi-responsible for Violet’s elimination – like if she hadn’t played so nice, Violet might still be here! The drama! I wonder if this will affect her attitude going forward. She’s so cool though. Her Black Forest mille-feuille wreath did sound incredible!
Also of note this episode: Nico’s naughty Star of David bacon wreath! Possibly – no, definitely – the most hilarious bake ever. The nerve! The irreverence! And Duff’s reaction, as someone also raised Jewish – priceless. Duff is actually Christian now, which is awesome. Something tells me Nico’s not exactly practicing his Judaism anymore, either. I thought this was brilliant, and wished he’d gotten better feedback on the actual flavors – apparently it was actually too much bacon and didn’t combine well with the maple. Poor Nico!
Erin: this episode was a whole saga, for her! Being the Mom, she of course offered to pause her bake to go get coffees for everyone – which, can we talk about how spoiled this set of contestants is for having a coffee shop on set, lol? But, while Erin was out, her sheet pan warped in the oven. Which, can we also talk about sheet pans warping in the oven?! This moment pained me, because it was so real! But it was also kind of refreshing in its realness! This happens to me all the time at home – you’ve just put your sheet pan in the oven, and it’s been a couple minutes and then you suddenly hear an unnerving metallic pop and you look over and your sheet pan’s all twisted up, its opposite corners popping up off the rack. I hate that. I think this was the first time I’d seen it present an issue on this show. So anyway, Erin had to remake her snickerdoodle cookie cake, and was quite flustered about it – but then! Not only did she manage to make it work, she ended up getting rave reviews, for both decoration (that unconventional color scheme was really something) and flavor (that was a clever combination: snickerdoodle with apple-whiskey compote. If I were still into alcohol, I’d probably love it). Way to go, Erin.
Chase: Like I was saying, this episode seemed to be very much about fleshing out the characters. I think Chase told us three or four times tonight that he’s a perfectionist: that he comes off as chill, but he actually takes great pride in being a perfectionist about his own work. They really built him up in the first part of the episode – even Kardea came out and said that Chase is one of the best, setting the bar so high, etc. – all of which made his lackluster results even more devastating! I thought sugar plum cream puffs sounded so clever, so festive, so original! I think he could have pulled it off as a wreath if it had been, like he said, a little neater. I hope to see him back on his A game next episode.
Charles: my favorite did not have a great week! His bundt cake looked amazing, with that adorable little naughty cat pulling down the lights – but, the flavors sounded downright weird! Am I right? Banana with lime caramel? I was not surprised to hear the judges say that the taste was off. I wonder if he’d gone with something other than lime if it would have been better-received. Poor Charles!
Violet: she was lovely, and a seriously impressive baker, but tbh I’m never that sad when they send home a literal infant on these shows. You’re like 10 years old and already doing better than 99% of all grown-ups, you have your whole life in front of you, lol. So even though I was a fan of hers, I’m not super crushed by her elimination.
However, I do think it sucked that the judges came down so hard on her about her wreath cake! “Messy”?! I did not read that as messy at all! I actually thought it looked very neat! The royal icing was impeccable. Yes, the decoration had a lot of elements, but they were organized, coordinated, and super festive! I’m so confused. I guess it’s true that it didn’t really look like a literal green wreath, but, honestly so what. I’m also confused why they sent Violet home instead of anyone else. Camrey, Jean Carlos, Nico, Charles, and Chase all got feedback that was just about as mediocre as Violet’s if not worse, so why her? This call didn’t really make sense to me. Poor little Violet! Ah well, like I was saying, she’s a prodigy, she’ll be fine.
Superlatives from the judges: 1 (“this is the best thing you’ve made on this show!” – Duff to Alyx) (running total: 2)
Judge says “remember, you’re on Holiday Baking Championship”: 0 (running total: 1)
Nancy says “bite of food”: 0 (running total: ½)
High point: Naughty team group hug??! Never thought I’d see the day!
Low point: My poor favorite Charles! “Not your best work,” Duff said, and it looked like Charles was about to either attack someone or break down sobbing or just short-circuit like a broken machine, or maybe all three. Clearly he’s not used to getting negative feedback. As someone who is also pathetically sensitive to criticism, I did not enjoy watching this moment; it felt like we were witnessing something way too personal and private to be on TV, and not in a good way.
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Easily, Tarek’s chocolate cupcakes with pretzel crust, peanut butter mousse, feuilletine crunch, and honeycomb. Tell me yours in the comments!!
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CAUTION: SPOILERS for this episode of HBC, and also for Spring Baking Championship season 11.
“…legs up, booty out, it’s gonna be real naughty, I’m gonna be like, ‘sorry, Santa’…” – Nico, describing his design for his cake in the Main Heat
“Oh how the mighty fall!” – Nico, smirking and looking on as Charles scrambled to finish in the Preheat
Needless to say, Nico continues to crack me up every time he’s on the screen. “Little s***,” my husband called him, in the same tone that he used to use when teasing our little pet dog; indeed, Nico reminds me of a little yappy chihuahua that you just want to carry around in your purse. He definitely belongs on the “naughty” team; however, at the same time, it’s obvious that, out of everyone on his team, he has the most team spirit and is the most willing to cooperate, so could have done just as well on the Nice team.
Once again, this episode was a lot, and once again, I have a lot of thoughts.
There was some drama this episode! And some public displays of emotion! How different this show is from GBBO. We Americans, we like it big and flashy, messy, goopy, and loud. But anyway, pour yourself some tea and take a seat and let’s talk about the drama:
Nico vs. Alyx. Both made entremets in the Preheat, and both did really well, but Nico’s did a bit better. Then, in the Main Heat, they were each their respective team’s MVPs – stout cake with amaretto cherries vs. chocolatey baked Alaska – but this time, Alyx came out on top.
Daniel vs. Ashleigh in the Preheat. This was actually upsetting! Poor Daniel! He had this cute plan to make two gingerbread men to top his cherry Old Fashioned cake. But then he realized that basically everyone on his team was doing gingerbread man toppings; specifically, Ashleigh was doing pretty much the exact same duo of gingerbread men that he (Daniel) had been planning to do. Wanting to stand out, Daniel decided to change his decoration plans – and, to be really passive-aggressive towards Ashleigh for the rest of the episode, lol. “You doing okay over there?” she asked him during the bake. “I’m working,” he replied, in that taut pitch that was, actually, mildly triggering, if you grew up around a lot of passive aggression, am I right?! Lol. And then after the judging, when Ashleigh didn’t do so well and she was venting to her team in the cafe about the pressure of already being on a pedestal and having to meet or exceed her own standard every time, and how it just gets harder and harder, and Daniel was like: “yeah, that’s what happens, in a competition,” lol excuse me?! I think maybe he was actually just genuinely being nice, but after the drama between them I definitely read this as petty and angry. Personally, I really think Daniel should have just kept his gingerbread men design. Clearly there’s nothing wrong with two contestants doing the same thing; it actually makes things more interesting sometimes (see: Nico vs. Alyx, Ashleigh vs. Chase).
Ashleigh vs. Charles in the Preheat: I could not believe my eyes! Charles was actually in a rush to finish, and his teammate Ashleigh – who, I guess, learned from last episode that their team has to cooperate a bit better if they want to succeed – actually came over to help him. Which was super cool of her! But Charles did not look happy about being helped by her at all. He had literally just got done saying that he wants to dethrone her! And now here he is begrudgingly accepting her help because what other choice does he have! He hated this! And you’d think that this would have humbled him a bit, but no; if anything, he was more bitter and isolationist than ever, in the Main Heat. Come on, Charles! You’re still my favorite, and I still love the arrogance and competitiveness, but the plain old bad attitude is not a good look.
Ashleigh vs. Chase in the Main Heat: can you believe Ashleigh had the gall to make a chess pie after Chase’s did so well last episode?! The judges just said that his had the best crust they’d ever tasted, and Ashleigh hears that and decides it’s time to try and one-up him?! What on earth was she thinking? Chase, who typically seems very gentle and mellow and kind-hearted, was muttering about this to his teammates, and seemed a bit miffed! Ashleigh’s red velvet chess pie looked beautiful and it did well, but not as well as Chase’s; her crust was “a bit sandy.”
Alyx vs. Camrey in the Preheat: Okay, this pissed me off a bit. Alyx’s entremet ornament, as beautiful as it looked, was a bit melty. When the judges asked her what happened, Alyx didn’t hesitate to mention that she’d been helping her teammate (Camrey) finish, and thus hadn’t gotten to stick her own stuff in the freezer to set. Way to throw poor Camrey under the bus! What happened to Miss Team Spirit, where did she go? For one, all she had to say was “I was rushed,” “I was short on time;” it was her decision to help Camrey, after all. Don’t make yourself a martyr. For two, it wouldn’t have taken but a second for her to run to the freezer and back and still help Camrey, so she could have done both. I felt really bad for Camrey, who was clearly already wracked with guilt, and Alyx’s little unnecessary comment really rubbed it in her face. To be fair, maybe she just felt put on the spot while standing there being judged, and perhaps lost control of what she was saying; I do that kind of dumb thing all the time, so if that’s the case I feel for her.
And then, the sob stories:
Chase. Playing the Dead Grandparent card! It worked out for him, though. That lime angel food cake did incredibly well. “Make it a little fair for everyone else,” the judges told him; “no notes!” Kardea, being the sweetest judge and just a delightfully warm and loving individual with a beautiful soul, is typically the one to get the contestants to open up about their little feelings, and this time was no different. Chase at least seemed to really appreciate her “guardian angel” comment, and embarrassing as it was, it was really sweet and heartwarming; although, don’t even get me started on the terrible angelology of the whole “your dead grandma becomes your guardian angel” idea, lol.
Jean Carlos. Is it just me, or did the show pull yet another merciless dick move, humiliating Jean Carlos right after prodding him to bare his soul on camera?! Like, come out here and cry for us on TV and tell us all about your innermost feelings of loneliness and isolation, then stand there and watch us call you out for not being a native English speaker and misunderstanding the details of the instructions. Brutal! Harsh! And kind of irritating. His petit gateaus were beautiful, quite possibly one of the best bakes this episode; do we really think it was worth disqualifying him because he didn’t include cherry or lime flavors?! Maybe so, but they could have at least offered a kind word about what he did do well. They acted like his whole dessert was trash just because it didn’t have these two flavors, disregarding the fact that it was a masterpiece that sounded delicious. To be honest, this reminded me a bit of Paul from last season of Spring Baking. Being French, and not a native English speaker, it seemed at times that Paul didn’t quite understand the details of a challenge, and suffered for it in ways that I didn’t feel were completely fair. I wish they’d had a bit more sympathy for Jean Carlos, and acknowledged that those blood orange petit gateaus were amazing.
I must say, I did not agree with their judgment of the décor on Charles’s preheat. Why were they so mad about it?! How did it not come across?! It was a coconut cocktail flavored pie, so he made a little sunbathing lady to lie on top of it; it’s not that complicated?! I thought the judges came down unnecessarily hard on this. What was not to understand? How could you not get the joke? Why was Nancy getting all technical about “coconut bras have straps”? Does that really matter, in a stylized pie topper? What was the point? I thought he nailed it with the design! I’m starting to think this was a case of the judges being hard on him because he’s so much better than the others. What were your thoughts on this one?
Gotta love sweet Erin the Mom, unable to shake her “mom” identity even for a second (I wonder how she feels about that). In the very beginning of the show when they were all enjoying their little warm-up beverages, Jesse looks at her and goes “Mama needs her juice, right, Erin?” (some kind of “wine mom” joke, I guess, which, don’t get me started on that, either) to which Erin sassily fired back “We used to make this in a bathtub, Jesse.” Reminding us all that she hasn’t always been just Mom, lol. My heart did very much go out to her when she went into the pantry for some ingredient and was suddenly overcome by Mom Brain and completely forgot what she was doing. Most relatable moment ever! Then she came back and her whipped cream had broken; devastating. Her pavlova-turned-Eton Mess was probably one of the worst desserts this episode, unfortunately; it could have been so lovely. Luckily for her, she was on the winning team, so immune to elimination.
Poor little Tarek! Bottom two twice in a row now. I thought his “broken ornament” Irish cream puffs (or would it be more correct to say “Irish cream cream puffs”? Hmm…) looked and sounded amazing, and his pistachio-blueberry dacquoise cakes did too; unfortunately, the judges just weren’t that into the flavors on either of them. Do we think he will bring it back? He says he’s “so tired” of being in the bottom, and I do feel bad for him… but at the same time, it’s like, you’re 19 and going to Yale, you’ve obviously got money and your whole life ahead of you, you’ll be just fine, lol.
And poor Daniel. I guess it was a fair elimination, considering – but still, it made me sad. It wasn’t that he didn’t include any meringue; the meringue just melted into the rest of his dessert. Still, that bread pudding sounded absolutely decadent – and the judges seemed to think his dessert tasted better than Tarek’s. I guess meeting the criteria is generally more important that producing a delicious dessert, unfortunately. It was sad that he got sent home right after revealing that he’s a single dad who wants to take his daughters on a vacation. I hope they still get to go!
I do think that Alyx’s victory was well-deserved. That baked Alaska was in a league of its own! And the tension as we waited to see if it was going to slice cleanly, lol. Wow!
Poor Charles was not happy that he didn’t win. I love him, but he is a little bit of a sore loser, isn’t he! His hazelnut-cherry nougat candy bars did look amazing, and I was pretty sure he had a strong chance of winning, until I saw what Alyx had made. It didn’t get any superlatives from the judges (“this is the best ever xyz on this show!”, etc.), but tbh it probably deserved one. Is Alyx possibly emerging as a potential finalist? Will the Naughty Team survive with only four members? And will they ever figure out this “teamwork” stuff? Will Charles ever chill out? What do we think? Leave me your comments!
Superlatives from the judges: 0 (running total: 1)
Judge says “remember, you’re on Holiday Baking Championship”: 0 (running total: 1)
Nancy says “bite of food”: ½ (she said “I can’t wait for this bite”) (running total: ½)
High point: Nico peeking around the door on his way out for the Preheat judging. I swear, he’s like an anime character come to life.
Low point: Tarek asking Charles for help tasting something, and Charles just straight up ignoring him?! What the helly?! Poor little Tarek goes “oh okay, I guess you’re busy” and walks off. Charles, come on now, I love the cockiness, but you can’t just be a complete dick on the Holiday Baking Championship. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he really was simply too busy and focused and didn’t hear Tarek asking for help.
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Violet’s fig-lemon-honey-goat cheese pavlovas. You all know that I love figs, and I love that Violet loves them too. On that note, Nico’s “figgy mule” snowball entremet sounded awesome, too, but as you know I don’t do booze so unfortunately that one’s a no from me. Which one would you choose?
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Contains Spoilers for this season as well as series 5 (2014)
“For the final to rest on one cake – it’s terrifying, really.” – Prue, before the third challenge
Well, we all saw that one coming, didn’t we? There was no stopping Jasmine – although the show really did all it could to try and create tension (see above quote), to give the impression that any one of them could win, and I think they did a good job. I really had my hopes up for Tom, after the technical, and then he got such rave reviews in the showstopper. Was it just me, or did it seem like the judges actually liked his showstopper better than Jasmine’s? I personally don’t think cardamom-raspberry-almond-lemon sounds like a good flavor combination at all, and Tom’s raspberry-basil-mango-passionfruit sounded much tastier… but, oh well. The win was fair and square.
Can we talk about how Jasmine is quite possibly the best contestant they’ve had on this show ever? Five Star Baker wins (a record shared with only one other contestant, Richard Burr from eleven years ago, who did not win his season) (the season of the original Bingate! Yet another parallel!). Jasmine made barely a single mistake the entire season – frankly, she is so good it became boring to watch! And she’s only twenty-four – good grief! Not to mention she was also completing her medical exams at the same time as she was competing on this show?! High-achieving people like this just boggle my mind! What an amazing baker and person.
But, it was more boring than exciting to watch, honestly. I think part of the reason her consistent perfection was more annoying than thrilling was because, perfect as she was, she wasn’t exactly adventurous. Aaron and Tom were both artistic, bold, ambitious, creative – really fun to watch. Jasmine was predictable – even the judges commented on how she liked to use the same flavors over and over – and she never seemed particulary impassioned about her projects, never really seemed to be fighting a battle, and never had some out-there idea that she was trying to realize; she always just calmly produced these perfect, rather impersonal, technically-perfect bakes.
Which, as I’ve observed before, is exactly what they’re looking for, on GBBO; this show is supposed to be about consistency, tradition, classics, and technical skill; Jasmine is exactly the champion they set out to find, when they started this show. In no way do I mean the above paragraph as any kind of criticism of Jasmine. It’s honestly incredible that she’s able to stay so dispassionate and even-tempered under pressure (I’m sure her experience in the medical field has something to do with this). I just like to see bit more drama and angst, I guess, and like to root for the underdogs.
No banana coladas! In episode five, Tom and Noel agreed that, if Tom were in the final, there would be banana coladas. I was hoping they’d actually follow through!
This was all just kind of disappointing, to be honest. Tom using citric acid instead of salt in the signature; Aaron never getting a handshake; Aaron breaking a glass bowl in the showstopper, which forced him to have to re-start the batter, and set him behind for the rest of the challenge; the unfortunate messes that were the technical madeleine towers (“sadeleines,” my husband called them).
At least it was cool to see all the other contestants back for the party. My favorite, Pui Man, looked gorgeous with her new hair, and of course Iain is engaged now, yay!
Speaking of, I looked Iain up on Instagram (I never follow any of the contestants or hosts while the show is ongoing, because the episodes air three days earlier in the UK, and I don’t want spoilers, but now the season’s over so it’s fair game!). And, he might be my retroactive favorite now, alongside Aaron, Pui Man, and Hassan. First of all, did you know that his insta handle is “thug loaf”? And, he’s apparently made a post about his Bingate: Redemption bake, in which he asks the Series 5 Iain from Belfast to reach out to him so they can collab and perhaps make a baked Alaska together. The video and the comments on it are gold:
… but, it doesn’t appear that Series 5 Iain ever got back to him. Alas! I kind of wonder if Original Iain is pissed off that people are still talking about it, haha I kind of get the sense that he just wants to move on and stop being perceived as “Iain from Bingate.” Anyway, Short King Iain was pretty much the high point of this season for me.
So yes, it was still a good season. Alison and Noel were especially great this year; I feel they’ve found their vibe, and have really achieved peak chemistry as a comedy duo. And the themes this season were all solid, and the judging was fair. Oh, and we got to learn about Paul Hollywood’s meerkat commercials! As an American, this was news to me, and I had to go find them on YouTube. There appear to be several, but this one is my favorite.
So yeah, a good season overall. I just hope that, next season, the playing field is a little more level. What are your thoughts? Leave me your comments!
“Claggy” count: 0 (grand total for the season: 5)
“Concertina” count: 1 (grand total for the season: 2. Is it just me, or does Paul normally say “concertina” a lot more frequently than he did this season?!)
High point: Tom’s expression of flabbergasted delight upon receiving such high praises for his showstopper table cake. His face looked like that of a teenage boy seeing boobs.
Low point: Aaron’s expression of utter defeat upon hearing that he came in second, not first, in the technical. The way he took a few extra seconds to even raise his hand. It really felt to me like at this point he kind of threw in the towel: no handshakes, no technical wins, and we all knew that Jasmine was gonna win anyway. Aaron seemed sad, to me, today, like he just had an aura of sadness, and I realized that I have a vague, irrational and perhaps-erroneous impression that he may be a melancholic personality type like myself, which is maybe why I like him. What do you think?
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Aaron’s pear-yuzu iced finger buns with hazelnut mousseline. It might have been Tom’s peaches-and-cream-cheese “hot dogs,” but the mistake with the bread dough looked and sounded pretty disastrous. What a bummer!
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CAUTION: SPOILERS for this episode of HBC!
“Yo, I am so geeked right now.” – Nico, upon going before the judges for the first time
“We can’t applaud breaking the law in Holiday Baking Championship!” – Jesse, playfully aghast as everyone else was laughing at Tarek’s “underage drinking” comment
The Holiday Baking Championship is already back!?! That snuck up on me. As much as I love Christmas, it’s giving me a bit of whiplash to go full Christmas mode while the pumpkins are still sitting out on my porch, lol. And the current season of GBBO is ongoing (finale on Friday), so I’m still in GBBO mode, which is obviously much more gentle, friendly, calming, and upbeat, so launching into the fast-and-fierce, trash-talking world of HBC felt like a sudden adrenaline rush. But, not complaining: I’ve been waiting for this. As you know if you read this blog, I never got to watch Season 11, so I’ve been missing this show. What did we think of the premiere?! I have a LOT of thoughts about this one so buckle up!
First of all: what is with this “teams” business?! So they’re going to be divided into two teams for the whole season? They’ve never done this before, and tbh I’m not sure how I feel about it. I think, if I were a contestant, I’d be pretty annoyed – but I’m a fierce individualist by nature, lol (undoubtedly, I’d have ended up on the Naughty Team). It kind of sucks for them that they’re more reliant on their team members – but I guess also helpful, because if you have a weak day but you’re on the team with the winner, you’re immune from elimination. I do find the format questionable though, because, like what if everyone on a given team goes home first? We lost Gia, so now Naughty Team is down to five; what if we lost the remaining five in the next five episodes?! What would they do then? Granted, I don’t think they would let this happen, since I do cynically believe that the judging on the Baking Championships is frequently rigged, to some extent, to make for good TV. So I’m sure they’ll take this into consideration when they do their eliminations, going forward.
Now, let us talk about the contestants, because they have an excellent batch of them this year. First things first, my official favorite: Charles! Not only does he look a buff, handsome, polished, poised, and impeccably cool version of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite – but he’s also representing my hometown! This is the first time I’ve ever seen a contestant on this show from my hometown. (Well, I don’t live there anymore, but it’s where I grew up, and will always be My Hometown.) Even better, Charles is literally like a walking personification of the spirit of this town: a chef at a fancy country club, he’s arrogant and snobby as all get-out, but like in a totally cool and not-undeserved way. He’s extremely creative and talented. That blueberry white chocolate jalapeno mousse cake was so cool (no pun intended), and his chocolate mint cake looked dreamy.
But, dang! Charles is out for blood in this competition! Even though Ashleigh is his teammate, he’s said that he’s already got his eyes on her as the one to beat. I lol’d so hard at the way he glared into the camera when Jesse said “teamwork makes the dream work!”. And, also, damn, did you hear how catty Charles was about Daniel?! He straight up called him out as the least talented person on their team – you almost never see that on this show; typically, contestants will try and be subtle and kind of veil their criticisms of their competitors under kind, fluffy words. Which is kind of funny, because in his interview, Daniel said he thinks Charles is really good but not good enough to beat him! I like Daniel a lot – he seems too nice for the Naughty team, lol, and I always love seeing Black Southern chefs on these shows – but Charles is absolutely my #1.
And now we must discuss my other favorite contestant: Nico! I don’t even have words to describe this child, lol I literally start laughing every time he’s on the screen because he’s just so cute and funny. He reminds me a little bit of Kareem from this year’s season of Spring Baking, in that he’s kind of a wild card with a huge personality. Seriously, he’s like an adorable little ferret or something. With those bright blue eyes, too?! I was cry-laughing when, after asking his teammate Ashleigh to taste his lemon cream and being advised by her to add more lemon zest, he just walked off smirking and saying “not gonna do that, I just wanted to get an opinion” – the absolute gall! What a little brat! And the way the judges told him he should have added more zest and Ashleigh, watching from the café, goes “are you serious?!” Just unbelievable, lol the drama is almost too much! The accent, the slang, all the flamboyant little mannerisms – he is a gem, and a treasure to be preserved at all costs. I also love how he, Tarek, and Violet are like besties, because they’re the three youngest contestants. So cute. Please give this child his own show as soon as HBC is over.
Now, sadly, we must also talk about Gia. I do think it was pretty lame of the show to include her telling us about her tragic loss of her husband – how she needs to win because she still hasn’t been able to afford to bury his remains – and then eliminate her. Not saying that they should have kept her for this reason, because the elimination was fair and square, but it’s pretty sad that they’d leave that in the final cut knowing that she was being eliminated. Can we get like a GoFundMe started for Gia, or something?! I’ve seen a lot of baking shows and heard a lot of contestants’ sob stories, but this one got under my skin a bit, maybe because her husband was only five years older than mine currently is. Like I said, I don’t believe it was unfair to eliminate her – the cookie tree was pretty plain, and her cake in the Preheat was a bit untidy (even though it was honestly impressive that she managed to produce a whole cake at all, after having to remake it because she forgot the eggs the first time!) I really liked her and am bummed she’s already gone. If any of y’all see any updates about Gia, do let me know.
Other stand-out contestants: Ashleigh, the gorgeous blonde “alpha” type who is not messing around here and seems like she could destroy you with her bare hands, and even made Nancy the cranberry hater like cranberry; Chase, the incredibly zen and good-natured tattooed yoga instructor (did you see the way Charles rolled his eyes at that, lmao?! I’m so here for his negative attitude), who made an incredible brown butter coconut chess pie in the Main Heat; Erin, who even before a single word came out of her mouth was somehow identifiable as an archetypal Mom, and quickly assumed the role of mother figure to everyone on the show; Camrey, my other favorite, who seems very chill and gracious for someone so accomplished; Tarek, the Yale student (as someone who kind of idolizes academic intelligence, I have mad respect) who was also a contestant on Kids Baking Championship not too long ago; Violet, the cute and peppy triplet who reminds me a bit of Lisa from this year’s Spring Baking, with those adorable almond-raspberry snowman macarons; Jean Carlos, the good-natured Brazilian former circus clown who made that incredible apple spice-dulce de leche cake in the Preheat; and Alyx, the lovely Gothish queen from New Orleans whose presence is so calming, I’d love to be her friend. And… that’s everyone. I feel like everyone stands out this year! I seriously got a bit mentally/sensorily overloaded by this episode, haha I feel like I just stepped off a roller coaster.
I could say more but I don’t have all day and neither do you. Will the Naughty team learn to cooperate with each other? (The way the music changed from chipper and festive to dramatic and intense when the cameras switched back and forth from Nice team’s adorable Christmas Village display to Naughty team’s chaotic disaster scene, lol!) Will Charles and Ashleigh fight to the death? What will Nico do next? What other drama and crises await us?! I’m so stoked, in case you couldn’t tell. Leave me your comments.
Superlatives from the judges: 1 (“the best crust I’ve ever had on this show!” – Nancy to Chase)
Judge says “remember, you’re on Holiday Baking Championship”: 1 (Nancy to poor Gia’s sugar cookie tree)
Nancy says “bite of food”: 0
High point: My favorite contestant actually being a really strong contender right out the gate, for once!
Low point: Aside from Gia going home, I’m slightly disppointed that the Café is not more cozy. I like the idea, but wish they’d been a bit more heavy-handed with the cozy holiday vibes in that particular part of the set; it feels a bit sterile, don’t you think? It needs some more plushy surfaces and plaids and twinkling lights.
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Charles’s incredible black cocoa peppermint “lump of coal” cake! That devil’s food looked intense.
My official prediction for winner: Charles. It’s actually 50/50 him and Ashleigh right now, but Charles has the advantage of being from the best city, obviously.
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Spoilers Ahead for this episode of GBBO.
“It’s just baking.” – Tom, gazing pensively off into the distance at the end of the semifinal
Semifinal! You can really tell, just from the atmosphere, that the season is wrapping up. No fun little intro, just straight into it; and this was probably one of the most emotional, but also funniest, episodes of this show ever. We really got to see some of that camaraderie and friendship that the contestants always seem to have for each other, especially this late in the game. All the cheering for each other and the hugs, the little nicknames, the Polaroid at the end. It’s really sweet. The cynical part of me wonders how much of it is for the cameras. I like to think it’s genuine. What do you think?
Toby said in the opening interview that he’s had a feeling this whole time that the finalists would be Jasmine, Aaron, and Tom – which made him nervous going into today. I was so sad to see his prediction come true; so he was right, when he said last week that he’d only be a one-time star baker. Why is it so sad? Why does it feel like he’s dying?! He’s just going home to his everyday life! My husband pointed out that we watch this show as if it’s Squid Game (which I did not watch, btw – too weird and grim, for me). It’s not like the losers are getting shot. But that’s the fun thing about this show. It’s so low-stakes – no cash prize to speak of, even – but they manage to make the stakes feel very high.
I’m bummed that Toby went home. I was so delighted to see that he included a little nod to Pui Man by using her gingerbread in the showstopper! And, I’ll miss his funny commentary: “Paul’s framboisier… it sounds erotic.”, “Tom’s turned into a chocolatier. Go on, Tom!”, and “LoOK aT ThiS,” as he showed off his melted puddle of mousseline … not to mention his sneakily spraying his showstopper with freeze spray after the “time’s up” call, lmao.
But, this week’s outcome was pretty predictable, I suppose. I had no idea, literally zero clue, who they’d eliminate, it could have been any one of the three dudes; but Jasmine being the winner, again, was no surprise. My husband remarked that he thinks Jasmine traded her hair to the devil in exchange for baking skills. She’s unstoppable! I was really surprised though when she said that “eight weeks ago, I didn’t know what a genoise was.” What? Isn’t genoise one of the most basic, rudimentary things that they make all the time, on this show? How did she go on this show without knowing what genoise was – hadn’t she watched the show before?! (Asking as someone who’s been watching the show for years and still doesn’t know what a genoise is, lol.) In any case, it clearly hasn’t hindered her at all. Any chance she won’t win next week? – no, I didn’t think so either.
But, hey! Aaron’s in the finale! My favorite made it to the finale! Apparently he’s like the best pastry chef out of the four of them; “we can’t all be Aaron,” Tom said bitterly during the signature challenge, “so why try?” He had a bit of a battle in the showstopper – those macarons just did not want to work out for him – but, he managed to make it work, even though the sloth’s face was unfinished (which was kind of a cute look, actually). And, I’d be really interested to try a salted popcorn flavor macaron. And I appreciated that he said he likes making cakes that actually look like cake, rather than all these weird illusion-style challenges. THANK YOU! That’s what I’m always saying! Also, I just love his laughter, it’s adorable. Whoever wins next week, Aaron’s my winner.
I can’t believe next week is the final. It’s over so soon. More than in previous years, I’m looking forward to seeing all the other contestants again, and finding out what they’ve been up to since filming! Do you think there will be banana coladas next week??
“Claggy” count: 0 (running total: 5)
“Concertina” count: 0 (running total: 1)
High point: “It’s not that kind of show, Jasmine.” Or maybe “what’s more impressive is, Iain’s inside that.” Or maybe Alison getting stuck on the fence. Alison and Noel’s banter was on point this week!
Low point: Paul coming down so hard on Tom in the showstopper. What the helly?! That was completely unfair, uncalled-for, and rude. True, it was a macaron challenge, not a chocolate challenge, but it wasn’t as if that chocolate beehive wasn’t completely covered in macaron bumblebees! If he’d skimped on the macarons then sure I could understand this critique, but I totally did not understand; all the macarons were there, and beautiful; the painting was not “lackluster.” Where was this coming from?! You don’t ding a student for handing in a perfect assignment plus extra credit! I seriously wonder if Paul was just mad that it was such a spectacular feat that Tom pulled off. Poor Tom was so crushed. He deserved better.
The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Probably Toby’s chocolate macaron in the showstopper. Dark chocolate with hazelnut and peanut praline, and both judges raved about how chocolatey and flavorful it was. What would your choice be?
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It’s that awful time of year again!, when all of Catholic/Christian Internet is blowing up and biting each others’ heads off about whether Christians should celebrate Halloween or not. Mostly, it’s Protestants making reels saying “we shouldn’t celebrate Halloween because it’s the devil’s birthday and if your children dress up they will become possessed” or some such, and Catholics stitching these reels with “acktchyoowally, All Hallow’s Eve is a Catholic holiday, the eve of All Saint’s Day, and a great time to pray for the dead and partake in some innocent fun, such as eating candy, carving pumpkins, and dressing up, as long as it’s nothing gory or demonic.” Then below those posts, you have other Catholics in the comments actually agreeing with the Protestants and saying that Catholics shouldn’t have anything to do with secularist Halloween traditions, that the forces of evil have taken over what ought to be a holy day.
Everyone’s talking about it, so as a Catholic blogger, I guess I feel the urge to throw my two cents in there as well. I think I have a somewhat unique POV to offer, and will try not to just rehash everything you’ve probably already seen/heard on social media.
Personally, I am against Halloween. But, I do allow and tolerate it in my house to an extent.
My opposition to Halloween predates any actual moral convictions about it. Even as a kid growing up in an atheist family, I simply didn’t like it. Halloween 1996: got sick on Tootsie Rolls and threw up a lot; subsequently developed a phobia of vomiting. Halloweens 1997-2000: a constant series of stresses and fiascoes, competitiveness, weariness, annoyance, every year asking “why do I still do this every year?! I hate this!” Halloween 2007: I was the awkward miserable kid tagging along with my BFF to her friends’ Halloween party, silently looking on as the guy that I was obsessed with showed attention instead to the aforementioned BFF, who was in every way more desirable than me. Halloween 2020: my beloved dog got sick and a few days later died. I can’t recall ever a “good Halloween” experience in my whole life!
Don’t get me wrong, I love Fall: I love apple cinnamon everything, pumpkin patches, orchard visits, colorful leaves, scarecrows, flannel, moody fall scenery, cemeteries in mist, and all of that. It’s just the pageantry and “spooky” and blood-and-gory everything, the parties and revelry, that I’ve never liked. I hate costumes. I hate going to strangers’ houses uninvited, I hate asking people for stuff, I hate partying. I have a troubled relationship with candy. After dark, I like to be indoors in my bathrobe with the TV on. Secular Halloween festivities simply don’t agree with me. It just never goes well.
When I had my own kids, I did do Halloween with them, the first few years, because it is simply the thing to do with your kids, in America; it’s just part of being a parent, I figured. That’s just American culture, it’s what you do. And it was kinda fun and all, dressing up my kids in their cute little costumes and carving pumpkins. Nothing wrong with it, I thought. A bit of extra stress, something else I had to scour Pinterest for and spend money on and try and make happen, but that was all.
But then, I became Traditional Catholic, and learned about the reasons why some tradcaths spurn Halloween. And I felt vindicated: so I was right all along, about this “holiday!” It is bad news!
“But it’s a Catholic holiday!,” some influencers argue. “Don’t forego it – reclaim it!”
Exactly. Reclaim it by going to Mass and praying for the dead – not by joining in the secular nonsense!
And as for the first part of that argument, that it’s a Catholic holiday and that makes it okay: arguments like this really annoy me. Citing the antiquated origins of something as a reason for why it’s good or not. The way some people will say that the swastika is an innocent symbol because “well, before the Nazis it was a symbol of good luck!” Okay, sure, but you know what, certain things have happened between now and then! That symbol has a whole other connotation now that you cannot just choose to ignore! Or that (one of my dear husband’s favorite fun facts:) pink is actually a masculine color because the fearsome, bloodthirsty Vikings had pink sails on their ships. That may be true, but that doesn’t change the years and years of associations around the color pink that exist in our culture; knowing this historical fact about the Vikings is not going to change anyone’s impression of you if you, as a straight man in this day and age, go around loving pastel pink.
That’s how I feel about Halloween. True, it has Catholic origins – but that fact alone does not make the secularized version of Halloween a good thing. That would be like if we all started idolizing and celebrating some trashy celebrity who stars in x-rated films just because she was baptized Catholic when she was a baby. No! Catholics wouldn’t “reclaim” such a figure by engaging with her sinful content. The only thing we would want to celebrate, in that hypothetical situation, is that celebrity’s repenting and returning to the faith.
Which is just what we should want for Halloween. Halloween, imo, should be about going to Mass and praying for the dead on the eve of November, the month of the holy souls.
However! These are my personal views and feelings. But, as I said above, I do allow and tolerate Halloween in my family home.
Why? Well, because: my husband’s views are different from mine. He loves Halloween, much the same way I love Christmas. Carving pumpkins and trick-or-treating with the kids and showing them Halloween movies is really important to him. And our marriage predates my little moment of vindication, my realization that Halloween actually is bad beyond just my personal icky associations. So, it wouldn’t be fair, for me to just suddenly demand that we ban Halloween. And I won’t do that, because I love and respect my husband; I’m not going to try and tell him he can’t have Halloween fun with his kids.
Now, if I believed that trick-or-treating and carving pumpkins were an actual sin, sure I’d probably try and fight him on it. Compromise is necessary in a marriage, and we must yield somewhere, but we must never compromise on sin.
I’m not sure I’m convinced that it’s actually sinful, though, to trick-or-treat or to carve a pumpkin or to dress up in costume. I’m not one of those who belives that simply by participating in those festivities with an innocent heart, you’re vulnerable to demonic possession.
As long as costumes and decorations don’t involve any “undead” things that make light of the desecration of a human body, or demons, or witches, or murderers, or anything like that, I’m not too worried about it being a sin. Things my kids have dressed up as for Halloween include: bumblebees, dinosaurs, bunny rabbits, and, this year, owls. Pretty sure there’s nothing dangerous about this. I’m open to having my mind changed, though, so if any Catholic readers out there have a really strong case for why even these little pastimes are dangerous, please do send me your thoughts.
It may not be a sin, technically, but that doesn’t mean I like it. I tolerate some Halloween, with restrictions, in order to appease my beloved husband. Because I don’t believe that all its trappings are evil simply because they are part of Secular Halloween. I’m not scared of Halloween, nor should any Christian be. It’s more like: this is just in bad taste; why would you do this, if you’re really a Christian?
It’s hard, here in the US, where Secular Halloween is such a part of the everyday. I remember wearing costumes to class, back when I was in public elementary school in the late ‘90s. “What are you gonna be for Halloween?” is a run-of-the-mill small-talk question, in conversations with kids. My daughters had Costume Week at their ballet studio this week (and yes, they did dress up as owls, which was a pretty funny spectacle in a roomful of pretty little princesses and unicorns and cheerleaders and Disney heroines). It’s just everywhere. As Americans, this is our culture. So, I guess it’s really hard, for American Catholics, to separate the secular from the religious Halloween. But, imo, it’s worth the effort, even if it makes you look weird. We should look weird, to a culture that’s so un-Christian! Frankly, I would love to eschew Secular Halloween entirely – but, love makes us do silly things I guess.
Now, when it comes to Secular Christmas, I think the same issue exists: for American Catholics, it can be tricky to figure out how much of the secular is okay to include in a proper Christian observance of the holiday. And there’s all this debate around it. Should Catholics do “Santa Claus”? I have a lot of feelings about this question, too, because unlike Halloween I actually like secular Christmas – quite a lot, lol. But, this question is slightly more nuanced, to me, because secular Christmas doesn’t exactly make a mockery/distortion of the Christian holiday the way secular Halloween makes a mockery/distortion of All Hallow’s Eve. I guess it could be argued that the commercialization of Christmas does just that – but, gift-giving is still a part of a proper Christian Christmas, right? It’s just that the secular version gets a bit carried away with it. Anyway – this is probably a post that I’ll write later, when that time of year comes around.
In my household, I handle this Halloween compromise the same way I handle my vegetarianism (my husband’s a carnivore). I still cook and serve meat, I just don’t eat it myself, and my kids know that I don’t like it. One day, they’ll choose for themselves whether they want to eat meat or not. Similarly, my kids know that I don’t like Halloween. Maybe, when they get older, they’ll also come to dislike this holiday. At the very least, I aim to shelter them from the ugly aspects of it for as long as they’re under my roof, and to teach them the real meaning of All Hallow’s Eve.
So yes: in my opinion, secular Halloween is a bad idea and Christians should not observe it. However, I also think it can be done innocently, if for whatever reason you really want to (which, why would you, unless you were married to a Halloween lover). I don’t think it’s scary or evil or going to corrupt your soul. And it goes without saying that certain Halloweenish themes like murder, the undead, witchcraft, and devils, are nothing to celebrate – and that certain popular Halloween habits like immodesty and gluttony are sins to be avoided. If you must do it, keep it clean, but really, why do it? That’s just my take. If you’re reading this, I wish you a blessed All Hallow’s Eve.
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Being a Traditional Catholic, or even a practicing Christian at all, and having a diagnosis of avoidant personality disorder: these two things seem pretty mutually exclusive. I could be wrong, but I don’t think there are a lot of people out there who do both. Which is no surprise. In practice, the two seem downright antithetical. It is really hard being both.
Tl;dr: it’s hard, but not impossible, being trad with AVPD; and actually very much worth the struggle. What follows are my little reflections on my first year at a trad parish.
The Feast of Christ the King, 2025: it’s now been one year since I fully switched to regularly attending the TLM instead of the NO. It’s interesting that this anniversary falls on-or-around the Traditional Feast of Christ the King, because it was on this same feast day, albeit in the new calendar, that I was first confirmed Catholic, way back in 2014. One full year as a trad already, wow.
“Just wait and see – after a year, you’ll never be able to imagine going back to the modern church,” I was advised. But actually, it took a lot less time than that! Within just a couple weeks of starting in Tradition – pretty much immediately upon meeting and conversing with some of the priests and community members, all of whom seem truly devout, welcoming, and genuine – I was completely sold.
After a single TLM, I really struggled with being back in the NO. Even though I waffled back and forth for a few months (as you know if you’ve read my little conversion story). I’m not going to engage in the “liturgy war” stuff here, because that’s just not what I do with my little blog, and frankly I’m not smart enough to have that discussion even if I wanted to. It’s simply obvious to me that the faith being taught and practiced at my TLM parish is the true faith, and that I absolutely must keep going there.
But, as someone with AVPD: it is hard! It is extremely hard.
After the first time I attended the TLM, in June of last year, I was sure I would never go there again. It was beautiful and sacred and inspiring and all that, yes – but way too scary. I had no idea what was going on, and did all the things wrong, and felt intensely judged by everyone around me. My social anxiety was through the roof. I craved the safety of my familiar NO. But, when I went back to the NO, I found it more disappointing than ever. The irreverence began to really irritate me. And I felt drawn back to the scary, beautiful TLM parish, difficult as it was. So, long story short, I waffled back and forth for about five more months until I realized that I had to do the brave thing and go where the true faith was, even if it was scary.
I was hoping that it would get less scary in time. I guess in some ways it has: I’m somewhat more familiar, now, with the basics, such as: how to use the missal, what the different parts of the Mass are, how to go to confession and communion, how to greet the Bishop (I messed this up terribly the first few times I met him!), how to request to have a sacramental blessed or to have a Mass offered for someone, what a “spiritual bouquet” is, and things like that. I still am not entirely confident about when are the right times to kneel, stand, sit, and cross oneself during Mass; I typically just follow what everyone else around me is doing. And I still feel like there are all manner of unspoken rules about being there, and being a member of the community – rules which I am constantly violating, but no one is saying anything because they’re being charitable. Which makes me feel like an absolute buffoon, a real obnoxious sore thumb sticking out in such a solemn, serene environment.
Here’s one thing that weighs on me. And I doubt that this is the case in TLM parishes elsewhere, but at my parish, everyone is really, really financially comfortable. Or even just plain rich. My family, meanwhile is not what I’d call “financially comfortable.” Every single person I’ve met at church is substantially richer than me. (And no, I’m not presuming, this information is based on actual conversations I’ve had with people or overheard.)
I feel there is a definite air of elitism. I’ve overheard or been involved in conversations in which people complain about poor neighbors – about people who make less than a certain amount, encroaching on their wealthy neighborhoods. Which is fair, I mean, if you have that kind of money fair and square and you want to use it to live somewhere safe and beautiful and secluded, why not! I can totally understand not wanting to be surrounded by poverty and the risks that come with it! I’d do the same thing, if it were me, no doubt. I don’t think there’s anything un-Christian about wanting security and comfort for your family (as long as you’re not demanding ostentatiousness or excess, which are not the trend at my parish). But, it does make me feel like an outsider here, knowing that I’m the kind of person they look down on and don’t want in their neighborhood. Even though everyone there is always perfectly nice to us, I can’t help feeling like they’re gritting their teeth and doing their best to practice Christian charity whenever they speak to me.
All of which leads me to wonder if I really am morally inferior, for being relatively poor. Sure poverty isn’t always a moral failing – bad things do happen to good people – but, a great deal of the time, it’s the result of laziness and irresponsibility. If I were a good person, like my fellow parishioners, if I’d had my priorities straight and I’d made the right decisions, wouldn’t I, too, be able to afford twenty acres and a bunch of livestock, a private boarding school education and fine, all-natural, “aesthetic” clothing for my kids? I feel like my poorness is just a mark of personal failure.
My past is riddled with financial mistakes. I’ve been stupid and immature and addicted and mentally unwell for most of my adult life, and now I’m living with the consequences. Even though I’m trying to be better, I feel like I still reek very strongly of bad decisions, shallowness, pleasure-seeking, worldliness, uncivilized behavior – all of that. I am intensely aware that everyone at church is intensely aware of it, this odor of baseness and worldliness and irresponsibility; and it’s intensely uncomfortable. Like having spiritual BO that everyone can smell.
Again, though, all of this is coming not from anyone’s actual treatment of me, but out of my own presumptions about them. So it’s entirely possible that no one there actually looks down on me at all. However, I like to put up a bit of a wall of paranoia, just in case. Please don’t let your takeaway from this post be that “traditional Catholics are elitist and judgmental”, because I have no actual evidence that they are. They’re actually really nice. It’s probably just a coincidence that everyone at my parish is rich, and that makes me uncomfortable because I am insecure and have AVPD and am always finding reasons to presume that people hate me.
But, this overpowering sense of being inferior, of being out of place, definitely contributes to a temptation to return to the NO world. At my previous, modern parish, there were parishioners from all walks of life: I’d literally see rich folks with professionally-done hair and fancy handbags, and homeless folks carrying black garbage bags, at the same Masses, and in between, a mixed bag of elderly folks (probably like 75-80% boomers and retirees), a few college kids if it was during the school year, Hispanic folks, Black folks, Filipino folks, you name it; it was a pretty diverse parish. Perhaps this diversity was due to the location, being downtown in the middle of a pretty diverse and affordable city, whereas my new, TLM parish is located rurally, an hour away out in a wealthy county near a very wealthy town, where many people are Landowners.
According to the internet, it apparently is true in America that traditionalist Catholic communities tend to be overwhelmingly white, as opposed to the mainstream Catholic population being more Hispanic/Latino. However, the internet wasn’t able to tell me much about whether trads tend to be richer in general than “normal” Catholics. I’m interested to visit other TLM parishes and see if they’re also full of rich folks. Do any other American trads out there have any anecdotal evidence to share?
– Anyway, all of this diversity stuff being tangential to the thing about being tempted to return to the NO. There, I still experienced social anxiety, of course (I do not miss the Sign of Peace! Even now, at the TLM, every time we near the end of the Canon of the Mass and the priest gets ready to say the Pater Noster, I get a reflexive wave of anxiety and queasiness). But because of the casual environment, it was much less intense there. There, I never worried about being the poorest person in attendance; it was simply never something that crossed my mind, there. And it was much easier to know what to do; the “rules” were much less strict.
Not to mention, they had a nursery where my kids could play and I could listen to the Mass through the speakers while watching them. Now, obviously I know better now, that we shouldn’t just let our kids play during Mass, that they need to be taught to sit quietly and be reverent and respectful. And that we shouldn’t reward their naughty behavior by taking them to the playroom! At the TLM there is no “nursery,” no toys or puzzles or dollhouses, which my younger children really resented at first, for a few months after we changed parishes, before they got used to it. And there shouldn’t be one! Kids should learn to be at Mass! – But, it sure was easier on me, as a mom, that way. The pressure of managing my noisy young kids at TLM/in the cry room is psychologically crushing, sometimes. Being a parent with AVPD is wild because every time I go anywhere with the kids, it feels like everyone is judging every single thing I do or don’t do, and thinking what a bad parent (i.e. a terrible person) I am – and at TLM, where there are certain expectations about correct parenting, this sense is amplified x1000. Trad parents typically demand better behavior from their kids than your average American parent. I end up feeling like I’m too strict by modern standards but too lax by trad standards. I feel like I’m getting it wrong from every angle.
So it’s rough. It’s barely gotten easier. As we speak, I am literally sick with dread about the approaching weekend: a Holy Day of Obligation on Saturday, so two Masses back to back, followed by a social event for All Saint’s Day.
But that’s terrible, isn’t it?! I shouldn’t be sick with dread about attending Mass, which is the pinnacle of my spiritual life as a Catholic, and a privilege which the angels in heaven would love to have! I was listening to a sermon the other day which says that the devil knows our temperaments and will use them to detract from our participation in the Sacraments in whatever way he can – if he can’t keep us away from Mass entirely, he will at least try to diminish and worsen our presence there. Perhaps at risk of blaming on the supernatural a problem which is in fact entirely, boringly natural (spiritual warfare is a very real thing, but I think sometimes people probably get carried away with it; like, no, it’ s not a demon telling you to eat that fourth donut, lol, you just need to walk away and go drink some water; I guess it just makes these little daily things so much more interesting if we can call them “spiritual warfare,” lol!), I feel like this is what’s going on with me. Sometimes it really feels like something is using my AVPD to try and keep me away from the TLM, even though I know that it is where I need to be.
I would love to just fit in and belong there. I’d love to be “one of them.” I remember back in middle and high school, when the AVPD first began to be crippling; in those days, I had no religion, just secularism and a desire to belong; and I believed that the best people, the ones who had it all figured out, were the “alt” kids, the edgy crowd with the black and white stripes, the guitars and drums, band tees, pins, dyed hair, dark humor, all of that. It was the same exact feeling then as now: I wanted to be one of them, and tried so hard to fit in, but never quite did, was always the sore thumb, and it was agonizing. Then, as now, I had this imaginary person in my head who exemplified that group and was constantly reminding me of how horribly I was failing to meet the standard. (Back then, it was a pretty nebulous concept of a person, but these days, I’m more self-aware about it, and now she actually has a name and lore; I decided it might be fun to try and humanize her a bit.)
So perhaps it’s all very immature of me to worry so much about “fitting in” at the parish. I mean, don’t they want to attract people from all walks of life? Don’t they want to save the poor just as much as the rich? Aren’t we, as followers of Christ, supposed to care about the poor and the lost? Don’t they want their reach to extend beyond the predictable rich educated landowners? They’re supposed to want to convert sinners! They ought to be glad that I’m there, right? – ha!, that’s a stretch.
In any case, attending the TLM with AVPD continues to be a struggle, one year in. But, one year in, I am more convinced than ever that going back to the modern Mass is not an option. Church shouldn’t be easy and comfortable, after all. We go to Mass to offer sacrifice. And you don’t grow if you remain comfortable all the time.
And furthermore, it’s awesome to me to finally belong (formally, if not socially) to a church where I can confidently, proudly look at it and say “this is what I believe” – where I feel the immediate reality of the supernatural, where everything the Church teaches is seen to be really real, where I truly trust the priests to guide my eternal soul. Always, at the NO, even before I really knew what Tradition was, I always felt disconnected from the modern style of worship and the modern approach to Catholicism; I had a hard time being moved by it, it felt removed from the heavy eternal truths that religion is supposed to be actually about; and for a long time I failed to grow in the faith. (Which is not to say that the NO doesn’t produce saints; it’s probably just that I’m a particularly weak and stupid and inattentive little person who needs a very strong liturgy and a firm hand, in order to captivate and nourish and discipline me.) So I’m really lucky to live close enough to a TLM parish where I can get these spiritual needs met.
Even if it is a challenge. I wonder if, in another year or two or three, it will be any easier. Probably not.
Don’t let this post dissuade you from visiting the TLM, if you’re reading this and you’re curious about it, or you’re socially anxious and avoidant like I am. The TLM is indeed more difficult, but it’s worth it. As I’ve said before, I no longer have any hope of “getting over” my AVPD, and have accepted that this is just who I am, and no amount of “practice” or “exposure” will make me more socially comfortable; but that’s not to say that it’s not also good to stretch oneself a bit, to occasionally leave the comfort zone in some controlled way, within reasonable limits and for good reason. Because if we did everything the AVPD way, we’d never do anything at all, which would not be very good for our eternal souls. Human life is uncomfortable, that’s just a fact, and I guess we all need to live with that truth in whatever way we’re meant to, if we want to attain heaven, where there will be no more discomfort. But, who knows.
Sometimes it feels like someone with AVPD can’t possibly go to heaven. If I care that much about what other people think, to the point that it even hinders my attendance at Mass, then clearly I’m not of one mind with God, Whose opinion should be the only one that matters to me! How can I possibly go to heaven if I’m too socially anxious to participate in charitable activities like working at the soup kitchen, teaching little kids, and volunteering at a homeless shelter (believe me, I’ve tried all of these in the past, when I was trying so hard to make it in the NO world, and I was simply terrible, useless, fumbling, and awkward at it, which led me to believe that there was no way I could ever even be a real Catholic)?
But of course, I know it’s true that no one actually deserves Heaven. And it’s true that God’s mercy is bigger than all of our weaknesses, and He is so powerful that He can save even a miserable avoidant loser like myself if He wants to. So, I try to just place all my hope in the Blessed Mother, because, as a mom myself I know how it feels to love your kids completely and want to give them everything, in spite of their behavior, and I know that her love for each one of us is kinda like that but infinitely greater even than my love for my children (unfathomable!), and I know that, while God is both just and merciful, she is all mercy.
Even though the TLM world feels scarier and has a reputation for being more judgmental, I actually feel like it’s given me a healthier POV on salvation, and made me more OK with myself overall. Being in tradition has actually helped me accept that I don’t need to be cured of my personality; God made me weird and that, if He wants to, He can save even me – that it is possible for me to be Catholic and have AVPD at the same time.