Category: Top ten lists

TOP 10: Women in Rap/Hip-Hop, and the desserts that their music reminds me of

February 10th, 2025

Disclaimer: Mainstream rap and hip-hop are bad for you. I know this. A good Christian ought not to listen to this stuff, under normal circumstances. Why then do I do it? Well: I don’t listen to it that often anymore. And when I do, it’s because, as far as I can honestly tell, it’s not an occasion of sin for me, personally, and doesn’t tempt me to sin. It’s just fun and lighthearted and sometimes funny, and it lifts my mood a bit, as I explored in a recent post. There are some songs that are too lewd and sinful even for me, and I’ve stopped listening to those ones; so I do have some standards. Still, I’m aware that I should not listen to this stuff. It’s not ideal to pour this kind of content into my brain. I try to be cautious about it, and not to listen to it too often. This is, for me, like dessert, if you will. It has no nutritional benefit, and in excess would certainly be unhealthy; but a little here and there is probably fine, as long as you don’t have like diabetes or celiac or some condition that makes it dangerous for you. Which I don’t. So yes, I’m aware this stuff is not good to listen to, but sometimes I admittedly still do. In the following post, I will speak from the part of my brain that loves this shit. Let’s just indulge her for a minute. But for my more sober and serious POV on this topic, see my post on “bad” music.

So let’s continue with this dessert metaphor, shall we?

There’s this fun little thing that my brain likes to do, which is imagine what people would be if they were other things. Colors, scents, weather patterns/seasons, songs, animals, foods, etc. etc.

Like, I used to love going to the candle store and buying votives in scents/colors that reminded me of my fictional characters, then burning these all at once while I was writing; also, going to the hardware stores and collecting paint chips in colors that reminded me of my characters, to bring home and make a collage. (For example, in the fiction junk that I’ve posted on this blog, the four main characters are: brick red, indigo, mauve, and pistachio; and if you can guess who is what, you win Reader of the Year!)

I have always done this. I figure it must be related to my synesthesia. I know, I know, everyone claims to have synesthesia, and everyone is sick of hearing about it; and perhaps everyone really does have it. I think it’s probably not as uncommon as we think. I’m no expert on synesthesia; all I know is, mine is undeniable; I’ve always had it, most noticeably with colors/numbers (7 is burnt orange, 9 is yellowish tan), colors/letters, and colors/songs. Although also to an extent with certain textures and tastes, or sounds/tastes (like, the German language has always been very delicious to me, with a nutty/chocolatey crunch like a Snickers bar, whereas Spanish is more fruity). This tendency to associate things with other things can be a fun little mental game.

Typically, in music (not just hip-hop, but any and all music), I prefer to listen to male voices; I haven’t yet figured out why or what this says about me, but I generally find women’s voices to be a poorer vehicle for daydreaming – meaning, I can’t easily tune out the artist and forget about who they are and think my own thoughts while listening.

But sometimes that’s okay. Sometimes it’s really fun to just bask in the presence of an artist and enjoy how cool they are. That is how I feel about a lot of female rappers.

Going back to the synesthesia stuff: as I was saying, sensory experiences tend to overlap for me with other sensory experiences. And because listening to female voices makes me less prone to zone out, and more prone to just bask in the experience of the artist’s voice and persona, I often kinda tune into their character and get these kinds of fun synesthetic vibes from their music. And, as I’ve already said, this whole genre feels like dessert to me.

So, without further ado, here are my current favorite female hip-hop and rap stars, and the desserts that their music feels like:

12. Coi Leray. She is so freaking cute, and her voice has this girlish quality that contrasts so delightfully with her lyrics and attitude. And apparently she’s expecting her first baby now?! I’m so happy for her! She has a toughness and a tartness about her, so her music reminds me of gummi candy; perhaps the sour kind.

11. Ice Spice. She is captivating: a unique beauty, such an innovative and fresh vibe all around, and so effortlessly cool. She has serious talent but also seems to have a sense of humor. Her music has a really refreshing quality, and thus feels to me like shaved ice, with a bright, tropical syrup flavor.

10. Big Boss Vette. I think the song linked here might be one of the catchiest of all time; show me someone who doesn’t love this song, and I will show you a liar. She seems very classic, and also very sleek and beautiful and fierce, so for her I’m thinking like a chocolate-raspberry torte with some kind of mirror glaze.

9. Kreayshawn. She was really popular when I was in college; from the first time I heard “Gucci Gucci,” I was fascinated by her clever lyrics and her original style. She really created her own niche within the genre. Her songs are fun and not too serious, but also really delicious and rich and satisfying. They remind me of a Cosmic Brownie, with those little rainbow candies on top.

8. Tinashe. I am not a fan of “Nasty,” but, still glad Tinashe made it big. I’ve been listening to her since 2016 and always thought she was so underrated. She’s girly and poppy and cool but also a rascal, so for me the vibe is totally chocolate milkshake with whip and a maraschino cherry.

7. Ciara. I may be showing my age with this one, but, so be it; her reign is endless. Ciara was the princess of hip-hop back when I was a freshman in high school. I love that she’s a NFL wife now; such a queen. To me, her music is like a high-end strawberry mousse, served in a glass with a stem.

6. Keri Hilson. Another throwback, I guess, as it’s been awhile since I heard her on the radio, but, such a classy singer, I’ve always loved her voice and vibes. Her style has a sweetness and warmth about it, so it’s giving crème brûlée, or maybe like a bougie version of bananas foster.

5. Latto. I adore Latto. I think she’s got to be one of the most talented women on the radio these days, and one of the hottest, plus she’s a cousin of one of my other favorites, 2 Chainz, so talent must run in the family! She’s Southern, and everything about her style feels decadent and rich, so to me it’s gourmet cheesecake with like caramelized peaches and bourbon.

4. MariahLynn. I so wish MariahLynn had made it big! She deserves so much more fame than she ever got. In case you’re not familiar, she was on the show Love & Hip-Hop in the same season as Cardi B, back when they were both trying to get famous. Her music is definitely hard candy, like fruity flavored Dum-Dum pops, or maybe even Pop Rocks or Pixie Sticks or something.

3. Tay Money. She’s creative as heck, and adorable. Her whole ‘00s colorful aesthetic is so much fun to look at, and her accent is just a delight to listen to. I love that she’s so sassy in her music but when you hear her interviewed she’s super chill. As a dessert, her music has got to be cherry pie, warm and gooey and tart.

2. Saweetie. Imo, the beatifulest girl in hip-hop. Even the way she pronounces words is cute. She looks like a Disney princess; it’s ridiculous. And, from what I’ve heard, really lovely, humble, and kind, too, – she doesn’t talk shit about other women the way some rappers do. Her songs are definitely chocolate-covered strawberries.

And #1 could obviously only be:

1. Nicki Minaj. Who else?! I mean, as far as I can tell, Nicki pretty much invented every other female rapper these days. Her level of talent is insane! The intricacy and poetry and wordplay of her lyrics, plus all the different vocal techniques she can do – every song with her on it is a feast for the ears. She can do literally anything; pure genius, undisputed greatest. Because she’s so versatile and impeccably cool, her music has got to be a big, exquisite ice cream sundae, with a lot of different toppings and hot fudge sauce, so there are fun textures and flavors in every bite.
TOP 10: Greatest Music Videos Ever, according to mith

January 9th, 2025

Revised April 2025

I have always loved music videos. When I was a kid in the 1990s, Nickelodeon would sometimes, during their commercial breaks, play this little ninety-second “Rugrat Rap,” which I, as a huge fan of Rugrats and a budding but closeted fan of rap, found to be enthralling as heck and loved every time it came on. It was probably around this time that I started making my own music videos in my head to songs that I liked (I still do this, and I know I’m not the only one!).

Music videos were always on the TV in my house, when I was growing up. My Mom, who was and still is a Cool Mom (when I was in my teens and twenties, she took me to a ton of concerts, including AFI (twice), Nine Inch Nails, HIM, and Muse), loved to watch videos on VH1 while she was ironing clothes or making me waffles in the morning. I was enchanted by them, loved the whole concept and the way a video drew me into the song and amplified its physiological impact on me, the way salt amplifies the flavor of a food. I remember watching the videos for “Say You’ll Be There” and “Baby One More Time” and all the classic BSB ones when they were new and hot.

Those were all great, but probably the first video that made a huge impact on my psyche was “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz. This video changed my life when I was in fifth grade. I’m not even exaggerating. I don’t think I even need to elaborate on how iconic this video is: it took my world, and the music world at large, by storm. (Also, Gorillaz, and this song in particular, really make me think of Infinite Jest somehow. I have this awesome vision that someone needs to help me realize: to remake this video but with Hal as 2D, Pemulis as Murdoc, Mario as Noodle, Gateley as Russell, and Himself as the ghost. Tell me that’s not perfect! Can someone with animation skills please do this? Come on. You don’t even have to credit me.)

Anyway, in must have been the late ‘90s or very early 00s, two music videos made huge impressions on me and still haunt me all these years later: that freaky depressing claymation video for the song “Hell Bent” by Kenna (devastating, unwatchable, can’t stand it) (why is it not on Youtube though? I swear this is the version I saw on TV back then), and the famously enigmatic “Just” by Radiohead. I was shook! After seeing the Radiohead one I spent days, weeks even, mulling it over, talking about it incessantly and demanding theories from everyone I knew. It drove me crazy that Thom Yorke insisted upon taking the secret to his grave (if he even actually has an answer and isn’t just messing with us all, haha, which as an adult I now think is the most likely answer). Seriously. What did the dude say? I needed to know. I’d still love to hear your theories, lol.

And then, a few years later, when I was coming of age and starting to really get into music, there was “Numb” by Linkin Park. The absolute chokehold that this video had on adolescent Mith! At twelve or thirteen, I thought I was that girl in the video. I actually hate how much power this video had over my whole worldview and identity at that formative time.

To this day, when I find a video that makes me feel something, I will either watch it over and over and over, addictively, or, avoid it like the plague, depending on the feeling. Here is a list of my all time favorites.

This list has been winnowed pretty aggressively to remove five or six songs that I no longer listen to because they are overtly sinful. I did my best to rank these, but some on the list really can’t be compared with others; it’s apples and oranges. So without further ado:

12. “Prelude 12/21” by AFI. Chills! Every time. It’s genius: every moment of this video looks exactly like the song sounds. The way Davey opens his eyes and looks into the camera at 0:38, just absolutely rocked my world. They opened with this one on the tour, prolonging that twinkly little music box melody in the intro as the band came out on stage, and it was so dramatic and exciting to watch. What a thing of beauty, all of it. (I know some people say AFI “sold out” when they left Nitro and started getting played on MTV and stuff, but, I like their “mainstream” stuff as much as their “punk” stuff — you can’t compare the two, it’s all so good!)

11. “Speeding Cars” by Walking on Cars. Damn this video! The song is sad enough on its own, but I can rock out to it in my car or whatever, and make up my own video to go along with it. But this, the official video, I cannot stand to watch. It makes me too sad. Also, I have been to that beach irl, and was sad when I was there, too, so the song + video + memories combined, it’s a perfect storm. This one would be higher on the list if it were at all watchable.

10. “Voices in my Head” by Falling in Reverse. If you know me, you know I absolutely adore Ronnie Radke, and this video is kind of like a little bio of him as an artist. Plus, the timing, the movements, the expressions, the rage but with that edge of self-deprecating humor to kind of cut the raw emotion which would otherwise be cringe – the way it’s not taking itself too seriously: it all totally encapsulates the song, which is fire.

9. “Despacito” by Luis Fonsi ft. Daddy Yankee. Oh, to be the Despacito girl! To have her life! I think about her almost daily. This video shows us a character thumbnail of her, a little snippet of her life in Puerto Rico. I love characters and settings, so this for me is the good stuff. It’s just a happy little portrait of a person and a place. Plus the sunshine, the ocean waves, the bright colors – it matches the song to a T. It’s genius.

8. “Paperthin Hymn” by Anberlin. Another one that I actually can’t watch, hardly ever. I think I’ve watched it three times total. It’s too sad. Normally I devour tragic love stories like movie theater popcorn, but this one hits a little too hard. I think it’s something about the muted colors, making it feel at once agonizingly real and eerily dreamlike. Also the song itself feels just too painfully sad, it’s already almost too sad to enjoy, so combined with the video, it’s lethal.

7. “Immortal Love” by Vampires Everywhere!. I am so obsessed with the love story in this video. The moment where they lock eyes while walking in opposite directions with their opposite friend groups at 2:22 just kills me every time. Plus, the outdoor concert at night in the late fall with a campfire – I want to be there! Ugh, my inner scene kid is rearing her ugly head. The visuals could not be better suited to the song.

6. “Cry Little Sister” also by Vampires Everywhere!. What a gem. The lead singer, Michael Vampire, was born to cover and perform this song. This entire video is a feast for the eyes, and I probably watched it about twenty times on repeat when I first discovered it – the four current band members vibe so well together – but, my favorite moment is when he does that thing with his eyes at 0:54. You can tell he really loves the heck out of this song and means every word of it. Also, 3:36-38 is such a moment, I am spellbound.

5. “No New Friends” by LSD. Such a weird, happy song with a weird, happy video! It’s a thing of beauty, it puts joy in my weird little melancholic heart. I have no complaints.

4. “Youngblood” by 5SOS. The song is already infectious enough, but dang! This video was a stroke of brilliance. How did they come up with the idea to tell a story about Japanese greasers, and why does it work so well? The very unexpectedness of it is partly why it’s so potent. There’s a sadness in this poppy little melody, and the frame story with the old couple drives home that element like a nail in your heart. Rarely do I like an official video more than my personal secret one, but this comes close. I’ve only watched it start to finish twice because it’s too powerful for me.

3. “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” by Fall Out Boy. Generally not a FOB fan, but, this one slaps, and rapper 2 Chainz is honestly perfect in this video. The way it shows him slow-motion pouring gasoline on the fire through the shadows – he really is this video, and the video is the song, like, they are all one indivisible, unbearably cool entity. I cannot hear the song without picturing the video – can’t forget the official video long enough to zone out and daydream, haha so I don’t actually listen to the song that much because it’s a poor vehicle. I think there’s a statement about music and video culture somewhere in this, but I’m not too interested in that; I just enjoy the aesthetics.

And finally, the top two are a tie for Mith’s Greatest Music Video of All Time:

2. “Lepestkami Slez” (“Лепестками Слез”) by Dan Balan and Vera Brezhneva. I cannot overstate the magnitude of the effect that this video had on me mentally. When I first discovered it in 2010 it was like a meteor crashing into my earth. It’s actually embarrassing how much I have carried this, how much it’s impacted my mental landscape. I also once wrote a short story based on this video, which people told me was pretty good, and a few years later, in a 4D art class, created some kind of diorama piece based on this song. I never tire of watching this video.

And:

1. “Cirice” by Ghost. Life-changing. I don’t listen to Ghost anymore (except for like one or two of their less blasphemous songs, occasionally), and I do not condone listening to them, but can’t not put this one on the list. I will forever be grateful for this track. This song and video found me in 2017 when I sorely needed them, and almost literally gave me life and sustained me for a not-insignificant length of time. Two years later, as a healthier and happier person, seeing this song performed live felt very much like being right there in the video, as the lights went all dark and red and Tobias apparently always chooses someone in the front row to reenact that epic moment at 3:20-34 with (not me lol, I was in the nosebleeds, still cool to see though) and it was kind of ecstasy, almost like a “spiritual experience” tbh. I just hope everyone has a song that does for them what this song/video does for me.
TOP 10: Ranking my Childhood Cartoon Crushes

January 9th, 2025

And before you say it: yes, I am weird. No, I did not have many IRL friends growing up. Yes, something was and is wrong with me. 😀

Of course, I’m not all the way off my rocker; I did have crushes on real people, too, the first of which was in third grade, on a boy who would later become one of my archnemeses in high school; and each one after that ended up just as badly. Disaster after disaster, crisis upon tragedy!! (Until I met my now-husband, that is.) Crushes on fictional people were, I found, so much more fun; so much less disappointing. Yes, it’s true that they are fictional, which is disappointing in and of itself; but if you have a vivid enough interior life, the company of fictional people can be quite fulfilling. So I always preferred fictional people. Which preference of mine was, I think, an early symptom of the AvPD that would only much later be diagnosed.

I post this in the spirit of humiliating myself, because why not. I recently made a whole 3,000-word post about what an idiot I am, so may as well just drive the point home with these ten mind-blowingly-stupid examples.

10. Sesshomaru (ca. 7th grade). This one’s in last place because, for one, I didn’t even watch Inuyasha, nor did I want to. I tried; it bored me. A friend of mine in elementary school liked it, and somehow via her I saw an image of Sesshomaru, and thought he was captivating, and proceeded to log onto AOL on the ol’ Family Computer and print off a bunch of pictures of him and tape them to my wall. All I know is, he’s some sort of dog-person creature and has a tail? A big fluffy one?? The tail was a turnoff even then, tbh, and I chose to pretend it didn’t exist.

9. Buzz Lightyear (ca. 1st grade). My first real crush. I was obsessed. I have no idea why my first grade self found him so dreamy. I had the talking action figure and all the merch and even the sweatsuit from the Disney Store in the mall and everything. Who remembers the Disney Store?! I wasn’t even huge on Disney, necessarily – I was never a “Disney princess” girl – but I loved that place!

8. Hideki from Chobits (7th grade). I think I just found him interesting to look at because Chobits was the first manga I ever actually read, and this was where I caved and finally admitted that I could see the appeal of the genre, which I had been shit-talking all year, looking down my nose at all my friends who were becoming manga-obsessed. Chobits was cute, I had to admit. Even though it still irritated me that I liked it at all. To this day I still feel conflicted about the genre: it’s such trash, so stupid – but some of it is so aesthetically pleasing.

7. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (7th grade). Disgusting, right? I am truly ashamed of how cool (and hot) I thought he was when I was in seventh grade. I positively adored him, and treasured a secret belief that I would be the only person he didn’t want to kill, that it would be he and I against the world. I cannot tell you how many hours I spent hiding in my room reading or just gazing at the Director’s Cut with my headphones on, listening to songs that reminded me of him.

6. Clopin, a.k.a. The Puppet Guy, from Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame (2nd-3rd grade). I think it was the hair that did it for me.

5. The mystery protagonist from the mystery manga I can’t remember (8th grade?). Maybe someone can help me with this!! It’s been driving me crazy. In 2003 or 4, maybe even ‘05, my best friend introduced me to a manga she’d found, which she knew I would like. I think it was by an American artist, a female. I’m pretty sure the artist had won some contest or prize and as a result got this, her first manga, published. It was a high school story about a guy who played guitar, and something supernatural happened to him – some magical companion started to follow him around, or something? Some kind of friendly spirit or demon? Pretty sure it was only one volume. I just remember the protagonist was gorgeous to me at the time, to such a degree that it made me deeply sad to look at, because he would never be real and even if he were he would never like me, which is perhaps why I put it away and blocked the whole manga out of my memory. Does this shoddy little description ring any bells to anyone?!

4. Invader Zim (5th-6th grade). Yep, another JV creation. Nope, I’m not joking. He and I would take over the world together! I was extremely obsessed, and also super weird about keeping the obsession a secret, because I was so embarrassed for anyone to see me enjoying the show. It felt insane, isolating, desperate: in every way just like a grown-up addiction, but so childish and innocent. How weird, in retrospect: the lengths that I went to just to get a chance to catch a glimpse of that show! I still remember the original air date, although I didn’t watch it until it aired again on Sunday evening. I saw it kind of on accident – it came on after something else I’d been watching, and it was like: the world shifted beneath my feet, and suddenly nothing was the same, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I could seriously write a full book about my obsession with that show and how it affected my life.

3. Rei Kashino from MARS (8th grade). Okay, I know I said earlier that anime/manga is trash, but MARS is the one exception. Beautiful story, beautiful characters, beautiful artwork, each page a composition, like a poem: absolute perfection. And hugely, hugely influential on me at that time. I’m embarrassed to admit that I can still clearly see its impact on my own writing. It also gave me some really unhealthy, unrealistic, starry-eyed ideas about what a romantic relationship ought to look like, hahaha. Alas, I still own all fifteen volumes, and still, if I pull one off the shelf and crack it open, I get immediately sucked in. One of the greatest love stories ever told, and I will die on this hill.

And finally, in first place, we have:

2 and 1: Miguel and Tulio from The Road to El Dorado (4th-5th grade). This one is a no brainer. Come on, they’re adorable! I made no secret of this crush, as I was still just a child. I even shared it with some of my friends at the time – we had the soundtrack on CD, and sang the songs together on the regular! Ah, to be so shameless again. And yes, in case you’re wondering, I did have beef with Chel (as well as a proto-girl-crush on her) because Tulio was my favorite. My 10 year old ass was ready to throw hands.
TOP 10: TV characters in a bake-off, Season 2

January 8th, 2025

You probably already saw Season One of this little concept, but, in case you just randomly stumbled upon this post, feel free to go check that one out for a bit of context/explanation.

I wasn’t able to represent as many great characters and shows as I wanted, so, decided to produce Season Two!

12. Asher from The Curse. I mean, sorry but pretty much his whole personality is “loser,” so it was to be expected that he’d go home first. No one even remembers what he baked. Perhaps it was a very, very tiny eclair. I feel bad for him.

11. Zim from Invader Zim. The only reason he didn’t go home in week one was because Asher is such an incredible loser. Apparently Zim thought that winning a baking competition would lead to world domination, so he’s been discreetly asking his computer for “human recipes” using “human ingredients,” and the end result was something so gruesome and disturbing that it had to be blurred out for TV, one of the judges quit on the spot, and the other two passed out and threw up, respectively. Probably in his best interest that he left, because Holly could see through his human disguise from a mile away.

10. Trent from Daria. Can he actually bake anything other than weed brownies? Evidently not. He and Freddy have obviously been high this whole time.

9. Freddy (a.k.a. Fredward) from The Gentlemen. Not a serious baker, as he has never lifted a finger to do any sort of productive work in his life; he’s just here because he lost a bet. He doesn’t even know what any of these ingredients do, and has been drunk the whole time. His final “cake” was an unbaked vat of improperly mixed components, including a lot of booze. He’s spent most of his time here mercilessly picking on Dylan, Gilbert, Ryan, and Asher, while slinking around trying to avoid the menacing stare of Sims.

8. Jack Rooney from The Three Body Problem. He was not too bad, and I think he could have gone a lot further. His cockiness and humor made him adorable, plus he had a gift for self-promoting by incorporating products from his brand “Jack’s Snacks” into all of his bakes, which was a fun sweet-and-salty twist. He, Dylan, and Ryan got along well.

7. Dylan from Severance. This guy is quite a decent baker, a bit of a know-it-all, and never seemed stressed by the time crunch like the other bakers. His bakes were always technically very proficient, but the judges thought his cake was a bit dry and bland in this last challenge.

6. Gilbert from Bodkin. Gilbert has been a great contestant, really cheerful and upbeat, and bakes with a lot of heart, but kind of clumsy. His tart shell fell apart today, and tart filling oozed out everywhere in a sloppy unappealing mess. The other contestants are sorry to see him go (except for Sims, who finds him intolerable, and Bev, who hates everyone), because he was the type to abandon his own station to help others out when they were in a pinch.

5. Tobert from Only Murders in the Building. He has a lot of skill, and is a fan favorite, especially among women, because of his striking blue eyes. His bakes often incorporate daring flavors and exotic ingredients which he’s encountered on his world travels as a documentary filmmaker – tonka bean, pandan, saffron, curry spice blends, stuff like that, and it almost always works. He didn’t make any critical mistakes, just got bested by the outstanding talent of the remaining four.

4. Ryan Two from Dark Matter. It’s one thing after another for this Ryan!! First he wakes up from a hangover in a completely different life where he’s a rich and famous award-winning neuroscientist, and now he’s on a baking competition show? It keeps getting weirder and weirder! But he’s freaking brilliant, and knows all about chemical compounds and such, so he’s turned out to be an amazing baker – his pastry, especially, is flawless, and his plated desserts very sophisticated and modern. He didn’t expect to make it this far, and is still confused and just wants to go home, so he’s not disappointed.

Presenting our finalists:

3. Bev Keane from Midnight Mass. She may be insufferable, but she knows what she’s doing in the kitchen; her style is rustic, traditional, nostalgic, and just perfectly sweet. She could have won, but she got disqualified after the first challenge because she was caught trying to poison her fellow finalists (our winner was the one who caught her).

2. Robert Sims from Silo. He’s not great at baking, it’s just that everyone is too scared of him to send him home. And he’s relied on covert comms from his wife to talk him through a lot of these recipes. It’s pretty obvious by now, but the judges are afraid to call him out, because, I mean, look at him, he looks like he would not hesitate to chuck you off a cliff without warning and then just go about his day like nothing happened.

But even he was no match for:

1. Holly Gibney from The Outsider. How could she not win? She knows everything. She has some kind of sixth sense about what’s going to happen with any given thing, like, a few episodes ago she randomly threw out a whole batch of cupcake batter for no apparent reason, she just knew something was going to go wrong with it, so she remade it just in time. Stuff like that keeps happening with her. Fan theories abound. Even Ryan and Sims are intimidated by her knowledge. She doesn’t seem too excited about the victory or the prize money, and is plainly annoyed by all the confetti and fanfare.
TOP 10: Most Memorable Sweet Treats of Mith’s Life

January 7th, 2025

This one doesn’t need much of a prelude. I love sweets; always have. As a kid, I always wanted chocolate with every meal, even breakfast, nay, especially breakfast (chocolate chip waffles! chocolate chip muffins! chocolate Pop-Tarts, especially raw out of the wrapper!). I’d ask for “dessert” after every lunch and dinner, even if that was just a couple of Hershey Kisses or Oreos to dip in milk (chef’s kiss). Ah, the childlike innocence of enjoying chocolate without any fear of weight gain, back before your eating disorder moved in. We’ll never get that back.

Because of all that, I have had a complicated relationship with sweet treats for pretty much all of my adult life, as most women do I guess. But, the cool part is, all those years of going without any and all “bad foods” as a rule, gave me this cool ability to actually enjoy food more in theory than in practice, most of the time: I spent so much time ogling and lusting after forbidden foods, that it became a whole hobby, more deeply psychologically engaging and satisfying than simply eating those foods had ever been. It’s probably why I enjoy watching baking shows, looking at cookbooks and still lifes, and writing about food, so much to this day – much more than actually making or eating it, even now that I’m pretty well “recovered” and no longer afraid to eat a cookie or some fro-yo here and there, depending on my mental state and the time of day.

So, the following sweet treats are ones that I’ve imprinted in my memory so I can enjoy them in my brain any time I want:

11. The Pecan Pie on the special Thanksgiving menu at this lodge/hotel dining room in the mountains, where I sometimes went for weekend getaways with my family as a child. This was the first time I ever had pecan pie, which is the quintessential holiday pie, and it made quite the impression; I was at an age where I was getting slightly more adventurous with food, but hadn’t yet hit puberty and started to overanalyze it. Hence, I took a slice of pecan pie from the buffet. And, how perfect it was. I’ve only tried to make pecan pie once since, and it fell very short. This pie is the only thing that I remember about that Thanksgiving.

10. The Dairy Queen Moolatté, mocha flavor. There was a DQ in the town where I went to high school, and the absolute best moment of my weekday as a HS senior was leaving school, driving into town in my own car, and going to get a Moolatté with my own money. This was also during my first “revenge ugly” phase, so I was not only avoiding looking at calories, I was all but trying to gain weight. I spent way too much of my paycheck on those stupid Moolattés.

9. This boozy sundae at a fancy little downtown bar in the city where I went to college, a place that specialized in dessert cocktails. This ice cream sundae came in a chocolate bowl, and was soaked in like three or four different boozy sauces. I only went to this bar one time (it was not my typical style, I was more of a “$5 wine out of a Styrofoam cup alone in my parked car” type of girl), it was on a date, and I don’t remember much at all of the date or the guy, but I do remember the sundae and its chocolate bowl. I don’t drink alcohol anymore, but if I did, it just might be worth the eight-hour drive to get this sundae one more time.

8. The Subway chocolate chip cookie. Right?? This is just about a perfect, classic chocolate chip cookie, enough said.

7. The Coconut Macaroons at the bakery of the grocery store where I had my first job. This was a small boutique grocery specializing in imported/international foods, and they had an awesome deli and bakery. The almond macaroons were great, too, but the coconut ones stand out more in my memory. They were big and fat and round and dipped in dark chocolate; this was the first time I ever loved coconut.

6. Peanut Butter Cup Fudge, a recipe that made the rounds in my family long ago, which my cousin and I, who were the same age and good friends at the time, both loved. It had a layer of chocolate fudge and a layer of peanut butter fudge. Simple, but perfect. Peanut butter and chocolate is the undisputed best flavor combo of all time.

5. The chocolate chip cookie at Chick Fil A. Even better than the Subway one, because it’s thicker and holds its structure when you bite it. I’ve tried a couple of copycat recipes, and they were okay, but not the real deal. If anyone knows of a really good copycat recipe, send it my way, please and thank you. As a vegetarian, I don’t eat anything else off the CFA menu, except their Diet Lemonade, which I have been known to put away by the gallon.

4. The White Chocolate Cranberry Macadamia cookie at that same grocery store bakery as #7. This is such a perfect combination of flavors and textures: tart/chewy, sweet/buttery, and salty/crunchy all at once. A true masterpiece. It’s like a song. I’ve tried to make them at home over the years, but nothing rivals those big, chewy, bakery-fresh ones in my memory.

3. Sweet Frog. The key to Sweet Frog-maxxing is, you get both peanut butter and chocolate yogurts, then pile on pretty much all of the chocolate-themed and nut-themed toppings (especially the cookie dough bites and the chocolate caramel cups), and then whipped creme and chocolate sauce. My husband and I, before we had kids, used to live close enough to walk to Sweet Frog, and we did so fairly often, so, it’s a really lovely memory for me. And it tastes even better knowing that it’s a Christian company.

2. My Mom’s homemade fudge that she used to make when I was a kid. Just basic, simple chocolate fudge. My mom never added nuts (because when I was a kid I liked things plain and smooth, nothing crunchy – like, my favorite candy bar was a Hershey milk chocolate). For my 10th birthday, I brought a batch of this fudge to school, and for a day I was actually popular, and my teacher begged my mom for the recipe, which made me feel great.

And finally:

1. The brownie at this ice cream shop in my city growing up (coincidentally, right across the street from the little grocery store, the one with the awesome bakery, where I would eventually become a cashier). I was introduced to their brownie in what must have been 1998 or ‘99 by a friend of mine in elementary school who raved about it, and I didn’t believe it could really be all that great, until one day when she got a chance to prove it: I was hanging out at her house, and her parents took us to this place, which was near her Dad’s work, and bought us each one of the famous brownies. They came in these tall clear plastic cups and were served with a spoon, because they were absolutely swimming in hot fudge sauce, so the brownies got all soft and mushy, almost pudding-like. So rich, it was impossible to finish the whole thing in one go, but, what an unforgettable chocolate marvel that was. Tragically, the shop appears to have shut down during covid. “It exists now…only in my memory,” which, tbh is probably better anyway.
Ranking the PAW Patrol Pups as Grooming Clients

January 7th, 2025

As some of you may know, I was, in a past life, a dog groomer at a corporate salon, for about seven years. While I do not miss clocking in for a job, I do miss some things about it: hanging out with my coworkers, mostly. Socially it could be a pretty toxic, gossippy environment, but virtually all of my coworkers were genuinely lovely individuals, good-hearted, who, despite the communal petty bitchiness (inevitable, when you put a bunch of twentysomething women in a fishbowl together and apply pressure), actually looked out for each other; and their company and conversation could often make a workday lots of fun. I also miss certain customers: many of the pet parents were gracious and pleasant and really appreciated what we did for them, even when it wasn’t perfect. Bless those people! I still think often of a lot of my clients from those days.

And obviously, I miss the doggos! (And yes, I still say “doggo,” I’m old.) Getting to interact with that many dogs per day was truly a privilege. I’ve always liked animals, but being a groomer really deepened my appreciation and love for dogs, both as individuals and as a species.

But, I left that job almost five years ago to stay home with my kids, who are now 4, 3, and 1.5, and are, predictably, all huge fans of the show PAW Patrol. Now, normally, I don’t let my kids absorb this kind of obnoxious brainrot, but, listen, sometimes when you’re solo-parenting three toddlers, and then you get sick for a few days, you do what you got to do to survive.

Thus, my days are no longer full of real dogs, but rather animated superhero ones, and I can’t help but reflect on what it might have been like if I’d met them in a past life. Here are the PAW Patrol pups ranked in order of how much I would like to have them on my grooming table:

10. Everest. I feel almost traitorous putting her in last place, because she’s my girls’ favorite, but, anyone who’s ever been a groomer knows that grooming a Husky is not for the faint of heart! Currently having flashbacks to a bathing bunker full of flying white hair (you’d have to wear a mask, or just wrap your nose and mouth in a towel, balaclava-style, to avoid inhaling it) while the wildly-dancing Husky’s shrill, relentless song of protest pierces through the roar of the velocity dryer, and you just know that they can hear her all over the store, and they probably think you’re torturing her. Then later the drains would all be clogged with wads of hair the size of my head. And even after all that, the dog would still go home slightly damp. I’d be up for it on a good day when I was fully caffeinated, but, a Husky will take it out of you for sure.

9. Chase. Nothing against GSDs, but I’m wary of them, since the only serious bite I ever got in seven years was from a GSD. Plus, they are so big, and tend to be very high-energy, especially the young ones. If you see one of these on your schedule, get ready for a full body workout.

8. Rubble. Brachycephalic dogs are, actually, my favorite, as you may know, and whenever a Bulldog or a Boston came in, it absolutely made my day! However, it was also always a bit high stress when they came in. Because short-nosed dogs, especially English bulldogs, are prone to respiratory and cardiac issues, which makes them a poor candidate for blow-drying or really anything slightly stressful at all. Basically, if the dog showed the slightest signs of getting worked up, we’d have to send them home unfinished, which always pains a groomer’s heart. And because of their health concerns you can’t even kennel them, so you’d have to sit there with them waiting for their Mom to come get them while your other clients are sitting in the kennels, waiting for you to finish their haircuts, and the clock is ticking. Still, Rubble is definitely the pup I’d most want to adopt.

7. Rocky. Rocky is actually my favorite character on the show, and he looks like he’d be fun to groom (I loved working with those scruffy, wiry coats). But, only thing is, he’s afraid of getting wet. That’s like his whole schtick in the show. It’s never fun bathing a dog who hates the bath, and good luck doing a good haircut on a dog who’s not clean.

6. Zuma. I love labs! They’re so goofy and dopey and affectionate. But, they can be tiring to work with. They’re so playful, and they’re such solid chonks with such thick hair that it can just be really exhausting to get them all the way clean and dry. When they don’t want to cooperate, it can feel like wrestling a hairy walrus. (As you are probably starting to see, I am more of a small dog person.)

5. Sweetie. She’s definitely spoiled, so I expect she might be snippy to work with; plus, she’s a Westie, and in my experience, those little buttheads just love to bite! However, I like their coats, and in general I typically really liked working with the prissy little white floofy things, especially when they were well taken care of at home. A dog who gets brushed at home daily and professionally groomed regularly, is almost always a dream to work with. And Sweetie’s pet parent is literally the Princess of Barkingburg, so, let’s be real, she’s probably the best-groomed of all these pups.

4. MarshaIl. Clumsiness aside, he would probably be a pretty easy client. A Dalmatians’s hair is so short that, like a Pit Bull, they’d air-dry in mere minutes. A quick rub with a rubber curry brush and he’d be good to go. Although, Marshall’s a klutz, so he’d probably be one of those dogs who’s always sidestepping off the table, so, you might need to beseech one of your coworkers to stand on his other side while you work on him (not an uncommon occurrence in the salon).

3. Skye. A cockapoo is almost always a great client. They’re sweet-natured, and most of the ones I met were well taken care of and well trained, which I assume Skye would be, I mean, look, she’s only a puppy and already flies a helicopter, so. Plus, they’re small and cute and their poodlish hair is so fun to work with.

2. Tracker. Some people are wary of chihuahuas, but I always loved them, short haired and long haired alike! They’re easy to groom, and yes, they can be feisty, but with that cute little face and big ears, it’s hard to take their rage seriously. Tracker seems chill and eager to help, so he’d probably be a dream to work with.

And finally, my pick for most desirable client:

1. Liberty. My heart always leapt for joy when I saw a Longhaired Dachshund on my schedule! Their coat and stature make them really fun and easy to work with (I preferred the wiry ones, and Liberty looks more silky, but still). They’re pretty hardy for their size, so not likely to be sickly or stressful on the grooming table. True, sometimes they put up a fight for their nail trim, but honestly, an angry sausage is no problem – I’d much rather wrestle an angry Oscar Meyer Wiener than an angry GSD or lab. If Liberty’s mom called for an appointment, I’d definitely book her on myself.
TOP 10: TV characters in a bake-off

June 16th, 2024

ETA: I don’t watch many of these shows anymore, because a lot of them are bad; but, I still enjoy the characters out of context, and this was a fun little game, so wanted to keep the post alive anyway!

I never used to care for TV before I married my husband. Had I not been so lucky as to meet him, I probably would have lived my whole life without owning a TV or subscribing to any streaming services at all, except maybe FORMED. Just one of the many, many reasons why I’m super lucky to have met my husband!

When he bought us our first TV, I didn’t like it. It was big, it was ugly, it was expensive; I felt, at best, wary of it. My heart began to thaw a bit, though, when my husband suggested that our inaugural viewing be my favorite movie of all time (The Wicker Man, the 2006 remake; yes, I will die on this hill); I even threw a little viewing party for us with a themed dinner!

And in the weeks and months that followed, I realized that the TV had another perk: it made at-home workouts way more fun and easy, because I could follow along with any of the millions of free workout videos on YouTube. It’s kind of hard to do that using the tiny little screen of a phone. So now, the TV and I became friends.

And eventually, at last, I discovered the joy of TV shows. My husband is a movie-and-TV genius – he knows pretty much every movie and show that’s ever been made, and scrolls IMDB for fun – so he introduced me to the world of streaming services.

Before, I always thought shows were kind of stupid. The only ones that I appreciated were things like Jeopardy!, cooking shows, HGTV programs, documentaries, and the like. I had no respect for TV as a storytelling medium. Even when my favorite college professor, the one whom I idolized (and whose voice lives on in my head forever as my inner writing critic), once remarked during class that some of the best story-writing these days was being done for television – even then I looked down my nose at it. People should just read books, I thought, haughtily.

Which they should, of course – but overall I was wrong: TV shows are fun, and some of them are brilliant!

Although I’ve come to love lots of shows of all different genres, my favorite kind of show remains the baking competition show. It goes without saying that GBBO takes the cake (ha) when it comes to the baking competition show – but I devour all of them with glee. My current favorites are the seasonal Baking Championships on HBO Max – Holiday, Spring, Summer, and Halloween (I actually don’t care for the Halloween one; too much campy gore and horror and demonish stuff: gross; I wish they’d just do a nice, pleasant Fall-themed one instead, but, oh well).

And so: the idea for this post arose from my obsession with baking competition shows, combined with all of the other shows that I love. My husband and I like to ask each other fun hypothetical questions, it’s one of our favorite games; and together we came up with this one: which TV characters, from any show, would you cast as contestants on a baking competition show? Obviously there have to be twelve; that’s the standard with baking competition shows. (The perfect format starts with twelve bakers, and eliminates the weakest one each episode, until there are three left in the grand finale, with the winner being chosen from those final three.)

So without further ado: if I could choose any characters from any TV show to be the twelve contestants on a new season of the baking championship, these are the ones that I’d choose – listed here in the order in which I think they’d go home:

12. Dr. Iggy Frome from New Amsterdam. He’s a fan favorite, and most of his fellow contestants love him (especially Tanya, she gloms onto him real fast), but, he’d bungle something in one of the challenges – he’d probably get nervous and do something idiotic, like, mention in front of the camera that incest is fine because, you know, love is love, after all, or replace the sugar with salt, or something. On his way out, he’d give everyone a giant hug and a tearful but uplifting speech about how it’s okay to fail.

11. Tanya from White Lotus. In fact, she was probably in the bottom two with Iggy last episode. She’s been tipsy this whole time, and probably dumped a whole bottle of booze into one of her bakes, then in the next challenge slipped in spilled batter and fell spectacularly, and had to be escorted off the set by medics, thus unable to finish the challenge in time. Her fellow contestants are glad to see her go.

10. Eddie from Stranger Things. He did okay; he did his best. I don’t imagine he’s much of a baker. It was just his time to go. He’ll be missed.

9. Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Recreation. He’s been loud and boastful and cocky this whole time, insisting that he’s the winner and also the best dressed. The other bakers hate him, and hate how he sings while he’s baking (Izaya actually stabbed him in the first challenge this week). And he’s only made it this far by cheating, and because he was lucky enough to be teamed up with Marcus in the Team Challenge last episode. He throws a tantrum when the host announces he’s going home, and threatens to call his dad (Kendall laughs at this), and security guards have to walk him off the set.

8. Martha from Baby Reindeer. She’s actually a decent baker, and bakes with fierce intensity and devotion; she does a lot of bold, amibitious flavor combinations, like smoked chili pepper + tropical fruit, but she tends to fall short in the decorating department. She’s eliminated because she was a little too bold this time: she way overdid it on the spice, or the alcohol, or maybe she overfilled her pastries so the overspiced filling was oozing out in a gory mess. Just way too much for the judge’s palates. But, she’s not unhappy to be going home; she’s a very busy woman, after all, and knows she is sorely missed at her demanding job, and can’t wait to get home to her precious boyfriend.

7. Kendall Roy from Succession. He’s not a baker, and doesn’t know his way around the kitchen at all, but has managed to make it this far just by being insanely rich. I don’t even know how that works; it just does. But in this episode, he was high as a kite on park coke, and made a fatal error, like, baking an entire silver spoon into his pie, or vomiting into the ice cream maker, or something. As the host is telling him he’s eliminated, Kendall interrupts and says that, you know what, he’s done with this show, he’s leaving, it’s just not worth his precious time, he wishes you all the best, and besides, the prize money is barely even pennies to him, anyway. To this day he maintains that he would have won had he chosen to stay on. (Side note: my favorite Roy is actually Roman, but I think Kendall would be more fun to watch on a baking show, because he’s such a train wreck. )

6. Fr. Khatri from From. He’s low-key a really good baker, and has been a dark horse this whole time; lots of viewers thought he would be a finalist. But he made the mistake of helping Patricia in the last challenge when she was running out of time to ice her cupcake wreath, thereby sacrificing the finish on his own cupcake wreath, and this act of charity would be his demise. He was very gracious as he left, and attributed everything to God’s will.

5. Izaya Orihara from Drrr!. (“But Mith, why,” you may ask, “do you like that silly anime so much?” The reason is: Izaya.) It was actually a super close race between him and Patricia, who were in the bottom two this episode – Izaya’s cake looked much tidier, but his flavors were kind of dead inside, while Patricia’s supposedly tasted better, according to the judges. The consensus on Reddit seems to be that the judges just let Patricia through because she’s a single mom and always gets very emotional on camera about her boys back home. Anyway, I’m surprised Izaya wasn’t disqualified before now, seeing as how he’s threatened every other contestant with violence or made them bleed at least once. I guess it makes for good TV.

4. Patricia Tillerson from Outer Range. She’s formidable, and experienced, with decades of all-American dessert-baking under her belt. She’s always talking about her three grown sons and their tragic story and alluding to her crazy ex-husband and playing the victim, which makes her sympathetic to a lot of the viewers. She goes home not because of a mistake, but just because all the other remaining bakers are really, really good.

And the three finalists are:

3. Scanlan Shorthalt from The Legend of Vox Machina. Not a baker by any means, but he has that magic hand thing that he does, and the lute, so, basically he can convince anyone of anything, and has weaseled his way out of the bottom two several times now. He’s also seduced 10/11 of the other bakers (not Angela), all three of the judges, and the host, by this point; plus all the viewers find him weirdly enchanting, so it’s like he just can’t go home, no matter how chaotic his bakes are. He really wanted that prize money.

2. Marcus from The Bear. Obviously the best baker here, and the only one who’s classically trained; he’s won the most challenges out of everyone. He really should have won the whole thing. But in the final challenge, he got a bit too heated and emotional, and ended up making one tiny mistake and being bested by…

1. Angela from The Office. The baddest B in TV history? I think so. Her bakes are simple but flawless. She’s neat as a pin; she’s been making little passive-aggressive remarks about the other contestants this whole time; viewers can’t stand her. She accepts the prize money with an icy little smile and says something about spending it all on her cats.

Side note: Obviously I know Marcus would be the rightful winner out of these twelve. But, if you’ve ever watched a baking competition show, you know that the ones who seem like the rightful winners are often not the actual winners: for reference, see: Juergen from GBBO, Romy from Spring Baking Championship S8, and Alex from Spring Baking Championship S10.

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What do you think? Did I choose the right winner? Who would you cast? I also made a Season Two!