CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for Ultimate Baking Championship!!

“Go do the Boston skyline and mind your own business, okay?” – Robert to Juan, when Juan was casually checking in on the other team’s progress

What an intense week! They claim that these themes are “randomly assigned,” but is it just me, or did tonight really seem like the creators had deliberately assigned certain desserts to certain contestants in order to maximize the drama.

Like, in the Boston Cream Pie group: Christopher is literally from Boston, so this is personal for him and he has a lot of experience with it — but!, Juan’s boyfriend is also from Boston, and Juan makes him this cake all the time, and the couple even visited the famous hotel together recently – so, it’s a very personal dessert for him, too. Meanwhile, Adalberto made it personal by incorporating Cuban dark rum and a fierce determination to come back from his lackluster performance in the last two episodes.

And in the Coconut Cream Pie group: Florencia had literally never made a single pie before in her life! Not a one! Excuse me but what the helly? Why would you sign up to go on this huge American competition show and not even practice making an American pie crust once or twice before walking onto the set, lol? (I mean clearly she didn’t need to, though – she still made an amazing pie and nailed the textures!) Clement, also, is not a pie-maker; he’s French, and shamelessly asserted that the French do tarts instead, which are basically the same “but better.” And, since pie is unfamiliar to him, he seemed to actually be struggling to get his pie crust to work – it wasn’t looking good for him, for a few minutes there. Meanwhile, their competitor, Robert, has made zillions of pies, and not only that but hails from Miami and has grown up with coconut-flavored desserts — so he really seemed to have the edge here.

And then, the Italian Rum Cake group: Casey, who comes from an Italian family and is very familiar with this dessert, was up against the adventurous Rochelle (and her chaotic evil alter-ego Shelly) and high-scoring Molly with her sleek modern design. Would Casey’s classic cake be too classic and old-school, or would her familiarity be an advantage?

I wasn’t too surprised with the results of the Italian Rum Cake contest; I was glad to see Casey win; she’s one of my favorites. Although, part of me also wants Rochelle to win the whole thing, because she’s geographically the closest to me so I feel kind of a natural affinity. However, when they were showing Rochelle assembling her layers, and she was commented on how the pastry cream may look loose now, but “relax, it’ll set up” – I had a feeling that one was going to come back to bite her.

I did take some issue with the results of the Boston Cream Pie contest, though. Why did they do that to Adalberto?! I don’t understand! He didn’t get any negative critiques (not that we got to see, anyway). Juan, on the other hand, was told that his cake actually had too much vanilla flavor (which, how the heck does something taste “too much” of vanilla? Is that even possible? Have you ever eaten something that tasted too strongly of vanilla?? That’s like water tasting too watery, or air smelling too airy), and also his marble cracked, and the judges seemed less than pleased with him. I really, 100% thought that, based on that, Juan was going to be in the bottom of his group! What happened here! And poor Adalberto – just as he was celebrating “I’m back, baby”, then he gets told he’s in the bottom three again? Not cool. At least he made it through, but still: not cool.

However, it was cool to see Christopher win, being a native Bostonian and kind of an underdog up against Juan and all.

But the wildest thing of all was the fate of the Coconut Cream Pies! First of all, it looked like Clement was not even going to make it through – it looked for a minute like he might not even have a pie to present – but then, he managed to whip out something flawless and beautiful, with a delicious crust, and place first in his group! What sorcery is this?!

And second of all, Robert! ROBERT! What happened, my guy!! You were supposed to be a shoe-in! You were one of the top three in this whole contest, alongside Clement and Juan! I literally gasped. I’m shook. This was just so unexpected. I mean, yeah, his crust was too thick and he didn’t have enough filling, so it was fair, but, dang! How could this happen? Are you as flabbergasted as I am? I need someone to talk to about this, lol I’m gonna go drink some water and lie down, but leave me your comments!

THE RECAP:

Only One Challenge: Pastry Cream Classics – themes randomly assigned; groups of three competing against each other – the losers from each group up for elimination, with the lowest-scoring one of those three going home

Italian Rum Cake

• Rochelle: festive cake with blown sugar cherry in a “splash” of molded chocolate
• Molly: tall, modernized cake with cherry jam truffles on top
• Casey: classic, rustic Chicago cake w/ toasted almonds, shaved chocolate, & maraschino cherries

Coconut Cream Pie

• Florencia: topped w/ coconuts filled with coconut-lime-white chocolate ganache
• Clement: topped w/ coconut diplomat and coconut macaroons inside chocolate coconuts
• Robert: w/ coconut milk pastry cream, coconut mousse & coconut rum gelee

Boston Cream Pie

• Adalberto: cake coated in chocolate rum ganache and gold Italienesque modeling chocolate décor, made w/ Cuban dark rum
• Juan: toasted “gold” almonds on the sides and chocolate marble “floor” décor on op
• Christopher: almond praline on bottom, chocolate mayflowers on top

SCORES & STATS:

Italian Rum: Casey (46), Molly (41), Rochelle (36)

Coconut Cream: Clement (44), Florencia (39), Robert (29)

Boston Cream: Christopher (45), Juan (43), Adalberto (41)

Winner: Casey

Sent Home: Robert

A dessert is called “sexy”: 0 times (running total: 3)

Superlatives from the judges: 1 “the fanciest Boston Cream Pie” Duff’s ever seen (running total 1)

Dead family members mentioned: 0 (running total 1)

Duff’s gaping maw spotted: 4 times (running total 8)

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Clement’s coconut cream pie topped with those little coconut macaroons hidden inside chocolate coconuts!

Wins so far: Juan (1), Molly (1), Casey (1)