How’re ya feeling, fellow moms? This rant is for you. I’ve noticed a trend in the online pregnancy world recently of moms complaining about being asked, while visibly pregnant: “how are you feeling?”

And I’m here to tell those moms: really?! Come on now. I know we’re hormonal and tired, and sometimes we genuinely cannot control our emotional outbursts, — I get it. But that’s no excuse to throw basic courtesy and rationality to the winds. Let’s get over ourselves, shall we, and try to be decent humans.

Women are complaining that they’re tired of being asked this question, over and over and over, by complete strangers even, because isn’t it obvious that they’re not feeling great?!, and it isn’t anyone’s business anyway! Such a lame, tired question! And why are total strangers asking me how I’m feeling?! Just leave me alone!

Now, if you read this blog, you know I’m all for being left alone. I’m hardly a fan of random unsolicited comments from strangers, and I also can’t stand it when people treat pregnant moms like they’re some exhibit in a zoo. As an ILI with AVPD and an ED that makes me hypersensitive about my body image, I’m not big on small talk, being greeted by strangers in public, or being perceived in general. So please keep in mind that this rant is not coming from some shameless, tactless, chatty social butterfly who loves discussing personal details with strangers. I’m actually intensely private and very reserved about conversation.

Nor am I ignorant of the struggles of being pregnant. I’ve been pregnant five times and given birth four, one of which was a complicated pregnancy that resulted in an emergent c-section and a NICU stay. So I get it. Pregnancy is not all sunshiney small-talk material.

But pregnancy is also really, really cool. It’s possibly one of the coolest things, if not the coolest thing, about the human species. When people see a pregnant lady, it elicits a reaction. That’s just natural.

When people ask you “how are you feeling?”, it’s not really about how you’re feeling. They’re not your doctor. Knowing how you’re feeling physically in that moment is not that important to them. What they really mean with this question is: “wow! I see that you are pregnant. That is cool! I am acknowledging how cool this is. Would you like to discuss it?” — I’m hardly socially savvy, but I feel like it’s pretty obvious that this is the motive behind the question.

It’s just common sense. It’s common courtesy.

It’s not an invasion of privacy. Since when does “how are you” actually mean “tell me how you are doing”? Everyone knows that it’s just a simple greeting. As the saying goes: Don’t talk about your indigestion, “how are you”‘s a greeting, not a question!

A person who’s asking you how you’re feeling is not asking you to reveal that you are constipated, nauseated, leaking, hormonal, gassy, or any of that gross stuff. Guess what! Being asked does not obligate you to divulge that information! You can simply say “alright,” or “not great,” or “tired,” or whatever simple reply you want! You don’t have to be gross, but you also don’t have to lie. A simple “not great” is all you need. It’s polite and honest without being gross. You don’t need to be rude.

Because sometimes this question is meant very sincerely. Sometimes the asker of this question (especially if it is a woman, or a friend/family member) is trying to offer you a space to vent and complain a bit, if you want to. Yes, it’s obvious that you’re not feeling great; your belly is the size of a house; they can see that, they’re not dumb. What they are really saying is, “I see that you’re not feeling great! I’m sure it’s exhausting being out and about trying to accomplish your tasks while feeling this way. I’m happy to offer a listening ear if you’d like to be real about it for a moment.” It’s a simple kindness. You don’t have to engage at length if you’re not in the mood, but don’t be pissy and get mad at them.

Sometimes they are trying to start a conversation (again, usually this is if it’s a woman). Women who’ve been pregnant before typically tend to be interested in talking about pregnancy. So maybe they’re hoping that you’ll respond with “actually, I feel like shit, I puked three time this morning,” so that they can then respond with “oh I get it, I had HG during both of my pregnancies, it was rough!” or something like that. It’s just human nature to want to find common experiences in conversation. Again, not saying that you have to have a conversation if you don’t feel like it. But you should recognize the question for what it is, and return kindness with kindness.

I totally get not wanting invasive questions. When I was forty weeks with my first, a customer at work asked me if I was dilated yet. Um, excuse me? Who are you and why are you asking about my cervix? At that point I agree with you, that’s a weird and uncomfortable thing to be asked. But “how are you feeling” is as neutral, lightweight, generic, and open-ended as can be. If that question offends you, then your social sensibilities need some adjustment.

I truly just don’t understand why any mom would be offended that someone cares enough to ask how she’s feeling. To offer a simple expression of benevolent interest. The person who asks “how are you feeling” is not demanding intimate details. They’re simply acknowledging, politely, harmlessly, that you are in an extraordinary state. Why is that so bad?

Maybe this is a Gen-Z thing. I know gen-Zs, who probably constitute the majority of the worldwide pregnant population currently, are notorious for hating common courtesy and returning every simple nicety with a dead-eyed glare. So maybe that’s what this is about. As a millennial woman who was brought up to always be polite and kind to a fault, I can’t relate.

Regardless of generation though, this just seems to me like a no-brainer. If “how’re you feeling” offends you, you may as well be offended by “hi” and “nice weather we’re having,” too. What a waste of energy. I think I’m pretty thin-skinned, but dang! Getting offended by “how are you feeling” is next-level ridiculous.

And here’s the really annoying thing! by complaining about it online for anyone to read, you’re making people afraid to say anything to a pregnant lady at all! You’re making us all look insufferably oversensitive. People love to accuse women of doing nothing but bitch and moan about everything, and when you go online and whine about simply being asked “how are you feeling,” you’re not helping us beat those allegations.

I for one like to be asked how I’m feeling while pregnant. Why? Because, as I explained, it’s a simple acknowledgement that I am pregnant and that is cool. That’s all it is. By responding succinctly and politely, what you’re really saying is: “yes, I am indeed pregnant, thank you for acknowledging how cool that is.” That’s all.

As someone who spent many years longing to be pregnant, but had to wait until I was 29, I am grateful when someone acknowledges the reality of a pregnancy. Yes, it is cool, isn’t it? I don’t love being looked at, though, and don’t love small-talky conversations, so I’ll offer some canned response like “fine, thanks” even if it’s not true. I’ll also smile, to show that I am grateful (not saying that you should necessarily do that, though, unless you are actually happy; in 2026, we don’t tell women to smile!). Even I, a painfully awkward person with diagnosed AVPD, am capable of this. I’m trying to show you how easy it is to practice basic courtesy.

We all have different baggage. Maybe you didn’t want to be pregnant. Maybe you wanted to hide your pregnancy for whatever reason. Fair enough. But if you are a sane person, you have to admit that you, not the asker of this completely benign question, are the one acting weird, because of your baggage. It’s okay to be weird, I’m not saying it’s not — if you’re seriously triggered by an innocuous question, I am sorry, you must have a lot going on. But it’s still not okay to be rude. And it’s not okay to blame others when the issue is your own.

In conclusion: coming from an admittedly oversensitive person, “how are you feeling” is not, in any way, a rude or stupid question. From one mom to another: let’s chill out. Let’s get over ourselves. Let’s put on our big girl pants and practice common courtesy, even when we’re not in the mood. We’re not exempt.