CAUTION: CONTAINS SPOILERS for this episode of BCNG!

Alright, here we go. Baking Championship: Next Gen – this one is sort of a wild card, for me.

I typically do not watch kids’ baking competition shows. I’ve tried, but it just doesn’t grab me. They’re just a little too wholesome and clean, for my taste; as you know, I live for the drama, the angst, the intensity. In kids’ versions, the judging is, of course, always gentler, and the bakes less technically impressive – although, at the same time, it’s also more impressive, in a way, because all these literal children are such better bakers than I am! It does make me feel a bit inferior, lol, which, in that way, makes it actually more depressing to watch! And also, it just feels more senselessly cruel, when the kids get sad. If an adult breaks down in tears over baked goods, it’s sad but it’s also relatable, dramatic, compelling, and draws me in as a viewer. But when a kid cries on reality TV, my maternal instinct can’t really take it – it just feels bad. Nothing fun about it, not at all. So overall I find the kids’ versions of these shows less enthralling and satisfying; they activate a whole different emotional spectrum in me than the adult versions.

But I decided to watch this one anyway. Why, you ask? Well, two reasons: one, I don’t have any other baking shows right now (why did they stop making Sugar Rush?! Why did they stop making Zumbo and Nailed It!?). And as you know, I’m addicted to baking shows, so even a less-satisfying one still fills the void. (“Are you liking this at all?” my husband asked me, halfway through tonight’s episode, sensing the dissatisfaction emanating from me, as only a partner of 10+ years can. “It’s like park coke for Kendall Roy,” I replied. Which reference is super inappropriate for a discussion of a kids’ show, but, whatever, this is still Mith’s blog.)

And, reason number two: as you may have noticed, I haven’t been posting on this blog as much in the past week, which is because I’ve decided, in my free time, to try my hand at writing some Middle Grade fiction! Which is something I haven’t done since I was middle grade age myself, and I feel kind of rusty on it; what are kids that age even like?! So, I’m kind of treating BCNG as research, as a way to study how kids this age actually behave and talk and interact. (Even when I was that age, I was hardly a “normal kid,” lol, so I honestly have no clue.) Why write middle grade, then, you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. It’s so unnatural for me – so much action, so little rumination! The minds of kids this age are fascinating. I don’t have any kids in the 8-14 range yet – my oldest is only five – so they’re kind of a mystery to me. This should be a learning experience.

So, Mith, you may be asking, what are your thoughts on “Next Gen” thus far? Well… I guess it’s not un-fun. As mentioned, I just don’t really click with middle grade. But it will hold me over, I guess, until Spring Baking returns. And there are things that I like about it. The bright and airy set and the back-to-basics challenges are refreshing after all the holly jolly madness of Holiday. And, of course, I like all of the contestants so much.

It’s so hard to pick a “favorite” contestant, when the contestants are children. All of them are so precious. However, one of the teams that stood out to me the most, and I guess you could call them one of my “favorites,” did, predictably, end up being one of the two that got sent home first. The Curse of Mith’s Favorite strikes again! I’m so sorry, Liam and Michael. Those two were adorable, and such a good team; I loved their positivity. They were such “dude bro,” “tough guy” types while still being so warm and good-natured and sweet. The way they supported each other! Their parents have clearly done a good job (and they have two other boys, as well!). I hope these two don’t lose that energy as they grow up. As adults, they will be the very picture of positive, healthy masculinity!

I guess their elimination was fair, though. Their yellow cupcake was apparently “tough,” and their apple pie just did not work out. I was literally shouting at the TV: just re-start your pie dough! Why did they not just chuck that mess in the bin and start over?? Lord knows I’ve been there before, with pie dough – too wet, add more flour, then it’s too dry so add more water, then too wet again, add more flour… dude! Just start over! It would’ve saved you time, and it’s not like there’s any shortage of ingredients, on the Baking Championship set. And then, unfortuntately, their decorative toppers didn’t look like much of anything, and the apples looked dry.

That was too painful. It does make me wonder: are they allowed to use recipes on this show? I still don’t know. I was actually watching a livestream on Instagram the other night with Charles, Ashleigh, and Alyx from Holiday Baking, and people kept writing into the chat asking if they were allowed to use recipes on the show, but Alyx insinuated that they were not allowed to answer that question. Weird! If these kids aren’t allowed to use recipes, that’s intense – and makes it even more impressive when they succeed. It’s impressive either way.

But speaking of dry pies, there were at least three of them this challenge! Abigail and Kenneth’s peach pie didn’t have enough goo. Abby and Cameron’s apple pie was just as dry as Liam and Michael’s. And Leila and Melody straight up drained all the goo off their pecan pie – the best part of a pecan pie! Wild. Although, I could really relate to big sis, when at the end of the episode she was wondering aloud why on earth she had done that. When I’m anxious or under pressure I make stupid decisions as well.

My other “favorite” team (if you can call it that) is still in the game. Harper and Holland! What darlings! Are they like that in real life, I wonder, or are they playing it up for the camera, with the matching bows and blond hair, the alliterative names, and the sugary, outgoing sort of Disney star vibes. They’re so cute! (Also, their parents have great taste in names: Holland and Harper are two of my favorite “guilty pleasure” girl names, i.e. names that I wouldn’t use on my own kids but absolutely adore on other people’s kids.) Also, these girls created my personal favorite dessert in both challenges: the vanilla cupcake with chocolate ganache filling and that delectable-looking peanut butter-chocolate buttercream, followed by the S’mores Pie – a chocolate pie in a graham cracker crust with a toasted marshmallow topping. And watching little Holland’s reaction when they sliced the pie and the piece came out cleanly – delightful! What a great moment. She’s hilarious.

Little Holland also had the most one-liners this episode. After Duff and Kardea called their cupcake sponge “tight,” she told her sister: “It was tight – maybe we should take it to the gym so it can stretch!” LOL. And then, after they made it to the end of the episode without getting sent home, she goes: “I’m like screaming! My whole body is so excited!” Lol I’m weeping. You’ve got to love the way kids think and speak; it really sheds light on the bizarre truth that people, all people, really are just babies with experience.

My sweet husband kindly watches these shows with me, even though they’re not his cup of tea (his cup of tea is sci-fi, fantasy, and horror), as you guys know if you read this blog; and his favorite team is Taanvi and Kavya. Because they are goofballs, and remind him the most of our girls (ages 5.5 and 4.5), who are also goofballs. Being a Southerner myself, I do like that they did a hummingbird cake for their cupcake – and their spicy black pepper peach pie was a bold move.

Speaking of peaches and the South, I’m also keeping an eye on Jovie and Lenore. They’re here to represent the weird kids, they said, and as a weird kid who also wore purple hair and a necktie at that age, I salute them. Had you ever heard of Seth Thomas before? I had not, and judging by their reaction when Kardea knew what it was, probably most people don’t. I do wonder why their band is named after a brand of clock; probably an inside joke. Ah, I remember being that age and having inside jokes. My middle school BFF and I used to joke about starting a band and calling it “Dying Irish,” which was a whole inside joke that I haven’t even thought about in years if not longer. Which, wow!, see?!, this whole “middle grade research” project is apparently working already — waking up my inner 8-14 year old! Unearthing all those horrible deep core memories! Maybe I should go listen to some Hoku and Vitamin C to really complete the experience.

I was super bummed that Clara and Amelia’s berry pie was too tart. Raspberry-blueberry-blackberry sounds like an incredible flavor combo, and their decorations were some of the smartest (half lattice, half pie crust cutouts). Also noteworthy for me are Abigail and Kenneth, the farmer kids from the Midwest. Their dynamic as a team is hilarious! I laughed every time they were on the screen. Same with Genesis and Akbar (who absolutely killed it with that sweet potato pie, btw, stunning work) – the bossy big sister/sensitive little brother situation. I also really like Abby and Cameron from Philly – I was relieved that they made it through the pie challenge even though their apple pie was off. I guess their Chai Latte cupcake was good enough to keep them in the running.

Well, until next week then. I don’t normally watch kids’ baking shows, so I don’t really know what kind of stats to count and what tropes to look out for. If you have any suggestions for stats we should keep track of this season, or if there’s anything else you want to talk about, let me know in the comments. For now, let’s just do the following:

Superlatives from the judges: 1, Kardea to Leia and Kiera, “one of the best key lime pies I’ve ever had”

Kid who most deserved a hug: Liam. Why did Kardea not come out to give him a hug and a pep talk?! That’s like her whole thing! She must have been busy somewhere else, because Kardea is the sweetest woman on TV, there’s no way she could have seen that happening and not come to his aid. It killed me to see the poor kid so upset and no grown-up come out to help him.

Kid who most deserved a high five: Holland, for that beautiful slice of S’mores pie.

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Easily, said s’mores pie. Duff said it was “a skosh loose,” but ain’t nothing wrong with that if you ask me; I’m never one to complain about a nice jiggly chocolate pudding.

Mith’s official prediction for the winning team: Leia and Kiera. With those decorations – the little hazelnut truffle heart on their cupcake, and those fancy little whipped cream swirls filled with raspberry puree on top of their key lime pie – they are pretty clearly on another level! It almost seems unfair. I’m eager to see if any of the other teams can catch up.