Tis the season!, the season for me, an American Catholic convert and mom of littles, to once again lose sleep over the ethics of Santa Claus.

Here is the situation, in case you’re not familiar: a great many American Catholic parents, especially the more Traditional ones, are eschewing the annual practice of “Santa Claus.” They don’t tell their kids the story that Santa Claus is a jolly fat guy in a red suit who lives at the North Pole with a bunch of elves and, once a year on Christmas Eve night, hops in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and delivers presents to boys and girls all around the world, parking on the roof and sliding down the chimney. They just teach their children from the get-go that Santa is just some dumb/silly made-up story, and that Christmas presents come from Mom and Dad.

Why do these parents eschew Santa? As far as I can gather, they do so for two main reasons: (1) to emphasize the real meaning of Christmas, i.e. the Birth of Christ, and not a commercialist orgy of spending and gift-getting; and/or (2) because they see that it’s unethical to lie to their children. Indeed, I’ve even seen claims from Santa-haters that they themselves felt “betrayed” and “traumatized” when they, as children, found out that Santa was not real and their parents had been deceiving them all along.

I will address these in order.

But first, a sliver of my personal background, so you can see where I’m coming from. I was not raised in a Christian household. My family home was happy and loving, but decidedly secular. Did Santa come to my house? You bet he did! It was magical – it was some of the happiest memories of my life, the whole Christmas season, everything about it. I’ve always loved Christmas.

When did I find out that Santa wasn’t real?: It happened organically. No one ever told me; there was no light bulb moment. I grew up and gradually made sense of what was really going on, and realized that, on some level, I had kind of known it all along. Was I sad? No. By the time I was old enough to accept that Santa was a story, I was old enough to not feel sad about it.

Did my parents lie to me? Did I feel betrayed?: No, and absolutely not! Not to invalidate anyone’s trauma, but I do think this is a kind of silly thing to call “betrayal.” (Feel free to debate me on this, though.) I do not really agree that doing Santa is “dishonest,” and here’s why:

There is a difference between telling a story/playing a game, and telling a lie. The former means: play, enchantment, creating magical childhood memories, levity, all in fun, with the intention of spreading joy. The latter is not about magic or innocent fun, but deliberate deception for some self-centered reason. Maybe the difference is too subtle for some of these mad trads to grapple with, or maybe they just haven’t thought too hard about it.

One example I like to use is this thing my MIL used to do for my husband when he was a little boy. She’d collect dollhouse furniture, and surreptitiously set it up in cute little arrangements in nooks and crannies around their house and yard, which my husband would then discover with delight, and she would tell him it was the fairies’ home. As a forty-year-old man, he still talks about this and how cool it was for him, as a kid, and he credits his Mom’s creativity for fostering his passion for fantasy and storytelling. Was my MIL lying to him? Was my husband betrayed and traumatized when he grew into the knowledge that the fairies weren’t real? Of course not!

To be fair, I guess you could argue that it can’t be called just a “story” or a “game” if one party doesn’t know that it’s a story or a game. Is it really a fair game if it’s one-sided? So maybe therein lies these Trad parents’ beef with Santa.

We should consider, though, the precious innocence of childhood: for young children, magic is entirely possible; the distinction between real and story is less clear. And while this absolutely doesn’t mean we should take advantage and deceive them, because they are people and have dignity, it does give parents a unique opprtunity to create magic for their kids through things like play, games, and stories. (Remember the movie Pan’s Labyrinth?) A child’s innocence is a beautiful thing. They are able to believe in fantastical things. Why not let magic be real for as long as it can, as long as it’s presented in a harmless and loving way?

“But is any lie ever harmless?,” you may be asking. Good question. This is an interesting point, and it is one that I keep in mind when doing Santa with my kids.

How can I make “Santa” distinct from straight-up deception? How can I ensure that I’m not just lying to my kids? Here’s my personal take:

– Whenever I speak of Santa Claus, I do so with levity, in a playful way. I don’t try to explain the logistics realistically, in literal terms, nor do I make serious threats about Santa bringing coal instead of presents or whatever.

– I try to remember to always preface claims about Santa with “According to legend, …” or “As the story goes…”

– If my child asks questions about the details of how Santa functions, my response is something like: “What do you think?” “That’s just what the story says.” “How do you think that works?”

– I’ll even tell them things like “the legend of Santa Claus arose from the real Saint Nicholas…”, i.e. sneaking in little admissions that it’s a legend without explicitly saying so.

“But still,” you may be arguing: “even if you can manage to keep it a harmless game, all this Santa Claus nonsense detracts from the real point of Christmas!”

Another fair point, and one that I make a concerted effort to address. The first two-thirds of my life I had no religion, and the first five-sixths of my life I had no children, so this whole “Catholic Christmas with Kids” thing is pretty new to me, and doesn’t come naturally.

How can I incoroprate “Santa” into a proper Traditional Catholic celebration of Christmas?

– Santa Claus and Saint Nicholas are the same person, in our house. I’ve taught my kids how the two names are synonymous: “Santa” = “Saint” and “Claus” = short for Nicholas. As we see it, he stops by on his feast day to leave a few goodies in the shoes, then comes back again with more gifts on Jesus’ birthday (which is obviously the more important day, for him, because as a Saint he loves Jesus very much!).

– When my kids start asking questions like “so does St. Nicholas come down from heaven?”, “I thought he lived at the North Pole?”, “Does he really have elves?”, I just respond with “I don’t know; that’s just how the legend goes,” et cetera.

– I have explained also that, while some people draw Santa as fat and silly, that’s probably not what he actually looked like.

– Gifts are secondary to the religious celebration. I try to remind them of this constantly by: going to Mass before we open presents, discussing the reason why we give presents on Christmas, and giving mostly religious-themed gifts.

– We also observe Advent and the full Christmas season, leaving decorations up and continuing to listen to Christmas music and do Christmas activities all the way through the twelve days.

“That’s all well and good, Mith,” you may be saying; “but why not just do away with Santa entirely? Wouldn’t that make it easier to keep the focus on Christ?”

Well, maybe in some ways it would. Why incorporate Santa? Well, I guess simply because, it’s fun! It’s magical! It brings us joy! And furthermore, we’re Americans, and Santa is an American thing. He’s part of our culture.

“SMFH. Your poor kids are going to be so confused,” you might be saying. I hope not! I admit, I do worry about this, because I’m the only person I know who does things this way, and I’m a bit insecure about it. But I hope that, if I keep being tactful and lighthearted about Santa Claus in the ways I’ve described, my kids will naturally make sense on their own, in time, of the fact that the flying reindeer and the “coming down the chimney with a sack of toys” stuff is just a legend.

And besides, one small beef that I have with the Anti-Santa Trads: why is it that y’all say it’s a “lie” and “unethical” to tell your kids Santa brings presents on Christmas – but it’s okay to play such games when it’s Saint Nicholas “bringing presents” on Saint Nicholas Day? I get the feeling that a lot of these Trads just resent Santa because he’s a popular, mainstream thing of secular American origin. Like they’re trying to be all hipster about it, refusing to like something that other, less-cool people also like. To which I would respond: come on now, it’s okay to like things. We needn’t take ourselves so seriously. Should I also refuse to wear socks because secular people wear socks? Should I refuse to eat bananas because non-Catholics grow and sell them?

“But Mith, it’s different,” you might argue. “Santa is a commercialist distortion of a real Christian Saint. Socks and bananas are neutral.” I actually would argue that Santa is also neutral. His holiness or baseness depends upon how you choose to implement him in your house.

And as I was saying above, one other thing we American Catholics have to consider is: we are American. (If your family’s immigrated to the US relatively recently, I’m not talking to you; I’m addressing those of us whose families have been American for many generations.)

America is not a Catholic country. (It’s arguably kind of an anti-Catholic country, if you look at its history and founding principles, but that’s another story.) Other countries around the world have all kinds of unique and beautiful Christmas traditions specific to their cultures. America’s holiday traditions are all vaguely Protestant in flavor, but mostly secular/commercial. Like, spinoffs of spinoffs of the real thing. Any cool Catholic traditions that are practiced in the US were brought here from other places. There really is no such thing as American Catholic culture.

So how do those of us who come from a secular, all-American background celebrate Christmas without just appropriating other cultures’ traditions? Well, I guess we could simply appropriate other culture’s traditions. But that would feel kind of forced and fake (to me, anyway, as the most boring and basic of plain white Americans). Isn’t there some way to begin to create a Christmas tradition that is authentically Catholic and authentically American? Is it possible to do both? This is the question that comes into my mind this time of year, and it’s from this question that my whole approach to Santa Claus stems.

Because how can we create a Traditional Catholic American culture, in general? Our country is so young, and Traditional Catholics are such a minority; it’s still a work in progress. Will we do it by deliberately re-creating other countries’ traditions here in the US – basically larping as Europeans? Or, will we let our culture grow organically, by incorporating and sanctifying elements of the culture that’s already around us? I feel like the latter option is more in keeping with how tradition actually works.

All of which is why, after much stress, angst, deliberation, and prayerful consideration, I’ve decided that it is possible, and even good, for a Catholic family to do “Santa” with their kids. I don’t think it’s a lie or imcompatible with practicing the faith. Indeed, I think it might even be a good and healthy way to let our Catholicim and our Americanness coexist and grow together. I think it’d be cool to see American Catholic Christmas become its own thing over time; and if it does, I think it could, or even should, include Santa Claus.

In conclusion, as the song goes: “let’s give thanks to the Lord above, ’cause Santa Claus comes tonight!”