CAUTION: SPOILERS for this episode of HBC!

“Yo, I am so geeked right now.” – Nico, upon going before the judges for the first time

“We can’t applaud breaking the law in Holiday Baking Championship!” – Jesse, playfully aghast as everyone else was laughing at Tarek’s “underage drinking” comment

The Holiday Baking Championship is already back!?! That snuck up on me. As much as I love Christmas, it’s giving me a bit of whiplash to go full Christmas mode while the pumpkins are still sitting out on my porch, lol. And the current season of GBBO is ongoing (finale on Friday), so I’m still in GBBO mode, which is obviously much more gentle, friendly, calming, and upbeat, so launching into the fast-and-fierce, trash-talking world of HBC felt like a sudden adrenaline rush. But, not complaining: I’ve been waiting for this. As you know if you read this blog, I never got to watch Season 11, so I’ve been missing this show. What did we think of the premiere?! I have a LOT of thoughts about this one so buckle up!

First of all: what is with this “teams” business?! So they’re going to be divided into two teams for the whole season? They’ve never done this before, and tbh I’m not sure how I feel about it. I think, if I were a contestant, I’d be pretty annoyed – but I’m a fierce individualist by nature, lol (undoubtedly, I’d have ended up on the Naughty Team). It kind of sucks for them that they’re more reliant on their team members – but I guess also helpful, because if you have a weak day but you’re on the team with the winner, you’re immune from elimination. I do find the format questionable though, because, like what if everyone on a given team goes home first? We lost Gia, so now Naughty Team is down to five; what if we lost the remaining five in the next five episodes?! What would they do then? Granted, I don’t think they would let this happen, since I do cynically believe that the judging on the Baking Championships is frequently rigged, to some extent, to make for good TV. So I’m sure they’ll take this into consideration when they do their eliminations, going forward.

Now, let us talk about the contestants, because they have an excellent batch of them this year. First things first, my official favorite: Charles! Not only does he look a buff, handsome, polished, poised, and impeccably cool version of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite – but he’s also representing my hometown! This is the first time I’ve ever seen a contestant on this show from my hometown. (Well, I don’t live there anymore, but it’s where I grew up, and will always be My Hometown.) Even better, Charles is literally like a walking personification of the spirit of this town: a chef at a fancy country club, he’s arrogant and snobby as all get-out, but like in a totally cool and not-undeserved way. He’s extremely creative and talented. That blueberry white chocolate jalapeno mousse cake was so cool (no pun intended), and his chocolate mint cake looked dreamy.

But, dang! Charles is out for blood in this competition! Even though Ashleigh is his teammate, he’s said that he’s already got his eyes on her as the one to beat. I lol’d so hard at the way he glared into the camera when Jesse said “teamwork makes the dream work!”. And, also, damn, did you hear how catty Charles was about Daniel?! He straight up called him out as the least talented person on their team – you almost never see that on this show; typically, contestants will try and be subtle and kind of veil their criticisms of their competitors under kind, fluffy words. Which is kind of funny, because in his interview, Daniel said he thinks Charles is really good but not good enough to beat him! I like Daniel a lot – he seems too nice for the Naughty team, lol, and I always love seeing Black Southern chefs on these shows – but Charles is absolutely my #1.

And now we must discuss my other favorite contestant: Nico! I don’t even have words to describe this child, lol I literally start laughing every time he’s on the screen because he’s just so cute and funny. He reminds me a little bit of Kareem from this year’s season of Spring Baking, in that he’s kind of a wild card with a huge personality. Seriously, he’s like an adorable little ferret or something. With those bright blue eyes, too?! I was cry-laughing when, after asking his teammate Ashleigh to taste his lemon cream and being advised by her to add more lemon zest, he just walked off smirking and saying “not gonna do that, I just wanted to get an opinion” – the absolute gall! What a little brat! And the way the judges told him he should have added more zest and Ashleigh, watching from the café, goes “are you serious?!” Just unbelievable, lol the drama is almost too much! The accent, the slang, all the flamboyant little mannerisms – he is a gem, and a treasure to be preserved at all costs. I also love how he, Tarek, and Violet are like besties, because they’re the three youngest contestants. So cute. Please give this child his own show as soon as HBC is over.

Now, sadly, we must also talk about Gia. I do think it was pretty lame of the show to include her telling us about her tragic loss of her husband – how she needs to win because she still hasn’t been able to afford to bury his remains – and then eliminate her. Not saying that they should have kept her for this reason, because the elimination was fair and square, but it’s pretty sad that they’d leave that in the final cut knowing that she was being eliminated. Can we get like a GoFundMe started for Gia, or something?! I’ve seen a lot of baking shows and heard a lot of contestants’ sob stories, but this one got under my skin a bit, maybe because her husband was only five years older than mine currently is. Like I said, I don’t believe it was unfair to eliminate her – the cookie tree was pretty plain, and her cake in the Preheat was a bit untidy (even though it was honestly impressive that she managed to produce a whole cake at all, after having to remake it because she forgot the eggs the first time!) I really liked her and am bummed she’s already gone. If any of y’all see any updates about Gia, do let me know.

Other stand-out contestants: Ashleigh, the gorgeous blonde “alpha” type who is not messing around here and seems like she could destroy you with her bare hands, and even made Nancy the cranberry hater like cranberry; Chase, the incredibly zen and good-natured tattooed yoga instructor (did you see the way Charles rolled his eyes at that, lmao?! I’m so here for his negative attitude), who made an incredible brown butter coconut chess pie in the Main Heat; Erin, who even before a single word came out of her mouth was somehow identifiable as an archetypal Mom, and quickly assumed the role of mother figure to everyone on the show; Camrey, my other favorite, who seems very chill and gracious for someone so accomplished; Tarek, the Yale student (as someone who kind of idolizes academic intelligence, I have mad respect) who was also a contestant on Kids Baking Championship not too long ago; Violet, the cute and peppy triplet who reminds me a bit of Lisa from this year’s Spring Baking, with those adorable almond-raspberry snowman macarons; Jean Carlos, the good-natured Brazilian former circus clown who made that incredible apple spice-dulce de leche cake in the Preheat; and Alyx, the lovely Gothish queen from New Orleans whose presence is so calming, I’d love to be her friend. And… that’s everyone. I feel like everyone stands out this year! I seriously got a bit mentally/sensorily overloaded by this episode, haha I feel like I just stepped off a roller coaster.

I could say more but I don’t have all day and neither do you. Will the Naughty team learn to cooperate with each other? (The way the music changed from chipper and festive to dramatic and intense when the cameras switched back and forth from Nice team’s adorable Christmas Village display to Naughty team’s chaotic disaster scene, lol!) Will Charles and Ashleigh fight to the death? What will Nico do next? What other drama and crises await us?! I’m so stoked, in case you couldn’t tell. Leave me your comments.

Superlatives from the judges: 1 (“the best crust I’ve ever had on this show!” – Nancy to Chase)

Judge says “remember, you’re on Holiday Baking Championship”: 1 (Nancy to poor Gia’s sugar cookie tree)

Nancy says “bite of food”: 0

High point: My favorite contestant actually being a really strong contender right out the gate, for once!

Low point: Aside from Gia going home, I’m slightly disppointed that the Café is not more cozy. I like the idea, but wish they’d been a bit more heavy-handed with the cozy holiday vibes in that particular part of the set; it feels a bit sterile, don’t you think? It needs some more plushy surfaces and plaids and twinkling lights.

The dessert that I would most have liked to eat: Charles’s incredible black cocoa peppermint “lump of coal” cake! That devil’s food looked intense.

My official prediction for winner: Charles. It’s actually 50/50 him and Ashleigh right now, but Charles has the advantage of being from the best city, obviously.

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