As I write this, it’s early June, and I just returned from a late morning, outdoor summer festival for kids at a local park, which I attended with my three children (five, three, and two). And the event left me wondering: why do people celebrate summer? And why do people think of this as a great time to get outside? When it comes to being comfortable in the outdoors, summer is the worst season by far.

Granted: I live in the southeastern US, where summers are infamously hot (it was 85F before noon today) and brutally humid (“it’s not the heat that gets you, it’s the humidity!”). Also, as I write this, I am 35 weeks pregnant, which definitely doesn’t help with the whole heat tolerance thing.

But in general: seriously: unless you live in a far northern area like Alaska or remote Canada or Scandinavia or Siberia, where the dead of summer probably peaks at about the temperature of an early spring morning here in the American South, I really don’t understand why summer got this reputation for being the time to get outdoors and have “fun in the sun.”

Does anyone actually like being hot? Does anyone actually like being sweaty? Being sweaty is one of my least favorite sensations. It’s gross. And sweat stinks. It makes you stink. It makes your clothes all wet, ruins your hair and makeup. And dressing modestly in summer is a challenge. I make it work with lightweight maxi skirts and high-necked tees, but there are certainly times when I’m tempted to just wear some short shorts and a tank top.

And does anyone actually like being in the bright sunlight? Squinting to see anything? Squinting gives you wrinkles on your face. And you have to use a bucket of sunscreen, which is greasy and smells and makes you look and smell like a dork. (Yes, btw, I am very white.) The sun ages you and gives you skin cancer. “Fun in the sun,” my rear end! I need a freaking parasol.

And also, bugs. Are there people out there who aren’t bothered by the bugs? Where I live, there are abundant wasps (what is their purpose? I truly believe that they, along with student loan agencies, are the very minions of Satan), mosquitoes (which carry diseases), ticks (which also carry diseases), fruit flies (which don’t carry diseases but are annoying as heck and cloud in your face when you’re sweaty, getting in your eyes and mouth), and all kinds of nasty crawling things that try to hitch a ride on your body and sneak into your home and crawl on your bed at night. It’s disgusting. If you have a pet (which I don’t, but I used to be a dog groomer), this is also the time of year they’re most likely to get fleas. Which, why do those even exist? It’s just truly a vile time of year. It feels like we’re living in a freaking rainforest, or the Australian bush.

If there’s any season that should be the “great outdoors,” “fun in the sun” time, it’s early spring, or perhaps late fall/early winter. Here in the South, the heat and bugs persist well into October nowadays, but November and December are usually pretty nice because the bugs have died by then. Early spring is nice, too, like late February/early March, before the bugs come back, and before the humidity, when temperatures tend to hover in the 60s F. I mean, these are the temperatures at which the human body is most comfortable. We are not reptiles; we do not thrive in 90-degree weather.

I get it: some people love to swim. Or surf, or whatever. For those kinds of activities, in an outdoor pool or in the ocean, temps in the 80s and 90s are probably ideal. I don’t swim, myself, and I don’t like the ocean – it’s too dangerous, too scary – but I know some people like it. That’s fair. But I don’t think summer should be so glorified just because it’s conducive to a hobby of one portion of the population.

And I guess the fact that school’s out is another reason why people love summer. That is nice. And yes, as a kid, of course I liked summer break. But it makes sense that we have a break in summer because that’s when it’s too freaking hot to leave the house at all. It’s too hot to get in the car. It’s too hot to walk around. It’s simply too hot for humans.

I guess some people like to garden, and summer is garden season. So that’s cool. I’m glad some people enjoy gardening, because I sure don’t! I wonder if these people actually enjoy being out in the heat and bugs, or if they simply put up with it because they enjoy growing plants, and this is the time when plants grow.

Maybe I should move to one of those far northern places I mentioned earlier. Move, or stop complaining, you’re probably thinking. And perhaps that’s fair! But, this is my stupid little blog, and I can complain here if I want to, lol. (And, anyway, I am a Southerner at heart; I will always love the South, and love to complain about it, and, despite everything, will probably always love it here more than anywhere else.) And besides: the point here is, I’m genuinely curious about why summer has come to be celebrated as the funnest of all seasons, why people think it’s the best time to be outdoors. “Yay, summer!” What? Why?? What are the pros? Here in my neck of the woods, this is the time to hide from nature, to stay the heck indoors.